So this is a song fic that was requested by DivaliciousDooL . The song is Back to December by Taylor Swift.;] I kinda ran out of ideas towards the end but i had fun writing this;)
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
I was on the plane back to Saint Charles, Missouri. Five years and I finally get the courage to return to the same place I left him, broken hearted. It was somewhere around ten at night so the plane was quiet, the sound of snoring and loud music filled in for most of it. I found a flight attendant walking down the isle and I pulled her aside. "Do you know how much longer until the plane lands?" She looked tired and worn out. "In about ten minutes." She gave off a friendly weak smile and continued to the back. It was mid December nowhere near Christmas time, the snow still lightly falling and not yet heavy .
I walked to claim my bags at carriage 7. Surprisingly there wasn't many on our flight so I had few bags to pass until I found my black and white suit case. I walked outside to my cab, the driver wasn't much help so I put my bags in the trunk of the car myself. I came back here for one reason. To find him and tell him that I can't be with anyone other than him. The drive was silent and all I heard was soft Christmas music and the sound of snow crunching under the tires, the cab stopped at a small hotel not far from town. I got my bag from the back and tipped the small and grouchy driver. He wasn't waiting for anything, I barely had the trunk shut before he sped away. "Well fine I could care less if your trunk is shut." I sighed heavily before turning around towards the tall building. Most of the lights were shut off except for the check in desk. Tomorrow my first stop was moms. Meaning Randy's mother.
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
I woke up early not having get any sleep by any means. It was a mixture of excited and nervous, all of those feeling now mixed with a dash of tired. I stood In front of their light baby blue door hesitant to knock. My hands got sweaty and they started to shake. I picked up my right hand and started to stare down at it while it gently rocked back and forth. "Okay… You can do this Mara." My hand slightly hit the door feeling the bitter coldness outside.
The oversized entryway opened leaving a harsh creaking sound with every inch it opened. There stood his mother a frail women not very old but not young and kicking around. "Mrs. Orton." I looked up to her and smiled. She didn't look to pleased to see me. "You have some nerve to show up here Mara." I nodded knowing this wasn't just going to be any warm welcoming from her, I "hurt" her baby boy. "Nice to see you too." I looked around outside to avoid her sour scowl. "Well don't just stand there, come on in. I can't afford to have you sick dear." She wasn't the easiest person to get along with but she had a giant heart. "Thank you." I told her while stepping in. "Who's at the door-" he was standing there in front of me, he hasn't changed a bit. Apart from the extra tattoos. "Mara?" I nodded trying my best not to start crying. "Mom can you give us a minute or two?" She gladly walked away from us and disappeared into the other room.
She hasn't changed a bit dark brunette hair curled just to the tip of her shoulder blades, almost black round eyes, her small nose that started to wiggle when she is nervous and those cute heart shaped lips. The only change is she grew a few inches from when we had our last encounter. Around 5ft7 or 5ft8. "What? What are you doing back here?" I asked her trying not sound rude and heartless because that's the complete opposite from what I was feeling. Pain and sadness, I felt that everyday for the past five years but something… Something triggers me to feel something else when I see her.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
"I, I need to tell you something actually.." He points towards one of the chairs in the room. "Ironic time of the month you choose…" I silently laughed. "Sure is, but um what I really wanted to say is… That December night." He stopped munching on the cookie he was eating and looked me dead in he eye.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
I harshly swallowed as I felt the tears stating to form in those two corners of my eyes. He had a confused look on his face. " I have only been able to think about you for the past five years Randy… I haven't been able to find anyone because they are not like you. I just want you and only you." He shook his head. " Then why did you leave me Mara? That night I was waiting for you but you didn't come back." I swept my finger underneath one of my eyes and started. " I was scared." He put his hands on signaling that he was confused. "Of what?"
"You! I was scared of you. I was barely 20 and you were on the road all the time. And when you would be at home you kept to yourself and then… Then you go ahead and ask me to marry you. I couldn't." I was trying to keep my voice from cracking and to a minimum level. "So you run away from your problems?" " I wasn't even twenty I didn't know what to do! I…"
"You supposedly loved me but you ran away…" His voice got louder with every other word. " I just couldn't…" I chocked out those three words. " I'm married now… Mara I'm married and I have a beautiful four year old daughter." That is what really broke me, "What was I supposed to do? Wait for you? I didn't know if you where even going to come back." " Yes! You where supposed to come and find me! I can't Randy I think I need to just go…" I opened the door the cool air hitting the fresh tears on my face.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
I wish I could take everything back, I wish I didn't ever leave him because that was the biggest mistake of my life. Everyday I wish I could take it all back, leaving him… Saying those horrible things to him. Something pulled me back and turned me around. "What? What do you want?" I asked him, every time I took one look at him I feel like we are still together. "Mara, just because I'm married doesn't mean I stopped thinking about you…. It doesn't mean I stopped loving you because you were my first love, my only one." I continued to choke on the rest of my words. "What… What about your wife?"
"What about her?" I knew exactly what she was wondering. Why, …don't I love my wife? "You don't love her?" How would I answer that kind of a question," to as much as you." "All of these years Randy?" "Yes, everyday without you it got harder and harder and I couldn't bring myself to love her like I did with you. And if your going to ask then why did I marry her because I thought it would make me happy. I forced myself not to weep over you."
His hands cupped my face as he wiped off some of my tears. They were warm just like I remembered. Feeling his touch burned, how much I missed him. "But you didn't come to find me." He nodded. "Yes and everyday I regretted it." I pushed his hands away from my face, "You have a wife." He placed his hands and his pockets and walked away.
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
I layer in my bed thinking about what to tell Sam. What is this going to do to her, she crawled onto her side of the bed and turned to face me. "What's wrong." She could read me better than anyone. A feeling of grief washed over me I knew this was going to break her.
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
All those nights wondering whatever happened to him and wondering if he still misses me and remembers me, but today my questions have been answered. Every Summer we were together… It was like no one else existed and no one else mattered. When we wasn't always on the road it was like we were both still teenagers. But every December that went by without him…I felt like he was never there, I still think about all the things I said to him and how I just left that goodbye note. I truly regret ever letting him slip away from me.
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
"Sam.." The room felt colder with her piercing gaze. "Yes." I couldn't find the right words to say this to her and I didn't even know if I should. "I don't think, that…" Her lips curled into a straight line and it looked as if she was fighting off her tears. "I understand…" As much as I wanted to just get up and leave I believe Sam needed to know why. "Sam, you need to know why." "Then please tell me! Because I don't understand. I gave you everything and this is what I get in return." Her voice was shaking and I knew she was on the verge of tears.
"Because Sam, I've been thinking about the same girl for the past five years now." She got out of the bed and started to pace around the room. "So what was I to you?" I can't answer that…. I got up from my spot and tried to console her. "Don't…just don't.! What was I to you Randy?" She had moved further away from me. " I was happy with you, I really was but I wasn't in love with you… And I forced myself to get over her because she wouldn't be back soon." " So you used me?" "No I…." She shook her head and silent tears fell down her face. "You should leave…" I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. "Go on! Leave! That was your plan all along, to leave, so just go!"
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
I sat down on the bed I was going to leave tomorrow, I came and told him but it appears he has moved on already. Some loose tears fell as I quickly pushed them away, I don't think the hardest thing was to leave him or to tell him all of this. It was mostly the fact that he has someone but it is not me.
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'm going to find Mara, maybe me still loving her cost me two great things but I can't help it. She is the only one to ever make me completely happy. I don't know if I want this for sure, if she runs away from me again… I don't know how I'm going to deal with myself anymore. Sam wouldn't take me back and I don't expect her to either.
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
I was getting ready to go to sleep when there was a silent knock on my door. I didn't bother to see who it was before I opened it. "What are you doing here?" He stood in front of me with white snow all over his clothes. "I came for you, I came to see you." "I'm here…" He stepped inside sitting on the edge of my bed now. "You know why I am here Mara, for you." I very much wanted to believe that this wasn't just a dream. "I can't believe this." "Then let me prove it." I was confused and tired at the same time but just then our lips locked. Now this time I knew I wasn't dreaming. His lips felt real the warmth of them wasn't just a dream, he wasn't kidding.
"Am I lying?" I shook my head still awestruck from his kiss. "What…" "I told her, it may have well been hard but what I can't do is play her anymore. I can't pretend like I don't love you and that you were never here. I Just can't do that."
This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
"But if I promise to keep you,…. You have to promise me one thing." I looked at him and a small weak smile crept across my lips. "What is that.?" I questioned. "You can't ever run away from me again." I pulled him in for a kiss and started to speak in between them. "You, got it." A smile appeared on my lips just as much as his. He was now mine and I was his, it was end of story.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time