AN: I'm dedicating this to Tampon Masturbation and Leesy Dreamy, because they rock my world.

SpongeBob's Turkey Day Special!

It was just him and Gary this Thanksgiving. His parents moved to Bangkok, he had no girlfriend's (or boyfriend's) house to go to, and all of his friends ditched him and went to see Twilight. Oh well, at least he had Gary – hey, what's this?

Dear SpongeBob,

I decided to ditch you and go see Twilight. Ha ha.

Love, Gary

Well then…

At least he had his turkey.

Oh yes, that delicious, scrumptious, (and naked) turkey was all his for the taking. He was going to feast on every hot, juicy strip of it, until he was deeply submerged into a food coma.

SpongeBob worked hard: washing, stuffing, and dressing it. He perfected the turkey to its full potential.

SpongeBob set the fully cooked turkey on the table, and stepped back to admire its steamy goodness.

But he couldn't eat just now; he wanted to groom himself first. SpongeBob went upstairs to take shower.

SpongeBob lathered shampoo on his bald head, washed his back, and washed the part where there was supposed to be a penis, but alas…

SpongeBob continued scrubbing his foot, but a presence outside the shower startled him. SpongeBob looked up from his foot.

"Who's there?" he called.

He heard squeaking coming from outside the door, almost a slithering sound. SpongeBob assumed it was Gary coming back home, but he was wrong. Dead wrong.

SpongeBob stepped out. He grabbed a towel from the rack and tied it around his waist. When he turned around, there was the turkey, lying on the floor.

"How did you get up here?" SpongeBob asked it.

Of course, the turkey didn't respond. SpongeBob stepped closer. He slowly reached out his hand to touch it-

"Not so fast!" the turkey jumped up.

SpongeBob jumped back, shocked that the turkey had yelled at him.

The turkey stood up. It pulled a grenade from behind him.

"You eat me, and I'll blow you up!" the turkey screamed.

SpongeBob was speechless. There was a homicidal turkey standing in front of him.

"W-who are you?" asked a petrified sponge.

"My name is Fred Jr.!" Fred Jr. the turkey replied.

"Oh, so was your dad's name Fred?" asked SpongeBob.

"Yes… Freddy Kruger!"

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!

"Freddy Kruger screwed a turkey?" asked SpongeBob.

"That's my mom you're talking about!"

"Was she hot?" inquired SpongeBob.

The headless turkey said nothing, just stood in one spot, stuffing leaking from its rear-end.

"Ok, I'm just going to kill you." Said Fred Jr. "It's obvious you are one of God's mistakes."

"No no! Please don't kill me! I just wanted to have a nice Thanksgiving! Then you came in here with a grenade, you threatened me, I really don't want to die naked!"

"Oh, well. Would you rather put some clothes on, and then I'll kill you?" asked Fred Jr.

"Yeah, okay, that sounds good."

SpongeBob went up to his room, fetched some underwear, pants, and a tie. Once he was properly dressed, he reached into his closet and grabbed a flare gun.

(SpongeBob may be a little queer, but he ain't no idiot)

So yes, SpongeBob did have a nice Thanksgiving indeed. Fred Jr. went up in flames; SpongeBob cut him up and ate him. He savored every well-done bite…

But now, Fred Jr.'s soul was trapped inside SpongeBob… for eternity…

*As you can tell, I was not very inspired while writing this, but ah well. When the idea of a homicidal turkey trying to kill SpongeBob came across my mind, I couldn't let it go*