Meet the Parent
Chapter 1 – Manners with Ayame
Cries of joy permeated the air as an exuberant blond individual skipped along flat grassy plains, ignoring the rain pelting down upon him. He grinned widely as he opened his mouth wide and turned his head to the sky. The unusual raindrop-like substance; white, thin and stringy in nature assaulted his open orifice, and when there was no more space left to be filled he gulped heartily, swallowing it all.
"Beef, chicken, pork, even fish… I love ramen rain!" the blond shouted gleefully, continuing to feast on the delectable food as he skipped further down the plains.
Before too long he came to a stop as the plains had ended. In front of him now lay a large body of simmering yellow broth. The blond ignored the noodle rain as his eyes widened in shock. He knelt down on his knees by the water-like substance, and with trembling hands scooped up some of the yellow liquid and slurped it down.
"This broth… it tastes just as magical as the ramen!" he laughed. With another cry of joy, he quickly shed his clothes and dived into the soup. While he swam around the lake, he giggled as he felt slimy strands of ramen brushing up against his body. Eventually the temptation became too great, and he submerged his head beneath the broth and took another large gulp of noodles, which he promptly swallowed.
The blond was about to continue gorging on the ramen when an angelic sound filled his ears. He turned his head to the source; a large, ornately decorated fountain standing in the middle of the lake. He squinted, and was able to make out a figure sitting on the edge, singing a song.
Wanting to hear more of this heavenly melody, the man swam towards the figure, and the closer he got the more he was able to make out. It was a woman with long and silky indigo coloured hair, pale yet expressive eyes, and a slender, curvaceous figure. She was covered from the neck down in a white, armour-like substance that hugged her frame. The blonde's eyes widened and his mouth hung open in shock as he promptly realised who this woman was, and what exactly she was wearing.
"H… Hi.. Hinata-chan!"
"Come closer Naruto-kun," the woman, now known to be Hyuuga Hinata, beckoned. "This noodle armour I'm wearing is too tight and I want it off, but the only way to do that is to… eat right through it." She blushed and gave the blond a seductive yet innocent smile. "Can you help me out… Naruto-kun?"
Uzumaki Naruto's cheeks turned a fierce shade of red as he nodded dumbly, unable to speak. He slowly waded towards the noodle covered Hinata, and when he reached her he hesitated slightly before hesitantly opening his mouth and leaning down to her neck. Her blushing face smiled and she opened her mouth as if to say something, but the only sound that came out was the ringing of a bell.
Naruto stopped just as he was about to take a bite. "Huh?"
Hinata opened her mouth again, and another ringing was heard.
The blond, now getting worried, started to sweat. "H… Hinata-chan? Is everything okay?"
Ring.
Naruto's eyes shot open as he turned his head to the front door. The doorbell rang again. He groaned as he rubbed his eyes tiredly and moved his blanket over his waist to cover the growing problem underneath. The blond looked at the clock on his bedside table and cursed under his breath. "7am? Who the hell is even awake at this time?"
He contemplated ignoring the doorbell and going back to sleep, but by the looks of things whoever was there wasn't going to leave any time soon. Naruto cursed yet again and yawned. He moved his blanket aside and adjusted his orange shorts and white shirt so that he at least looked presentable, and hobbled over to the door.
When he opened it he was greeted by the sight of a tall, pale eyed figure with short spiky hair, clothed in a black kimono. "Kou-san?"
Hyuuga Kou bowed. "Uzumaki Naruto-san, on behalf of Hyuuga Hiashi-sama I would like to extend to you a formal invitation to dinner at the Hyuuga compound tonight. Hiashi-sama wishes to thank you personally for saving Hanabi-sama, and would like to discuss the intricate details regarding the incident."
Naruto, in his half-asleep state, could only hear a few words. Hiashi, formal, dinner, Hyuuga compound, discuss. When his mind finally processed what those words meant, his eyes widened and a chill ran down his spine. Inside him, the gargantuan form of the Kyuubi chuckled darkly. "About time. It's been two damn weeks since I've had some proper entertainment."
The blond ignored Kurama's mocking response, his mouth still flopping open like a fish. Kou spoke up again. "I don't mean to rush you Uzumaki-san, but I need to get back to the Hyuuga compound with your answer as soon as possible so that we have enough time to adequately prepare."
Naruto internally debated with himself as to how to respond. He considered refusing the invitation, but while that would save him from some discomfort temporarily, nothing good would come out of it in the long run. He sighed. There was only one answer he could give in this situation. Signs of struggle evident on his face, Naruto mustered a small smile. "Sure, I'll be there," he replied shakily.
The expressionless look never left Kou's face. "That's excellent to hear Uzumaki-san. I'm sure Hiashi-sama would be most pleased to hear that you accepted. I shall see you tonight at 7." With another bow, the Hyuuga shunshined away in a swirl of leaves.
Naruto stood in his doorway for a few more seconds, the forced smile still on his face. After he closed the door he sunk to the floor and whimpered. 'A formal dinner? I've never been to one of those! What am I supposed to wear? What am I supposed to say? I'll be skinned alive!' He then felt a glimmer of hope. 'Oi Kurama, you're like a thousand years old or something, right? You must've seen tons of formal events like this. You can help me out, right? Right!?'
The Kyuubi gave a sadistic smirk. "Sorry Naruto, you're on your own here. I am the embodiment of chaos and destruction, the strongest of the Bijuu. Such pitiful events are beneath me."
The glimmer of hope faded as quickly as it came, and Naruto whimpered yet again. 'I'm boned.'
"That you are kid," Kurama chuckled.
It was just after 8am when Naruto finally left his apartment clad in dark grey shorts, a white shirt, and an orange hoody zipped up to his chest. After spending the vast majority of the past hour sulking and cursing his luck, he contemplated how to best approach the situation. After some internal deliberation, he realised that he could try and wing it, but he would probably mess up at some point, and he certainly didn't want to leave a bad impression when it came to his girlfriend's family. In the end, he decided to try and get help from people who knew far more about formal occasions than him.
His first stop was Ichiraku Ramen, both to get some breakfast and to ponder who to approach first. Teuchi, who had just finished setting up for the day, waved when he saw the blond approaching. "Well if it isn't my favourite customer! Although I'm surprised to see you out of bed so early Naruto. Anyway, what'll you have?"
"Hey ossan," Naruto waved tiredly in response. "I'll have that bacon and egg breakfast ramen please."
Teuchi nodded and went to prepare the meal. When he was done, Naruto thanked him and dug in, although without his usual vigour. Both Teuchi and Ayame seemed to have noticed something was off, and out of the corner of his eye Naruto saw Ayame give her father a worried glance, to which he nodded and approached the blond. "What's wrong Naruto?"
Said blond looked up at the man and raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "What makes you think something's wrong?"
Teuchi chuckled. "Please, anyone who knew you even slightly could tell something was up. You're eating far more reservedly than you usually do. Heck, you're actually chewing your food, and you seem to be thinking deeply about something. If that isn't cause for concern, then I don't know what is!"
Naruto grumbled at the implications, then sighed. He explained his earlier encounter with Kou, as well as his subsequent decision to get his friends to help him out. By the time he was done, Teuchi was stroking his chin as though in deep thought, while Ayame was giggling to herself, mumbling about romance novels under her breath.
Teuchi gave his daughter a strange look as though he knew what was going through her head, but said nothing and turned to Naruto. "Well kid, you had the right idea in seeking help. No way in hell could you survive tonight on your own. "Naruto muttered something under his breath and Teuchi grinned. "Luckily for you, you came to the right place!"
Naruto raised his eyebrow. "Huh?"
Teuchi chuckled. "Naruto my boy, I've been around food all my life, and I've served all sorts of customers. It's only natural I'd know a thing or two about proper table manners, which is something that you, unfortunately, lack."
The blond ignored the playful jibe and looked up at Teuchi with almost pleading eyes. "Really ossan, you mean it? You can teach me?"
"Of course I can," Teuchi laughed. "In fact, if you can get what I have to teach you, there will be some free ramen in it for you."
That was all it took to convince Naruto, and with a thumbs up and sparkling grin reminiscent of one spandex wearing taijutsu master, he responded with a resounding, "Yosh, when can we start!?"
"We can start now Naruto-kun," replied Ayame, walking up to stand beside her father, having been snapped out of her romantic fantasies by the blonde's enthusiastic yelling. "Unless there's anything else dad needs to add?" She looked towards her father.
The ramen maker shook his head. "Not at the moment, no. Now," he stated, "what I have in mind is for Naruto to practise his table manners while eating ramen. Given how much he loves the stuff, if he can eat ramen politely, he can eat anything politely."
A grin started to form on the blonde's face as he considered the implications of what he'd just heard. "Then that means…"
"Correct," Teuchi sighed slightly, a hint of worry in his tone. "I'm giving you free reign to eat all the ramen you want, so long as you actually make an effort to learn what we'll be trying to teach you. As much as I like you Naruto, we still have other customers to take care of, so we can't have you eating all our food."
"You got it ossan," the blond replied with a cheeky grin. Several years ago he had made a deal with Teuchi to create a 'ramen cap'. Every week Naruto was only allowed to eat a specific amount of ramen, and no more than that. Teuchi claimed it was because Naruto kept eating through his stocks, and that there wasn't enough for other customers as a result. Naruto agreed, albeit reluctantly, mainly because he didn't want to deprive others of the joys of ramen.
Teuchi simply shook his head and Ayame giggled. "You want to start us off Ayame? I'm going to go cook some more noodles… I have a feeling we're going to need them.
"That's fine," the brunette replied. "In fact, I was hoping I'd get to start the lessons," she added with a small grin. As her father went into the back, Ayame turned to her impromptu pupil. "Now Naruto-kun, the first things you'll have to learn are to eat nicely and at a moderate pace while being able to properly maintain a conversation. If I see you swallow your food without chewing, open your mouth while chewing, or talk while there's still food in your mouth…" she pulled from behind her a wooden cooking spoon and waved it threateningly in his direction.
A bead of sweat trickled down Naruto's temple. 'A wooden spoon? Pfft, can't be any worse than what Sakura-chan put me through when we were kids.'
Several hours later a pouting Naruto was walking down the street, gingerly rubbing his red and swollen right hand. 'Gahh, who knew Ayame-neechan could hit so hard for a civilian? She could give Iruka-sensei some lessons on discipline.'
After blowing on his hand a bit, the blond pulled from his pocket a thin and saggy looking toad shaped wallet. "I'm sorry for putting you through that Gama-chan," he said sadly, "but rest assured it was for a good cause." The wallet's eyes bore into Naruto's, almost as if it was glaring at him. He shook the thought from his head and continued walking.
Despite how painful and taxing on his funds it was, he felt he had learnt a lot from Teuchi and Ayame. He was almost positive that, at least manners-wise, things at the Hyuuga compound would go smoothly. The next thing he had to take care of was clothes shopping. Given his past, he had never had a reason to go out and buy fancy clothes, and he was never invited to any gatherings that required such a thing.
Naruto grumbled. 'This formal thing is such a drag.'
AN: Who will help Naruto out with his shopping issues? Find out next time on Meet the Parent!
Hope this was an enjoyable introduction for what I plan to be a three chapter fic. Chapter 2 is 2/3 done, and should hopefully be out within the next few days. Until then, feedback for this chapter would be much appreciated.