Perfect, even cursed
Buffy slowly came back to consciousness, the first thing she became aware of was being extremely comfortable. She felt warm and safe, and tingly?…yes definitely tingly. She smiled as the memories of the previous hours slowly drifted back into her waking mind. Buffy turned her head and gazed down at Angel, she liked the viewpoint from her position on his chest. She cast a quick glance at the clock on the bedside table, 3:37am, 'Ehh...No way! ' She thought as she closed her eyes again and prepared to fall back to sleep. A moment later an alarm bell began ringing in her head, she was forgetting something, something really important. 'No' she thought, 'Whatever it is, it can wait till morning.' She tried to tell herself, but the alarm only grew louder. 'Go away, I'm sleeping…with Angel…Angel?' her mind suddenly snapped back to full consciousness. 'I'M SLEEPING WITH ANGEL! OH MY GOD! HIS SOUL!' her mind screamed.
Buffy suddenly felt like she was lying in the wolf's den, hell, lying ON the wolf. The pit in her stomach made it nearly too difficult to breathe. She slowly turned her head and looked back at Angel, he looked asleep. With a human you could usually tell if a person was awake by the speed of their breathing and heartbeat, unfortunately a vampire had neither, making it nearly impossible to tell if they were actually asleep or merely had their eyes shut.
She very slowly began to slide off Angel, preparing to arm herself with a stake…maybe the rocket launcher too. Buffy fully remembered the torments and agony Angelus inflicted over his six month rein over Sunnydale, and had absolutely no intentions of letting the demon walk free again to continue his rampage.
She was about half way off when Angelus's arms wrapped tightly around her body, pressing her closer to him and blocking her escape. She stiffened, ready to fight to the death if need be. "Relax" his voice said calmly, then his eyes opened and looked into hers, "I'm not evil." She looked back at him, the cold, black and empty eyes of Angelus were no where to be found, only Angel's warm chocolate, soul filled eyes shown back at her with love.
"But…we…uhh…" she trailed off, sending a bewildered look to him. A grin appeared on his face, "Yeah, we did…several times." She shook her head, "But how?" a light appearing in her eyes, "Your soul! It's bound?" she asked hopeful. His grin faltered and he shook his head, "No, I'm still cursed." Her shoulders dropped, 'That could only mean one thing' she thought, "I wasn't… good?" She said, barely above a whisper. If he hadn't been a vampire he would have missed the words, but he heard and quickly responded. He pulled her down in a gentle kiss, "No Beloved, You were perfect." he whispered into her ear a moment later. "But how…?" she tried but he cut her off. "I'm cursed Buffy, not you. You can be as perfect as perfect can be. I can't."
He cupped her chin in his right hand, and ran his thumb along her cheek. "This time was different from before, I didn't know about the curse then. I let myself go before, all the pain, the guilt, I let it slip away. I forgot the burden my soul bears on me, and when I did, I lost it." She looked at him intently, "But…I thought it was because we…you know." she moved her hands together as she hesitated over the words, even thought they just had sex, she still couldn't say it. He smiled and shook his head, finding her hesitation about the words extremely cute.
"Perfect happiness is not just sex, Buffy. I can feel all the physical pleasure I want. It's about forgetting the pain my soul causes my demon. When we were last together, I let that happen. This time I didn't, I knew not to."
She felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders, this entire time she thought she had stolen his soul, but she hadn't stolen it, she just made him forget to suffer. 'Lot of good that did.' she added bitterly in her mind.
"So…what? Are you cured now?" she asked, not sure what this new information meant for them. "Not cured." He replied then added with a grin, "But it's not necessarily terminal anymore." She looked uncomfortable, unsure what she should do next. "So, what happens now?" she asked. "Don't know about you, but someone wore me out last night." He said with a sleepy grin. She smiled, "Really? I didn't think that was even possible." She said with just a tad of pride. "Hmm, my eyelids say it is." He whispered back.
She rested her head back over his still heart; a moment later his arms wrapped back around her, one hand gently combing threw her hair. "You're sure this is okay?" she asked, still nervous about the idea they could be physically together without the 'world as they know it' coming to an end.
"Yeah, you're safe." He said sleepily. "Good," she said, "Because I really don't want to have to stake you." She voiced back. 'Not that I actually could.' She thought to herself. He pulled himself out of sleep's grasp, "Even if something happens, the change isn't immediate. Takes a few minutes and hurts like hell, you'll have a fair warning. Besides, I left a taser on the table, one good zap and I'm out." She raised an eyebrow, "Really? A taser?" He grinned, "Mmm, trust me, I know. Been tased enough. Hmm…I should get you one; it's something every slayer should have." "Oh yeah?" she asked sleep pulling her down, "They come in pink?" He grinned and placed a kiss on top of her head, "I'll find you one." He whispered, and then fell asleep. "K" she whispered as she joined him.