Author's notes: This is my very first Mass Effect story. Most of it is taken directly from a RP I am writing with princebejitasama (seriously, go check out his work. It's awesome). Most of what you see from Garrus' perspective is written by him. Those who are subscribed from my Dragon Age work, I hope this will live up to your expectations, and any new readers, welcome! As always, reviews and comments are much appreciated.

As this is based on a RP, a summary was near impossible to write as we have no idea where this story will take us. Hope you enjoy the ride!

Boarding the Normandy, Shepard could not wait to leave this dreadful day behind her. Horizon had proven to be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. She doubted she would ever forget some of the horrors she witnessed. With each passing day, it seemed the chances of her crews survival lessened and lessened. It was a heavy burden to bear; so many lives were dependent on her actions. She had a tough façade; appearing as if she had no weaknesses. But on the inside, she was still very much human, a woman, and at times like this, she felt like she were breaking, although she would never allow herself to show it.

During the mission they ran into Kaidan. She had hoped they would, after she discovered he had been at the colony before the attack. Worry plagued her when they arrived to see that the colony had already fallen to the Collector's. She was frantic, desperation pulling at her every fiber in an attempt to locate her former lover. The second he showed his face after the final battle had been won, her heart caught in her chest. Shepard was worried that she would never see him again. Everyone thought she was dead; and she had been, for two whole years. The prospect of contacting Kaidan again did occur to her, on more than one occasion. But, he would have moved on by now, and what was the point in rehashing old wounds? Two years was a long time. Even though for Shepard, it felt like just short months ago that they had spent together before Ilos, she knew for Kaidan, it would have seemed like a whole other life time ago. She thought it would have been selfish on her part to try and reach out to him, so despite what she wanted, she had left him alone. That didn't mean she had stopped caring. But apparently he had.

The words he threw at her felt as devastating as daggers. Anger seethed from him, and although she wanted to explain her actions in teaming up with Cerberus, it was moot. Kaidan wanted to hear nothing of it. Cerberus was the enemy in his eyes, so therefore, so was she. Shepard knew things had been over between them for a long time, but having him hate her the way he did made her feel the lowest she had in quite some time.

She remained silent during the remainder of the mission, not saying much to Garrus or Jacob as she tried to focus on the task at hand. Upon entering the Normandy, she quickly reported to the Illusive Man before returning to her personal chambers to clean herself up. When she finished bathing, she put on a pair of casual slacks and a black tank, tying her hair back off of her face. She briefly considered retiring for the night, but didn't really feel like being left alone with her thoughts. Plus, she really needed a drink, a stiff one at that. She took the elevator down to the lounge, which was empty at the moment. Shepard walked over to the small bar that resided in the far corner, and poured herself a glass of whiskey. Taking a large gulp, she cringed at the initial contact, the contents harsh on her tongue. The burning that came somehow soothed her, as she sat at the bar stool, allowing her legs the much needed rest from her day.

Garrus too was fighting his own inner battle.

When Shepard had stepped out onto that bridge with the cannon fodder the mercs were sending at him, the Turian had frozen for a fraction of a second. She was dead and... well, no, not buried. Ripped into a million pieces and burned to a crisp upon taking her swan dive from the Normandy's eviscerated CIC. He did a double take, pinged a concussive round off her shields, and got back to the task at hand. Seeing her finally face to face in the loft of the apartment, the shock had lifted into jubilation at the return of his friend and leader.

Ever since then, he'd been by her side on every set down. Horizon, though... That had been difficult to stomach, even for a guy who had made a living cleaning up savage, bloodthirsty mercenaries off the streets of the Galaxy's toilet, Omega. And Kaidan...

If Garrus had been within reach, he'd have clocked the bastard upside the jaw for talking about her the way he did. Shepard had been so ecstatic to see him again, and all he'd done was sneer and turn away. That bright smile on her face (a smile that brought a flaring green twitch of jealousy to the Turian) had fallen away to a look of misery, and nothing Garrus or Jacob Taylor said could make a bit of difference.

Cerberus, of course, was the root of the problem. Shepard's involvement with the pro-humano group, often called a terrorist cell, fuelled Kaidan's anger, but Garrus still couldn't forgive the guy for dashing the woman who he, and the entire galaxy, owed their lives to.

The gangly Turian pushed the pieces of his disassembled rifle aside with a frown. He couldn't focus on cleaning his pride and joy right now, not with his mind all over the place. The omni-tool flared around his wrist, and he hastily typed up a message. He erased that message with an annoyed scowl, then did the same for the next. Finally, on his third try, he shrugged his shoulders. "Good enough." He muttered.

Shepard,

When you get a chance, come down to the main battery.

- G

After a momentary hesitation, he sent the message.

Shepard was just finishing her tall glass of whiskey, barely noticing the burn at this point, when a beep came in on her omni tool. Her pale fingers waved over the gadget, as she opened her unread messages. She had received a few since she returned from her mission, but had ignored most of them as they had to do with future missions and findings. At the moment, she just wanted to clear her head of such things. There was a new message from Garrus however. She opened it right away, seeing it was brief and stating that he simply wanted to talk to her when she was available. Well, she was free now, and really wouldn't mind the company. Garrus had always proven to be a good friend, even in the worst of times. Shepard slid off of the bar stool, empty glass in hand as she made her way towards the main battery.

As she passed the kitchen, she plunked her empty glass in the sink for Rupert to clean later. As busy as she always was, she still tried to keep the messes she made to a minimum. The last thing she needed after a draining day of fighting was to stumble upon clutter. She made her way towards the main battery, her skin feeling warm from the after effects of her drink. Her Cerberus implants made her incredibly tolerant of alcohol, more so than the average person, but it still caused her body to heat if she drank the right amount.

The door whirred behind her as it shut. Garrus stood hunched over, as she had seen him so many times before. "No rest for the wicked, huh Garrus?" She teased, offering him a small smile.

Almost immediately after he sent the message, Garrus regretted it. Stupid. What was he going to say? "Hey, Shepard. How are you? Kaidan was a dick."? He was on the verge of telling her not to worry about it when the doors slid open behind him and Shepard's voice preceded her into the battery.

He glanced over his shoulder, a smile alighting his scarred mandibles. "Bingo." He said with a nod. "Cerberus runs some pretty advanced tech, so there's always something overheating or needing adjusting. She's a stunner alright, but like most pretty girls, the Normandy's high maintenance."

He turned to face her, resting his lower back on the railing and folded his arms, his trademark cocky smirk giving way to a more passive glance. "How you holdin' up anyway? That must have been pretty rough for you." Garrus himself knew that if it had been a Turian colony they'd landed on, he'd have been pretty shaken up. He could only imagine how Shepard must be feeling right now.

Shepard let out a loud breath at the question. Where did she even begin? All personal conflicts aside, today was incredibly taxing on her emotions. Entire human colonies were being abducted, and there was little she could do about it. She thought back to the people they found frozen in place, sheer terror written across their stone-like faces. What the hell were the Collector's doing with them? And why humans? It brought back horrible memories of the Batarian attack on Mindoir, where she had witnessed her entire colony, her parents included, being slaughtered before her eyes.

"I'm hanging in there Garrus. You know me, I somehow always do," she said, doubt in her voice. "But honestly?" Her olive coloured eyes met his blue ones, as she lowered her guard, as thick and protective as the armor she wore, and let him in. "I don't have a clue in the world about what we're going to do next. Today was a real eye opener on just how much we're really needed in this fight." Shepard tucked a loose strand of her dark hair that had fallen loose behind her ear. "Just don't go spreading that around. Would be bad for morale," she responded with a hint of humour in her tone. She didn't want to be a mood killer, not when she needed his company and he probably had a million other things to do than listen to her complain.

"I'm sorry about that display you had to see between Kaidan and I. It's not something I would have wanted to discuss in public...it's just….I hadn't spoken to him since before I died." Saying that word out loud never was easy. It felt foreign and wrong on her tongue, something she doubted would ever change.

The Turian uttered a short chuckle, shaking his head to indicate that no, they wouldn't be hearing that from him. She was right, though. This was far bigger than anyone knew, even Cerberus who (much to Garrus' surprise) were the only ones taking the Reapers seriously. Sovereign, a Geth warship indeed. Bah.

The lanky alien lowered his eyes at the mention of Kaidan's name, his fingers more tightly clutching his biceps in annoyance. "Nothin' to be sorry about." He replied grimly. "Alenko's one hell of a soldier, but he's also a complete and total ass. I know you two have history and all, so forgive me for saying this, but the guy was outta line."

Garrus was the type of person to tell it how it was. He'd call a spade a spade and screw the consequences. "You saved his life back on Virmire, you saved the entire Galaxy on the Citadel, and most of all, you gave your life so that he, and the rest of the crew on the Normandy could live." His piercing blue gaze met hers, a fierce look looming behind the constantly scrolling eyepiece. "And what, because you're working with Cerberus, he shoots you down in flames like your some Vorcha digging through his trash?" He raised his hands and shrugged his shoulders, that crescendo of anger at Kaidan's actions finally bubbling to the surface. "No, that don't sit right with me. He owes you everything, Shepard. And he couldn't even look past that badge on your uniform. I mean, shit, I should have more beef with Cerberus than anyone on this crew, and you don't see me acting like you're some terrorist..." He paused in his tirade and closed his eyes. "Sorry, Commander." He rubbed the back of his neck, an embarrassed frown working its way onto his face. "I guess you're not the only one somewhat on edge, heh..."

Shepard couldn't help but feel slightly better about the situation after confiding in the turian. Leave it to Garrus to help her get over her self sorrow. It was nice to hear his concern for her well being. In that moment, she had needed a friend, and he provided just that. She let out a chuckle, the smile showing in her eyes which lifted at the corners. He was the only person on the ship that Shepard felt like she could really talk to. The others looked at her with respect. She was their Commander, the one they turned to for answers and guidance. She was the one who would lead them to victory and keep them safe while in battle. But there were times where she didn't have the answers, when she was the one that needed advice or an ear to listen to while she vented. There were some demons she couldn't face down with her gun. Those demons were the ones that haunted her dreams, depriving her of sleep which she so very needed after days like today. In this moment, it warmed her to know, that even though they wouldn't always see eye to eye, Garrus had her back.

"What would I do without you, Vakarian?" she asked, casually nudging him in the shoulder. Although it was a playful question, Shepard couldn't imagine running the ship without him at her side.

"Without me, you'd no doubt crash and burn. We all know that I'm the backbone of this team." His mandibles twitched with silent laughter, his cocky smile beaming from his face.

"You know, you too are entitled to take a break from these guns every once in awhile. Don't work yourself to death. Join me in the lounge. I don't much feel like sleeping yet. What do you say?"

The Turian shot a glance at the thrumming battery behind him. In truth, there wasn't a whole hell of a lot left to do. He'd fixed that little problem with the ventilation system and tightened every nut and bolt. His rifle still lay in pieces, but he'd at least cleaned the barrel and serviced the heat sink. The reassembly could wait.

"I don't like abandoning my post, Shepard. I see those Cerberus techs poking about in here every time we come back and nine times out of ten, my hydro-wrench is on the floor or they've greased the wrong mechanism. Buuuuut..."

He turned back to her and shrugged. "I can't disobey a direct order from my C.O. Lead the way, skip."

She shook her head and let out a laugh. "Alright hot shot. Follow me. It won't kill you to let loose for one night. And that is an order," she replied with a wink. Shepard turned on her heel, leaving the battery, Garrus in tow. There was a calming quiet amongst the ship, so quiet in fact that the whirring of the engines could be heard walking down the hall. Most of the lights had been dimmed, just enough to light the main areas such as above the kitchen table and along the hallway.

When they entered the lounge, she was glad to see it was still left unoccupied. It would be nice to catch up with Garrus, something they hadn't really been able to do since he had been recruited. Sure, they talked on their way to missions, but that was different. It was always about strategy. For tonight, they could focus on something else.

Shepard grabbed a control and clicked it on. A wall opened, emerging a TV that was mounted up high on the wall. She clicked through some channels, before leaving it on some Batarian comedy show that seemed to be popular at the moment. It would make do for background noise. Shepard popped behind the bar, looking through the varied selection, before propping three Turian spirits on the bar. "Okay Vakarian, pick your poison."

Setting himself down on the couch, Garrus gripped his chin in thought. "Hmm... Anything but Ryncol. That stuff really -is- poison." He chuckled. For the first time since Shepard pulled his scaly ass out of the fire on Omega, he was getting a chance to actually sit down and talk with her. Back when they were fighting Saren and his legions of Geth, Shepard regularly came down to shoot the shit with him between missions. But now, working directly under the Illusive Man, neither of the two had had more than a few free moments to scratch their asses.

This... This was nice.

"Wouldn't say no to a nice Palaven Brandy though. Assuming of course that Cerberus provides quality libations for their dextro-reliant contractors." His smirk grew wider, and he found himself unable to bite his tongue. "I gotta say, this would make for one helluva viral video on the Extranet... 'The illustrious Commander Shepard serves drinks to the charming and debonair Garrus Vakarian after the handsome Turian singlehandedly saves the Galaxy'... Got a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"One Palavan Brandy coming right up," she said, her voice cheerful for the first time in, well... a long time. Shepard grabbed a two glasses from the bar. In one she poured Garrus his Turian Brandy, in the other she made herself another whiskey on the rocks. Both drinks in hand, she made her way to the couch, sitting beside him. She handed Garrus his drink, being mindful to which belonged to who. It had been a long time since she'd taken the time to simply just /be/. So long in fact that Shepard had a hard time recalling when. Before the destruction of the first Normandy. Since Cerberus brought her back, she was thrown right into the fire. Now it was time to cool down, even if just for a few hours.

"Debonair huh?" she said with a smirk, taking a long sip of her drink. "I'm not sure if 'debonair' is the word all those mercs would use to describe the infamous Archangel. I'd go more with deadly, proficient...and maybe just a little cocky. That last part's coming from the 'illustrious' Shepard however. I'm sure the mercs don't know how suave you can be."

Garrus took a sip of the brandy and raised a finger. "Ah, see, 'cocky' suggests I'm over confident. Or, overestimating my own abilities. Which I'm not. I don't think I'm that good, I know I am." He grinned and winked, stretching back on the couch. "Few hundred dead mercs could testify to that if they weren't, well, dead."

As blasé as the Turian was being about his time on Omega, being a vigilante on the galaxy's most dangerous city-planet hadn't been a walk in the park. Not even for someone with Garrus' skillset. But it wasn't in his nature to bitch and moan about the hard times. Much easier to smirk and joke about it all. "And no." He pressed on. "No one on Omega had the utter privilege of being privy to my charming, dashing side."

"Yeah, yeah. You don't have to sell me, I've already seen you in action," Shepard replied with a smirk. She remembered in clear detail the anticipation of crossing that bridge. The wild stories that flied around this "Archangel", and how she, whilst crossing that bridge, was a bit worried he wouldn't be able to tell that she was on his side. He did graze her with a bullet after all. She doubted she'd ever forget that moment when she reached him, his back turned to her and how just in his stance she instantly thought he reminded her of Garrus. How her face lit up when he removed his helmet, proving that she had been right in her assumption. Shepard had felt alone in this battle against the Collectors until Garrus came on board. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and she wanted him to know that.

"It's been good having you around Garrus," she said in a more serious tone. "Times have been hard. And I know I can count on you." Shepard wasn't the best with words when it came to expressing her feelings. Sure, she could give one hell of a speech to uplift her crew, but when it came to matters of the heart, she stumbled.

"Well, somebody's gotta hold this team together. May as well be me." Came the typical snarky, teasing reply. Though he didn't show it, the statement touched him greatly, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Shepard could see right through his bravado. They may have only known each other for a year or so, but they'd been through hell and back together. She really was his closest confidant.

But really, he wasn't going to get all soppy and make a fool of himself in front of his Commander.

"I'm curious." He said, taking another drink of the admittedly exquisite brandy. "Do you... feel any different? I mean, since Cerberus brought you back to life."

"Well," she said, pausing for a moment. "At first, I couldn't really notice anything. Granted, being woken up from a two year coma with Miranda yelling in my ear, it was a little hard to get back on my feet, but I didn't really have another choice. That was the first big difference, I suppose. Most people who have been in a coma for such a long period of time would need months of physiotherapy. My body was a little sore, but that was about it." She recalled the panic she felt when waking up in a foreign room. "Other than that? I seem to have more endurance. Also," she held up her glass "I can knock more of these back before I really feel it." She laughed, before finishing her drink.

Shepard brought her leg under her, sitting in a more comfortable position. "So, I know you were on Omega for a few months, but what did you do right after I...uh...died?"

"After we took down Saren, I went back to C-Sec. Worst move of my damn life." He muttered, shaking his head. "Almost immediately, I remembered why I left in the first place. The paperwork, the politics, the red tape... After working with you, free to operate however we wanted, I felt sort of... Caged, back with Citadel Security. 'You can't do this, Garrus. You need evidence, Garrus. Your gut feeling isn't going to hold up in court, Garrus.' Bah."

The gangly Turian waved a hand in frustration as he took a sip of his drink. It had been a painful few months to say the least. "Then, one day, I'd had enough. I tracked down a drug dealer who was commonly known amongst C-Sec guys. He was smart in the sense that he never kept anything on him, and he used a series of informants to do his work so the bastard could keep his hands clean. Of course, when I strolled up to him, he picked me as an investigator immediately and got smug, telling me to bother someone else, and that I couldn't touch him. Heh, sure proved him wrong on that. Certainly did more than touch the son of a bitch. But anyway, long, violent story cut short - I 'pressed' him for information, found out his distributor operated out of Omega, handed in my resignation and well, the rest is history."

She listened intently as he spoke. Shepard had a hard time imagining Garrus going back to C Sec after what happened with Saren. He never struck her as being a good officer to begin with. Garrus was far too opinionated and strong willed for that line of work. No, he was a soldier, and a damn good one. Garrus was the kind of soul who would risk his life for a comrade, one who would throw himself in front of a grenade if it meant the survival of others. He was kind, but he was also one mean bastard if you were at the opposite end of his gun. Shepard hadn't a doubt in her mind that he was one of the best on her ship. He was exactly where he belonged - on the Normandy helping her in the mission to end the Collector's, not stuck behind some desk filled with papers to be signed.

"I'm sure C Sec wasn't too happy about that," she said, amusement laced in her voice. Shepard knew first hand what it was like to have to resort to violence to get an answer from a thug. Those were the moments that the media liked to jump all over her. She hated being in the spotlight all the damn time - the whole universe watching, and judging her every moment. Sometimes it felt like she couldn't breathe when she reflected on it. The amount of pressure she bore day to day might cause the average person to have a severe breakdown, but still, she held her head high and pressed on. There were times she wondered what kept her going - and often she found the answer within - she wanted to make her parents proud. They had died many years ago, victims to Batarian slavers. Even though they were no longer with her, at times she could feel their presence, as if they were watching her from where ever they were. Her crew was her family now. That meant, that although she might not see eye to eye with many of them, she would do everything in her power to protect them.

A pleasant buzz was tingling her skin. Shepard looked down at the two empty glasses in front of them. She was enjoying Garrus' company far too much to want the night to end so soon. "Another refill coming up," she said as she went to the bar and made them each another drink. She could worry in the morning about feeling sleep deprived.

"This is nice." Garrus said with a small grin as Shepard returned with his refilled drink. "Say what you will about Cerberus, but they sure know how to outfit a ship. I swear, if we'd had a bar on the SR1, we'd have stopped Saren in half the time." Of course, it was certainly exceptionally nice to get some one on one time with his Commander as well. She'd come to talk with him plenty of times on her way to the Mako or the Alliance Requisition Officer on their hunt for the Geth, but this was... Different somehow.

Another hour passed quickly, which involved rehashing of memories from the "good old days", swapping stories of their lives before their involvement with Saren, and just enjoying their night without talking about the Collector's for once. Shepard leaned against the bar, one leg in front of the other as she leaned back. She was beginning to feel a little light headed, having drank a few more stiff drinks in that time. Before she became Commander, she was known to go a little crazy during her shore leaves. It wasn't that she was a partier per say, she just seemed to turn to drink and the nightlife when she needed an escape. Before Shepard joined the alliance, she struggled with severe PTSD from the attack on Mindoir. Watching everyone she had ever cared about killed before her at the age of 16 completely changed her. She was just a kid then, not the strong soldier she was now, and could do nothing but hide and pray they wouldn't find her. The guilt she carried for the years that followed was sometimes too much to bear. And just when she thought she was moving forward with her life, Akuze happened. Once again, she was the sole survivor of a catastrophic event. She had been evaluated by professionals after both events, and was told that the amount of stress and trauma she had been through would break the average person. Sometimes Shepard felt like it might, but then she pushed forward, throwing herself back on the field. It was only times when she was alone, or had shore leave, that these thoughts crept back into her mind, and she turned to drink. Tonight had started exactly that way, just like it had during those days. She sat alone in the lounge, drowning in her sorrows with a drink. Yet, it had taken a very unexpected turn. Garrus messaged her just when she needed a friend the most, and although she was not one to reach out when she needed the help, she was incredibly grateful he was there with her tonight. She was happy in this moment, feeling nothing but the warm tingling on her skin from the drink and a smile on her face.

Shepard poured herself a tall shot, and raised it up. "To the wonderful folks that built this lounge. They may be Cerberus, but they have damn good taste," she said, her voice sing-songy with glee from the drink. She downed her shot, not even tasting the vile flavor or feeling the burn anymore. "What's the matter Vakarian, can't keep up?"

Unlike Shepard, Garrus didn't posses a body comprised of artificial organs that boosted his tolerance. After an hour or more of drinking, with Shepard refilling like a woman dying from dehydration, Garrus Vakarian was stone cold hammered.

"Keep up?" He slurred, swaying slightly in his seat and glancing up blearily through one eye. "Shepard... drinking is my best... thing... aside from shooting... and... other stuff..."

Shepard laughed, taking a few steps to join him on the couch again. Only she hadn't realised how much the alcohol had affected her at this point. She tripped over her feet, crashing into the couch. She landed directly beside Garrus, her head bumping into his shoulder. An uncharacteristically feminine giggle escaped her lips, when finally she lifted her head, only a mere inch away from his. She had never been this close in proximity to the Turian before, and for a few moments, she lingered, much longer than she should have. Her eyes set on his intense blue ones, as a deep breath slowly left her lips. Garrus, too, felt his breath catch in his chest, his heart giving a flutter as though it had recently grown a pair of tiny wings. Aside from when he'd taken a rocket to the face in that apartment on Omega, this was as close as he'd ever been to her. All of a sudden, that green twinge of annoyance in the back of his mind at Kaidan's dismissal made much, much more sense. His hand slipped down to her shoulder, his mandibles twitching slightly in a barely noticeable smile. A voice in the back of his mind told him not to be stupid. To laugh it off. But something else told him not to hold back.

Then, Shepard pulled away. "I...I should go," she stammered.

"Ah... Yeah." He agreed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, somehow feeling exceptionally sober. "I need to do a few things before I turn in anyway."

It had been difficult for Shepard to pull away from Garrus, and it wasn't due to the alcohol in her system. It was as if some force had kept her glued in that spot by his lap, her face so close she could feel his warm breath on her neck. Yet, she fought it. Although she had been the one to move back first, she felt a little disappointed at Garrus' agreeance. Why? She wasn't sure. Shepard slowly stood to her feet, still inebriated from too many shots of whiskey. "Alright Garrus," she said as she began to walk for the doorway. She turned to face him once more. "Thanks… for keeping me company." With that she turned her back and headed to the elevator.

When she arrived to her cabin, she hadn't even bothered to pull off her clothes for the night. She simply flopped into bed, letting out a huge groan as she covered her face with her hands. She suddenly felt sober, the reality of what had just transpired in the lounge weighing heavily on her mind. The scenario replayed again and again, each time causing her heart to stop. What would have happened if she hadn't pulled away from him, she wondered. It was Garrus...her friend. They had been close, sure, but she never considered him more than that before. When he boarded the Normandy after leaving C Sec, she had already been interested in Kaidan. And then, there was that whole cross-species thing. It wasn't that she found him unattractive. She had always admired his ability to move his strong body swiftly across the battlefield. And then there was his piercing blue eyes, and deep rumbling voice….

Her heart stopped again. Alright, there definitely was an attraction there. But they were friends. Would acting on this desirability be worth it in the end, should things go wrong? She didn't want to lose his friendship, not ever. He was the only person she had right now. The rest of the crew members were practical strangers, aside from Joker, but the two of them were never all that close to begin with. She had no family to speak of. The only other person she cared for was Kaidan and he had acted as if she were some monster. She let out a sigh at the thought of her former flame. Those wounds were still fresh. Was that what this was all about? Was she simply trying to get over Kaidan? Ever since Mindoir, and then Akuze, Shepard had vowed not to let anyone to get too close again. She thought she was cursed, as strange as that was. Everyone around her seemed to die. It was too painful a thought - seeing another she loved being slaughtered before her eyes. She let down her guard with Kadian, after years of being alone, and look at where that got her. He almost risked his life for her when the Normandy was going down. And then...she died. Perhaps she was meant to be alone. That thought frightened Shepard the most.

Her head was beginning to hurt. She would have to wait until she was sober. Maybe she would feel differently in the morning. As Shepard began to allow sleep to claim her muddled thoughts, in the back of her mind she knew things would never quite be the same again.