Chapter One: The Unexpected
It was quiet over all, the air died down to a slight whisper across the ground. The trees shivered to nothing giving the eerie place even more spook than usual, the graveyards of the dead in Godric's Hollow were especially haunting.
It had been years since I had visited this place and the particular grave I now stood before, my black hair glistened within the full moon's light as I looked down at the grave. A gentle but chilled breeze bit at my exposed skin in the dead of the winters night, my heavily wooled robes lifted slightly then hugged around my body once more.
Two decades have now gone and passed since my tragic mistake and her death. I looked down my nose at the grave that was next to hers, it was the pathetic potter she chose over me and I had yet to forgive myself for letting her slip away.
You were a fool for calling her a mudblood. My thoughts snapped at me in the same voice that I used daily upon my students, cold and calculative.
I know thank you very much! My other half snapped back.
I sighed to myself, I was indeed in my most vulnerable state right now staring down at the grave. I choked back a lump that had formed within my throat and tears had threatened the brims of my eyes, I shook my head to get rid of the bubbling feelings within my gut but it was no use. A single tear escaped my eye as my body started to lower toward the ground, my knees collided with the soft ground beneath me sending a surge of pain radiating from my knees to my hips. I lowered my head as I thought of that fateful night, I wanted to rip myself apart in that very moment. I wanted to die, I should have died.
My thoughts soon hummed out into quiet sobs as I placed my hands upon the grave marker, my head thudding with the head stone. I didn't care how much pain I caused myself in this very moment, I deserved it, I deserved every bit and more. I lifted my head only to bring it back down upon the grey concrete once more but harder this time, my head throbbed slightly at the point of impact.
Who would have thought that I; Severus Snape, would ever willingly show the side of myself that I had hidden so well beneath the mask of deceit which I created in my early twenties. I had only one time before shown this side and that was the night of Lily's death, I had fallen to unmendable pieces within Dumbledore's office and he did nothing but rub it in my face that I had failed. I had failed and miserably at that, I lowered my head in shame and rested my head upon the lower part of the grave.
The wind whispered around me and I held a loud sob back, the wind hugged around my body as if someone was holding me. I shook harder as I envisioned Lily holding me, her wide smile filling me with hope when we were younger. No one knew of these trips I took seldomly to try and ease my concious but it never seemed to work the way I hoped it would but I still come back every time, it was an honor that I just couldn't seem to break.
The wind and air around me seemed to drop significantly in temperature and my body shivered in reaction, I sniffed and dried my eyes of the fallen tears. It had been too long since I had last visited but the war and dealing with potter's son was more than enough to unfortunately keep me busy, the year I was suppose to visit had me following the twit into the Forbidden forest and dealing with a toad of a woman.
Leaves crunched somewhere behind me but I ignored it as a passing animal, I was completely ignorant to the fact that someone was watching me, waiting for me to lift my head and look in their direction. Until the words cut like daggers into my already aching heart did I lift myself from the ground but did not turn around fearing what I might find,
"I thought I might find you here...professor..."
Her words drifted elegantly across the flowing breeze, my heart stopped and my blood froze. My breath hitched in my chest as I slowly turned my head in the direction of the voices location, I slowly lifted myself from the ground and twisting it so that my back was to the grave.
There she stood, her firery red hair intensified by the moons light, her crimson red eyes burning into mine. She stood nearly as tall as I did and was as beautiful as I remembered, her body still impressively thin but held shape. She had matured since I had last seen her, her slight of a smile directed toward me. I let my hitched breath out slowly and a small woah came along with it, not only had she caught me off guard but also in my vulnerable state and I felt nerve racked for a brief second before composing myself by standing straight at my fullest height. I opened my mouth but found that my throat had become very dry and my voice had alluded me which was very rare to begin with, my equalibrium mentally had been throw completely off with her appearance. She, however, simple and sweetly smiled at me while slightly craning her head to see what I stood in front of.
"It's nice to see you again...Severus. It has been far too long."
I blinked still not finding the old me, the mask I desperately needed right now. She had some how made me utterly powerless when I did not need to or want to be, that in itself triggered it. My face straightened, my lips thinned into a slight snare as I narrowed my eyes at her.
"Yes, Ms. Saverum, it has been far too long. This is not the place to have a cordial meeting of our calibur, maybe another place and another time."
My voice felt like ice coming from within my throat, my mind protested against my behavior toward her. You idiot, years of not seeing her and you go and be impudent toward her.
Quiet! No one asked you. My mind had snapped back at the masked side.
She looked taken aback for a brief moment before she put a smile back upon her face and looking directly into my eyes as if searching for someone she had lost years ago,
"Yes, well you may be right Severus but I felt your...presence. I had to see if it was really you or just my mind playing old tricks upon me again."
That statement alone made me cringe, had she really been thinking about me all this time?
Yes you dunderhead. You're a fool for thinking she hasn't.
Shut up already. I snapped back at myself, I really didn't need or want the irritating thoughts to point out what I should have already known.
A silence grew between us and I could feel her intense gaze upon me, the smile she had previously worn was no where to be found. A part of me missed it already.
"Why did you come here?" I asked already knowing the answer. She tilted her head slightly and stepped a bit closer but still left comfortable space between us,
"As I said, I had to know if it was you."
That wasn't good enough, I knew she was hiding something but couldn't bring myself to pry into her mind. I settled for her avoiding answer with a low sigh that came out frustrated, I noted to myself that I hadn't tried for my wand the entire time we stood there. She walked even closer to me not caring that I had stiffened in reaction, my mind was telling me to leave but my body was telling me other wise. An affliction began to war within me as she pressed closer, her features becoming sharper. God she had grown into a beautiful woman.
Stop denying it. My other half whispered to me. It was right, I couldn't deny that she had become very attractive.
Lecherous old man, she doesn't want you. Your just another who could abandon her at any moment.
The voice was right, I was just going to leave her now because I couldn't stand to be in front of her, not after what I had done to her.