author's note:
You guys (mainly those that are a fan of my other writings) really deserve some TadashixReader stories after so long, so here's a short one-shot! Don't expect much, this is just something to help my writer's block. Based on the song 'Santa Monica Dream' by Angus and Julia Stone.
"Goodbye to my Santa Monica dream.
Fifteen kids in the backyard drinking wine.
You tell me stories of the sea
And the ones you left behind."
[ Summer of 2015 ]
The wine was, for once, tasteful on your slippery tongue. The past days had been spent with arguments with you best friend and family, and you kept on saying things you never meant to say. This night was going to be different, you were going to let yourself have fun, and forget everything past the wooden fences surrounding the brown grass backyard.
Music played from a large stereo located at the porch, the song was sung with a soft spoken voice, and although everyone was doing their own things, such as dancing and chatting, they still paid attention to the song.
"Anyone sitting here?" Someone asked with an unfamiliar voice.
You turned your head to look at them, while sipping your wine, and choked a little. It was cheesy, but they, or rather him, were absolutely beautiful. Not in the blonde hair and blue eyes meant for Hollywood beauty, but more of the kind where the firelight illuminated the best features of his face. His large chocolate brown eyes, high cheekbones, and the subtle smile. He also wore a navy blue baseball cap. "Uh," you glanced at the beer in the chair cup holder, "Nope. This chair is completely free." You said. You laid your forearm on the armrest, and somewhat leaned more to the right of you, closer to the stranger.
He took a seat, and for a few moments it was quiet. Well, between you two it was quiet. People were laughing loudly now, and chasing each other. It seemed like everyone was truly happy, and that put a smile on your face. Not too much of a happy smile, it was the smile that showed appreciation. The kind you give when you see people twinkling like the stars.
"I'm Tadashi Hamada," he introduced, and lifted his hand up to you.
You didn't shake it instantly, you gave the hand a weird look, and then shook it. His hand was warm and his grasp was gentle, as if he was going to let go any moment. "I'm [Y/N], and are you from here?" You inquired, because in Santa Monica, people were a lot more opened with greetings, even with strangers. It was a beachfront city, so no one had time to be too formal. Everybody wanted to have fun.
"Eh, not really. I've been here for about a week now, to visit a friend and check out some things," he answered, and stared at the water bottle filled with dark red wine inside. He didn't ask, but you could tell he was wondering about it.
You took a large gulp, and smiled while putting back on the ground. You weren't exactly at the legal drinking age, which was twenty one. You were almost twenty, which was close enough, and had a fake ID stuffed in your back pocket just in case. You usually passed the test though. "Don't worry, I'm not a teenage, if that's what you're thinking." That was what people typically thought, since poorly lit places give you more of a baby face.
"How old are you then, [Y/N]?" He seemed to grin a little, as if he was just teasing now.
"Nearly twenty, but I round up my age every now and then," you joked, and then raised one eyebrow at him. "How about you? How old are you?" You wondered.
Tadashi tapped his chin, "Well, apparently if you're nineteen, maybe I could say I'm twenty then," he whispered, pretending to think to himself out loud.
"Oh, shut up. I'm serious!" You laughed, and bent down to pick up your wine, still chuckling lightly. When you took a sip of your drink, the taste was surprisingly sweeter, still pretty bitter, but not like before. Perhaps it was simply the way you were feeling, and it was affecting your tastebuds. You took another sip.
"Oh, alright. I just turned twenty two." Tadashi answered in all seriousness.
For multiple reasons, you weren't surprised or very amused. Tadashi was far too polite to be a wild college student, and didn't look like he could be finished with college, though he was quite mature, so far. "I see, I see. And where are you visiting Santa Monica from?" You questioned, saying the word 'Santa Monica' in a honeyed voice.
"San Fransokyo, but I really am enjoying this place right now," he said, skimming the surroundings.
A car alarm from down the street blared throughout the whole neighborhood, and that gave people a chance to turn the music up just a little more. It was a pop song now, and people began dancing barefoot with colorful cups in their hands. You watched his eyes, and groaned lightly. There were a few beautiful girls there that probably caught Tadashi's eyes already, you thought.
"San Fransokyo? That's about six hours away, by car!" You exclaimed. Even if he possibly wasn't interested in you, you wouldn't mind being one night friends.
Tadashi nodded his head, returning his eyes to you. "Yeah, but I love road trips. I drove here with four other friends, stuffed into a minivan. Stopping by at different beaches, swimming in the same water almost, and meeting new people. Life really is strange and beautiful." The last sentence slipped, and he hoped you wouldn't question him about it.
Unluckily for him, you were already intrigued by him, so you did ask him about it.
"It's nothing deep, or even anything interesting, but a lot of things could happen before you even know they're happening. You know what I mean?"
You sort of did, and coincidentally, it was happening to you right then. No, you weren't falling in love with him, but you could feel a click between you two. Something that made you yearn more for his words, and his face during nights like this. Dazed by his beauty, you tilted your head slightly, and smiled. "Tell me about some of those things then, and the people you have met, yeah?" You suggested.
"Hmm," Tadashi thought about what to tell you first. "I met this fourteen year old girl writing at a diner. She let me read her stories, and man, can she write." He admired.
"You like writers?"
"Not exactly. I like people with imagination. Those that use what they have, and are able to spread it." He responded, "Also, there was this old couple surfing at the beach together, that was pretty cool. She was showing him how to balance on the board, and he ended up resting by the shore right beside me. He spent the next fifteen minutes explaining how he didn't want to surf even though he loves to learn from her, because it would hold his wife back, who loves surfing."
"How cute," you giggled. It sounded like a real life version of a love poem.
"And let me tell you, the waves were perfect that day! My friend Gogo and I glided across the bright blue waters. I felt so alive." He grinned, and then relaxed his shoulders. "What about you? Do you like traveling?" He asked.
"I love to travel, especially with people. Windows down, music playing, it's like a dream sometimes," you replied. You remembered driving with your hand out of the car window late at night with your last lover, the radio station played your favorite song, and then suddenly the wine didn't taste that good, and the music didn't sound as harmonious.
Tadashi analyzed your countenance, and noticed how the corners of your lips didn't curl up anymore. They stayed in a line at the edges when you drank the last of your wine, and your eyes stared off to the side, gazing on something that wasn't there. Your eyes weren't as big as they were just a few moments ago.
"Are you okay?" He inquired.
You capped your empty bottle tightly, and placed it in the chair cup holder. "Yeah, uh huh," you nodded your head, and didn't meet eye to eye with Tadashi. "Hey, I was wondering, where's your date come with you?" You asked. It was the oldest, most convenient way to learn if someone was single or not.
Tadashi unexpectedly laughed at you. He knew that attempt, but it never got old to him, so he just went along. "She's actually here right now!" He answered with a smirk.
With that answer, you didn't want to respond. You nodded your head again, and spun the plastic bottle by the cap, adverting your eyes in a different direction. It felt awkward to even look at him.
"Nah, I'm just kidding. I came here with another friend, she's right over there, we call her Honey Lemon," he pointed his finger at a girl across the yard from you. She had a lightly tanned slender figure, honey-blonde hair, and the largest pair of green eyes you had ever seen. She was beautiful, so of course you were taken back. Of course you were left shocked, because Tadashi and her would fit right together.
"She's gorgeous. Are you sure you're not with her?" You asked, partly joking, and partly serious.
Tadashi chuckled and shook his head. "She is good-looking, and really dazzling, but nope. Unfortunately, we never worked out." Again, the last line slipped out, so he tried to change the subject quickly. "Uh, how about you? Who's your lucky guy?" Tadashi questioned.
"Not particularly with someone right now," you answered. You wanted to know why the girl and him didn't work out, not just for your curiosity, but also because you might learn something about him that you should know. Like maybe he was rude, or too aggressive, although that wouldn't be logical, considering that the two were still friends.
"Oh, really? How come? I assumed that someone would have gotten lucky by now,"
"Well," you started with a glint in your eyes, "Maybe someone will."
[Winter of 2016]
There was no definite, or logical reason, for you to open the window, and watch the snowflakes fly in while laying half-naked beside the half-asleeped Tadashi on the bed you two shared. The white snowflakes came in, and melted on your pillows. The chilly wind blew in, sending both of you guys shivers, but neither of you closed the window still. The house creaked under the weight of the wind. It was an exceptionally old house, but cheap enough for the both of you two to afford.
"We're going to get sick," Tadashi chided, and turned his head to the side, to look at you.
"I'm already sick," you reminded, and coincidentally, you sneezed two times in a row.
Tadashi rolled his eyes in annoyance and amusement, and then groggily sat up. When he sat up, you two were facing opposites sides, so you couldn't exactly tell what he was doing. He grabbed the hem of the thick yellow blanket, and pulled it over your bare back and shaking shoulders. "You're so careless, [Y/N]," he sighed, and plopped back down on the bed, laying supine, "If you get sick, don't ask me to make you chicken noodle soup again!"
You giggled, and nodded your head. "Yeah, yeah." You said, and wrapped the blanket tighter around you. The body heat still hasn't left the blanket, so you snuggled into it even more.
Outside the window, was a literally a canvas of all shades of white. Ghost white clouds covering the whole sky, and smoky colored trees due to the patches of ivory snow on the branches and ground. It rarely, scarcely, ever snowed in Santa Monica. The last time you heard of snow there were when your parents were much younger. Of course, they were just flurries that would soon melt, but not that soon. You lived in the area furthest away from the beaches.
"Is it really snowing?" Tadashi asked in a muffled voice. Half of his mouth was laid against the pillow.
"It's light, and I'm sure it'll melt quickly, but yep." You answered.
Then, an idea popped into your mind. You jumped off the bed, and rummaged through the wooden drawers for certain articles of clothing. When you found them, you squealed and put them on. Gray sweats layered over black leggings, and two layers of shirts, along with Tadashi's hoodie thrown over.
"Where you going? Outside?" He spoke to you like you were crazy, and that was what made your grin grow wider. "Jeez, you're sick too!" He shouted, but you were already rushing downstairs. Once you were gone, he actually began smiling to himself. You were who he had fallen in love with within the six months, from July, to January, and hopefully, for much longer.
Tadashi changed out of his basketball shorts into red sweats, and simply wore the thickest coat he owned. When he got downstairs, he seen the front door waved slightly, and the screen door clapping shut. You were already outside, jumping into the snow. He slid on his Timberlands, and searched for a pair of gloves.
There was none to be found.
You poked your head in through the front door, and he seen the familiar blue gloves on your hands. "I took your gloves, babe, I hope you don't mind." You told him, pushing your smile until the corners of your eyes crinkled.
There was almost never a time he could fight that look, so he admitted defeat through a looking to the side with a smile, and shrugging his shoulders. You looked so happy, too good to be ruined by something so trivial as a glove. "I'll meet you out there. I'm just going to go search for another pair." Tadashi said, and disappeared into another room.
"Goodbye to the roses on your street
Goodbye to the paintings on your wall
Goodbye to the children we'll never meet
And the ones we left behind."
[Late 2016]
A song played from Tadashi's desk, but he wasn't sitting there. As a matter of fact, he wasn't even home yet, though it was eleven at night, nearly midnight. You just liked listening to the music he liked, because they always helped you feel more connected to him. It was said that just by listening to someone's favorite song, you can learn more about them.
But this night, you couldn't listen to the song attentively, your semester had just started again, and while Tadashi nearly finished school and was out partying, you were stuck at home. You sat at your desk, trying to keep focus on reading the textbook in front of you. The words were blurry in your vision though, and suddenly, you felt like crying.
By your other supplies, a mint vase with flowers withered slowly, and a petal dropped on your textbook, blocking the sentence you were just going to. You could always call your family, however they were asleep, and you no longer had a best friend anymore. Well, Tadashi was supposed to be your best friend, but things were changing.
When people said that love hurt, they weren't wrong, it really did hurt.
You tried to call Tadashi, in hope he would rush home and comfort you, but it went straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off, dead, or he was simply was trying to ignore you. He was out with his friends, friends who could go to the club anytime they wanted, who were old enough to possibly understand what he did. You were mature, but you felt like he often thought of you as a child, even though he was only three years older than you. It wasn't that age mattered in your situation with him, but it was still different.
A picture of you two hung on a loose nail in front of you, and you looked away. To Tadashi's side of the room. His inventions laid on his long desk, and awards hung on the wall; what a brilliant man he was. What a lovely person you have had fallen for. Next to the awards were pictures of not just you and him, but his family too. The family he moved away from just to be with you, he once told you on a phone call.
You stared at Hiro in a photo taped highest, and frowned. You never got to meet him, though you heard countless stories of how much you should. Tadashi would laugh and laugh when he told you about his life in San Fransokyo, and you would laugh at him, but felt guilty in the inside. He sounded a lot happier then, than how he does now with you.
The time you got to meet Tadashi's friends, it was evident on how he could be so happy. They were lively, a mixture of all kinds of people, which equaled out to the best kinds of friends.
After an additional fifteen minutes of brooding, you shut your textbook, and dragged yourself to the bed. You quickly stripped down to your undergarments, and cuddled yourself under the blanket. The room was hot with the blanket on, and when you kicked the blanket off, it was cold. Too much and you sweated, too little and you gained goosebumps. If Tadashi were with you, you were sure that in his arms you would feel alright.
Or at least, that was what you wanted to imagine. That was just you replaying memories in your mind, of Tadashi embracing you in his sleep, scratching your bareback after a long day, of him whispering to you the things he seen amazing that day. Perhaps it was more of your fantasy, than the reality in it.
You probably would cry in his arms, because they wouldn't feel the same wrapped around you.
"I'm somewhere, you're somewhere.
I'm nowhere, you're nowhere."
"What if I was homeless?" You asked one anxious night. Exams were coming up.
"Well, I am an engineer. I'd build you a home, whether it be out of cardboard or wood, so we can live together," Tadashi answered quietly.
"Forever, yeah?" It was the stupid promise you make when you were so in love with him, you couldn't see yourself without him.
"Wherever you are, I am." He crooned.
"You're somewhere, you're somewhere
I could go there but I don't."
The car honked a few times, and Tadashi tied his laces tightly. You stood in the kitchen, microwaving another frozen food for dinner, and didn't look at him once. You were right when a few months back you thought that he really was changing, but you? Not so much.
"You sure you don't want to go, [Y/N]?" Tadashi questioned, before twisting the doorknob.
"No," you mumbled, and watched the food in the microwave twirl. It wouldn't be right for you to come, you knew his friend, however you felt out of place whenever you were with them.
When it beeped, Tadashi still didn't moved yet, and could tell something was wrong. Before he could ask you about it, the car outside honked again. His friends from San Fransokyo were visiting him after so long, and as much as he was concerned over you, he didn't want to let them wait. It was uncharacteristic of him, but you both knew that everything hasn't been the way it was supposed to be lately.
"Have fun!" You shouted, and then he was gone. Out the door, leaving you alone, again. "Such a liar." You hissed when you heard the car drive away.
He broke his promise from not too long ago, about wherever you was, he would be. Yet where was he now? Nights like these, you sometimes wished you never met him, or could forget about him. But you guessed with those thoughts, he wasn't the only liar.
[Spring of 2017]
For such a predicament, the weather was very lovely. The sunlight beamed on warm skin, and the beach grass shuffled softly against the delicate breezes. The sand buried the toes too scared to touch the cold water, and the air had the scent of salt, and sunscreen. If it weren't for the such swollen eyes and gritting teeth at the time, the moment would had been so beautiful.
"[Y/N]," Tadashi said with a croaky voice. He had took his fair share of tears during the time too.
You stood closer to the boardwalk, and he stood by the ebbing seashore. A good five feet distance between you two, and it just seemed like it was getting further. A heavy luggage was in your hand, and the other held a phone unlocked to the contacts app. You could feel the tears coming again, and this time, you felt that they wouldn't be able to be stopped.
He invited you to the beach on your work break, and you knew why.
The past weeks, and months had been spent screaming at each other. Throats too sore and hands pale from the constant clenching of fists, you two eventually weren't going to workout anymore. Perhaps it was because he was twenty four, and you were just twenty one. He was growing too fast, and you weren't able to keep up with the pace. Mentally and emotionally.
That was usually the reason.
"I have a meeting soon," you told him, and that wasn't a lie. You did, and if you missed it, your boss may actually begin to hate you, since you started to slack most of the days now.
Tadashi slowly spun around, and the two of you looked at each other through watery eyes. How does he tell you that he loved you, but just not in the same way anymore? How does he tell you that you were still very pretty, even with puffy eyes and a quivering lower lip? Does he kiss you one last time? Hold you one last time? If this were a movie, he would have had hated it.
"And this probably will be the last time we see each other," you spoke. For the two past years, you two had fallen in and out of love on the bed you two slept on together, and under the same roof you two bought together. "Man," you sighed.
Breakups were awkward. Neither of you two knew what to say. Everything was awkward when nothing was okay.
"Not exactly, I plan to stay here a little longer," he replied, and then wiggled his toes out of the sand. "We can still wave a hello to each other, right? Before I leave to explore."
"I really wanted us to grow together, too." You blurted, and then started to cry even harder. He was going to go places, you could tell, and you were still going to be in dreary Santa Monica. As many times as you told yourself that this was for the better, the more you reminded yourself that perhaps it was because you were not enough.
Tadashi swallowed a big gulp of air, and tried his best not to cry. "Come on now, don't cry." He whispered, and took a couple of steps closer to you, but he didn't touch you.
How could you stop? The love you two had was lost, but not gone. You could tell it was possible to revive it, if only time gave more chances.
"I wish I was a different person, and maybe then, I could have been better for you," you sobbed. At this point, you didn't care what came out of your mouth. You were always a careless person anyways. Always loving and loving, and remembering and remembering. It was your fault, and your blessing.
"Hey, hey, please stop crying," he pleaded, because the sadder you looked, the heavier his heart became. "You're an amazing person, okay? You're good enough, you're unbelievably wonderful, but just not for me." It was the cliche 'it's not you, it's me' type of breakup, and as annoying as those were, they were also very relevant.
You weren't going to hold him back, and patted your cheeks dry. You took what he had said, and used it as your weapon. Tadashi was amazing, but maybe the two of you just weren't the right puzzles. You weren't a child that would jam his triangluar piece by your rectangle, because you wanted the two to fit. "Alright, alright," you repeated a few times, and lifted your face to look at him. At those soft brown eyes.
He stared at you, and put up a smile himself.
Then, "Thank you."
"I'm singing songs about the future,
Wondering where you are.
I could call you on the telephone
But do I really want to know?"
[Early 2018]
You would think that by the beginning of the next year, you would be happy again. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. The case was that you were brooding at home, with red wine on the window sill, and you stared outside at the navy blue sky. Your phone was on the window sill too, unlocked, and the light shined brightly upwards.
Your mind was wandering back to Tadashi, again. His face wouldn't leave your mind, and you often found yourself not being able to sleep because of that. In a way, he haunted you. You wondered where he was at right then, since you no longer tried to keep in contact with him. There was no good point in doing so.
Someone was talking to you on the phone, although you weren't paying too much attention to their voice, not until they asked, "Why don't you call him?"
That snapped you right back to reality.
"Are you even thinking, Honey?" You groaned, and then drank a small amount of the wine. She was first Tadashi's friend, the first one you met two years ago, and you two were as close as ever. She knew about Tadashi and you, despite that you knew that the two once had a thing, and sometimes would randomly apologize for taking him out to party when she came to visit. It didn't bother you anymore, was what you would reply with.
"Are you not one bit curious on how he's doing? I haven't seen him in awhile, I heard he's been exploring and inventing still though." She replied.
"No, it's not that," you leaned forward, and played with your bedsheets. "I just don't know if I want to know what he's been doing. I could learn something I didn't want to even know." You explained to her. You picked up your phone, went to your contacts, and had your thumb hover over one certain name: Tadashi Hamada
"You're making love now to the lady down the road."
In San Fransokyo, Honey Lemon was silent for a second, and bit her lower lip. She didn't know on whether to tell you or not, but eventually decided that it was best that you knew.
She exhaled deeply, and then told you, "Yeah, he's dating someone now. Or I think they're somewhat of a thing."
"Oh," you uttered, and then dropped your phone on the bed, making sure the screen went black.
"No I don't, I don't want to know."
[Summer of 2026]
The grass below both of you were emerald, and the air smelled more of grilled hamburgers than of alcohol or wine. The stereo didn't play the music, it was the man that flipped the patties that sung in a hoarse voice. The atmosphere was wistful, and so were the smiles plastered on tired yet warm faces.
You were thirty, he was thirty-three. You were wiser, and he was regretful. Both of you were able to look eye to eye and not pay too much attention to the memories packed in each other, but actually, it was honest to say that both of you were quite nostalgic. He still looked as beautiful as ever, and you sort of wished you could had ran into his arms.
"Hello, Tadashi," you greeted.
"How you doing, [Y/N]?" He wondered.
You took a seat on a beat up gray lawn chair, and Tadashi sat down on the blue one next to yours. There was a can of soda in your hand, and there was a bottle of water in Tadashi's. For a second, it felt like the time when you two first met. Back on the brown grass backyard, with people that didn't seem to care and drank cheap wine.
"I'm doing pretty good, you?"
Tadashi studied you quickly before replying, because you looked as lovely as ever. You had your sunglasses tucked on the top of your head, and you wore a yellow sundress. Your breath didn't smell much like wine, and more like mint. Your [E/C] eyes were always able to churn his insides, and make his heart pound, and no matter how long apparently.
"Good, I suppose. I really didn't expect you to be here," he mentioned.
"Same to you! I thought you would still be traveling? You were always the wanderlust type of guy." You recalled.
"Well, I'm finally settling down after traveling for so long. My inventions this past year have been a success, but my girlfriend thinks I could do better." He chuckled bitterly, and glanced around him, as if searching for her.
"Girlfriend, huh?" You raised your eyebrows, and smiled. "Congrats then!" You cheered.
"Thanks," he said, and then threw on a navy blue baseball cap, one that you didn't see him carry earlier. "Santa Monica hasn't changed one bit. It still feels unreal to be here." He remarked.
You laughed weakly, because those were your thoughts for the last ten years, and now Tadashi was just proving the point even further. "It brings a lot of memories," you added. There were many bad moments in the town, however you weren't dwelling on them. You were thinking of the snowy day you and Tadashi had together instead, how he played with no gloves because there was only one pair, and you were wearing them.
That reminded you a lot of one of the first stories he told you. Such as the old man and woman surfing.
"Hey, let's not get so sentimental! It's a cookout, and we're suppose to have fun!" Tadashi rejoiced, and gulped down his water like he was taking shots. "I actually have new stories to tell you!" The sun couldn't even compare to the brightness in his eyes, "So," he began.
You laughed, and sipped on your soda. Then you propped your head on your hand, simply staring at him. When you looked at him you could see your youthful college years, all passing by like a dream. A dream in Santa Monica.
"Goodbye to my Santa Monica dream.
Fifteen kids in the backyard drinking wine.
You will tell me stories of the sea.
And the ones you left behind, and the ones we left behind."