Future Shock
By: CrystallicSky
Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown or any of its characters in any way shape or form, neither do I make any type of profit in writing this. Warnings: Nearly El Zilcho, which would be a cool super-hero name; just a reference to condoms and lubrication.
Jack sighed, feeling rather hopeless at the moment.
He had recently had a break in his work, having rebuilt all the Jackbots recently destroyed by the monks and no Showdowns having yet occurred to distract him, and he had begun to consider some things.
First and foremost was his decidedly unrequited crush on a certain Chase Young.
With the time he'd had to think it over (his rut having lasted about three days), he had really begun to wonder why he tried anymore: the warlord clearly had no interest in him and in fact probably felt the exact opposite of what the goth did. Being persistent, as he had hoped would work, was definitely not working; if anything, he was only annoying the warlord more.
He didn't want to annoy Chase, not his evil hero.
After much deliberation, he'd painfully decided that, for Chase's sake, he would…have to stop-
"Don't you even think about it!"
Jack tensed at the words, and whirled about to face…himself?
"What the…who are you?!" he gasped, mildly disturbed at the millions of possibilities of what this incarnation of himself could be (because when you were involved in magic, it really could be anything).
The second redhead scoffed, putting his hands on his hips as he matter-of-factly informed, "I'm you, obviously; from the future."
"The future?" Jack wondered before noting the absence of the Sands of Time. "You're not stuck here, are you?"
The other him winced. "No. I remembered to add a return function, this time. We shall never speak of that again."
"Fine with me," the goth agreed, finding that event rather embarrassing as well. "What are you here for?" he asked.
"To stop you from making a big mistake," future-Jack answered seriously. "If you actually go through with what you're thinking of going through with, you're never gonna be happy. Ever."
"You mean leaving Chase alone? But…he hates me-er, us; how could leaving him alone be a bad thing?"
His other self lifted his shirt slightly, moving his waistband just low enough to expose claw marks on his hips. "You see these? Chase did those." He bared his neck to show off a rather large bite-mark, as well. "And that? Chase did that, too."
"…" The goth of this time period blinked in lack of understanding for a moment. "So what? Chase always hurts us."
The goth of another time period facepalmed, muttering, "Dammit, Chase was right; I am oblivious."
"What?"
"Alright, listen," future-Jack sighed, "I'll spell it out for you: Chase gave those to me when we were having sex."
"Having…when were you having sex?!" the genius yelped in shock.
"Try 'when weren't we having sex'," the other him advised. "He's such a horn-dog, it's a miracle when he doesn't wanna fuck."
"Okay, okay," Jack pleaded, "just…slow down: how the hell did that happen?"
Future-Jack smirked. "That's what I came back to tell you. Chase? He's just stubborn. He's not ready to let anybody in, yet; that's why he's such a bastard to you. But whatever you do, do not give up, 'cause he's gonna crack, soon. What's today's date, again?"
"Uh…" the goth quickly checked his watch and answered, "November eighth."
"Oh, damn," his counterpart laughed with a knowing smirk, "very soon, then! To summarize: don't give up, Chase'll come around, just keep at it. Got that?"
Unable to do much else, Jack nodded.
"Great," the other goth grinned with a wink. "Good luck!" As an afterthought, the young man added, "Oh, and have condoms and lube someplace in your room, and sometime in the next week, I'd suggest cutting up a pineapple and soaking it in that wine Mom keeps in the kitchen cabinet: you'll thank me, later."
And with a bright flash of light, his future-self was gone.
For a moment, Jack stood there in his lab, still stunned and trying to process the past two minutes of his life.
Slowly, he reached over to his workbench and picked up his favorite wrench (a monkey wrench, what else?), a grin spreading across his face.
It was going to be a fulfilling goddamn week for him, that was obvious, but at the moment, he was still bored as hell: it was time to build a new bot or two, preferably one that looked human so he could send it to the grocery store to pick up that pineapple for him. He did so hate going out in public himself, you know.
A/N: I'm basically going through all the fanfics I started while having writer's block and taking advantage of the temporary lapse to finish 'em up. :D Quick idea I had a few weeks ago and couldn't finish; luckily, I'm having insomnia and drive to write at the same time! ;P