"Ah, how boring." I stared at the textbook in my hands. I could faintly hear the teacher going on about a rant but I wasn't paying too much attention.
After all during these fleeting days where nothing happens, I sit in the same seat as always.
If you are asking me about my results, well they are fine I guess. On this scrap paper was a 100% perfect score.
I guess I had become what you can call a perfect student. It was strange, you could say it made me feel a little guilty. I never really put any effort, these tests are too easy. On the other hand, other people are stuck with low grades no matter how hard they try.
Yes, just like on that day while grinning shyly, you sat on the chair next to me. You, the one with a low grade as always.
"Oops, I messed up again." The girl with smooth, long black hair and a red scarf wrapped around her neck laughed nervously.
"I can't say I'm surprised." I replied without taking my eyes off the textbook.
I was already too used to this scenario, it was the same thing all over again. Just like always, I'm pretty sure she's doing that one thing again. I tilted my head a little to look at her, I wasn't sure why. It was as if I wanted to confirm than that monotony that followed me around would never break.
Yep, just as always she had taken out her scissors and turned her failed test into a small paper crane.
"Are you going to join me today? We can make a big wish if we gather enough paper cranes!" Ayano asked while humming a playful tune.
"Nope." I replied almost by default. "There's really nothing that I wish for, because I already know what's going to happen anyway."
"Hey, if that's how it is, isn't that really boring?" She smiled at me while holding the finished paper crane in her hands.
"Life will always be boring." As I spoke these words, class was finally over. It's not like I dislike her but Ayano is always too cheerful. I don't think I'll ever be able to know what's in her head.
At the end it doesn't matter, because nothing is going to change anyway.
The monotony of my life kept pulling me in. I stood up and walked outside the classroom. I really have no need for this test anymore, they always end like this.
Standing atop the roof of the school I tore apart the paper in my hands and let it fall, watching how the wind once again carried it away.
Yeah, even if I'm told a miracle answer it's no use because everything will somehow become obvious.
It isn't the way it might seem like. It's not like it makes me happy to know all these answers, it makes all the other people seem as if they were colored with a shade of black and white. It makes them too simple. But maybe I'm the simple one, at the end I'm just alone aren't I?
Loneliness will always hurt, I'm still human after all.
As these thoughts went through my mind, a really warm fabric covered my neck as I was pulled backwards.
"Hehe~" Ayano grinned as I turned around, her large scarf was wrapped around my neck.
She always did this at the most random time, yes, maybe she was the only one that could break this monotony. I know that, I do, but even so. I don't understand, why would anyone be interested in getting along with me? Why is she so persistent?
"Hey Shintarou," The black haired girl stared directly into my eyes. It would be useless to deny it, deep inside I could feel as if my heart would skip a little whenever she did that. "Can I tell you something?"
"Nope." I sighed, it was my standard reply for her. It was probably about those paper cranes again, she seemed really enthusiastic about gathering a hundred. I wonder if it still works even if the cranes are made of failed tests. Ahh, what am I thinking? There's no way that wish thing works anyway.
"We have one last exam tomorrow, and we are getting the final results one day after. You should try a little harder or your dad will be really mad again." I glared at her while slowly pulling away the scarf.
"Okay! I'll show you, I'll get a perfect score this time!" Ayano was too enthusiastic, is she even taking this seriously? To be honest it irritated me a little, it's not that complicated, she could at least try harder.
"You better do. You don't want to stay being a failure forever." I blurted out without thinking. Did the expression on her face change? I wasn't sure, it felt like it happened but it lasted less than a second before she was smiling at me again.
Maybe I said too much, I'm not good with people so I might say things the wrong way compared to how I want to express them. This is why it's better if I don't interact with anyone.
"I'll see you tomorrow Shintarou!" Ayano patted my back and left with her usual happy tone.
Oh well. I still felt like I shouldn't have called her a failure but what's done is done. I don't think Ayano cares anyway.
The day is finally over, it's time to go home. I stuffed my backpack with all the textbooks and walked outside the classroom. I tend to double check things a lot, just as I thought I had forgotten one last textbook on my desk.
I walked towards the classroom again, there was someone still there sitting by themselves.
I couldn't go back to get my textbook after all. What I saw in that moment was something that shocked me. The one sitting in the classroom still was Ayano, tears were rolling down her cheeks. It seemed as if she was struggling internally and finally, she gave in to crying. It was difficult to understand, I never thought she could be anything other than happy.
Somehow, I felt like this could have been my fault. Feeling guilty, I headed back home.
I really can't take it off my mind, can I?
I sat on my bed feeling guilty still as the sun slowly hid and the night arrived.
Beep, beep, beep. The phone lying next to me started to sound, I could tell it was the default sound for a text message. Glancing at the screen, I noticed the name "Ayano" in the sender's name.
I didn't want to look at it. Maybe it was unreasonable but I still felt guilty.
This is why I prefer to avoid people, I end up hurting everyone unconsciously all the time.
Shintarou, you are a really cold-hearted fool.
She is always so happy, trying so hard to approach you. Let's not quit this time, I will make it up to her tomorrow. I definitely will.
With these thoughts, I went to sleep.
I was sitting at the classroom again on the next day.
Even if these floating days keep repeating, whenever you are absent, I get an uncomfortable feeling. Why aren't you here yet? It's strange, did you get a cold and skipped on class today? But it was the day of an important exam, you can't just miss this day.
Well, anyway, even if my final test results are returned tomorrow, they probably won't get any better either.
Somewhere in these non-hectic days, something might have already gone wrong.
A group of students quickly stormed into the classroom, they were all in panic.
Everything else felt blurry, the news that I received made my body freeze on the spot with panic.
I can't think straight anymore. No, this is a joke right? Of course, a joke. That's all it could have been. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself, the empty spot next to me would tell me otherwise every single day.
At the end, I didn't know a single thing about you. I couldn't get the answer.
Please come back, please. I miss you, I don't want this to happen, I miss the color of your hair, your smile. Even if some people might have already forgotten them, there's no way I could.
At the end I couldn't solve a single thing.
If I had tried and got a little bit closer to the answer, maybe these days could have continued forever. That would have been the best.
You kept hiding it over and over again under a smile, weren't you?
I failed to realize it, your heart was hurt, all this time, you only wanted to disappear. But even then, even like that, you kept trying to cheer up my boring days.
I have a wish now, it is for you to come back.
I checked my phone on that day, I still look at the message that you sent me every single day.
That is what you wanted to say to me back then, wasn't it?
"Thank you for everything Shintarou, I love you."
I'm sorry.
The smile of you who flew out this window and died, I won't ever forget it.
Not even tomorrow.