Merry Christmas!!!

A fan Fiction by Adam Keating

Kaiba is sat huddled in his room trying a new strategy to beat Yugi at cards.

"Damn! Why is it that every time I fight Yugi I lose? Am I crap at dueling? No, that can't be it." Kaiba sighs and leans against a desk.

"Maybe this......... no, no!, NO!" Kaiba throws his cards against the wall in frustration, just then there is a knock at the door. "Go away, I'm not dressed!" Kaiba shouts.

Yami-Bakura opens the door, "Oh, Kaiba! You lie! I'm dissapointed........ Yugi said to come down he has a present for you." Yami-Bakura gives Kaiba a sidewards glance and closes the door behind him.

Kaiba has a weird look on his face, "Why does Bakura always act like that around me?" he gets up crosses the room and walks out the door.

Downstairs and Joey has been trying to get his hands on a taste of the christmas pud.

"Oh! Come on Tea! Just a taste, just a nibble." Joey's drooling.

Tea takes one look at Joey and hits him upside the head, "Not a chance, Joey."

Joey hits the ground, more from surprise than pain and Kaiba walks down the stairs.

"Has anyone seen Yugi? I was told he has a present for me." Kaiba smiles.

"It better be worth my while." He looks into the kitchen and gets slapped by Mai, "Get out Kaiba, now!"

Yugi bounds across the room with a pie, "Here ya go Kaiba! Merry Christmas!"

The pie slaps Kaiba directly in the face and runs down his nose.

"YUGI MOTO!!!!!! You know I don't like cherry." Kaiba smiles and tastes the pie.

Yami-Bakura glides up behind Kaiba and licks the side of his face, "Mmmmm..... fruity!"

"Hey! Mitts off, Bakura! The pie's mine!" Kaiba and Yami end up in a brawl until eventually they end up exhausted and staring into each other's eyes, for a few moments it looks as though something's going to happen............

"Get off me, fool!" Kaiba pushes Yami off and pulls himself up from the ground.

Pegasus is sniffing the air like a dog, "I want some of that pudding I can smell!"

Tea storms out of the kitchen and points her finger at Pegasus, all the while Joey is sneaking into the kitchen.

"You are having no pudding until everyone is sat at the table!!!"

"What about goldy-locks, over there." Pegasus smiles and nods in the direction of the kitchen doorway.

"Oh! Goody, goody, goody. All for me, all for old Joey!" He begins to laugh and sticks his finger in the pudding dish.

"Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!! Hot! Hot! HOT!" Joey begins to run around the kitchen like a headless chicken while clutching his burnt finger.

Tea goes running in, "Joey Wheeler! I warned you!" She grabs a frying pan and chases poor Joey out of the kitchen, he escapes but not before getting a few lumps.

Joey rubs his head, "Come on Tea, I was only kidding!"

Duke Devlan is looking at himself in the mirror, obviously impressed with himself, "Hey! Good looking!"

"HEY! DICE BOY!!!" Joey runs over to Duke, "Stop looking at ya mug in the mirra."

He grabs Devlan by the wrist and pulls him away, with quite a bit of difficulty.

"Come on! You're coming to the table so I can have pudding!"

"Let go, Wheeler!", screams Duke, "I need to fix my hair!!!"

"You've had enough time in the mirra, ya can't make shit look good!"

Joey throws Duke at the table, he pulls himself up and seats himself down.

Marik stretches like a cat and gets up from his chair by the fire, Joey sees this and runs at him, "Come on, Hedgehog!", he laughs, "I want pudding!"

He brings Marik to the table and leaves him there, "Now then, who's left?" ponders Joey, "Ahh! Haa!"

Kaiba is walking over to the table, "Don't touch me, Wheeler, if you want to see your next birthday." He sits down at the table and tucks a napkin under his neck.

Pegasus sees Joey coming towards him, "Leave me be, Boy!"

Joey is still trying to gather the last people to the table, Tristan refuses to sit down.

"SIT!!!"

"No way!"

"Sit down, Tris!"

Tristan laughs, "Make me!"

Joey walks up to Tristan and talks to him nose to nose, "Don't tempt me, fool!"

"Just try it!"

Joey and Tristan get into another of their many battles, Joey takes a swing at Tristan's gut but narrowly misses, Tristan takes advantage of the opening and his punch get's Joey right in the leg.

"Owie!!!!!" he starts hopping around on one leg.

"I'm not sitting down at the table, Joey."

Joey smiles, "If you don't I'll give you a snog."

Yami-Bakura runs over to them, "Me! Me! I want a snog!"

Everyone looks at Yami a moment, silence fills the room. Yami-Bakura gives his control back to Bakura again. He looks confused.

"What, may I ask, Is everyone staring at???"

Tea looks at Mai...... Duke looks at Pegasus...... Kaiba isn't in on what's just happenned, "What? Why has everyone gone quite?"

Tristan walks over to Kaiba and whispers in his ear, "Seriously, Man?"

"I haven't got a bloody clue!"

Tristan smiles, "Nevermind, Seto."

Yami-Yugi starts jumping up and down, "Time for pudding!!!"

"Calm down, Yugi-boy!" Pegasus begins to walk to the table casually and calmly....... and then he legs it as fast as possible, "The pud is mine, boy!" he laughs maniacally.

Pegasus and Yami-Yugi have a race to the table, Yami looks as though he's winning but Pegasus trips him, "Hah! Looooser!!!!" Pegasus gets to the table first.

"Merry Christmas everyone!!!" Tea and Mai shout as they bring out the christmas pudding. Pegasus, Joey and Yami-Yugi are all drooling like waterfalls. Marik just doesn't care, Bakura is sat at the table having an arguement with his Yami.

"You put rum sauce on it!" states Bakura in his thick British accent.

"No!", replies Yami, "Cream is the only way to fly!" he laughs.

Bakura frowns, "Cream? Don't be foolish you Egytian......... fool."

Both Ryou and Yami start laughing, Joey doesn't care.

"You're both right, you put both on." He grabs both the cream and the Rum sauce and pours the entire contents of the jugs over the pudding, "Lovely! Jubbly!"

Marik sighs and tilts his head to one side, "Stop fooling, get serious."

Tea looks at Marik, "What's wrong, Ish?"

He smiles, "Fruit cake Rocks!!!!!............. Hahahahah!!!!!!!"

Everyone begins to tuck in except Pegasus, soon everyone begins to notice his lack of apetite. "What's wrong, man?" asks Joey.

"Nothing, look into my eyes. Hahaha!!!" Pegasus shows everyone where his Millenium eye used to be, suddenly everyone has lost their apetite.

Pegasus laughs, "More for me!"

He begins to gobble down all that's left of the pudding.

"Hey guys!", shouts Yugi, "Let's pull crackers!" Yugi runs over to a cupboard and pulls out a box full of festive fun. "Who wants to pull my cracker!" laughs Yugi.

"......... I will" Tea whispers.

"Come on then........"

Yugi and Tea start to pull the cracker it seems like an equal match until Yami-Yugi decides to get involved. "Arghhhhhh!!!!!!"

Yami-Yugi pulls the cracker hard, with a loud "POP!" the cracker snaps in two, leaving Tea with the smaller half, "What's in it, Yugi?" she inquires.

Yugi looks dissapointed....... but he's faking, "A WHISTLE!!! YES!!!" screams Yugi.

He grabs his green paper hat and puts it on his head but it keeps falling off, eventually he gives up after the hat has been impaled upon his hair. Yugi begins to run around the room blowing his whistle.

Tea looks around the room, "Who's next?"

Seto picks up a cracker, "I'll have a go! Who wants to pull it with me?"

Joey goes to reply but Yami-Bakura cuts him off, "I SHALL!!!"

Seto begins to pull as hard as possible, the cracker pops but Yami-Bakura has the larger half, Seto looks upset, "How did you beat me? I used all my strength!"

Yami-Bakura grins, "All... in... the... wrist...... Seto." Yami-Bakura blushes.

Kaiba's still clueless, even while Yami-Bakura is putting on his hat for him.

Tea looks around the room, "You wanna try, Peggy."

Pegasus glares at her, then smiles, "Go on then." He leans across the table and grabs a cracker, "Who is foolish enough to challenge me?" Pegasus laughs.

Tristan gets up from the table and rushes to his side, "I am that foolish!"

"I know YOU are. Time to duel, boy!"

What happens next is probably the most epic cracker-pulling in history Tristan looks like he has Pegasus, but he comes back with a quick jerk of his hand.

Back and forward the cracker goes, everyone is watching except Marik who's fallen asleep at the fire, the cracker begins to fray........... POP!!!

"Yes! I am the cracker king!" taunts Pegasus.

He opens the cracker and looks inside.......... it's a pair of goggly eyes.

Pegasus laughs, "This is taking the piss."

He throws the goggly eyes over his shoulder, they fly across the room and hit Marik squarely on the head. He wakes up looks around the room and falls back asleep, this time he begins to snore.

Duke Devlan wanders over, "Enough of crackers, let's open our gifts!"

There is a general mumble of agreement so everyone runs off and comes back with a present. They decided to draw a ballet to see who would buy a gift for who, that way everyone would get at least one.

Tea smiles, "I'll organise this guys, the first duo that had to get each other gifts are, Max and Duke." Pegasus and Devlan walk into the middle of the room, they go to hug and remember that they're meant to be hard, they swap gifts.

Pegasus begins shredding off his wrapping paper, "Merry Christmas, Duke."

Duke Devlan is very carefully and slowly removing the wrapper paper.

Max opens his and finds, "Oh! Wow!" he pulls out a lacy cravate, "You know, they don't make these any more." Pegasus sighs.

Everyone is watching Duke unwrap his present, eventually the tension grows to much to bear and Joey grabs at his present and helps him rip off the remaining wrapping paper, inside is a small black box. Duke opens the box and a massive smile spreads across his face, "Hey! Great!" he pulls out a pair of dice ear-rings, coloured red.

Duke frowns, "How did you know?"

"A little birdie told me." Replies Max.

Duke looks over his shoulder to see Joey grinning ridiculously at him.

"Okay, guys." Tea starts, "Next couple is, Yugi and Seto."

Yugi rushes into the middle of the room and is kept waiting by Kaiba as he makes his way to the centre, "Here you go, Yugi, Merry christmas."

Yugi smiles, "Thanks, man."

They both sit back down and tear off their wrapping paper, Yugi looks exstatic.

"A family size bottle of hair gel! Thanks Seto."

"Well, you know, I thought it could be a practical gift." Kaiba smiles and looks down at his own gift, "Tom Jones' greatest hits!!!" Kaiba runs over to Yugi, poor Yugi looks worried, he grabs hold of the young lad and gives him a massive hug, "I love Tom Jones, he's a legend! Thanks Yugi!"

As Tea begins to announce the next present couple, Kaiba can be heard in the background singing "What's new pussycat?"

"The next two are, Mai and Joey!"

Mai walks to the center of the room, she's already blushing but Joey looks like he's going to be quick to follow her.

"Here ya go...... Mai.......I........ I thought that......... You know........." Joey blushes.

"Yeah....... just a gift......... nothing special." Mai smiles and blushes also. They sit back down, Mai is opening her present, Joey's watching her intently.

Mai begins to mumble something then she screams, "Joey Wheeler, how dare you!"

She runs up to him and kisses him on the cheek, "I'm not going to say, it'll ruin the surprise, only you could do this...... Joey."

Joey looks confused so he grabs his present and begins to remove the wrapping. When he comes away he has a startled look on his face, "A teddy?"

"Read it fool!!!" shouts Mai with a laugh.

Joey takes another glance at the teddy and smiles, written on the bear in red letters are the words, "I love you!!!"

"You sent me the same gift, fool!" Mai laughs and snogs Joey, "I love you too, silly."

"Sorry Tea, i'll give you your gift at school, gotta rush, sorry!" Tristan rushes out, "Thank god, I forgot all about getting a gift, oh well, i'll have it by monday morning."

Tea looks steamed, "Ohhhh!!!!! That Tristan!"

She shrugs, "Oh well, last couple are Bakura and Marik."

Marik and Bakura meet in the middle of the room, they exchange glances and presents and walk back to their places. Yami-Bakura takes over Ryou's body, "You'll like my gift, I did it myself."

Marik opens his present and finds, "The Millenium Eye!!!"

Pegasus grabs it, "Yoink!!!!", he smiles, "Back where it belongs!"

"Oh well", sighs Marik, "I didn't need it anyway." and falls back asleep.

Yami-Bakura opens the gift and looks inside, "A comb? Why would I want a comb?"

Marik opens one eye, "To sort out those kinks in your hair that keep popping up at random, haven't you noticed???"

Yami-Bakura looks sheepish, "............yeah........ thanks."

"Lets have a christmas duel!" shouts Yugi. "I wanna kick Kaiba's ass................ again."

"You couldn't kick my ass, foolish boy! I accept your challenge!" Kaiba grins because he has now got a deck that will so totally wup Yugi's but, well not Yugi, his Yami.

Yami-Yugi and Kaiba sit down at the dining room table to have their duel, Grandpa sees this and walks over, "No foul language boys, not like last time."

"What the fuck are you on, bitch? I don't say shit, or bugger, or cunt, or any of that fucking shit, bad language? What the fuck are you talking about....... bitch?" Kaiba looks pleased with himself, he looks at Yugi for approval but he's shaking his head.

"What? That was pretty good!" Kaiba's grabbing at straws.

"No, that was crap, this is pretty good" Yugi breathes deeply and grins, "Fuck you, you son-of-a-bitch, you ass-rammer, mother-fucking whore slut, eat my ass and i'll shit in your ugly face." Yugi smiles. There is a general awed silence in the room. Everyone begins to clap, Grandpa storms out whispering something that sounds like, "Duckers".

"On with the duel, dudes!" Joey shouts.

"Hang on, Joey." Yugi looks at him.

Joey frowns, "What now, Yug?"

"Why do you talk like a Jamaican? Even though you're meant to be American."

Joey thinks about it for a minute, "Dunno, let's get on with the duel, ya?"

Kaiba VS. Yugi.

Rainbow haired kid vs. Blue-eyes lover.

Yami shouts, "I'm gonna kick your well-toned ass Kaiba!"

"My ass IS well toned, but there isn't gonna be any kicking of it."

Yugi and Kaiba draw one card each.

"You can go first Kaiba, seeing as how you're gonna lose I should take pity on you and give you a chance."

"I'm not gonna lose, I place this trap card in face-down position."

"Well, I place Ryu-kishin down and attack your life points."

Kaiba's life points go down by half.

Yugi and Kaiba take one card each, if Kaiba could he'd probably sneak another card into his hand, but he can't because Yugi is watching him like a hawk.

Kaiba smiles, "Prepare to be beaten, Yugi-boy!"

"HEY!!!" shouts Pegasus, "That's my line!"

"Too bad! You're not in this duel, Peggy!" Kaiba laughs and puts down a monster card, facedown.

Yugi places down an Uraby and attacks with his Ryu-Kishin.

"Hah! You stupid can't-make-his-mind-up-about-which-hair-colour-he-likes boy, remember that trap card I placed down?"

"Oh! Shit!" curses Yugi.

"Yep! It's fissure, goodbye Ryu-Kishin! Hahahah!!!!!!"

Yugi sighs, "That's just a load a crap!"

Kaiba laughs, "I'm gonna run your girly ass into the ground.......... and I'll use your hair as the drill." he laughs again.

Yugi looks upset, "At least my mother doesn't cut my hair using a plastic bowl."

"She doesn't use a plastic bowl.............. She uses a saucepan, now shut up Sonic."

Kaiba grins and places down a monster, "Eat my Blue Eyes, Bitch!!!"

Blue Eyes White Dragon appears, Yugi looks worried.

"Fuck.......... I'm screwed", Yugi sighs.

Kaiba laughs maniacally, "Blue Eyes attack his life points!"

"Not so fast!", Yugi smiles.

"Hey! I've already attacked!"

"Tough, I'm the main character, I can do anything I want, I use Black Hole, say goodbye to that card, Kaiba"

"Oh! Balls!"

Blue Eyes White Dragon disappears.

"Eat that shit!!!!" Yugi laughs.

Kaiba's life points disappear and Yugi wins the duel.

"Damn! I thought I was going to win".

"You'll never win, you have as much foresight as a fat man on a diet eating a snickers bar. Hahahaha!!!!!!"

"Shut it!"

Yugi walks off leaving Kaiba to reflect.

"Oh well, it's been a good Christmas anyways".

Yami-Bakura walks over and hugs him, "I wuv you!"

"I love you too" Kaiba smiles sweetly.

"Really???"

"No...... not really" Kaiba slaps his face and walks off leaving Yami-Bakura in tears.

Yugi smiles, "Merry Christmas everyone!"

THE END