The whole thing flashed back to Amanda quickly. The shooting. Olivia getting hit. She watched her boss collapse to the ground as blood quickly filled her lungs. Amanda screamed. "Noooo!" She ran over to Olivia. Blood was coming out of her mouth as she coughed. "Liv…" Amanda's voice broke. "SVU to portable, I need a bus. Officer down, I repeat, officer down!" She radioed in for them to come get Olivia. The older woman's breath was getting weak and thready.
"No, you don't get to die you hear me?" Amanda spoke to Olivia. Olivia gripped Amanda's hand and then her grip softened as she exhaled. "Liv? Liv?" Amanda shook her as paramedics arrived to the scene. Amanda was covered in Olivia's blood. Fin and Carisi rushed on the scene. They saw Olivia laying on the ground and Amanda knelt down besides her, covered in blood. "Time of death, 16:52." One paramedic said as they called the ME's office.
Amanda jarred out of her flashback as she stood in front of Liv's gravestone. "This was never supposed to happen…" Her voice broke. "I wasn't supposed to lose my best friend like this!" Amanda sobbed as it rained.
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories
She knelt to the ground. A flashback to the first time Amanda had met Liv. "Detective Benson? Hi. Amanda Rollins." She shook Olivia's hand. "Ah, transfer from Dallas, right?" Olivia asks. "Yeah-well, Atlanta. You like Distasio for this?"
"Uh he was there." Olivia nodded. "Well, I just-I-I just wanted to let you know I'm really happy to be here. I, um, I've studied a lot of your cases. I used some of the stuff you did on the Brown case- the-the infant homicide." Amanda smiles.
"Yeah, I haven't briefed the captain yet, so…" She turns to go. "Sure." Amanda nodded. "Thank you." Liv went to the captain's office.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
Amanda closed her eyes, tears pushing past the lids going down her face along with the rain. She remembered all the parties SVU held for events and holidays. Liv and Amanda always found something to laugh about.
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Want to feel your warmth upon me
I want to be the one
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
The squad decided since they had a day off in the summer to go to the beach. Olivia laid back in the sun as Amanda read a book while the boys were off flirting with women. Amanda looked over at Liv and saw the woman smiling as she laid in the sun, getting a tan. The blonde bit her lip as she fought her feelings for the woman again. They were coworkers. Maybe even friends, but nothing more. Amanda opened her eyes as she was still knelt besides Liv's grave alone. "I've barely slept… ya know… since you went and died on me," Amanda sniffled. "God, I feel like this is the worst punishment you could've ever given me."
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"Ya know…" Amanda chewed on her lip. "I regret- I have regrets. I… I never got to tell you that I had… major feelings for you.. I don't even know if you knew. But….. I'm telling you know." Amanda forced a soft chuckle. "Noah.. He's doing good in school and he's been really good for me and behaves with Jesse….."
I'm so afraid to love you
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life
"It should've been me… I should've been the one who got shot…" Hot tears rolled down Amanda's face freshly. "Goddamnit Liv…" She murmured. Then she felt a hand on her back. Amanda turned to look, but there wasn't anyone there. That caused her to sob harder. "Please… come back…" She looks up to the sky. "I miss you so much…" She whispered as she stood up and walked to go home before she got sick from being out in the cold rain for too long.