MIDDLETON HIGH 20TH YEAR REUNION.
It was a glorious day, as the class of Middleton High School, 2008, (the paper work had been destroyed in the Lowardian invasion) got together for their 20th year reunion.
Governor Monique Mankey was there along with her husband, as Superintendent Rockwaller looked out at the new auditorium that had been paid for by her efforts, her charisma (and a little black mail of the state senate education committee courtesy of A Goat, Mime, and nanotech camera set up, but that's a story for another day). There was Justine, and Felix and Zita Renton, founders and owners of "a better life" virtual gaming corporation. There were the Tweebs, there because of their friends who had graduated…well they were there sort of. By special dispensation of the UN, they were permitted to attend via holo emitters while they continued their community service for accidentally creating the solar systems second asteroid belt.
Their very long term of community service. Jim's comment that nobody would miss Uranus and the way he delivered it to the World Court, hadn't gone over very well. Tim's suggestion that they could just reach into an alternate reality and get a new one had also not gone over well, being received with the same joy that occurs when wizened and mad sorcerers inform the hero of their intent to make a bargain with Things Man Was Never Supposed To See.
And there was Ron Possible-Stoppable, owner of the the Bueno Nacho mega corporation and his lovely wife, Kimberly Anne Possible-Stoppable.
As the others were chatting about their careers and lives, and children (Holo Wallets now allowing for movies of their children, to the great despair of those who had been subjected to them.), Kim picked at her food. She'd not given her profession and was dreading the moment.
"So Kim." Tara said, after updating Bonnie on her acting career, "How's your career going."
"....."
"Kim?" Tara said, "I didn't quite get that."
"I'm a house wife." Kim said.
"Oh, the kids are that much of a problem."
"no." Kim said. "I, um…I can't get a job."
"What?" Bonnie said, surprised, "I figured you'd be well, in some job with the UN or a mega corp or a…"
"I tried." Kim said, wailing, looking over at the buffet table. On the other hand, her doctor had warned her about that method of dealing with stress. "But they won't let me!"
"They?" Monique asked, looking around. "Who?"
"THEM." Kim said, as the conversation stopped and everyone focused on her, except Ron who knew the story and the Tweebs who had heard it so often they just turned off their pickups. Besides, they were busy negotiating with !ko!'l!! ambassador of Earth 234 (the one where psychic dinosaurs had vaporized the comet that destroyed our dinosaurs) for their Uranus in return for our Venus. What the World Court didn't know wouldn't hurt it, after all.
"I didn't think it would be a problem," She said, sniffing, "But it all started the day after I graduated from College."
"I'm really happy to be joining up with your firm sir," Kim said, her chipper gaze taking in the offices of one of the worlds most prestigious law firms. Then she looked at the man she hoped would be her boss. He looked… well he looked like Ron did when he was about to mention that he'd forgotten some little item…like putting gas in their car before they took off cross country.
"Yes, well, about that…there's a little problem."
"What?" Kim asked, puzzled.
"We can't hire you?"
"WHAT-er, I mean why sir?" Even Bonnie has that internship right now, if I can't get a real job- "I'm certain we can work something out."
"Well see, it's the fact that you tend to attract…er, enemies. With plasma rifles…."
"Oh, that's long in my past. I haven't had anything like that since-"
"The Central Park Robo Tick incident?"
"Okay, since last week, but it was no big, really!" She paused, looking desperate, her green eyes entreating. "Look I'm certain nothing will-"
BOOM!
"FREAKY!" The scream came as the glass windows exploded and a certain obnoxious blonde leaped into the room, followed by some oddly shapeless goons. "KIM POSSIBLE—PREPARE TO FALL TO ME, CAPTAIN LYNN AND MY CRASH TEST ZOMBIE LEGION!"
Kim wasn't looking at her, but at her employment contract which was being torn up by her no-not-a-chance boss. She whimpered, Then she screamed. Then she leapt. Tomorrow she'd get another job, but Today….
"WHAT?" Kim howled.
"I'm sorry Kimberly." Dr. Director said, "but we have very high standards for our officers and avoiding brutality is one of them." She gestured to the tabloid in front of her, the New York News headline screaming WEDGIE OF DOOM REQUIRES NYFD RESPONSE! The lower part of Lynn's body was pixilated out but her horrified, eyes bugging out expression was obvious to all, as was the second picture of a screaming, completely unglued Kim Possible being bundled into a car by 6 NYPD officers.
"It was… they exaggerated!"
"Kimberly, they had to use the Jaws of Life to get her underwear ah, removed." Dr. Director said, "Besides your statement, or what the news reporter picked up on her recorder, if I recall was: YOU'RE DEAD YOU PSYCHO BITCH! ENJOY THE PAIN TODAY BECAUSE TOMORROW I'LL END IT FOR YOU FOREVER!".
"I was a little, ah unhappy."
"I know, but maybe you should try and find a job that's less, stressful."
Whimper.
"Yes Kimberly, you can use my tissue paper."
"Sorry KP."
"What?" Kim asked, "Ron, you own the company." She said, looking across the desk at her loving husband.
"Well, that's true- now, but not if I hired you."
"Why?"
"Remember the bake off?"
"I tried!"
"I know, and if the Atomic Energy Commission can ever figure out how you actually got cookie batter to produce fusion, you'll be rich…but in the mean time, the FDA regulations remember…they er, don't let you work in any food related industry."
"That's just a general caution for competency."
Ron looked nervous. "Ah, no, KP….in your case, they er…put you in. By Name." he looked at his wife. Then smiled, "WELL, since that's over, I have a meeting to go to—I'll be back a little while later." He kissed Kim, who seemed to be frozen, and walked out of the room. "I'll be home later tonight!" She still hadn't moved. Ron walked quickly to his secretary.
"Beatrice?"
"Yah boss?"
"Kim asked for a job and I had to tell her." Beatrice didn't even miss a beat and hit the big red button. The lights started to flash and Ron and his secretary headed for the doors, with the rest of the tide of humanity.
Well most of them. The Idiots who had taken the extra 400$ a month had to stay in and contain the damage, and they looked morose in their 1950's era Civil Defense helmets as everyone else waved cheerily to them as they headed for the subbasement shelters or the carpark, depending on how fast their cars were.
Ron had a fast car—he was almost six blocks away when a shriek caused every window in the building to blow out.
"Good thing I invested in safety glass." He said.
"And it was like that everywhere else I went!" Kim said. "I'd almost get the job and then somebody would attack, or mutate the staff, or just make things horrible!" Even when they tried to help…. She shuddered.
"POSSIBLE-STOPPABLE! YOU'RE FIRED!" The Zoo director screamed as he desperately tried to beat the T-rex off as it tried to pull him from the tree. Dodging the pack of Utahraptors Kim almost fell over but turned and ran over to him.
"Sir, please, give me another chance! DNAmy thought she was doing us a favor—I just said that Zoo's today need something special to bring the crowds in and she went a little overboard."
"I don't c-YAAAAAAHHHH" He screamed as the gigantic flying reptile grabbed him and started flying way, before the Stinger missile fired by the United States Marine Corps Recon Force unit (which had taken to following Kim around since she provided excellent combat exercises an average of once a day—they never hired her because why pay when you can get something for free?), struck it and it squawked and dropped the zoo director.
Right into a pile of DNAmy provided T-Rex Poo. A very large pile, comprising the last earthly remains of the former elephant exhibit. He screamed again and came up spluttering. "FIRED! CANNED! GET OUT OF MY ZOO AND TAKE THESE MONSTERS WITH YOU!"
"On a brighter note." Ron tried to lighten the conversation, "we did manage to sell them for a profit after they followed KP home...and-" He saw his wife's look. "Oh, look at that! Bonnie, that's a nice roof you have!"
Bonnie sighed. This was ridiculous. "Okay, how about this. Kim wanna teach here?" Kim's eyes grew huge and liquidy.
"I…I can get a job?"
"Teacher yeah."
"I…I…."
BANG!
All turned to face the doors which had opened and in them were nearly two dozen…Frugal Lucres!
"Ah-hah!" He shouted in Unison, "Now you will fall to my ultimate plan!"
"You cloned yourself?" Ron asked.
"As if!" The lead Lucre said, "Do you know how much cloning equipment costs? I piggy backed into a signal some idiots were using to talk to a planet full of dinosaurs from an alternate dimension. They were going to trade Venus for Uranus." The Tweebs looked at each other, looked panicked and quickly signed off.
"Hey! There are kids here." One parent said, as the younger set started giggling, realizing that this might be fun after all.
"In ANY case." Lucre said, annoyed, "Once I realized what I had it was easy to recruit duplicate versions of me from alternate realities and we all work for free!"
Ron sighed, "What's the plan?"
"I'll be kidnapping you all for two hours, whereupon another alternate of me will turn us in for the reward! Then we all flip back to our original universes and spend the money!"
Ron blinked. "I think that's actually…. A reasonable plan."
"Yes and-" Suddenly he was cut off.
"Bonnie…what are you doing?" Kim asked, Bonnie had been pulling out her PDA to get the contract and now she was putting it back into her purse.
"Kim…I'm sorry." Bonnie said. "But honestly, I have to think of the children." There were squeals from the children along the lines of "Hire her you idiot, and put her in a boring class." But she was unmoved. "It's my duty…you…I'm certain you can find another job."
"Hah! Why think of jobs when you are about to be-" The Lucres saw the fiery red headed daemon women leaping towards them….but not soon enough to get away.
Children giggled. Parents covered their eyes, but they couldn't cover their ears.
STOP! YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, YOU DON'T DO THAT-OUCH! THAT WON'T FIT IN-OUCH!!!!
GOOD GIRL? GOOD GIRL? I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO HAS ONLY WORKED AT ONE JOB, THAT WAS PART TIME, AND IT DIDN'T EVEN PAY FOR A JACKET! IT'S YOUR FAULT I'M UNEMPLOYED, YOUR FAULT AND ALL YOU VILLAIN TYPES, TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT!
After the dust cleared, there was one Lucre left, sleeping peacefully….or knocked cold. Kim was breathing heavily.
"No job?" She asked Bonnie.
"Sorry." She sniffed, looked over at Monique.
"Sorry Girlfriend. IJDSATD, so I can't hire you."
"IJDSATD?" Tara asked.
"I Just Did Something About The Deficit." Monique clarified. " But there's no money in it for major natural disasters."
"Ah."
Kim got up.
"Ron."
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to the buffet table." She pointed to the table.
"KP…that's not really, remember what he doctor said."
"I don't care!"
"You put on 30 pounds—in two days!"
"I'll get exercise!" She said, reaching down and grabbing the unconscious Lucre. Marching to the table, dragging him behind her, she stood in front of the Turkey, and started devouring it. Every swallow, however, she stopped—and Kicked Lucre who groaned. "See. Exercise." The she paused and pulled out her phone. Hitting a speed dial. "This is Kim Possible-Stoppable. Have two pallet loads of bon-bons and one of high calorie ice cream delivered to my house." She looked at Ron and glared, "And five cases of whipped cream. Fat Free." She paused and looked at her husband. "There, happy?"
"Oh yes." Ron said, quickly. Meanwhile, Kim continued her eating.
Munch, swallow, KICK, "Groan."
Munch, swallow, KICK, "Groan."
Munch, swallow, KICK, "Groan."
Munch, swallow, KICK, "Groan."
Ron pulled out his phone. "Hey Kids? Yeah, mom tried to get a job. Nope, villain attack this time. " He paused, "Yeah, I think we should go with plan Sisyphus. Yep, that works." He disconnected. Looking over at Kim he sighed.
"Good thing I didn't' throw away the other clothes. At least this time she's going with the fat free whipped cream."
The End, and have a happy 2009.