Mohawks and Manliness

Chapter 1

"What a great night I planned for us, eh, demon?"

Mirajane just grinned as her boyfriend came to join her on the couch. She could smell the dinner he'd made cooking still in the kitchen and was excited to find out what it was.

"Definitely, Lax," she said as he handed her one of the two opened beers in his hands. "We never get this, you know?"

"I know," he agreed, tossing an arm over the back of the couch before taking a long few sips of his beer. "You work too much."

"I work too much," she said with a slight scoff. "You're the one that is always taking jobs."

"What difference does it make if you're always going to just work the entire time that I'm off anyhow?"

She just snuggled up to him though. "Well, it doesn't matter anyhow, huh? We're together now."

"That we are, demon."

"And alone."

"It's a wonder what having your own apartment can do for you, huh?"

"We've gone over this," she told him with a frown. "I like living with Elfman and Lisanna. We've always lived together and-"

"And you can still live there," he said. "When I'm out on jobs. But you belong here with me."

"Oh? I do?"

"Well, yeah," he grumbled. "I thought I'd made that pretty clear. I want you to live with me, demon."

"Mmmm…no."

"No?"

"No." She took a sip of her own beer then. "You gotta get used to it, Lax."

"Used to what?"

'You know," she said with a slight shrug. "Not always getting whatever you want."

"I don't want to get used to that."

"Well, that's too bad."

He was busy thinking up a snappy reply when, suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Dragon," Mirajane complained, moving away from him so that he could stand up. "You said that we were going to be alone."

"We are." Setting his beer down after taking another swig from it, he headed out of the living room to go answer the front door. "Just give me a moment, huh, demon?"

As she waited, Laxus just went to go find out who it was that was bothering them and what it would take to get them to go away.

"Oy, boss. Glad you're here."

"I'm not here," Laxus said simply as he opened the door to find Bickslow standing there.

"Eh?"

"I'm not here. I'm not anywhere. Other than with the demon. Alone with the demon. So no, I'm not standing before you right now and you're not about to tell me about whatever it is that you want or need. I-"

"I need to talk to you. About my life. And problems. And-"

"No. No way. You- Hey! I didn't say come in!"

He just slipped passed the man, his babies following.

"It's Lisanna, man," Bickslow said as he headed towards the living room. "And her brother. She- Oh. Hey, boss's boss."

Mirajane wasn't happy to see him for once though and it was obvious.

"Laxus and I are on a date, Bickslow."

"Na-ah. You're at home. Well," he started then. "Not really at home. Right, boss? And what smells so great? Can I stay for dinner? Or is this a real date?"

Growling, Laxus came into the living room behind him. "What do you want, Bickslow?"

"I want what I told you," he grumbled, heading right over to the couch and taking a seat next to the less than thrilled Mirajane. "To talk. I need some advice."

"Advice?" He was slowly winning over Mirajane, Laxus could tell. "On what?"

"Your sister. And brother."

"Well, I-"

"Not from you," he said, frowning at her before looking to Laxus. "From you."

"Me?" he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "What do you want from me?"

"Advice, boss," he said. "I… Elfman's being a real jerk to me and I can't figure it out. I always thought that we were cool."

"Cool?" Laxus made a face. "You rag on him constantly for being with Evergreen."

Giving the other man a look, Bickslow said, "Think back on what you just said and then tell me that he doesn't deserve it."

"You guys are talking about my brother, remember?" Mira was giving Laxus a look and, with a sigh, he unfolded his arms.

"Right, demon," he agreed. "Bickslow, Elfman is…different. And so are you. You're both very…odd."

"My brother, Laxus."

"Odd isn't a hurtful word," he complained.

"It is when you're talking about my brother."

"Then how would you describe him?"

"Well," the woman said slowly, glancing up. "Um, he's very…well…eccentric."

"Fine," Laxus said. "He's eccentric. Just like you, Bickslow."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh," the seith said, nodding his head. "Makes sense."

"So-"

"But before you continue," he interrupted, "I'mma need someone to explain to me what eccentric is."

Growling then because he really did just want to get back to his date with Mirajane, Laxus said, "It means that you play with dolls and he goes around yelling about how manly he is!"

"Don't raise your voice, Lax," Mirajane reminded. "We've been working on that, remember?"

With a deep breath, Laxus said, "You're both eccentric, alright? That's the point, Bickslow."

"You actually hit the head with a nail, boss."

He blinked that time. "I did what now?"

"Hit the head with a nail," Bickslow repeated. "It's a saying."

"It is not a saying. At least not the way you're saying it."

"Whatever," Bickslow said, waving off the miscommunication. "What I meant was that it's this manliness stuff that's causing so much friction."

"What?" Laxus asked. "It gets on your nerves too? Just start singing in your head when he goes off about that sorts stuff. Or buy some headphones. Or-"

"Laxus," Mirajane warned then.

"I ain't saying nothing bad about him, demon," he defended. "I do that with most people."

"Do you do it with me?"

"…Back on topic here, Bickslow," Laxus said, deciding to move right along, "Now that I've told you how to deal with it-"

"It's not that," he said. "I mean, it's not just about ignoring him when he gets annoying."

"Then what is it?" Laxus was close to just tossing him out at that point. Seriously. "I ain't got all day."

"He doesn't think that I'm…manly."

"Eh?"

Nodding, the seith said, "Every time he sees me out with Lisanna, he'll say something about it. And I'm trying here, you know? To make a relationship with her, but he ain't making it easy on me. Says that I'm no good or that all I do is joke around and never act like a man. I am a man! Just not a conventional one. I'm, uh, what'd you call it? An expedient one."

"Eccentric," Mira whispered.

"That too."

Laxus just frowned. "He says that everyone isn't manly. He-"

"Not like this," the man argued. "He doesn't like me and he's tryin' to make it to where Lisanna don't either. It's crazy! We've always been okay. But suddenly I'm boning his sister and he hates me? What kinda sense does that make?"

"A lot, actually," Laxus remarked as Mirajane got to her feet.

"I'm gonna go, Lax," she said as she sat her beer down on the table. "I mean, clearly-"

"No, no, no." He rushed to go grab her by the arm and lead her into the kitchen. "You just stay in here, alright? And, uh, wait for me. And wait for the casserole in the oven to be done. Then we can eat."

"You're with Bickslow," she said. "You two are going to talk all night and-"

"I'm with you," he argued. "I just need a minute or two to get this all cleared up, huh?"

"Fine," she said, heading over to the kitchen table. "But hurry. And no more talking badly about my brother. Or…doing things with my sister."

"Of course, demon."

When he got back into the living room, Bickslow was just sitting there on the couch, his babies floating around his head.

"You," Laxus growled, "have got to get out of here. Now."

"I can't," he said. "I need your help. I-"

"Can't we talk about this later? I mean, why-"

"I was out on a date with Lissy, right?" the seith began. "And we were walking back from a restaurant when we ran into Elfman. And he freaking stole her away from me!"

"This took a turn."

"Not like that," Bickslow said with a frown. "Just… He convinced her that they needed to go train or-"

"Maybe they did."

"But he does this every time," he insisted. "Seriously. He shows up, convinces Lisanna to ditch me, and then I'm left all high and dry. Then I know that he's talking bad about me behind my back. She's said as much. He even does it around Evergreen."

"Ever's told you this?"

"Yeah."

"Man, she is kind of a horrible girlfriend, huh?"

"Uh, try a good friend."

"Uh, try same thing."

"Oy, boss." Bickslow buried his head in his hands then. "What am I supposed to do, huh? I mean, clearly I can't be with Lisanna. Not long term. Not if her brother hates me."

"Why not?" he asked. "I screw the demon and me and Elfman can't stand one another."

"I can hear you," Mirajane called from the kitchen. Biting his tongue, Laxus came closer.

"You're killin' my night with Mirajane here, Bickslow," he grumbled, going to pull the man off.

"I need you," he complained as Laxus just drug him out of the living room and to the front door. "Boss-"

"Look," he said softly with a frown. "Elfman isn't hard to figure out. He's very simple, in fact. He loves his sister, likes screwing crazy women, namely Evergreen, and above all else, he respects men. Real men."

"…I'm confused."

"What else is new?" he groaned. "What I'm saying is that you gotta prove yourself to him, yeah? Right now, he just sees you as this loser that, for one, teases his girlfriend relentlessly, has his sister all in love and shit, and, not to mention, has face tattoo and a Mohawk. That's not even bringing up your dolls."

"I know that you're telling me something here, but-"

"Prove yourself to him," Laxus said. "He's not going to respect you and your claim to Lisanna until you do that."

"I have a claim to her?"

"What do you want me to call it?" The man was growing annoyed once more. "I gave you your advice, alright? Now get out. I got a date going on, you know."

"Aye-aye, boss!" He even saluted him. "One more thing though."

"What? What could you possibly-"

"How do you prove yourself to someone? I'm not sure on how-"

"Get out. Figure this all out on your own. Or don't. I don't care. Just get out."

"Oy, boss," he complained as Laxus opened the door before shoving him out of it. "No need to get handsy!"

After he'd tossed the man and his dolls out, Laxus locked the door before letting out a long sigh.

"Demon," he called out as he headed back to the kitchen. "You ready to get back to our date?"

She was just sitting there, staring at oven. "Lax, I'm so hungry. Can we eat now?"

Grinning, he went to give her a kiss. Against her lips, he whispered, "We can do whatever you want."

"Mmmm," she whispered as she pulled away from him. "He's still here."

"Ignore it," Laxus said as the banging on the door continued. "Just-"

"Lax, he really needs you," Mirajane told him. "And-"

"I need you," he reasoned. "And-"

"Just go walk him home," the woman suggested. "Then come back and we can have our date, alright?"

"But Mira-"

"I always said that I wouldn't get in the way of your friends, didn't I? And you wouldn't get in the way of my siblings? So-"

"But- Damn, Bickslow!" He was still banging on the door. With a growl, Laxus set out to get his coat. "Fine. I'll go walk him home. But I'll be back. Okay?"

"'kay."

And he was too…about an hour later. Bickslow wasn't very submissive that night and had taken a lot of coursing to get back to his own apartment. And once there, he still wanted to talk about Elfman and what he should do.

"How do you expect me to come up with a plan, boss?" he complained as he went to go collapse on his couch. "Huh?"

"Huh?" the babies cried. "Huh, boss?"

Growling, Laxus said, "Just do something manly."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Just…" Then, suddenly, something came to him. "Beat him in a fight."

"Come again?"

"That's a real manly thing to do, ain't it?" Laxus really just wanted to get back home to his demon then. "Fight him, win, and then he'll have to bow down to you."

"But-"

"I have to go. And if you bother me again tonight, Bickslow, you'll have a lot more to worry about than stupid Elfman."

The problem was though that by the time Laxus got back, Mirajane was already curled up in his bed, apparently having eaten without him.

"I waited," she whispered sleepily as he frowned down at her. "For awhile."

"Well, get up and we can-"

"No, Lax," she said, shoving him away when he went to tug at her arm. "I'm so sleepy. Next time, huh?"

"Next time?" He didn't mean to, but he growled at her. "When, Mirajane? Huh? How often do you get a night off and I not have plans on that same night? Never! This was our one chance and-"

"Are you yelling at me, dragon?"

"No," he groaned, turning to walk out of the bedroom then, defeated. "I'mma go drink a beer or something. You wanna-"

"Sleeping, Lax. I got to get down to the guildhall in the morning, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Why could things just never go his way? Ever?

"Did we really need to train again today, Elf?" Lisanna complained as the two sat in the clearing, both taking a break from sparring. "I mean, really?"

"Of course we did, Lisanna," he said as she took to sipping from a water bottle. "You should train everyday. Do you wanna be a man or not?"

"I'm gonna go with not."

"I agree, Lissy. Go with not."

Both Elfman and Lisanna's heads shot up when they were joined in the clearing by the guild's resident seith. He was sporting a big grin too, as if he'd accomplished something. As far as Elfman was concerned, all he'd accomplished was ruining a great brother/sister moment.

"Bickslow!"

Lisanna wasn't feeling the same.

She jumped up to rush over to his side. When he tried to hug her though, she dodged him.

"I'm, like, drenched in sweat."

"And I, like, don't care," he mocked as he moved to wrap his arms around her. "I did come all this way after- Ew, gross. You are sweaty."

"Bicks!"

"I'm kiddin', Lissy. I-"

"How did you know where we were?" Elfman was on his feet again then too, frowning over at the man. He just let Lisanna go before addressing him.

"It wasn't hard to figure out," he said simply. "I just asked Mirajane. She said that you guys always come here, so-"

"Why," the other man kept up, "did you come here? Huh?"

Bickslow gestured to the fact that he wasn't in his normal getup, but rather just a t-shirt and some sorts.

"I'm working out with you guys, yeah?" He punched at the air a few times. "Like a real man."

Lisanna snickered, but Elfman wasn't amused. Not in the slightest.

"You can't," he told him simply. "It's a closed practice. Me and Lisanna only."

"Elfman," his sister complained. "Ever trains with us, like, every other week."

"She's an exception to the rule."

"Then so am I," Bickslow said, punching some more on the air, even bouncing on his feet slightly. It about had Lisanna in stitches. When he stopped that, he just stared across the clearing at Elfman before calling his bluff. "Or are you just afraid to have another man around?"

"Of course not," Elfman was quick to snap. "I would love to have tons of men around!"

"Calm down, Elf," Lisanna sighed as he even flexed for good measure. "And Bickslow won't cause any trouble…will you, Bicks?"

"Na-ah," he said, shaking his head slightly. "I just wanna train with you guys. You know, get a good workout in. You up for that, Elfman?"

He frowned, shrugging slightly. "Well, we were sparring before, but-"

"Sparring? With Lissy? Ha!"

"Ha?" Suddenly, Lisanna was off his side as well. "What do you mean by that, Bickslow?"

"Nothing," he said, glancing at her. "Just that, you know, you're a woman. And not a very big one at that. You're-"

"Excuse me?"

"Lissy," he hissed under his breath. "I'm doing something right now, alright? Just let me-"

"Are we sparring," Elfman called over as he cracked his knuckles. "Or what?"

And by, what big knuckles those were. Maybe messing around with the guy wasn't so much of a good idea…

But no. Bickslow knew what he had to do. He had to beat Elfman in a spar and win Lisanna from him. It was the only way…that he could think of. For the moment.

Boy, he sure hoped it worked.

It was kinda a shock too, when it happened. Bickslow would be the first to admit that he'd been the one to throw the first actual punch, but it hadn't had much of an effect. Elfman was like a brick house or something!

When Elfman punched him, it wasn't nearly as anticlimactic.

"Elf!" Lisanna yelled as Bickslow went down. "Why did you do that?"

"He hit me first," Elfman said as the man just laid there on the ground, vision blurred. "I just reacted."

"You dented his visor!"

Glancing down at the other man, Elfman said, "I think I dented a lot more than just that."

"You know that he fights with his babies," Lisanna hissed at her brother as she went to check on her boyfriend. When she slipped his visor off, Bickslow just kept staring up at the sky.

Did the world always spin at such a fast rate?

"Lissy," he whispered. "If I don't make it-"

"He didn't hit that hard."

"-destroy that box under my bed," he told her. "Don't look in it, don't even smell it. Just toss it in a big bonfire and pretend like it never existed."

Elfman just snorted though, crossing his arms before looking off. "Real men can take a punch."

Bickslow just closed his eyes. So mark that down as a failed endeavor. But what else could he possibly do? Huh?

"That was a sucker punch and you know it," Lisanna told her brother who only groaned before reaching down and forcing Bickslow to stand up.

"There," he said as he helped him keep balance. "All better, Lisanna?"

"I don't know," she said, watching them wearily. "Are you guys-"

"Gottcha!" Bickslow, never knowing when to quit tried again to land a blow on the other man. That time, Elfman only tossed him to the ground.

"Weak," he responded before walking back over to where his water bottle was. "And not at all like a man."

"Why did you do that?" Lisanna whispered to Bickslow as she moved to cradle his head again. He just blinked up at her.

"I dunno," he said slowly. "But it didn't work."

"Obviously not."

Sighing, he moved to sit up some. Time for Plan B. Err, well, time to figure out exactly what he was going to use as Plan B.

Maybe he should go talk to the boss again…

"Training was alright today, Lisanna," Elfman said as he finished with his water and turned to walk off, "but you gotta go home and shower, remember? You're working at the bar tonight."

"That's right," she groaned, getting to her feet once more. "I have to go, Bickslow. Are you-"

"Leave me here," he told her as she handed over his visor. "I gotta hunt out the pieces of my shattered dignity."

"Oh, Bicks."

Elfman just snorted though, heading off when he was sure that his sister was following. "Well, hurry up and find it. Then get to your feet. Like a man!"

"Come see me at the bar," Lisanna called back over her shoulder at him. "Maybe we can spend my break together, huh?"

Bickslow just stared down at his battered visor with a frown.

What other manly things were there for him to do?

And, more importantly, what were the ones that he could beat Elfman at?

This was supposed to be a one-shot, but I figured I'd chop it up and extend it instead. Five chapters definite.