Responsibility, loyalty and honor. I despise those three words the most in this pathetic life of mine. But the one word that i hate most is Sacrifice. Why? well if you look closely the start of sacrifice begins with sacri, those letters also go in another word, sacrilegious. I never once understood why one can find such praise for putting yourself on the line for ones mistakes. You didn't make that mistake, they did, so why take the bullet? I have never once understood that and probably never will. I should like these words above, i really should, but i cant bring myself to do it. I am a simple man, all my life I've only faced lies and deceit hidden behind smiles. I only wanted something genuine. But i find the men i admire most, the genuine of the genuine die upholding those words. So i find myself not caring for these words at all, sometimes hating it with all my heart.
Its cold, when i draw breath a slight fog arises from my mouth. Just like the smoke that comes from my rifle. The snow is falling and our breaths from our mouths are like chimney smoke. Ugly, and darkening up the sky just for a little warmth. Damn, what i would do for a warm coffee right now. This damn snow is making me feel so uncomfortable why did take up my position behind a tree again? i'm going to die soon anyway. The snow crunches next to me as i shiver.
"Hey Lieutenant Hachiman"
Great, its this guy, on the day that i die i have to see his face. Hayama Hayato, a guy that everyone likes. Mixed, son of a wealthy family and is here due to his devotion and loyalty to the republic. Always with that smile and with that cheerful demeanor, he constantly has people always talking to him and hanging around him, like cicadas on a tree. Heavens, what a fake person. I've never really liked him, ever since I've met the guy i cant help but feel off about him. And now he's talking to me, along with calling me Lieutenant, a rank that i never wanted, great.
"What is it Hayama?" I say, focusing at the front, any moment now the enemy can come rushing through here. Its over six thousand troops against roughly 3000. I'm no idiot, everyone here isn't an idiot we all know that the imperials are going to wipe us out, wipe the republic out, we're just here to buy time for the rest to make it to the fortress. Aren't parks meant to be for fun and playing? why at a park of all places? if i could choose where to die then i would rather choose a field. A large open field with plenty of space...that sounds nice.
"Well...me and the boys we're talking about how once this is all over we'd come and form a business together...and well...would you like to come join us?" He asks, with a smile, a fake smile in fact, one of his many frequent smiles to break the ice. Who is he lying to? we're gonna die here, all of us.
Breathing, i look up at the falling snow with my hands firmly on my rifle. I don't want anything to do with him at all. Frankly, i'm not interested in a business, that sounds like hard work. I'd rather take it easy, like a wife at home. I don't like competition either, just let the fools fight it out is my philosophy. I think as i look up at the sky...Man how sad it is, a grown man of 16 years to be jealous of the snow drops, how easy they can take their life's, all they have to do is fall with no worries in the world.
"I'm going to have to pass you up on that offer" I say, still shivering slightly, man i hate being cold.
He looks unsurprised, he's a smart guy, he's probably put two and two together and found out that i don't particularly like him that much. Suddenly, he drops the smile. Taking a swig from his gourd, sake by the way that we're running out of. A precious commodity. He looks at me, with a serious face for once.
"Hachiman, we both know that we're not going to make it out of here alive. So before we go our separate ways i want to say this to you"
"I'm jealous of you, ever since day one i have always been jealous of you, you always know whats going on, you don't need to hide...you just don't care, you'r a better man than me and i...well i just hate myself for it...sorry Hachiman i just needed to get that off my chest" He said, looking ashamed of himself and making his way to his position, where his lackeys were. I only looked at him in silence. There was nothing that needed to be said.
This is the final clash, we just know it. We were traitors to the emperor, we resolved to die the moment we fired upon the men bearing the imperial banner. For some odd reason i was promoted to the rank of Lieutenant just because of simply being the first to fire. Its not like i wanted this rank, well i'm not really complaining either way, i get to boss the very people i dislike around and also get to send my paycheck home. Which is to say, quite a bit of money. One half is for my family and the other for Shizuka...I want to see her.
"Sir..you're orders?" It was one of my new men, a boy from Aizu i believe. Damnit, this is crazy, boys my age shouldn't be fighting this war, nobody should.
"Nothing's changed at all, we are to hold position and to report to me any areas to be overrun, remember no retreat unless i say so" I say breathing, forming a little puff of smoke in the air. The only thing that i have done here is change my formation a bit, although those french men* insist that we form a deep 2 to 3 rank line i haven't done so, in fact i have my men positioned all over the place, behind trees, buildings and fences. I wouldn't necessarily call myself a miser, but i'm going to buy as much time as possible with the few men i have, no unnecessary moves, no unnecessary loss, every second is a grain of gold
Pretty soon we heard it, thunder. Not from above, but man made thunder, coming from the steel barrels of their parrot guns. Nobody moves, even when the shells land near us, we don't move. What good does it make? if it hits, it hits no need to waste energy. I pack some snow in my mouth and then i focus down on my sights, pretty soon i see it, a head with a helmet. An imperial helmet. Holding my breath, i fire, If man was capable of making thunder then i just made lightning. In a flash it zips through the park and ahead to the industrial area in front of us. a faint splash, like the cleaning of a blade before an execution with water. Yes, i talk about death but i'm already dead, i can't feel anything, nothing has stirred my heart even after what i just did.
Like second nature i reload my rifle. They taught us to fire three rounds a minute, i can already fire about 5 shots, 6 on days with good weather. I can only let out an internal sigh as i fumble through my rapidly decreasing ammo pouch. I have a good 15 shots or so before i have to loot. Quickly reloading and firing another shot i soon realize that there is going to be a full fledged gunfight. We're in a park, but the enemy is ahead of us in an industrial area w'ere they can hide in a number of buildings, not to mention that they most likely have sharp shooters. We're at an disadvantage here, I cant help but scowl as i reload again. Quickly searching for any glint coming from the buildings, i quickly find one and fire another shot. It disappears, but then a moment later a bullet hits close to me, where my head was supposed to be. Tch, they've learned from they're earlier mistakes.
"Oi, Zaimokuza find out where they're sharp shooters are thank you" I yell out as i toss him my telescope. Another shot at my position. Damn. I'm pinned. Zaimokuza may not look it but he's smart. Son of a wealthy samurai family, he has a good head on his shoulders. Knowing how to especially find out where people are, he's a helpful soldier and good friend, of course i'm not going to say that out loud, because it doesn't need to be said.
He looks at the direction where the bullets came from and quickly calculates in his head the trajectory of the bullets, of yea, i forgot to mention but he graduated from an officers academy somewhere so he knows how to lead men. But for some reason he was demoted. Grinning to himself, i know that he found out where the enemy was.
"Tobe! throw some dynamite over there!" Zaimokuza yelled out to tobe, one of our last remaining sappers and the guy with explosives. Tobe is a pretty cowardly guy, during this whole time he's been hiding a tree. curling himself further into a ball whenever a bullet landed near him. But he also had another thing going for him, he could throw really well. I once saw him throw a potato threw a small window 55 feet away.
"E-eh? m- me? c-come on dude! don't you see? i'm like totally pinned here!" He whines as another stray bullet finds its way near him.
"Don't worry! they're stray bullets and i'll cover you!" Zaimokuza yelled as stray bullets flew near him.
"Really!? you better not like lie dude!" Tobe shouted as he rummaged threw a pack. Eyeing the building that Zaimokuza pointed at and quickly lighting up a stick of dynamite. And making sure that Zaimokuza was indeed covering him, he took a quick look and threw it into the window of the building to the front of me.
I don't cover my ears as the explosion goes off, blowing a small hole in the building ahead of me i see the remains of that sharp shooter that was trying to pin me down. Quickly, nodding at Zaimokuza and Tobe in thanks, i quickly took aim and fired at an officer. As i reload i can only cringe as i see another fellow soldier get gunned down. There are roughly 500 men here. We're stretched thin. Taisho* Hijitaka had to make do with all he had. The area that we're defending is a park, the other soldiers are posted at different sections in Hakodate, the place that we're in now. We're meant to be a delaying force but truthfully we're a suicidal rear guard.
Not even flinching as a bullet whizzed past my head, i aim down my sights and fire another round. Nothing else mattered here except for taking down the enemy. And buying time for time everyone. I may not like a lot of them, but i have to do it anyway. Argh! i'm freezing! why cant i have a coat like Taisho Hijitaka? the only thing i'm wearing right now is my Shensengumi clothes. With my Headband tied securely on my head along with the ends waving loosely by the winds i can say, that without a doubt, i am cold. Teeth clattering, i fire another round. Searching for another target, i see some banners. Damnit. Reinforcements. This is bad.
Just then, a neigh. I heard it, we all heard it. Excited, we all looked to the sound of the neigh hope returning to our hearts. It was Hijikata on his horse. That man,was why we were all here, alive yet somewhat battered because of that man. One of the only men left that i respected with the bottom of my heart. Yes. at that moment it seemed as if he was the army itself. As long as that man lived, then this army would live. Somewhat inspired, i load my rifle more faster then ever better. Aiming quick, i take aim and fire at another officer. Then quickly run to his position
"Sir" I quickly salute him. Why he made me lead these men i knew not, but i would and will follow his orders to the end.
"New orders Lieutenant, you'r just in luck i'm reinforcing this position with 1750 more men, it seems that the imperial army is assaulting this place more heavily then the others" He said, with a serious look on his face.
To that i nod, nothing had to be said, with 1750 new troops that only meant one thing. It meant that this position was now the one with the most troops, it was as if someone blew a horn in the middle of the night, seeming to call out to everyone, look everybody! i'm here! This was a last stand and nothing else. If we make a fuss here, then when we inevitably lose, the rest can retreat to the Goryokaku* or the Benten Daiba*. Saying nothing else, i return to my station, my pathetic little tree and reload my rifle once again. I can only sigh at this whole turn of events, i should be angry, frustrated or sad at least. But weirdly, i feel satisfied. This feeling of no return makes feel relieved for some reason.
Then a messenger runs up to me, Sweaty, and panting i hardly recognize him, its so dark. I remember him now, its Taishi or something... right? Panting, he quickly crouches and address's me. Sweat is on his face, slightly red, i can tell that hes tired, we're all tired. I patiently wait for his report as i look at him. A good couple of seconds go by before he regains his composure. And then, he starts to tell me the situation
"L-Lieutenant! C-captain Totsuka's position to the left is about to be overrun! he requests some men to back up his position!" I can feel my heart tighten and beat fast, Totsuka is a good friend, and he is one of the few people that i will absolutely not let die no matter what. Quickly looking over the park and my own men to assess the situation, i make up my mind.
"Taishi, tell Saika that i'll send over 75 men to back up his position, and to hold as long as possible because reinforcements are making their way here as we speak, tell him that he must not die no matter what and that he must live"
"...GOT IT!" Taishi yells with a look of determination on his face. He turns around to leave but suddenly turns around to look at me again.
"And also... erm...how do i put this...well...Komachi, you're sister is kind of pregnant with mychildandyou'rreallyscarysobye!" Taishi runs off after stuttering those words.
...That fucking bastard, i'm not even angry, i don't care anymore, i'm gonna die here anyway...But if i live through this, i am going to give him hell for what he just told me...But still i guess i should be somewhat happy about this news, i'm going to be both a Father and an uncle...of course there's still the problem of living but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it later.
"Oi, Zamokuza, get 75 men and send them over to Saika's position now"
"Got it"
As soon as i said that the Imperial army,like a tsunami kept attacking in waves, we just beat the first wave while i was talking to Taishi, but after that i just know that the other waves will be even more fierce. This time two battalions are attacking and moving up to my position one is flanking to my left, where Saika was and the other one was charging to the front, where i was. Scowling, i throw away my rifle and pick up my revolver. Firing 6 shots into the wave of enemy's seemed useless, but my men were also firing at the enemy, and i saw some lines go down completely before reaching my position. Quickly reloading, i fire another 2 rounds before switching to my sword. Cursing, i calmly walk up to the man charging me with his bayonet rifle. Grabbing rifle, i swing down, slaying him in an instant. Then, two more appear and try to bayonet me. Scowling, i sidestep to the left and swing down, slashing his back. I throw a punch at the other one, stunning him momentarily and then thrusting my blade through his chest. Quickly pulling it out, i get to work, slaying another 5 men in quick succession. now, i must profess that i'm not a good swordsmen, but i know enough, just enough to keep this fire in my heart burning. Suddenly, a burning sensation rips through my arm. Cursing, i pay no heed to it and charge on. I slay another 2 men when i feel it, yet another round of lightning get embedded in my leg. Great, i have a limp.
Riding a horse, Hikjitaka rides up to me firing his pistol. A grunt of approval from him makes me even more motivated as i slay 3 more incoming enemy's. Then we heard it, a bugle signalling the arrival of our forces in the area. A grin breaks out on my face as i fell another foe. A quick nod and he turns around to lead the reinforcements. I slay two more in quick succession before i hear it, Lightning, Lightning that travels across the field striking Hijitaka in the back. He didn't even grunt as he fell off of his horse. My eyes widen in shock as i let out a soundless gasp, sword in hand, i run over to him. Wordlessly i re position him and try to make him feel less uncomfortable. I know it in my heart, this is it, this is the end. Then a soaring pain in my shoulder, I've been hit again. Letting out a face of pain i pay it no mind.
"So this is it huh?...i'm somewhat satisfied though..." He said, for a moment he looks around then then sighs and does not breath once again, like a train shutting down his fire was extinguished.
I sigh at this. My body hurts all over and i'm cold. Breathing in, i prepare. In a moment i will give out the order. Exhaling out, i do it. I yell out what i'm been doing for months. Retreating. Its just been running away for me all my life huh? A fitting end for a man that has no courage at all.
"ALL TROOPS! THIS IS YOUR LIEUTENANT HIKIGAYA HACHIMAN'S ORDER!, ALL TROOPS ARE TO RETREAT! LIVE DAMMIT!" As i say that another bullet whizzes and hits me, the left of my abdomen is on fire. So this is it huh?
My blade has been blunted through the constant use, it's to dull. Sheathing my blade i look across the battlefield. Quickly spotting Hayama, i throw my blade at him. He sees this and wordlessly nods, catching it.
"You might encounter some enemy's in close quarters, consider this a parting gift" I say to him, fog forming at my mouth. Sigh, it hurts.
"I...I will give this back to you some day!" He says, with an anguished face, with tears in his eyes.
This is fine, i'm okay with this. Everyone has retreated, i saw everyone run away. Now all i have to do is buy some time. walking t'words them with a slight limp in my leg. I fire my pistol once. It hits, then i fire at another charging at me slaying him instantly. I fire again at an officer. Then to another soldier. Click Click is what i hear when i pull the trigger of my gun. Damn, guess i'm out. I throw my gun at the enemy hitting them in the forehead and knocking them out. Picking up a flag, yes our flag of the republic of Ezo, i once again stagger forward. Getting shot again, this time in the arm, i stab the flag at the enemy, piercing him and then choosing another target. I keep walking forward, theirs nothing else to do in this situation. I slay another 3 enemy's as i get hit once again. The enemy soldiers now back away from me at this point, all stopping to to eye the stupid traitor. i don't even have the strength to pursue them. I just keep advancing forward. Then finally i see him. A big man on his horse, he gave off a the aura of a general. One last time, one last ditch of effort i try to raise my flag at him, but then a shot hits me, then another, then one more. Damn.
My legs give out and i want to fall, but i hold onto my flag, my standard i would rather die standing. if i were to die at all. Steeling my self, i wait for him to slay me, or for someone when else to do it. To my surprise, the man gets off his horse and walks to me. Tipping off his hat to me, i sigh. A moment, silence in the air. Then he speaks.
"You have done well young man, please rest and let me, Saigo Takamori work so that your sacrifice will not be in vain"
Sacrifice? what sacrifice? i was only doing my job. I... i'm getting sleepy... So this is finally it huh? Finally, some peace for this pathectic man known as Hachiman Hikgaya...
Authors notes. Taisho from what i remember, might be wrong here is used to address a leader. The Goryokaku and the Benten Daiba were both Military forts buildings, vital to the defense of the island. Please view welcome to review, i think i'm getting the hang on Hachiman's character.