Disclaimer: This story is for non-profit use and reader's enjoyment only. All creative rights concerning Glee, it's characters and any sayings and/or lyrics quoted here belong to their original creator(s)/artist(s).
Kurt has always resented the term "bossy". While he knows that he can be "demanding" at times, or even "challenging", it's one of the things he doesn't like to be called. Granted, he is okay with these terms when Sebastian breathlessly chuckles them into his ear during a heated make-out session, or when Kurt is eagerly tugging him towards their bedroom, but other than that, he really doesn't like them.
He's not "bossy". "Determined", certainly. "Decisive", sometimes. But not "bossy", and, to mention other words Sebastian likes to throw at him during arguments, he is also not "uptight" or "predictable", and he also doesn't lack flexibility (neither in life nor in bed, as Sebastian of all people should know). On the contrary: he likes to be surprised sometimes, to give into the heat of the moment, to be spontaneous.
Sometimes.
But even so, there is still nothing wrong with liking to be prepared, or to plan ahead, with being organised, absolutely nothing. And yes, Kurt loves to plan ahead. He loves to map out projects or parties or vacations and especially his designs, he likes to make sure that every little detail fits, that every little thing has been taken care of, in short – yes, he likes everything to be perfect.
So when he decides to ask Sebastian to marry him, of course he starts to make plans immediately.
The conscious decision to propose to his boyfriend is something that hits Kurt quite unexpectedly, even though when he reflects upon it, he realises that unconsciously, everything has built up to that moment for quite a long time. After all, he and Sebastian have been together for more than five years now, and when Kurt thinks about their relationship, it hasn't exactly been the easiest years in their lives.
After having left Ohio and everything it stands for, and having moved to the promise of their future that is New York City, they meet again for the first time at a college party. Kurt has started his studies in fashion design, Sebastian his first semester in medicine. When Kurt taps Sebastian on the shoulder and asks him whether the guy he's currently making out with has been made aware of the fact that by having sex with Sebastian, he'll probably catch every disease that can be found in a seedy gay-bar in Ohio, Sebastian stares at him for a split second of surprise, before he recovers enough to switch on his sneering grin and inquires whether the women's department still has nothing in Kurt's size, cause his fashion choices might be slightly more bearable if they'd actually fit him – though of course he's not complaining about the view of Kurt's ass he is getting.
For the longest time, their encounters remain purely coincidental. They meet at college parties (quite often, because a friend of Kurt's favourite classmate has a friend who hooks up with a girl whose roommate is having lunch with Sebastian, or something like that), they run into each other in coffee shops (because, as reluctant as Kurt is to admit it, this is an obsession that they both share in its intensity), and sometimes – once Kurt has gathered up the courage and a few friends to accompany him – they see each other at clubs or gay bars. When they meet, they fall back into the same pattern they always had with each other: they insult each other, they bicker, and Kurt uses his patented bitch glare whenever Sebastian tries to insult his fashion choices.
Gradually though, Kurt realises that their way of communicating is changing. Their banter is less cruel, less intended to be truly hurtful; instead more often than not it feels gentler, teasing and far more genuine than before. Behind the offensive remarks Kurt now detects a new level of curiosity, sometimes even a level of concern, of caring. And as exhausting as having Sebastian Smythe around can be at times, Kurt realises that he not only has grown to like him for company, but that he has already gotten used to having him around.
So slowly, without necessarily noticing when it happens exactly, they become friends. They start texting, hanging out on purpose instead of just running into each other, and more often Sebastian can be found at Kurt's apartment, where they watch TV or listen to music or study, falling easily into a lazy pattern of domesticity.
It is also around this time that Sebastian drops out of medicine and starts law school, which he manages to endure for almost two semesters before giving up on that too. Spending time with him gets more and more exhausting, because Sebastian doesn't know what he wants from life, which makes him moody and edgy and often Kurt feels like he's being used as an outlet for all of Sebastian's bottled up emotions.
He never would have expected Sebastian to be the type to crack under pressure, but between the stress that is university, the high expectations he has for himself and the over-powering fear of failing, not just at classes, but at life in general, Sebastian is a torn mess of conflicting emotions. And though he tries quite excessively for a while, eventually he has to realise that picking up random guys to fuck and dancing and drinking all night don't magically make his problems go away.
One evening, Kurt finds him curled up on his couch, and it's the first time Sebastian cries openly in front of him, burying his face against Kurt's shoulder and finally voicing everything that has been eating him up inside over the last few months.
While Kurt doesn't have a solution to offer, he urges Sebastian to try out something new, something he can enjoy or hate either way, which doesn't matter as long as it puts no pressure on him, and Sebastian ends up taking literature classes – a choice that baffles him more than it surprises Kurt. What surprises both of them is that he actually finds himself enjoying the courses, and sticks with it. And while his frank exclamations like "Well, maybe he's just unhappy because nobody wanted to fuck him" about Housman's poetry, while being accurate, irritate quite a number of his professors, a few really appreciate his clear view and his open-minded approach. Soon he learns to choose his classes accordingly (with one or two where he can merely contradict or shock people, because he wouldn't want to get out of shape), and finds that most of the time he just gets the internal struggle of the characters and that he is able to see right through narrative conventions and manipulating plot-devices. The feeling of enjoying what he is doing and simultaneously being frighteningly good at it rebuilds his confidence, and these days, Kurt is almost irritated at the constant good mood Sebastian is in.
Meanwhile, Kurt is doing his first internship at the Marc Jacobs design studio, and every day that he spends among creative minds who not only like him, but truly appreciate his opinion, makes him feel more confident in his career choice. Naturally, not everything is sunshine and rainbows: the work is hard, a lot of people he meets are moody and choleric, and often Kurt has to stay longer at the studio, coming home only late in the evening, sometimes to a lukewarm take-away meal and a reading Sebastian on his couch.
Nevertheless, Kurt is happy, Sebastian is happy, and this slowly changes their relationship. Kurt realises that Sebastian becomes more soft and tolerant around him, laughing fondly at Kurt's quirks instead of making fun of them. And while he doesn't stop going to clubs and bars, he doesn't go very often anymore, and when he does, he makes sure to drag Kurt with him, because, as he tells him one evening when their bodies are pressed flush together on the dance floor, "It's just no fun without you."
They sleep with each other for the first time on a rainy Sunday in late April, and afterwards, Kurt lies next to Sebastian and slowly starts panicking. He thinks about how it will affect their relationship, and about what they are now, whether they are friends who made a mistake or friends with benefits or friends who accidently slept together, or whether they are more. When Sebastian props himself up on one elbow to look down and take in the conflicting emotions on Kurt's face for a second, he merely chuckles and bends down to kiss Kurt with so much careful affection and adoration and gratitude and love, that Kurt doesn't have any doubts about what they are when Sebastian whispers against his lips, "Don't tell me you didn't see this coming a long time ago, because I did."
They move in together two months later (which in reality means that Sebastian brings over the rest of his stuff that isn't already at Kurt's apartment), and in June, Sebastian introduces Kurt to his favourite Professor after a guest lecture as "My boyfriend, the one who gets all weepy when I read Auden out loud." (Needless to say, Sebastian sleeps on the couch that night).
However, their happy bubble of early-relationship-cheerfulness doesn't last too long. Kurt, having finished his studies, gets an offer for an internship in Paris. Neither Sebastian nor Kurt is too happy about the distance, but it's an opportunity that Kurt is unwilling to miss out on, and eventually, he finds himself on the plane to France, silently crying into one of Sebastian's old Dalton-hoodies he snuck into his luggage seconds before leaving the apartment.
The next few months turn out to be horrible for both of them. Kurt loves Paris, but everything he sees, every place he visits reminds him of how Sebastian would plan their vacation to Paris together, whispering names and promises and offensive things into Kurt's ear while lying snuggled together under a blanket on their couch. In New York, Sebastian drowns himself in his work, reading and writing every spare second just to distract himself from missing his boyfriend.
While Kurt appreciates the experience he gains from these months in Paris, the work itself is mostly stressful, and the people he meets are for the most part arrogant and bitchy, and the only thing that makes some days bearable is listening to Sebastian making fun of Kurt's colleagues on skype, while Kurt curls up on the bed in Sebastian's pyjamas, listening to his boyfriend's voice until he drifts off to sleep.
After his first two months in France, Kurt gets a phone call from his father one evening, telling him that Carole got diagnosed with breast cancer. It nearly drives Kurt insane, because apart from one very short trip back home he can't be there to support her. He is this close to say "Screw this!" and get on the next plane back home for good, but it's Carole herself who begs him to stay. "I love you for considering it, Kurt," she says in one of their telephone conferences at four in the morning, "But you wouldn't be able to do anything here. We can't change anything about it, and I would hate the thought of you giving up this opportunity."
Nevertheless, Kurt has never been more thankful for having Sebastian as his boyfriend, because Sebastian visits the Hummel-Hudsons as often as he can, to offer the support Kurt can't give. Surprisingly enough, he turns out to be the one who manages best to distract Carole from her illness, simply by treating her not a bit differently than before. He's not being overly careful or considerate, he just keeps telling her offensive stories about his colleagues or stories Kurt has told him about the people in Paris, and this way creates a normality that is exactly the kind of thing Carole needs. Eventually, she recovers from her therapy, and during these months Burt loses any doubts or lingering reservations he ever had about Kurt dating Sebastian.
Still, Paris, instead of all that it promised, becomes an unpleasant memory for Kurt, tainted with the feeling of helplessness and loneliness, and when Kurt sees his boyfriend waiting for his arrival at the airport in New York, his hair a mess and the poor rose in his hands looking as if he'd been fiddling around with it for hours, he vows never to leave him again.
Luckily, he manages to keep his promise. Shortly after Sebastian finishes his degree, Kurt receives a job-offer from a small but upcoming designer in London. When he reluctantly tells Sebastian about the offer, Sebastian merely shrugs and calls his professor, asking "Do you know a university around London where I can write my PhD?"
They get lucky again – Sebastian gets a teaching job at the English and Creative Writing department at Roehampton University, while working on his PhD ("Phallic nature in erotic prose of the late 19th and early 20th century", naturally). His former doubts about moving to the UK ("They drink tea, Kurt. TEA!") disappear when he realises that his students love him – after all, who wouldn't love a professor who starts a lecture on Lady Chatterley's Lover with the words: "So, now let's see why this piece of mediocre porn was so fucking outrageous in the sixties. And as homework, you can write a story of 3000 words on how her husband magically regains the use of his penis and has a threesome with Lady Chatterley and her lover. Extra points if it involves role-play or bondage."
They move in a small apartment in Hammersmith with a Juliet balcony that looks over the Thames, and Kurt starts his work at SmithZons, where he gets to design his own scarf-collection after three months – a success that they celebrate with a little too much champagne and a lot of drunken sex.
Between all this – between Sebastian's ridiculous stories about his students and citing awful passages of late Victorian porn to Kurt in bed, between Kurt's debut at London fashion week and the news that Kurt has become an uncle, and the promise that of course they'll come home on Christmas to meet the twins – between all this, Kurt barely has the time to stop and reflect on how his life changed.
It is late on a regular Tuesday evening, when Kurt comes home to find Sebastian fast asleep on his desk, his glasses askew and his cheek pressed against a thick volume of literary theory, the dishes still in the sink, but a new vase with a single red, apologetic rose on the counter because he broke the old vase yesterday, that Kurt can't help but press a loving kiss to his boyfriend's forehead while he's grinning like an idiot, because for the first time he realises how completely and utterly happy he is. And it is also this moment in which he realises that he wants this to last forever.
So, after he has decides to ask Sebastian to marry him, naturally the next step is planning the proposal.
Kurt knows he wants it simple, but romantic, something that won't necessarily show all the work that went into it, but that's just the right kind of perfect. He digs out his old wedding magazines to get some inspiration, he spends hours on the phone with Blaine (who has recently gotten engaged to his boyfriend of two years) and consults Sandra, Finn's wife, because the lack of romance in a proposal might also give him a hint at what to avoid.
He selects their outfits, aware that he will have to argue Sebastian into wearing that grey suit. While Sebastian is a huge fan of borrowing Kurt's clothes – preferably without asking him, and preferably after having sex – he doesn't like to be told what to wear in general. But this is a topic where Kurt is not afraid to use his authority as an expert, and more often than not, Sebastian rolls his eyes and gives in just to escape the long lecture on recent trends and colour-blocking that is bound to follow.
Kurt thinks about flowers, and settles for red and white roses and white Asters, because they were the first flowers Sebastian has ever given to him, hastily bought at a small flower shop because he was an hour late to their second official date.
He forces Janet, his favourite colleague, to come jewellery shopping with him, and they spend a couple of afternoons in Bond and Oxford Street, before Kurt picks out two slim silver bands at H. Samuel. It is also Janet who spends her lunch break discussing food choices with him, debating menus and desserts and salads and Italian wine over French wine and whether to combine all this with Sebastian's addiction to chocolate and his habit to put ketchup on everything that's dead enough to be unable to fight back.
It's a Sunday morning in late April when finally the last piece in Kurt's plan falls into place. This morning, the restaurant calls him back, informing him that there's an open spot due to a recent cancellation, and whether he would like to reserve the spot four weeks from now on. Kurt is more than pleased – of course it will need a little bit of re-organisation, but the restaurant has been his biggest trouble, since normally one has to call three or four months in advance to place a reservation. And while this restaurant – with its breathtaking view over the skyline of London and its discreet dinner nooks – is the perfect spot, Kurt wouldn't have been pleased to wait that long to propose to Sebastian. So he eagerly agrees, and promises to mail them the menu and the flower arrangements, hanging up with the satisfied feeling of finally having accomplished something.
Barefoot, he taps back into the living room, where his soon-to-be fiancé is sprawled across the couch, with a tiny ball of orange fur resting between his legs. It was Kurt who suggested getting a pet, and since Sebastian downright refused to take care of "anything hairy", Kurt went to the animal shelter and got a cat, because, as he had tried to explain to a pouting Sebastian, "they take care of themselves." Sebastian had successfully refused to look at the new addition to their household for two days, before Jemima – Sebastian had rolled his eyes at the name and pointedly looked at their DVD-collection where the 1998 recording of Cats stands between Phantom and Les Miserables – had broke down his defences by purring into his ear every morning and cuddling up against him whenever he sat down long enough. For some reason Kurt will never fully understand – he is the one feeding her, after all – she loves Sebastian far more than she loves him.
"Who was that?" he asks, not looking away from the television screen where the news anchor just explains something about the recent economic crisis in Italy. Sebastian is wearing just his pyjama pants, and the remains of their breakfast are still scattered across the coffee table in front of him. It's one of their lazy Sunday mornings when they have sex, get up, shower, and have breakfast, not necessarily in this order, while the rain is pouring down outside. Kurt knows he should probably get rid of the dishes and put the left-overs back into the fridge, but instead, he walks up to the couch to sit down next to his boyfriend.
"Just Kenneth," he answers, when Sebastian lifts his head to rest his cheek against Kurt's thigh. "He wanted to make sure that I'm certain I want the cocktail dress in navy-blue, because it is terribly likely that I have changed my mind since the last eight times he asked me yesterday."
"Moron," Sebastian says lazily, snuggling closer against Kurt while Kurt's fingers run through his hair, up and down his scalp in a circular motion, "If he doesn't trust you, you should get rid of him."
"It is a risky choice," Kurt mumbles. He doesn't like to lie to Sebastian, but this is for his (and Kurt's) own good, and it's not even a full lie – he did get a text from Kenneth this morning asking him that question, after all.
"Then it's risky, but if he can't live with a little risk you'll have nothing but trouble with him in future," Sebastian states, turning his head to grin briefly at Kurt, "As far as I remember, you're not exactly one for playing it safe." Kurt grins and bends down to kiss his boyfriend's cheek, before Sebastian turns his attention again to the television. A comfortable silence ensues between them, in which Sebastian switches through the news-channels and Kurt concentrates on massaging the neck of his boyfriend. He's so focused on working the kinks out of Sebastian's muscles, that he almost doesn't hear it when his boyfriend says, "I think we should get married."
Kurt blinks, staring down at the other man, almost sure he has heard wrong, "What?"
Sebastian shifts, turning his face up to look directly into Kurt's eyes. There's no nervousness in his expression, no doubt, just an air of normality and nonchalance, like he's asking Kurt what movie to watch or what to have for dinner, as he repeats, "I think we should get married." When Kurt doesn't reply, just stares at him in utter shock, Sebastian shrugs, "I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it? We've been together for five years, and I'm certainly not going through all this relationship stuff again with anybody else, you're tolerable to live with, we're pretty awesome in bed, we love each other and most of the time, we can even stand each other... So I figured we maybe should be thinking about getting..."
"NO!" Kurt screams, scrambling up on the couch and away from Sebastian when the reality of situation hits him, "No no no no no no, I can't believe this is happening – NO!"
Sebastian is sitting up as well, his expression shocked, and, if Kurt would have paid close attention to it, also a little hurt and insecure. But Kurt is too angry to pay attention to anything, and when Sebastian starts with "Kurt, what-", Kurt interrupts him immediately, "I can't believe you are asking me this!"
He's aware that his voice is sounding much more high-pitched than usual, but he doesn't care, "I can't believe you're asking me to marry you, right, here, right now, in our living-room, while we're watching the fucking news!" Kurt normally doesn't swear – Sebastian does that enough for the both of them – but right now, he feels that it's more than justified. "You're cuddling with the damn cat, and you're not even wearing a shirt, and we both still have morning breath – and you're honestly, seriously asking me to marry you?"
Sebastian's expression has shifted from surprise to anger, "Oh, I'm sorry Kurt, for assuming that after being with you for more than five years I could raise the issue of whether we want to spend the rest of our lives together before you brushed your damn teeth."
"Don't you dare to play the victim here," Kurt fires back, "You never think about these things properly."
"Fuck, Kurt, what is your problem?" Sebastian yells, and Jemima dashes out of the room. While she can deal with Kurt yelling, she always takes care to avoid an angry Sebastian, the little coward.
"My problem is that I have been planning this exact moment for the past three weeks now, that I selected a nice restaurant and food and suits and flowers and music and rings, and that you have to ruin it because you just feel like popping the question," Kurt yells back.
For a moment, they stare at each other, both breathing heavily, anger flashing in their eyes. Then, slowly, Sebastian's expression shifts into something else as Kurt's words sink in. "Shit," he says, staring at his boyfriend, "You really did?"
"Of course I did," Kurt answers, still angry, but finally noticing the nonplussed look on his boyfriend's face, "Unlike you I give one of the most important moments of our lives a little credit."
Sebastian groans and drops back on the couch, burying his face in his hands. After a second, he looks up, peering at Kurt through his fingers, and asks, "You picked out food?"
"Chilled avocado soup, gorgonzola salad, smoked duck breast with cognac infused apricot chutney, vanilla buttercream cake with strawberries," Kurt huffs. Sebastian just groans again and drops his head back against the couch, his eyes closed. They're silent for a moment, Sebastian just sitting there and Kurt now thinking with regret about the menu he so carefully picked out, when Sebastian says, "I thought about that, you know?"
Kurt looks up. Sebastian hasn't moved, but his eyes are open and fixed on Kurt. Taking in the conflicted expression on Sebastian's face – guilt mixed with regret mixed with vulnerability mixed with honesty – he asks, "You thought about what?"
"About how to do this," the other man replies, running his fingers through his hair self-consciously, not quite meeting Kurt's eyes now, "I thought about restaurants and concerts and Hyde Park and Trafalgar Square and flowers and rings, because I knew you would want it to be fucking romantic." He shakes his head, "I just couldn't do it. Just thinking about planning it made me feel like throwing up, and I just knew I'd never be able to get the question out in an artificially romantic set-up."
He looks at Kurt again, his eyes seeking for understanding, "And right now, it just... it felt so right. Because this is why I want to stay with you. Not because I can take you on a fancy date, but because we have breakfast and sex and a cat and a place where we watch the news together."
Kurt feels something warm spreading through his entire body, because Sebastian is right. Of course they're doing the romantic stuff, mostly because Kurt insists on having a proper date at least every second month, but it's not what's important. Important is coming home to a messy flat with your boyfriend cursing at the delivery guy on the phone because he mixed up the order again, and just curling into his body and forgetting about whatever crap the day has thrown at you. It's fighting for hours because somebody forgot to take the trash out or to feed Jemima, it's sex that is loving and dirty and needy and passionate and angry and reassuring and ridiculous and hot and important, sometimes all at once. And yes – it is having lazy Sunday mornings in front of the television.
"I can't believe you just listed the cat and our sex-life in the same sentence," Kurt says, and Sebastian looks at him, not missing the gentle tone in Kurt's voice.
"Well, both take up quite a lot of our time," he answers, and Kurt hears the underlying question in his voice, the are we okay again?, and he reaches out to cradle Sebastian's face between his hands and presses a kiss against the tip of his nose. "I hope I'll never see the day where the cat takes up more time than the sex," he grins, and Sebastian grins too and grabs Kurt's waist tightly, pulling him close against his chest and burying his face against Kurt's neck, his breath ghosting over Kurt's collarbone, "I'm pretty sure I can promise you that you won't see that day."
"We'll see about that," Kurt teases, threading his fingers through Sebastian's hair, "I heard that quite a lot of things change once you're married."
He can feel Sebastian's shoulders tensing slightly at his words, and for a second he wonders what he has done wrong now, before Sebastian, almost hesitantly, asks, "So... you want to marry me, then?"
Kurt blinks in confusion, not sure what Sebastian wants from him now, "Uhm, yes? I thought I made that perfectly clear by explaining that I had a proposal planned myself?"
Sebastian lets out a sigh of relief and Kurt realises with astonishment that Sebastian was actually worried about his answer. When Kurt planned his proposal, he had been fussing over details and flowers and food, but the thought that Sebastian could actually say no had never once crossed his mind. After confirming so often – through touch, through words, through actions – they would spend the rest of their life together, marriage had just been the next logical step, one that had felt natural to Kurt, so of course he hadn't been nervous about it. Excited, rather, but never worried. It surprises him that he feels so very sure about what they are, when Sebastian still needs reassurance, is still afraid that what they have one day might just collapse and leave him more vulnerable, more lonely than ever before. Sensing the reason behind Sebastian's doubt, he reaches out to cup Sebastian's cheek, meeting his gaze when it comes to rest questioningly on his, "Did you think I would say no?"
Sebastian hesitates with an answer, which tells Kurt more than anything else, before he shrugs, "I thought maybe you'd say we're not ready yet, or..."
"You're an idiot," Kurt scolds gently and presses their lips together in a chaste, reassuring gesture, before he murmurs against Sebastian's lips, "Of course I want to marry you."
Sebastian grins, the cocky, lopsided grin Kurt has grown to love so much over the past years, and his hand on Kurt's neck pulls them back together, lips meeting over and over again in a familiar manner that always has a somewhat new, excited feeling to it, before they start exploring other parts of their bodies as well, Sebastian concentrating on Kurt's shoulder while Kurt gently bites down Sebastian's neck, leaving a mark every now and then. Suddenly, Kurt chuckles against Sebastian's skin, until a hand on his cheek forces him to meet his boyfriend's questioning stare again, "What now?"
"We're even fighting about how to propose to each other," Kurt answers, "That's a bit extreme, even for us, don't you think?"
"I'm oddly reassured by it, actually," Sebastian replies, pressing a kiss against Kurt's temple, "Because we're pretty consistent in that, fighting over everything, aren't we?"
"We are, but what's your point?" Kurt asks, as Sebastian's lips move down to his cheek, briefly caress his jaw before tackling their favourite spot behind his right ear, after whispering "Well, isn't a non-boring consistency the best basis for spending a life together?"
Kurt just grins, hands moving to tangle in Sebastian's hair, "Partly. I've got to insist on keeping the sex as consistently satisfying too, though."
He feels Sebastian grin against his skin as strong arms pull him closer against his boyfriend's body, and instead of an answer, a hand finds its way underneath Kurt's shirt, fingertips caressing Kurt's soft skin ever so lightly.
"You know," Kurt says, even though his voice hitches when Sebastian's other hand starts tugging at the waistband of his boxers, "I was with Janet at this small art gallery in Islington the other day, and it would make a perfect location for our wedding reception."
Sebastian groans, his breath tickling the sensitive spot above Kurt's collarbone, "Please tell me we don't have to talk about suits and music and cake right now, when I just want to fuck my fiancé for the first time!"
Kurt grins, answering, "No, we really don't," before drawing Sebastian's lips back to his.
After all, he doesn't have to tell him now that the whole wedding is already very well planned out in Kurt's head, does he?
A/N I apologize for the mistakes which I know are still in there, but I didn't have anybody to proofread the story. I started writing it some weeks ago, and when I saw that today's theme for Kurtbastian week was "Proposals", I really had to finish it.
Feedback is as always greatly appreciated, especially since I'm not sure whether I've really done the characters justice in this one.
~Nalasan