Prologue

17th November

I'm supposed to be writing an essay about myself, but I can't seem to properly articulate my thoughts right now. I start with 'My name is Castiel Novak. I'm eighteen. It's only Tuesday but this is officially the worst week of my life.' The bell rings. It's finally lunch break; I can have an hour to myself. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Why the hell did I even come today? I haven't seen him around. Did he skip school? I walk out of the class before anyone else even registers the bell. English literature is usually the one class I'm comfortable in. Not today. I feel sick. God, things weren't supposed to happen this way. I want to quit today. I think about ditching again, going home and just lying in bed all day. Maybe order some Chinese food.

Chapter 1

(Four weeks ago)

"Castiel! Hey, Castiel! CASTIEL!" I hear someone call. I stop and turn back to look for who ever it was, but the hallway is too crowded and I get shoved into some kid with long hair and terrible acne. "Sorry," I say half-heartedly.

"Whatever man," he replies and walks away. I take off my headphones and run my hand through my hair and look around. Who was calling me? I am a little surprised because I don't have any friends. I just moved to this school last month and I haven't spoken to anyone yet. People seem to think I'm weird and automatically just keep their distance from me. Maybe they think my strange blue eyes can freeze people, or my messy black hair contains a zoo. It never mattered much to me anyway; I'm used to being on my own. I laugh quietly to myself and start thinking about the albums I want to buy after school today. Ben at the record store is always really nice to me.

I lean against my locker, humming the tune of a song I can barely remember and scan the tired faces of everyone passing by. My heart almost leaps out of my chest when a guy jumps right in front of me and grins playfully. The first things I notice are the golden freckles scattered on his nose and cheeks, and his deep green eyes staring right into mine. I clear my throat and smile back. "What's up?" he says. I've seen him around school; of course, he's one of the popular kids. All the girls swoon when he walks past. He's standing too close and not saying a word and I start getting uncomfortable. I shove him back a little and straighten up. "Were you the guy calling my name a moment ago?" I ask.

"Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to say hi. I'm Dean. Dean Winchester. How're you doing?" He offers me his hand and I take it, and when I start to let go he tightens his grip for a second before dropping it and putting his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Sorry, you're probably wondering 'who the fuck is this guy and why is he talking to me.'" He smiles nervously and continues, "It's just that I see you around a lot and you look so out of place and I heard you singing The Beatles earlier and I just thought it'd be nice to talk to you and stuff. You're really cute too." His eyes dart around nervously and his cheeks turn pink.

Wow, did Dean Winchester- Mr. sexy popular captain of the football team – just call me cute? What the hell is going on? Is this some kind of prank that they pull on the new weird kids? Did they find out I'm gay? I narrow my eyes at him and smile bitterly. "Right, okay, nice to meet you, I'm late for class." I step around him and walk away quickly. "Hey!" I hear him yell but before he can catch up to me, I duck into my next class and the bell rings.

A few hours pass and it's finally time to go home. I walk out of the school building and consider the bus but then I decide to walk, that way I can pass by the record store and maybe grab a milkshake on my way.

I put my headphones on, smile when I hear Brandon Flowers' voice. "When there's nowhere else to run…" I start to sing along, already forgetting the events that took place at school today. After about 10 minutes of walking, a car slows down beside me, and I hear Dean's voice. "Castiel," he yells, "Can I give you a ride home? Please! I just want to talk to you."

I think about it for a second but before I realize what I'm doing, I've already gotten into the passenger seat and paused the song I was listening to. "What do you want Dean? I'm not going to be the subject of some childish high school prank."

"A prank? Is that what you think this is? This isn't a prank, Cas. I meant the things I said." "Really? But you… you said I was cute." I look over at him and notice his hands gripping the wheel a little too tightly, his eyes staring straight ahead. He didn't ask about my address but I can't find it in me to care. "It's just, I don't know, that sort of came out, I didn't mean to, I mean I meant it, but I didn't want to say it, y'know? I'm sure you think I'm pathetic by now. I'm sorry, Cas, I'm sorry you thought I was kidding. I know the word around is that I'm an asshole." He stops talking, keeps staring straight ahead and there's a worry line between his eyebrows and his eyes look troubled and I just want to tell him that it's okay, it's okay, Dean, I know. He seems nervous around me, surprisingly. I decide to test my theory.

"Hey, turn right and pull over. There's a small diner that makes the best milkshakes ever. You can buy me one." I try not to laugh but it comes out anyway. His eyes widen a little but then he shrugs and does as I said. We get out of the car and he walks behind me. I hold the door open for him and he gets in, his face turning a deeper shade of pink. It's so adorable. I'm not sure if he's pranking me, but I'm going to have the upper hand.

After we settle down in a dimly lit booth where no one can see us, we order two milkshakes and French fries. He clears his throat. "So you come here a lot?"

"Oh yeah," I say, "all the time."

"Nice. Place looks decent." He looks me in the eyes and smiles. I get butterflies and almost spit my drink.

"Yes. It's great. Anna - the owner of the place- isn't here right now but she's a family friend so she's always really nice; saves this booth just for me." He raises his eyebrows at me and I realize what my sentence might imply. "It's… not what you think. I usually come here alone, to study or get my mind off things, and it's always crowded after school- you'd be surprised how many kids from school come here- so I like to sit round the back where it's nice and quiet." He nods his head and looks around. My left hand is getting warm and I realize that's because our hands are almost touching on the table. I pull mine away self-consciously and stuff a couple of French fries into my mouth.

The conversation slowly stops, but it isn't awkward. We drink our milkshakes, eat our fries and occasionally smile at each other. Half an hour in, Alfie – my little brother – surprises me by showing up and coming over to the booth. His real name isn't Alfie, it's Samandriel. Our parents had a thing for Greek and Christian mythology so they named us after angels. We used to call him Sam for short, but one day he just decided he wanted his name to be Alfie. And so that's what everyone calls him. Everyone except our parents, that is.

Before I see him, I hear him say, "Hey Cas, Rachel said you were in here, I need to- oh hey, um, sorry, she didn't say, I didn't realize you had someone with you, I'll just see you at home." He looks from me to Dean and smiles apologetically. Dean looks a little uncomfortable, and I find myself laughing.
"It's okay, Alfie, this is Dean Winchester, from school. Dean, this is Alfie, my baby brother."

"Oh! Nice to meet you." They shake hands and Alfie says "You too! I'm not his 'baby brother' by the way, I'm 15." He hits my arm and I roll my eyes at him.

"Anyway I just wanted to ask if you knew where Michael is. I wanted to ask him something."

"No I have no clue. Why don't you ask me?" "No you'll laugh at me." "I'll try not to." "Ha ha. Okay. It's not your division anyway, but I kind of like this girl, her name is Meg but I don't know how to ask her out." I smile, hope Dean didn't catch the It's not your division part. "Aw Alfie's got a crush, how adorable." I coo. He blushes and hits me on the arm again, "cut it out, Cas."

Dean speaks up, "If you want, I can give you some advice? My brother Sammy used to be the worst with girls. I helped him out a little and now he's got himself into a long-term relationship with the hottest girl on the planet. Her name's Jess. And she's head over heels for him, no kidding."

Alfie laughs, sits down and turns to Dean. He starts giving him some tips and I tune out, just watch the way Dean's lips move, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs. A Coldplay song starts playing through the speakers of the diner, and I laugh, because Rachel knows I love this song.

I hum along softly, smiling at Dean

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry...

You don't know how lovely you are ..."

Alfie pays no attention to me. He is, after all, used to me singing all the time. But Dean looks over at me with the corner of his eyes, loses attention for a second and then clears his throat and focuses on Alfie again, his cheeks slightly pink.

I watch Alfie's eyes widening, trying to absorb everything Dean says. And here I am, sitting in my favorite diner, with a popular boy from school who blushes around me, and makes me blush, and he's giving girl advice to my little brother and they're laughing, and I'm smiling at them, and this is the best milkshake I've ever had and the French fries are just perfect.

Maybe everyone at this school isn't so bad after all.