Pairings: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, background Tony Stark/Pepper Potts, background Jane Foster/Thor Odinson
Rating: PG-13ish
Prompt: Bucky/Steve, breaking furniture during sex all the time.
Notes: Written around 2014 from an avenger kink meme prompt.
Bringing Down The House
It didn't sink in right away, what was really going on.
When Clint caught Bucky and Steve carrying their busted up kitchen table down the stairs of the tower - and that is a hell of a lot of stairs - in the early hours of the morning when Steve was usually out for his morning run, he just smirked at them and offered a hand. Steve mumbled his thanks and wouldn't meet his eyes, but Bucky grinned at him and offered a nod of appreciation and a fairly straightforward explanation. "Super soldier with a voracious appetite."
If Steve possibly banged the edges of the table into the backs of Bucky's thighs more often than was strictly unavoidable during the trek, Clint didn't see fit to comment upon it.
Shame, though. Unlike his own breakfast bar and Natasha's tiny dinette, that table was large enough to host all the Avengers, provided that they squeezed in a bit. Clint hoped they'd replace it soon.
:::
Though they'd initially considered just quietly smuggling the oversized chair out of their living room – hopefully more successfully than they had managed to get the kitchen table out of the building – and replacing it with something from a catalog, they ultimately decided to try and find a proper replacement for it. It was part of a set and while neither of them would normally mind mismatched furniture, the Avengers were growing closer and more casual with each other all the time, frequently visiting each other's parts of the tower and making themselves at home. A mismatched set really would stand out against the carefully designed backdrop of the apartment that he and Bucky were still working on slowly turning into their home. Besides, it really was sinfully comfortable, even for their large frames.
Fortunately, even Pepper, well practiced in the discovery of shenanigans thanks to long exposure to Tony, wasn't suspicious when Steve requested the name of the decorator responsible for his floor of the tower, citing the need to have one of the chairs reupholstered. She knew that Steve had returned to his former artistic pastimes and Bucky frequently cleaned, oiled, or sharpened his stash of weaponry to keep everything in top shape. Accidents did happen, after all.
Later, when she ran into Steve when he joined her in the elevator with the chair in question and she couldn't restrain a soft "Oh" at the sight of the damage. Both arms appeared loose from the frame – the left nearly hanging off – and the upholstery and padding had deep gouges ripped out into it.
Accidents, indeed.
"You may wish to consider just outright replacing the chair, Steve. I'm not sure this one is salvageable."
"Ah. Thank you." Steve offered her a small smile and then stared straight ahead at the elevators doors as they began their descent.
"Is," Pepper began, before pausing awkwardly, trying to figure out if there was a tactful way to ask the question in her mind. "Is everything… okay, Steve?"
"Yeah, Pepper. Everything's fine. I just surprised Bucky one day when he wasn't expecting it, and, well…" Steve ran his hand across the back of his neck, where she could see his skin slightly reddening. "We're really sorry about the damage, we don't want you to think we don't appreciate your hospitality."
Ahh. Pepper nodded, thinking of the Iron Man suit looming over her in the night and scorched bed sheets after a bad dream. Fortunately, such events were mostly behind her now. "Oh, Steve. This is your home, to do with as you please, of course. And there is very little you two could do, I suspect, that could match the damage that Tony has managed over the years." She smiled at him and grasped his forearm cautiously. "Is there anything Tony and I can do to make the transition better for Bucky? I know it must be difficult after everything he's been through. What you've both been through, really."
"Oh, no, but thank you, Pepper. We are both really… happy here. Really."
:::
When Bucky and Steve broke the bathroom sink during a particularly energetic morning round of fancy-meeting-you-here-can't-wait-to-get-to-the-bed sex and flooded not only their own bathroom, but also Natasha's located on the floor below, there was simply no hope of covering it up.
Or covering them up, as it were. Steve had eventually found the apartment's main water shutoff valve and managed stem the tide of water as Bucky desperately tried to soak up as much water as possible with all of their towels, as well as their discarded clothing. This, of course, left them with nothing to preserve their dignity – what little they had left after breaking the sink and pipes clean off the wall! - when Tony, Natasha, Thor, and Jane burst into the room following Jarvis' announcement of the plumbing emergency to all the inhabited residential floors.
"Well," Natasha said, with a smirk on her face. "I have to give it to you, this is definitely not what I expected to find up here. Not complaining about the view, mind you, though I'm going to have to bunk with Clint until things are cleared up downstairs."
"Natasha, I'm- we're-" Steve looked at her wide-eyed, then around the bathroom desperately for some form of cover. Aside from the sopping towels littering the floor, there was nothing. Even the shower was the type with clear, glass doors and not requiring a curtain. "Shit."
Tony looked as if he'd just received the best Christmas present ever. "Oh, this is one for the history books. On my honor, dubious though it may be, I am never going to stop telling everyone I meet about the time my two geriatric superhero housemates managed to destroy the place during sex. Never."
"Stark," Bucky warned, his voice dark, completely at odds with the ridiculous grin he was trying to keep off his face and the huffs of laughter that shook his frame.
Jane stood in the doorway with her eyes comically wide and one hand covering her mouth, while Thor stood behind her, looking from Steve's increasingly red cheeks and Bucky's pitiful attempts at glaring at them all, to the remains of the sink and the pipes sticking out of the wall.
"Worry not, my friends, for though you may be discomfited now, before long your opinions will turn to those of mirth and the humor in this experience will only grow."
Steve shook his head slightly, eyes cast towards the ceiling. "Well, my spirits certainly can't go anywhere but up from here…"
"I assure you, it is so, Steven! Why, when Jane and I experienced a similar misfortune with the shower back in her fair abode in London-"
Jane squeaked, whirled around, and slapped her hand over Thor's mouth to stem the flow of words, her jaw dropping in horror, "Thor!" She glanced over to the others to find everyone looking at them with a mixture of amusement (Natasha and Bucky), glee (Tony), and sympathy (Steve). Jane sighed and turned back to Thor, leaning in against him and thumping her forehead against his broad chest. "Some of us take longer to find the humor in such circumstances than others, Thor."
Thor's eyes crinkled up in mirth and he kissed her palm before grasping her hand with his own, moving to hold it against his chest. "It is a sign of our love, how easily we can become enraptured in each other, my Jane, and nothing of which to be ashamed. The same is true for our comrades, for theirs must be a mighty passion for life and each other!"
Steve, having given up and resorted to holding a dripping bath towel up in front of himself and Bucky, couldn't hold back a snort of laughter, the flush finally beginning to recede from his skin. "You're not wrong there, Thor."
"Oh, this is priceless. I mean that. This is without price. I couldn't buy this type of entertainment with every last dollar I have in the bank. Which is a lot, I assure you."
"We know, Stark," Bucky growled. "Now why don't you go count all that money like Scrooge McDuck and forget about everything you just heard and saw, before I-"
"How on earth do you know Scrooge McDuck, grandpa?" Tony interrupted, not even the slightest bit deterred from his goading by the implied threat in Bucky's statement.
"We like to catch up on cartoons when we have a slow morning, see where animation has gone since our youth," Steve replied.
Tony grinned. "Bet you wish you'd decided on that form of entertainment this morning, don't you?"
Bucky and Steve exchanged a glance. "No, actually," said Steve.
"Could do without the peanut gallery though," added Bucky.
Natasha huffed a soft snort and turned, ushering Tony, Jane, and Thor back through the apartment. "Show's over, folks, time to move along and let them lick their wounds."
"Oh, I don't think it'll be wounds that they'll be- Ow!" Tony's snark was cut off when Jane grabbed him by the earlobe and led him through the door.
Before closing the door behind herself, Natasha turned to Bucky and Steve, "I'll ask Jarvis to arrange for repairs as soon as possible and update you as to the timeframe. I will also call Rhodey and ask him for a copy of video from the time the armor removal system accidently tore half Tony's clothing off along with the armor plating, and see if we can negotiate his silence on this matter."
"I doubt Tony has enough shame for that to work, but it's worth a shot." Steve sighed. "Thanks, Natasha."
:::
When a lengthier-than-normal post-mission stay in medical resulted in Steve and Bucky – who had refused to leave Steve's bedside, eyes cold and metal fist clenched tightly when the suggestion was mentioned – missing out on the after-battle team dinner ritual, Bruce had thought it would be a nice gesture to bring them leftovers the next morning. Not only would Steve appreciate an addition to his protein-heavy injury-recovery diet, but also Bruce would have the opportunity to check Cap's status himself. The man wasn't severely injured, and in fact had likely done most of his healing in the few hours he'd spent under observation in medical, but given that it had been a very long time since Bruce had friends he could rely on? He liked to see their wellbeing with his own eyes.
At the door, JARVIS confirmed that Bucky and Steve were still asleep and that Bucky had requested that Steve not be woken for anything short of another potentially world-ending incident. With a note of something akin to humor, JARVIS did reveal that he was authorized to allow Bruce entrance to the apartment as needed, however. Apparently his tendency to worry over his teammates was, though unspoken, well known, even to Tony's AI.
Walking softly in an attempt to not awaken the apartment's sense-enhanced inhabitants, Bruce entered the kitchen with the intent to drop the food off in the fridge and leave a note on the counter, only to stop just inside the doorway.
One of the granite countertops had a large crack in it and there were shards of granite and wood strewn across the floor.
"JARVIS?" Bruce asked softly. "Did something happen that I should know about?"
"As you know, Doctor Banner, I am not permitted general access inside the personal living quarters of the tower's inhabitants except in emergency situations. I can tell you that nothing occurred that would trigger the sensors to alert me to an unsafe situation in the vicinity."
"Then what-" Bruce trailed off, examining the counter more closely and seeing a myriad of hairline fractures across the surface. "It isn't that easy to damage granite…"
There was a pause before JARVIS responded, almost as if the AI was weighing his choice of response. "As Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers returned home late last evening, they were expressing feelings of relief regarding each others safety. They…" here, the AI paused again, causing Bruce to wonder yet again at Tony's programming if the AI was attempting to phrase his statement more delicately than Tony ever would. "Were expressing a desire to check each other over for injury. At that point they entered the apartment and thus were beyond my permitted monitoring area."
Check for- oh. Well then. Glancing at the remains of their kitchen counters, Bruce guessed that they'd been quite dedicated to checking each other's "wellbeing". He hoped they'd been careful enough to avoid aggravating Steve's newly healing injuries.
Placing the food into the refrigerator, Bruce decided that that was the last he was going to think about that.
:::
By the time their bed frame finally bit the dust, Steve's flustered embarrassment had faded to a soft sigh (accompanied by a roll of the eyes where Tony's teasing was concerned) and Bucky's response had turned into something resembling a proud strut and saucy wink, not that he'd describe it that way (though Natasha certainly would - loudly).
After arranging the box spring and mattress on the floor as a temporary solution, they broke down the remains of the frame and began transporting it down to the main floor bulk disposal area. They even used the elevators, no longer caring about the repercussions of discovery by their teammates anymore.
When they returned from their last trip, they found Tony in their apartment with a StarkPad in hand and a stylus between his teeth and Natasha standing on their coffee table.
"Can I help you?" Bucky asked, arms crossed over his chest and clearly awaiting Tony's next volley of teasing.
"Nah," Tony mumbled around the stylus. "We'll be out of your shaggy hair shortly and you two can continue to undermine the structural integrity of my tower."
Ignoring the subtle – for Tony – jibe, Steve frowned slightly. "And what exactly are you doing?" he asked.
"Coffee table's gonna need reinforcement at the very least. I'd suggest just abandoning that style and going for something sturdier right from the start," Natasha called.
Tony grabbed the stylus and made notes on the pad. "We're identifying areas for improvement in your apartment. I want to make it more super soldier sexytimes-friendly and Natasha is helping me decide where to start."
"The great Tony Stark needs help identifying common areas used to christen a new home?" Bucky asked with a smirk and raised eyebrow.
"No, I am very well versed in that particular area, thank you. Her commentary is hilarious though, definitely not to be missed." Tony then turned as Natasha caught his attention to add the washer and dryer to the list.
Steve didn't bother to inform them that those appliances had already held up rather well to a variety of… stresses.
Tony and Natasha finished up five minutes later, leaving with a minimum of attempted teasing and promises of reinforced everything within the week.
Steve turned to Bucky with a small smile. "Once he's renovated our whole place, we're going to have to find something he hasn't reinforced and try our hardest to break it, just to spite him."
Bucky smiled right back, reaching out for Steve and drawing him into his body. "Excellent idea. Let's start practicing now."
:::
End