Summary: What if Zero wasn't as strong as we know him to be? What if he just couldn't take the pain anymore?

Warnings: Really, really depressive thoughts. Self- harm. Eventual character death. OOC Zero.

Pairings: None specifically, but with tiny tiny reference to Zero x Kaname.

Rating: I've given this a higher rating due to the main theme of the fic itself. If you're sensitive to self harm, DO NOT READ THIS FIC!

Song: While I was writing this I was listening to Burning Bright by Shinedown. If you listen to the song, you'll see a few parts where I have borrowed lines and altered them. And so...

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight and the characters involved do not belong to me and are the original works of Matsuri Hino. The lyrics to Burning Bright are also not mine and belong to the band Shinedown and their respective record company(ies).

A/N:

This is nothing like what I usually write( maybe because everything I write never gets finished ahaha ^_^'). However, I decided to try something new, so here it is. If you don't like it, don't read it. Also, don't flame or write me a rant because then the plot bunnies get sad :(.

I would also like to say that, if you are still reading this, that this may come across as being slightly fragmented. This is intentional, due to the fact that I don't think that (given his situation) Zero would be thinking all that clearly and that everything would come across as a muddle, including memories.

Alongside this, I would like to add that I, in no way, endorse self harm(A.K.A: Don't read this fic and think it's a means of escaping!). I do not think that any person deserves to suffer so much that they would turn to hurting themselves. I also don't believe the word "emo" should be lobbed around either, because it's rude and disrespectful. People (not everyone, of course) turn to self harm for different reasons at various points in their lives so, don't just assume that they are all attention seeking, because they are not. I just thought I'd clear that up, before I'm accused of being a hater or ridiculing. You have been warned. I would also like to warn that I have only read this once and have probably mis-typed some words. Please ignore these, I've had a busy day hehe =_=

Please leave a (constructive [this means not a flame or an outright rant]) review because I always appreciate thoughts and opinions...even though this is really short xD.

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'I feel like there is no need for conversation anymore...' Zero thought to himself as he wearily pressed a knife towards his wrist. He stared down at his left wrist; which he had bared without a thought and the knife hovering shakily over it, poised to bring him the possible peace that he craved so desperately. Zero reflected back on the day he had experienced; the glares from Kaname Kuran that had pierced his stone heart and shattered it into a million, tiny fragments. They had tried to get him to talk today. 'They' being Yuuki and the headmaster. But he hadn't uttered a single word. He shouldn't have or need to. Secretly, they knew how he felt; bitter, disgusted and alone. When they had questioned him: Why did he feel so disgusted with himself? What could they do to make it better? Zero had laughed humourlessly and replied with a simple:

"Some questions are better left without a reason..." to which both members of the Cross family had exchanged worried glances. Zero had always been distant, but never had he been so close and yet, at the same time, so far away. They felt like they were losing him to himself; his own personal darkness which was eating him inside. They felt helpless to the boy sat in front of them, a boy who had seen and experienced so much misfortune and suffering in his life. It wasn't fair.

Zero slowly lowered the knife and applied pressure to his wrist. He didn't wince as he made a small slice across his arm, where an angry, red line appeared beneath the surface of his skin. He wasn't trying hard enough. Again, he sliced it and, on the same line, blood finally blossomed on the surface of his skin. Zero shuddered as his body burned with the smell of blood. He looked away from his bloody wrist, disgusted with his body. He felt impure; like he no longer belonged in his own body. They had told him that the tattoo would protect him from events such as this and that he would beat no risk. Zero laughed tonelessly. Even Kuran had seen through that. But, then again, he supposed that Kuran would already know what he was doing to himself. He was a vampire after all and such severe injuries leave a scent of blood behind, even after numerous showers and scrubbing, Zero had discovered. But even then, cleaning away the blood was a problem. He would stand at the sink and scrub it away until the wound re-opened and more blood would pour from it. Zero looked back at his wrist and watched his blood fall in thick droplets on the cream carpet, creating a startling contrast of colour. Zero imagined the contrast would be the same if he were to pour the crimson droplets onto the skin of Kaname Kuran.

Just imagining the blood, beading on the pureblood skin made Zero's teeth lengthen and the tips protrude into a point. Why did it have to be Kuran? Never thoughts of Yuuki or of any other female, or even any other creature, only Kaname Kuran managed to gain a bodily reaction from the Level-E. Could he possibly...tell him? Not about his minor attraction towards the man, but tell him of the self inflicted mess he had gotten himself into? Would he understand...or even sympathize? Zero's eyes widened and he dug the knife deeper into his flesh, causing more blood to spill from the wound and his flesh to dent, creating a miniature pool of blood on the surface of the skin. 'I would rather reveal myself, than my situation!' Zero thought, staring wide eyed at the fresh gouge he had created in his arm. Anyway, why the hell would Kuran sympathize with him? The likes of a lowly Level – E? Not a chance. And as much as he hated himself for thinking that, it was true. He would rather bare his soul to a God of death, or even to the world, than have to tell the ones he cared about, like Yuuki, what he had been doing to himself.

But Zero knew he wasn't brave enough to even do that. He wasn't even brave enough to take his own life, which he wanted to do so desperately. He reflected on his hesitation. He had so many things to consider. Pulling the knife out, he stared at the jagged edge. With no thought whatsoever, he ran the knife all the way up the length of his left arm, the knife slicing through his flesh and the liquid of life spilling from the long line. He'd done enough damage to see that the edge of his skin had been completely torn and, at some parts, had ripped away a small chunk of skin, revealing a patch of tissue and, now, weeping blood. But this still wasn't enough. He knew that, of course.

He remembered playing outside with the other children and getting pushed aside because he was from the 'Freak Family'. He recalled every time that the other children, even adults, in his neighbourhood had stuck in fake fangs at Halloween and asked him to stake them through the heart for being so impure. People were unusually cruel towards Zero and, even when he was left an orphan and alone, they continued to ridicule him, saying that his parents had been ripped to shreds by the "naughty vampires" and continued to tell him that "you should go and teach those creatures a lesson", continually mocking him until he couldn't stand it any longer. He started to play up at school, fighting continuously and getting into trouble. That was until headmaster Cross came along, after him nearly biting a student, and took him to Cross Academy and gave him the rooms which he was now sat in. Soon after this, headmaster Cross and an man by the name of Yagari and come into his room and branded him with a 'protection tattoo', one that would imprint itself and protect him from harm's way. Of course, Zero didn't understand the severity of the near biting and the tattoo at the time that it was given to him. Now, Zero couldn't help but wonder if the things that he did were just to be different. To give himself a break from the shame of his lowly existence. The horrible irony and the mockery of being the only Hunter left, at such a tender age, now being hunted and slowly killed by the dispassion and cruelty of humans and no vampires.

Why was nothing ever right? Why couldn't the world be a better place...a place where it would be safe for everyone to live and to get along. Zero almost laughed; what a wonderful world it would be... There was always something new, a new challenge or some path that Zero was supposed to choose, without being given a proper reason he was usually forced to take a path of helping others, instead of the path of selfishness he sometimes wished that he could walk. Too many reasons, too little time. He knew that it was time. Perhaps, in another life or another world, things could have been different. Less confusion, things might actually make sense. Perhaps in the after-life he would be a stronger, better person who would fall in love and have everything that was offered to him. He supposed that there was only one way to find out.

Allowing his arm to hang limply by his side and with the knife still in his hand, he looked around the room for some kind of reason to hang on. He stood slowly and moved towards his desk, where a picture of himself and Yuuki stood, almost proudly, of him scowling and her peeping around his tall, thin form. He gave a small smile. He would miss Yuuki. He also wished he could tell her but, if tonight had proved anything, he wasn't much of a talker. After the way he had been bullied, silence had been self taught and immediately applied. Zero placed the knife down, pulled out a pen and some paper from the open drawer and set it down on the side. He closed the top drawer and opened the second one, from which he pulled the Bloody Rose. The moment he picked the gun up, it began to sing for his blood. He knew it was only a matter of time. A matter of time before he allowed the gun to take possession of his body and drain him dry. This was it. He left the knife on the table, next to his picture and led on his bed, the gun still in his hand. He closed his eyes and pulled back the mental shield that had stopped the Bloody Rose thus far. The Bloody Rose responded immediately and dark vines shot from the gun, winding their way around his body, thorns digging into his flesh. Zero winced but, after he got used to the stabbing pains, he began to relax. He knew that blood loss made you feel dizzy but...he couldn't help but think that he was finally cleaning out his system. He would no longer be a stain on Vampire society. Maybe he'd get to see his parents again and have a better existence somewhere else, rather than suffering in this life. Content at last, Zero Kiryuu closed his eyes, and slept an eternal, yet peaceful, sleep.