Chapter One; To be a Tranquil

I was a late bloomer. My potential did not make itself known as early as most. So I had had to study my butt off in hopes that I would be able to catch up. Jowan, who had sort of taken me under his wing, had become my best friend and we would often sit together at the meals and snicker about everyone else as they walked by. So, when I wondered why I didn't have many friends I guess it became easier to see the longer I was there. No one else seemed to like Jowan very much either but he seemed to be the only person willing to come and sit with the new girl when I first arrived.

"What about her?" Jowan asked, pointing at a new trainee with his piece of bread. "Looks rightly idiotic, she does." And I wondered why no one seemed to like us?

I didn't answer. My thoughts suddenly fell on my soup and bread. It looks so delicious, I thought sadly.

"What's wrong, Lulu?" Jowan seemed concern. He usually looked happy and rather carefree if not a little confused. Though his weepy eyes always made him seem like a rather tired confused carefree man. He was not much older than me, but he'd been taken out of a chantry pretty early in his life and had been apprenticing longer than I had.

I had yet to answer his question and that only caused him to worry further. I frowned and stirred my soup until there was a small whirlpool. "I guess I am a little distracted."

He seemed to think this was unbelievable. "By what? Not these people I hope?" he asked incredulously.

"By everything, Jowan. Don't you ever get tired of being stuffed up in here?"

Jowan nodded. "Every single day, but we can't leave. That'd make us apostates and then the Templars would have our heads."

Sadly, I breathed, "I know, but I spent so many years running around and suddenly I have the potential? It doesn't seem fair."

Jowan nudged my elbow playfully. "You just have to get through this place and then get discovered by someone big like the king. You'd be allowed to travel the world."

I smiled. "Is that your plan?"

The young man nodded and rubbed his nose, which was what he did when he was thinking. "Yeah, yeah that is my plan. I'm going to get through my training and go to Denerim and be a fancy castle mage for his highness..."

"I will miss you when you are gone, my friend."

He blinked. "Miss me? But my Lulu, you are coming with me!"

"I cannot do such a thing. I still have years of study before I could possibly-"

Jowan cut me off. "No, I'm sure you can make it."

"You are quite optimistic about this," I noted.

We finished our meal and headed for the quarters. My bunk was on the other side of the room from Jowan's. I had originally imagined that boys and girls were to be separated, but we weren't.

I sat on my bunk and saw Jowan was talking to a girl; well she was actually a woman, probably Jowan's age. I had seen them talk before. Jowan seemed to like her an awful lot by the looks of it. Constantly on my way to meet with the senior enchanters for lessons I'd see them hanging behind bookcases whispering and giggling. If I wasn't mistaken, they had come to the Circle quite close to one another so spending so much time together was one recipe for friendship. I watched her throw her head up as she laughed at something he said. I was ready to roll over and call it a night, but I saw them both stand up and start across the room. Next moment they were both in front of my bed. Jowan leaned against the post beside my head.

"Hey, I thought I'd introduce you to the smartest girl in the whole circle."

The girl shook her head and gave Jowan's shoulder a light shove. "Don't try to flatter me. I'm not going to help you on anything."

The man feigned his hurt feelings. "As if I would ask for such things," he stated almost righteously.

"Anyway," the girl smiled and gave Jowan a cheeky grin, "It's nice to meet Jowan's friend. I'm Rahra. You are Lulu, right?"

I nodded slowly. "I am."

Jowan placed his hand on her shoulder and then I became weary. I wasn't sure if he was seeing anyone, but sometimes I had to wonder, but the girl moved away and once again there was a hope that they were not seeing each other after all but it seemed like a law that Public Displays of Affection were frowned upon and this girl held the same standards. "Rahra is almost done with her training, and she like you is excelling astonishingly fast."

"Is she going to the King's castle as well?" I asked, purposely not acknowledging her.

Rahra looked confused and turned to Jowan, but then right back to me. "Um, I am not sure I understand."

Jowan grinned. "Of course you want to work in a castle, Rahra. You too, Lulu!"

I shook my head. "I don't know Jowan."

The girl smiled at me and it was so sweet I wanted to puke. I did not want to like her. Jowan was my best friend and if I couldn't have more than one friend I didn't want him too. But I was just being selfish. I yawned and rolled over on my bed and closed my eyes. The two whispered for a moment, words I didn't catch, and then I heard them walk away. It wasn't long afterward that I really fell asleep and the sounds of all the others slowly vanished.

"Lulu. Lulu are you even listening?"

I must have seemed like a real idiot. All of my peers were staring at me and Wynne, the senior enchanter which is the mage equivalent of a Teacher, was shaking her head. "Your mind must be somewhere else. How about to wake yourself up, you run to the storage and get a few of these things."

I got up and slowly made my way to the front of the end of the table where Wynne stood. Her eyes were old yet powerful and now they were also a little annoyed. She held out a small list of things. I heard the sudden flow of murmurs which followed my departure.

I just had to run down to the storage and pick up the contents of the list then hopefully no one would think less of me than they already did. Part of me wanted to hide for the rest of the day with the tranquil; they seemed to have an easy life. All they had to do was sit around watching things and making enchantments to things. Maybe I could volunteer for that. Then, if no one liked me I wouldn't care, because I wouldn't have any emotions to feel bad about.

Down in storage the usual Tranquil, Owain, was taking inventory or something of the like. His face was placid, which was not surprising.

"Good morning, Owain."

The man turned to me and bowed, "Morning, Apprentice Lulu." I cast my eyes away from his hollow gaze. Even the tranquil made me feel like a "nobody". "Is there anything you need from storage?"

"Wynne has a list of supplies." I handed over the list to his outstretched hand. "Take as much time as you need."

He stared at me and blinked. "I will take the amount of time appropriate for gathering supplies."

"I suppose that works just as well."

As Owain plunged into the inventory, I wandered off toward the center of the foyer like emptiness. A few older mages passed by me in heated conversation. A moment later a Templar passed by and I shivered. Templars and Mages did not exactly get along, but for reasons unknown to me (maybe not everyone else) we had to coexist and it seemed like a daft idea, because both parties were guilty of hating the other. Whoever decided this was the way things had to be then they obviously did not live in the Circle.

"Pardon me, Owain states he has finished getting your required materials," a neutral voice stated.

I turned around and almost collided with the body of the man behind me. His emotionless eyes stared straight over my head. "Thanks for telling me. Sorry I almost walked into you."

He turned his head to his left and stated, "I must be on my way. Have a pleasant day."

"Okay?" I smiled, but he didn't look to see it. Tranquil were peculiar and I shouldn't even bother trying to figure out what it was they were thinking. Did they think? Of course they did! I chided myself. They'd have to in order to get things done. They just didn't have emotions to fog up their head so they did things super efficiently. Yes, they seemed to have it all. They were naturally hard workers and nothing stopped them from their duties.

"Thank you Owain," I smiled as he gave me a small box full of things.

"It is my job," he replied firmly. "Have a pleasant day."

I waved as I left and went directly back to the library where Wynne was standing at a teaching lectern. Her bun looked tighter than normal. "I have your supplies, Madam."

"Place them on the table." She did not look at me; her eyes remained on her book. "Now, Lulu, I feel as if you have been distracted lately. Is everything alright?"

I was a little surprised that she'd even bother asking. My wellbeing did not seem like something the enchanters would care about. They were here to teach us and then let us be the King's Mages; of this I was not fully convinced. I dropped the box onto the table. I froze when her sharp eyes darted up and peered into mine. "I guess that I have been feeling a little down."

"About what, Dear?" When I peeked up at her she looked more like a grandmother than one of the leading enchanters.

I sat at the table. I interlaced my fingers and stared at them in thought. "I want to be a tranquil."

Wynne had told me to go to lunch. I did, reluctantly. She did not seem to take my statement seriously. All she did was stare at me for a time then tell me that I was promising and should think more carefully. I entered the great hall and most of the others were already eating. Over where we normally shared our meals was Jowan, but beside him was Rahra and they were waggling their dark eyebrows at one another. I was certain they'd accept me at the table with open arms, but they seemed happy enough without me as well. I decided it best to get acquainted with my soon to be fellow tranquil. There were seated in the back wall a good distance from the others. They ate their food without the hum of chatter radiating from them. I took my plate of bland food. As I drew closer and placed my food beside one of the tranquil women's all of their heads turned in almost perfect unison. Their eyes were all of varying colors, but they were empty.

If they could not feel, then what was going through their minds? I guess they could still see me as an outsider. "Are you lost Apprentice?" the woman I stood by asked.

"No, not at all. I just thought I could sit over here."

"You could sit here," another stated.

I did sit. And it was silent once more. I felt more out of place than whenever I had sat in the corner with Jowan. Several of the Tranquil finished their lunch and all got up and left, the place beside me was empty and was filled with Owain's body shortly after. He took a bite of bread, chewed, and swallowed, before asking, "Did Senior Enchantress Wynne receive her supplies?"

"Yes, it was a successful transfer," I stated, with a humorous tone.

I was waiting for a snarky reply but he did not say anything else. Then another tranquil came and sat across from me. I recognized his chin as the one I had stared up at when I nearly pushed into him. "Hello," I said.

"Hello," he replied blandly.

I took a bite of cheese and then a swig of water. "Where do you work?" I questioned.

The man glanced over at Owain, as if he was asking the older tranquil permission to speak with the mage trainee. Owain blinked, but for the other tranquil it was a good enough answer. "I keep records and when the occasion arises I help Owain with supplies."

"So, are you and Owain friends?"

"We collaborate."

Were tranquil incapable of making friends? There was so much I wanted to know before I became one.