I started writing this fic about a year ago.
And it still isn't actually finished yet.
But I was getting annoyed, so I figured I'd just publish it incomplete.
This is just a weird (and surprisingly non-smutty) idea that I had a million years ago. As some of you Humble Readers will know, I basically ship Kurt with everyone. So, in this story, every guy is in love with Kurt. And can you blame them?
Anyways, don't forget to review. I need reviews to live. I'm like a fanfiction Tinkerbelle.
And, of course I don't own anything. Otherwise this would have been a genuine storyline during the back nine episodes.
The Weirdest Day Ever
I was woken up by the alarm on my phone, which just so happened to be Lady Gaga's 'Love Game'. The only time I didn't like this song was when it was mercilessly dragging me out of my beauty sleep. I switched it off and got up. As much as I would have just loved to stay in bed, looking as fabulous as I do everyday didn't just happen. I showered, washed and blow-dried my hair, did my morning skincare routine and put on my Cheerios uniform. I had to admit, it was kind of depressing having to wear basically the same outfit so many days in a row, but I liked being a Cheerio and my uniform was very flattering for my figure. A quick spot of breakfast and I was off for another unspectacular day at school.
As I walked down the halls of McKinley, I couldn't help but notice that everyone was staring at me. And I couldn't help but worry about this. What was wrong with me? Was there something on my face? Did I have a stain on my uniform? I rushed over to my locker to look in my mirror, panicking slightly. I couldn't see anything wrong with me... so what was everyone staring at?
"Hey, Kurt," said Mercedes as she walked up to me and stood by my locker.
"Do I look different to you?" I said a little desperately.
"What?" said Mercedes, sounding confused.
"Look at me," I said frantically. "Do I look any different? Is there something wrong with me?"
"No," she said, furrowing her eyebrows. "Why, what's up?"
"Ever since I set foot in school," I said. "Everyone has been staring at me and it's freaking me out."
"Baby, you need to stop your worryin'," she said, smiling. "You're lookin' just as fine as always."
I smiled back at her. "Yeah, that's true. I guess I'm just being paranoid."
We linked arms as we made our way to class. Maybe Mercedes was right. Maybe I was just being paranoid. There was nothing wrong with me. I looked just as good as I did every other day. So why was everyone I walked past still staring at me?
"Hey, Hummel!"
Oh dear God, Karofsky. Just what I needed today. Mercedes and I both turned around at the same time and gave the brainless jock matching death-glares.
"Can I help you?" I said, sneering at him.
He didn't look like he was going to hit me. He wasn't holding a slushie to chuck in my face. What did he want?
"I just wanted to say," he said looking, dare I say it, flirtatious. "I think you look smokin' today."
What? I looked over at Mercedes and she was just as shocked and confused as I was. Good, it wasn't just me that heard that.
"Erm... excuse me?" I said.
"You look really hot today," he said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
"You're – you're kidding, right?" I said, beyond confused.
"No, of course not," he said. "Why would I joke about how hot you are? I wouldn't want hurt your feelings."
"Erm... okay," I said. I was actually kind of scared now. "I, err... I have to go to class now, so..."
"Can I walk with you?" he asked, sounding frighteningly eager. "I could hold your stuff for you, if you want!"
"No!" I said, taken aback. "I'm – I'm fine, really. I have to, erm, go now."
Karofsky actually looked disappointed as Mercedes and I walked away.
"Did that just happen?" I asked Mercedes quietly.
"I ain't even sure," she said, just as perplexed as me.
As we walked to class I noticed that it wasn't everyone that was staring at me. It was every guy. They were all staring at me the same way that you would expect them to stare if Beyonce was walking down the hall in just her underwear. What the hell was going on? You would think that this kind of attention would be flattering but, to be honest, it just felt weird. I tried to keep my head down and ignore it, but it was difficult not to notice that kind of relentless and never-ending attention, especially since I had never had it before. It would have been gratifying if the whole situation hadn't been so overwhelming.
Every guy in every one of my classes ended up spending the entire lesson staring at me, whispering comments to each other like "When did Hummel get so hot?" which was distracting as hell. The slightly more confident guys would actually try and hit on me, which managed to be both amusing and alarming all at the same time. I tried to be nice at first, but by the time the twelfth guy attempted to ask me out I was past caring about their feelings and just outright told them all to leave me alone. Rather than the usual notes that get stuffed into my locker – like the misspelt word 'faggot' scrawled onto a piece of paper – today it was full of badly written love notes and guys phone numbers. Once again, any kind of flattery was lost by the sheer strangeness of the situation.
"This is really starting to scare me," I said to Mercedes as the two of us took refuge in the girls' bathroom.
"Why?" she said, looking at me like I'd gone crazy. "Every boy up in this place is fallin' over themselves to get with you. Why you complainin' for?"
"Look, I understand why you would think this would be great," I said. "But it's freaking me out. I feel like I'm in a boyband or something and all those guys out there are my squealing obsessive fangirls. Jacob Ben Israel even asked me to marry him. It's terrifying! I wouldn't be surprised if someone tried to follow me home and go all 'Fatal Attraction' on me!"
"Kurt," Mercedes said sternly. "You need to get a grip. And you also need to get out of this bathroom 'cause we're gonna be late for Glee Club."
Oh God, I'd totally forgotten about Glee Club today! I really didn't want to go, but Mercedes gave me no other choice as she practically dragged me out of the bathroom and towards the choir room.
We were the last ones there, mainly because I kept on trying to turn around and run back to the sanctuary of the girls' bathroom. As I walked into the choir room, every male member of the Glee Club stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Artie almost crashed into the piano because he was so busy staring at me. Puck raised his eyebrow and gave me the same lecherous look that he gives any attractive female within five feet of him. Finn, Mike and Matt just looked utterly shell shocked, like they had never seen me before. Jesse, who usually only had eyes for Rachel, was now completely ignoring her as he looked me up and down. By far the most worrying thing of all was that even Mr. Schuester was staring at me. Perfect. I didn't think that this could get any more awkward than it already was but, knowing my luck, it probably would.
When I went to sit down all the guys tried to sit as close to me as possible. Jesse sat on my left, while Puck unceremoniously shoved Mike out of the chair on my other side so he could sit there. Santana and Rachel were giving me some serious death-glares, while the rest of the girls just looked confused.
"I've got to say, Kurt," said Puck, leering. "You're looking smokin' hot today."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "So I've been told..."
"I'm going to have to agree with Puckerman," said Jesse. "You look magnificent today, Kurt."
All the other guys around me nodded in agreement. All this attention was starting to make me blush. It was bad enough when it was just random guys in the hallway. These were my friends, which just made it even weirder. Although, it was strangely easier to feel flattered when it was them being all flirty with me.
Mr. Schuester cleared his throat to get our attention. His eyes lingered on me for a second, before he shook his head slightly and looked away. It was clear that he was trying to be professional, which was a small comfort. I wouldn't want him to go to jail or anything. I guess he was sort of dreamy, in an older man kind of way... ew, I did not just think that.
"Okay, guys," said Mr. Schue. "I have a new song for us to do that I think might be good for Regionals."
He passed around the sheet music and I immediately cheered up. 'Hot'n'Cold' by Katy Perry. I loved this song! Not that there was a chance that I'd ever get to sing more than back-up. As I predicted, Rachel jumped right in.
"Mr. Schuester, I would be more than happy to take the lead with this one," she said, grinning.
"Actually," he said. "I was thinking of giving this one to Kurt."
"What?" she said.
"What?" I said. I couldn't have heard him right.
"I think that this song will be great for you, Kurt," said Mr. Schue, smiling at me. I couldn't help but smile back, even though I knew it would probably only encourage him.
"I don't mean to be rude," insisted Rachel, in a way that suggested that she was defiantly going to be rude. "But this song is supposed to be sung by a girl!"
"I think," said Artie suddenly. "That Kurt has shown on many occasions that he's more than capable of singing a girl's song."
"Yeah, Kurt's got an awesome voice," said Finn.
"This song is well within his vocal range," said Jesse. "Give him a chance, Rachel."
"Yeah, Berry," said Puck. "Quit hogging the limelight. Kurt could totally rock this song."
All the guys nodded in agreement. Rachel looked quite literally murderous as she glared at Jesse's lingering looks at me. I tried not to show how much I was starting to enjoy this.
It felt kind of wrong to admit this, but it felt really good to have all the guys in Glee Club want me. With every other guy in school it was just weird, but with them... I don't know. It felt nice because it was them. If that made any sense. It probably didn't, but come on, look at my options.
First and foremost, there was Finn. He was my first love, and would always be the love of my life no matter how much I tried to forget about my feelings for him. It had always been pointless loving him because he insisted on being straight. If it wasn't Quinn then it was Rachel (which was about a million times more painful to watch), and I knew that I would never stand a chance with him. But now I kind of did. For some strange reason Finn – like every other guy in the school – wanted me. I'd be a fool to pass up that chance, wouldn't I?
Then there was Puck. He was so completely wrong for me, and there was no way that I was going to forget how he used to treat me – all those clothes he ruined with slushie facials, throwing me in the dumpster every morning for like, a year. His only redeeming feature was that he was insanely hot and had incredible arms. That bad boy image was ironically attractive. But did that really make up for all the bullying?
Artie was adorable. We were such great friends and, even though he was kind of nerdy and his dress sense was atrocious, he was really cute. I could imagine him being incredibly sweet and loving to me if we ever were to become an item. Oh, but I'd feel like such a jerk doing that to Tina. They're totally destined to be together. I couldn't do that to them. He was really cute though.
What about Jesse? He was gorgeous and talented in an arrogant kind of way, but then again so was I, so at least we would have that in common. And he certainly knew how to put an outfit together. Rachel would literally go insane, which would be amusing. And it would be nice to be around someone who shares my love of musical theatre. I mean, I know there was a chance that he was just a spy for Vocal Adrenaline and was planning to screw us over but, if he wasn't, he and I would be show choir stars. And something tells me that he would defiantly not want to hide in the closet. But could I really do that to Rachel? I may not be able to stand being in the same room as her most of the time, but underneath the terrible personality and animal sweaters she was a good person, and Jesse was perfect for her. I couldn't come between them, could I?
I hadn't really spoken to either Matt or Mike that much, so it was kind of difficult to analysis them. They were really nice though. And both of them respectively were rather easy on the eye, which was always a bonus.
I think the less said about Mr. Schue, the better. He was kind of making me feel like jail-bait.
I got up and stood in front of everyone, ready to sing. Mercedes was smirking at me. Rachel looked like she could have strangled me. Santana's narrowed eyes were darting between me and Puck. All the guys – including Mr. Schuester – were staring at me like they all wanted to just rip my uniform off and have their wicked way with me right there in the middle of the choir room. Awkward, yet strangely gratifying.
The band began to play, and I decided to have a little fun with this. I deserved it after the strangeness I'd had to suffer through all day. It was time to drive these boys wild.
As I sung the first line (beautifully, I might add), I focused my gaze on Finn.
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
He blushed deeply as I looked at him. For the next line I looked right at Jesse.
Yeah, you PMS
Like a bitch
I would know
The way he smirked was so hot it was almost evil. My eyes then fixed on Artie, who immediately turned red.
And you over think
Always speak
Critically
The next line was defiantly for Puck. I could tell just from looking at him that he was mentally undressing me.
I should know
That you're no good for me
As the chorus kicked in I started to move my hips along to the music. Everyone except Rachel and Santana were dancing along in their seats.
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
By this point the girls – with the obvious exception of Rachel and Santana – were singing my backing vocals.
(You!) You don't really wanna stay, no
(You!) But you don't really wanna go, oh
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
I strutted my way to the guys, who all looked as if all their Christmases had come at once. They moved in their seats to try and get closer to me. I weaved my way through them, trailing my fingers across Mike's chest as I sung the next verse.
We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
I ran my fingers through Finn's hair as I walked around him. I looked as if he was going to have a heart attack. Trust me, the feeling was mutual.
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
I rested my hands on Matt's shoulders, my lips close to his ear. I could feel him shiver.
Used to laugh 'bout nothing
Now you're plain boring
I leaned on the armrests of Artie's wheelchair so are faces were really close. The way he blushed and grinned at me was so adorable.
I should know
That you're not gonna change
I pushed his chair away from me and started dancing around the guys again as I got to the chorus. Everyone was really starting to get into. Mike and Matt had even got up and starting pop'n'locking around me. This was way too much fun.
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
The girls were still dancing in their seats and singing my backing vocals. Even Santana had stopped glaring at me and was singing too, although that was probably just to get Brittany to stop bugging her. Rachel still looked like she wanted to kill me though, and was stubbornly sitting with her arms folded and her legs crossed, refusing to join in with everyone else.
(You!) You don't really wanna stay, no
(You!) But you don't really wanna go, oh
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
During the interlude, the rest of the guys stood up and starting dancing with me too. I was being spun around and lifted into the air and there were a lot of hands on me. I would be lying if I said that it wasn't totally awesome. As the song came to a close I was lifted up onto a chair as all the guys danced in a circle around me. I finished singing (I sounded perfect, by the way) and everyone cheered and applauded. Well, everyone except Rachel, who had never looked angrier. Even the guys in the bands were clapping, and Mr. Schue clearly looked as if he was trying not to show how much he enjoyed my performance.
"Wow, Kurt," he said with a huge grin on his face. "That was... that was just amazing!"
All the guys agreed as they caught their breath.
"That was totally awesome," said Finn, smiling at me.
"Oh yeah, you really are very talented," said Jesse. "I would know."
"Wow, thank you, boys," I said, blushing a little as I went to sit back down.
All the guys rushed to sit back down next to me, still gushing about my wonderful performance. It really was wonderful, they had a lot to gush about. From the corner of my eye I could see Mercedes giving me a funny look, arching an eyebrow as if to say "I thought you weren't enjoying this?" I shrugged back at her, but I don't think she believed me.
The rest of Glee rehearsal was pretty much the same. All the guys were staring at me and flirting the whole time, Mr. Schue was constantly telling me how talented I was (as if I didn't already know), and Rachel's eyes were burning a hole in skin. I figured I should probably make the most of this. This random, surreal situation was probably never going to happen again. Everything would be back to the way it was by tomorrow. I'd be back to being the lonely gay kid in school full of stubbornly heterosexual hot guys and this would all be forgotten or denied. Now, just for this one weird day, I was getting a lifetime's worth of male attention. Mercedes was right. I needed to stop complaining.
Hope you enjoyed.
Don't forget to review, Humble Readers!
xxx