"You called for me, Mr. Helmsley?" Seth Rollins practically yelled over the sound of Linkin Park's Crawling as he stepped into the vice principal's office. Hunter Hearst Helmsley aka Triple H swiveled around in his luxurious black pleather office chair, resting his elbows on his desk as he gestured for Seth to come in and take a seat.
"Come, sit. I have something I must discuss with you." Triple H's eyes narrowed, as the teen took the steel chair placed across the desk which was actually just a flimsy table that had been clearly duct taped back together with a 365 day Bad Cats calendar resting next to a tissue box and a bottle of Poland Spring in one of the corners. "And can't you turn that down for a second?"
"No. It comes with the look." Seth commented of the mysteriously loud angsty teen beats as he pushed a tuft of blonde hair behind his ear, leaving the darker strands of his do in his face so as to bring out his more emotional side. Triple H the Game rolled his eyes and sighed before taking a sip of his water, swishing the liquid around his mouth for a moment and throwing his head back, spraying a mist of hydration into the air while screaming. This was normal.
"Do you know why I called you here?" Triple H asked, getting up and pulling his suit jacket open, revealing a rather unappealing, massive belt buckle that had WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION engraved into it in huge glittery gold letters. This buckle proceeded to slip off of the belt and drift out of the room much to no one's surprise. A picture of Chyna was plastered to the wall beside him, encased in a delicate wooden frame with the words HALL OF FAME whittled into the elaborate design that circled the portrait.
"I'm guessing it's for my music."
"Wrong!" Triple H Game the screamed over the pitched whine of Chester Bennington's voice as the chorus hit. "I have called you here because I have decided to take you under my wing. I am going to groom you into being WWE High's star pupil!"
"What about me?!" Roman Reigns asked before suddenly being thrown out the window.
Seth Rollins's jaw dropped, his mouth hanging agape for several moments before shaking his head and regaining his composure. What exactly did this mean? When did Roman Reigns get into the room? Or maybe it was Rusev. They look the same. The Linkin Park music changed to BURN IT DOWN.
"Yes, Seth. I am going to make you into something special." The Game clenched his fists authoritatively, "And to do so, I must teach you a special technique that will get you out of any situation. Watch."
Reaching back through the window, Triple H grabbed Roman Reigns and yanked him back inside. The Celery Assassin promptly shoved Roman Reigns's head in between his thighs like a nutcracker with his nuts. Pulling both of Roman Reigns's arms into a bear hug behind him, Triple H jumped and slammed Roman Reigns into the ground, ending the Roman Empire for a second time and resulting in a trip to Mick Foley's dastardly infirmary.
Once Roman Reigns was in the hands of the cactus-toting honorary lesbian and his estranged sock puppet assistant, Triple H looked Seth in the eye.
"That… is called the pedigree. Use it only when you feel you have to." He instructed. Seth nodded enthusiastically.
"Don't worry, Mr. Helmsley, I'll make sure to use it every chance I have!" Seth then excitedly opened up his Money in the Bank briefcase and pulled out a walnut, performing a pedigree on it and enjoying its delicious contents before asking, "But why me? Why did you pick me?"
"Simple." The Game replied, "I pick the saddest student I can find and do what is best for business: I groom them into the finest pupil this school has ever seen. Now, look at you with your hair and your… soundtrack. You're perfect! I don't think I could find a more suitabl- wait a minute… is that?"
Triple H's eyes narrowed as he glanced through the open door of his office and down the hall. Glittering rhinestones had caught his attention, as well as a horribly greasy looking black scarf.
"it is!" the vice principal exclaimed, quickly pedigreeing Seth Rollins and breaking into a light dad jog down the hall. Reaching the source of the sparkling catastrophe, he encountered Kevin Owens and his tag a long boy toy Chris Jericho.
"THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND." Chris Jericho pointed out, a bedazzled arrow on his slacks gesturing in Kevin Owen's direction.
"This is the saddest thing I have ever seen!" Exclaimed Triple H, pulling Kevin Owens into him. "You're my new star pupil!"
"Wow, that's great." Said Kevin Owens as he fished out a large, gaudy belt buckle from his pocket, "By the way, I found this in the hall way."
Holding up the belt buckle, Triple H Helmsley Hunter made it out to be the one that abandoned him and wept a single tear before giving Kevin Owens a pat on the back and raising their hands in the air together.
"You deserve it."
"You mean WE deserve it." Said Chris Jericho, wrapping himself around Kevin Owens like a protective, greasy scarf.
AN: TO THE NEW DAY, if you are reading this, please tell Triple H that I have waited 15 years to meet him. Please tell his people to talk to my people (me).