Hello~ First story being uploaded! Yay~ *is shot* All right, so this is a request that was given to me by a friend. Intentionally, it was only for her, but we agreed that we could upload it online, so why not? Anyway, this is a parody of Sleeping Beauty, Hetalia style! *is shot again* I have no idea why I even agreed to upload this, but we'll just see how it goes, oui? Anyways~ on with ze story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia~

Once Upon a Time

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away, lived a king who was a wonderful man. He was just, righteous, and all those other words that meant the same thing. Also, he had extremely large, bushy eyebrows. Despite his appearance, however, he was still valued by his subjects, and loved by his beautiful Queen.

Now nobody knew exactly why his queen was a man, but there were rumours of a strange event that had occurred, which involved the Asian man crossdressing to go to the king's ball. According to the story, the king fell for the beautiful 'girl', and had married 'her' even when he discovered that 'she' was actually a 'he'. No big deal, right?

Anyway, this story isn't about the king and the queen. No, this story is about the princess, who was the king and queen's unique son. Once again, no one knew how the queen had their son. However, there were other rumours about a deal with a witch of some sort that amounted to an appalling case of laryngitis on the queens part. Luckily, it was temporary.

But that's another story for another time. This story will start where all good stories do: the beginning.

"He'll grow up to be a fine man, will he not?" King Arthur remarked proudly, gazing down at their newborn son. His wife, the Queen, Kiku, nodded in agreement. Arthur frowned slightly. "Although I'm not too sure I understand how exactly you managed to do this." However, despite his doubts, the king still had a rare smile, which was a mere curve upwards of the lips, on his face.

"The thing is, Arthur-kun, I wanted a girl," Kiku informed with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Arthur blinked incredulously at him for a moment, before staring down at the child, who was sleeping in the Japanese man's arms.

"Well..." He thought for a moment, before an idea struck him. He snapped his fingers together, his eyes lighting up. "Then we will raise him as our daughter," he decided. "Perhaps we may even be able to find him An agreeable suitor." A light smile and a nod was his response.

"Hai...that sounds good. Arigatou gozaimasu," the queen responded gratefully. Arthur nodded slowly, the distant expression in his eyes giving away the fact that he was still thinking.

"Unfortunately, his name has already been decided, and officially written. We have no choice but to call him Princess Gilbert. We cannot change it." He was given another shrug, and he began to wonder if Kiku was even in the mood for talking at the moment. It was sometimes hard to read him. Perhaps he was tired. A smile in his direction soon made his suspicions dissipate, however.

"You've already done so much, Arthur-kun. It'd be selfish of me to request for more." Arthur allowed his own smile to widen slightly. It was really amazing how the queen could make someone as sour as he was, smile like that.

With that, began the eccentric life of the Princess, Gilbert.

Now in the celebration of the princess' birth, the king and queen decided to host a banquet, and invited all the nobles in the kingdom, as well as the royalty of the neighbouring kingdoms. Of course, they also invited their friendly neighbourhood fairies. After all, their princess deserved only the best, right?

Now the throne room was full to the literal overflowing with guests. In fact, so many were present, that the royal family and emissaries from the Kingdom of Romania had to sit, or hang from, the chandeliers that were dangling from the high ceiling. This only served to fuel the speculation that the inhabitants of their kingdom were vampires.

One by one, all the guests of the princess' banquet stepped forward to give their blessing, and present the young princess with gifts. After an admittedly long while, the fairies stepped forward, perfectly in line, to greet the royal family, and grant traits to the princess.

The first fairy pranced forward, and leaned over Kiku, staring down at Gilbert with happy eyes that looked as if they were closed. "I'm Feliciano, the tomato-box fairy!" he introduced enthusiastically, poking Gilbert playfully with a single digit.

Arthur bowed his head briefly in a respectful greeting. Although Feliciano leaned on the air-headed side, he was still a fairy. They were all unrealistically powerful, even if that didn't seem to be the case in certain situations. In Arthur's opinion, it was best to keep on their good side.

As Feliciano peered down at the princess, he giggled, and cooed down at Gilbert, who had woken up, and was now staring up at him with crimson eyes, still filmed over slightly with sleep. "The princess is so cute~" he sang. "For my gift, I'll give him beauty! He'll be the most beautiful princess that ever existed~" With a gentle flick of his wand, the deed was done.

The queen looked down at his little princess, before lifting his gaze to stare blankly up at Feliciano. After a moment, he dipped his head in thanks, but said nothing. To be honest, he didn't really see any change at all. Not that he would admit it of course. After all, some spells took time, did they not? That was probably the case for this one.

As Feliciano traipsed off, his place was taken by a very distinguished looking man, who stared disdainfully down at the princess, looking for all the world like he had better things to be doing, or other places to be at that moment.

"My name is Roderich," he introduced crisply as he stared at Gilbert. "The child will be a troublemaker when he grows up. For my gift, I will grant him remarkable intelligence. If he will even know how to put it to decent use." A flick of the wand followed the remark.

Arthur bristled at the offensive comment that had been thrown at his child, but nevertheless allowed it to slide for now. The bastard was lucky that he was a fairy, or he'd be hanged then and there for even trying to imply that Gilbert was unintelligent.

As Roderich stepped away, primly brushing what Arthur assumed to be microscopic particles of dust from his clothing, his place was taken by a flamboyant looking blonde, who paraded somewhat coquettishly up to them. Arthur raised an eyebrow. He hadn't realized that the fairies took to crossdressing.

"I'm Feliks, and like omg, the princess is totes adorbs!" the fairy keened. "He is like, gonna be totes hot when he grows up! You know what? I think I'll like, make him super sexy~ you know, so everyone's gonna fall for him 'cause he's seriously gonna be hot~" Both Arthur and Kiku could've fainted at that.

Feliks waved his wand in a vivacious manner, and practically cat walked off in heels that looked painfully high. And painfully pink. Arthur wasn't even sure if it was possible to wear shoes like that without falling over. Or blinding the people who looked at them. Luckily, Feliks had wings to help him balance.

Another fairy stepped forward, this one looking like he'd rather be taking a nap than attending a banquet. As if that wasn't enough, a slumbering cat sat atop his shaggy brown hair. He bowed slightly, and yawned, covering his mouth with one hand as he lazily eyed the princess.

"Hm...a pleasure to be here...I'm Heracles." He blinked tiredly, and flicked his wand over Gilbert. "I'll give the princess diplomacy...helps them have a sense of justice." With another yawn, he dragged himself off, presumably to go find some place to take a nap. He already seemed asleep on his feet.

"Ah~ I'll give the princess an independent spirit, oui?" Arthur scowled lightly as he eyed the fifth fairy to approach them. Maybe he shouldn't have invited them after all...? This fairy was unique, as he used to be human. Of course, there had to be a strange circumstance in where he had been dying, and Arthur had saved his life under eccentric conditions.

"Lose the suave act, bloody git," Arthur muttered. Lifesaver or no, he still didn't share the best of relations with the narcissistic idiot of a fairy. Francis didn't seem to care, however, as he cast the spell, and walked off, winking at Arthur, who shivered in return.

The sixth pranced forward, leaning over to stare at Gilbert, who stared back up at him. "Aww~ the princess is so cute!" he crooned. "Unlike his father," he added in a more sullen tone. The fairy Antonio was known to have a long-standing rivalry with Arthur for reasons unknown to mankind. "I'll give him a sense of adventure! He'll be curious, and inquisitive, and...and it'll be so cute!" There was another one who wasn't known for his brains either.

One by one, they gifted Gilbert with personality characteristics. By the time of the tenth fairy, the princess was artistic, confident, strong, and creative. Just as the twelfth fairy was about to step forward so that he could present his gift, an uproar arose in the room as the doors were flung open with an invisible force. All eyes in the room turned to gaze warily at the newcomer. It was none other than the proclaimed insane thirteenth fairy.

"They say Ivan is mad, da? Maybe it is because nobody has become one! Become one with me, da?" Every person in the room stared at him unsure of how to reply. Of course none of them would say yes, but none of them knew how to say no.

"No one wants to become one?" The fairy pouted. "Fine! But you'll all regret it, da? Let's say that once the princess turns sixteen, I'll ask if he wants to become one. If he says no, he drops down dead, da?" No one bothered to point out the alliteration. With a wave of his wand, the curse was placed on the poor princess.

Arthur was angry. All right, who the hell gave that bloody wanker the right to do this to his princess? The queen on the other hand, seemed unfazed, which was strange when one bothered to think about it. Arthur shot a quizzical glance at the Asian. "You don't seem too troubled."

"Well, I did want a girl, Arthur-kun."

"Oh." Arthur shrugged. "But he's our princess, right? He'll grow up just like any other fine lady." Kiku nodded slowly at the statement.

"Hai...I suppose you are right," he agreed. "But he's still genetically incorrect." Arthur raised (a very large) eyebrow. After a split-second's thought, he glanced down at Gilbert before his gaze returned to Kiku.

"So are you," he pointed out. Kiku mused on that for a moment before sighing, and cradling Gilbert in his arms.

"Good point."

With their little conversation, they hadn't noticed the rather loud cacophony that had begun to resound throughout the room. Once Arthur did, however, he massaged his temples. This was grating on his nerves. He raised a hand for silence, but it went unnoticed by all. He drew in a deep breath, but someone beat him to the chastisement.

"Shut the fuck up!" The twelfth fairy, who looked strikingly similar to the first, glared around the room as if daring anyone to challenge him. In no time at all, the room was so silent, you would be able to hear a down feather fall onto the marble floor.

With a huff and a few muttered profanities, the fairy crossed his arms over his chest, balancing his wand in between his index and middle fingers. At an impertinent whisper, he glared at the direction it had come from, and quickly flipped the wand between his ring and pinky fingers so that he could give an onlooker a rather rude gesture.

"Just in case all you fucking bastards forgot, I still haven't given the damn cross-dressing brat my gift." Arthur couldn't help but wonder why everyone was so intent on ridiculing his son. Seriously! The queen was male and no one cared, so why make a big deal about his son being a princess?

"I was actually thinking about giving the bastard some fucking courage, but I suppose you don't want the bastard brat dead." The fairy Lovino sighed in exasperation, and ran his fingers through his hair, avoiding his peculiar curl.

"Well, I can reverse the whole goddamn curse, but that'll end up causing fucking controversy, or maybe a screwed up war, and I'm pretty sure that's the last damn thing you want. You're fucking lucky I'm being so damn considerate."

He walked up to the royal family, and eyed the albino boy in the queen's arms. He lifted his wand, and tapped Gilbert right between the eyes with a scowl pronounced clearly on his features. "Bastard kid, you're lucky I feel nice today," he muttered, poking the princess' cheek with his wand. Was he not a fairy, Arthur would've sent him to prison for child abuse.

"Listen up, all you bastards!" Lovino began with a frown. "Instead of dying, the princess is going to fall into a death-sleep for a thousand fucking years." Dramatic gasps were heard throughout the room, and Lovino glared at all the guests. "What the fuck are all you bastards gasping like constipated wolves for?" he hissed in annoyance. He rolled his eyes. "At the end of the fucking thousand years, someone will wake the brat up by giving him a good bitch-slap to his face." More gasps.

Lovino mumbled incoherent, and most likely censored phrases under his breath. "What does it take to satisfy all you bastards?" he screeched.

"Aw, cher, that's not only un-romantic, it would injure the poor princess' delicate skin! Don't you think that perhaps a kiss from the princess' true love would be more appropriate?" Francis suggested. Lovino bristled, and scowled.

"Fucking wine-bastard, it's my damn choice! Besides – I'm being fucking nice enough to that goddamn red-eyed brat as it is!" From somewhere up in the chandeliers, a cry of indignation was heard from the direction of the red-eyed prince. Lovino glared up at him and flipped him the bird, before blatantly ignoring him.

"A goddamn kiss? You have to be fucking kidding me! That's just as clichéd as you are, bearded bastard!" The ears of many children were covered that day. "Anyway, if you don't fucking agree with me, then I'll get his goddamn suitor to punch the fucking crossdresser to make him wake up!"

Francis held up his arms in a disarming pose. "If you insist, but I doubt their Royal Majesties would approve of it," he stated. Lovino huffed, crossed his arms over his chest, and pointedly looked away.

"Does it look like I give a shit?"

Arthur coughed to grab their attention. "Begging your pardon of course, but we are still here," he informed sharply. Lovino glared at him, and lifted his wand. A flick of his wrist, and the tip of the wand penetrated through the albino's skin, causing a tiny bead of blood to ooze slowly out. The single droplet coursed down Gilbert's face, drawing a scarlet path down his pale skin. Lovino grumbled, and stepped aside.

"There. Done," he muttered. "You'd better be fucking satisfied." Kiku stared serenely at him, unblinking.

"I still wanted a girl."

"Who gives a fuck?! You already got the goddamn brat when you're a fucking man, you crossdressed the bastard, and even then you still wanted a damn girl?" Kiku shrugged.

"He's still genetically incorrect." Lovino rolled his eyes impertinently.

"So are you." And for the second time in the span of three minutes, Kiku was in dire need of ice for all his burns.

How was that? It probably sucked for a first, but eh, who cares. *is shot a third time* Mind telling me what you think? It would be greatly appreciated! Promise~ :D