.

Gone South

"So babe, I was wondering..."

"Don't call me babe."

"Oh...well, anyway toots..."

"Seriously?"

"I was wondering..."

"No."

"But-..."

"No."

"I-..."

"...sure, why not?"

Agent Carolina didn't like making mistakes. At best, mistakes sent you down the ladder. At worst, mistakes got you killed. And in a realm beyond worst, mistakes led you to say "why not" in the presence of a Blue that should be used as an example of why birth control needed to be re-introduced. Oh, and more controls on the English language. Because as the freelancer had found to her discomfort, "bow chikka bow wow" was a phrase that should be banned.

"Heh...bow chikka bow wow..."

Wish George Orwell was still alive...

Well, references to old Earth literature aside, Carolina supposed she'd have to deal with it. She'd have to deal with simulation troopers in a non-simulation scenario. She'd have to deal with base security firing at her. She'd have to deal with a shotgun-wielding psychopath, an orange trooper that looked yellow, a brain-dead moron, a kiss-ass, and this...thing...beside her.

"So, anyway, I was wondering...you're Carolina right? As in, one of the fifty freelancers?'

"Yes...and actually there's forty-nine. Florida got des-..."

"No, I was referring to Spanish Land. Didn't you hear it got accepted for state-hood?"

The mention of Spanish Land made the maroon trooper mention something about the Dutch and the Irish for some reason, though Carolina cared as much about that as she did about a star returning to the star-spangled banner. All that mattered now was getting Epsilon out of the base, taking out the director and hopefully along the way, get this group of morons into Hell so they could set up his residence.

One can hope...

"So, anyway, back to the state thing," the insult to humanity continued. "You're Carolina...so, which one? North or south?"

"Huh? Oh, it's-..."

"Ahhh...I don't want to die...I'm too pretty to die..."

Carolina fired, taking out the guards shooting at the pink one. He wasn't going to die. She felt perfectly comfortable around someone who could talk to her face rather than her ass.

"Carry?"

"Don't call me that," the freelancer snapped back.

"Why?"

"Because that's a nickname. And if I have a nickname, it means you know me. And if you know me, it means we're intim...oh, wait, that's not what I-..."

"Bow chikka bow wow!"

Up until this point, Carolina had referred to the simulation troopers by their colour bar Epsilon, who was...well, apart from stating the obvious of him being an AI, the freelancer wasn't sure what he was anymore. Clearly, that wasn't going to work. She'd have to get to 'know' them. And if it meant shutting this idiot up, she supposed she could alleviate his 'curiosity' and give him her state namesake.

"Yeah, funny. Anyway, the Carolina I correspond to is the-..."

"Move it, you damn dirty Blues."

Carolina glanced up at the shotgun-wielding maniac. Bad enough he was all of those things, but he seemed to think that because her armour was a shade of blue, he was allied with the Blue Team. Why he was even teaming up with them was unclear bar paying a debt, but either way, it worked to her...her...

"Move it chumps!"

Carolina shook it off. She had better things to do then look for a downgraded synonym for "advantage." Her mind was already full with negative adjectives and nouns to describe her situation and the idiots around her respectively.

Well, it could be worse. I could-...

"Yo Carry..."

No..it can't get worse...

"You north or south?"

"Sure...south, why not?"

"South...as in under?"

"Um...yes?"

"Heh, under...bow chikka bow wow!"

Agent North Carolina shuddered at the mental image the pimp had conjured up.

Yes, she was North Carolina...

...but things were going south really fast.

A/N

The idea for this came while browsing the Red vs. Blue wiki, where it was pointed out that it's never been specified whether Agent Carolina is actually named after the states of North or South Carolina-a question that I hadn't really realized existed until now (different country and all that vs. geography and modern history studies years back along with world media). Even now though, can't say I'm too concerned about Carolina's namesake, but it sparked the idea for this as a result.