So Much for the Groundhog
By WendieZ
Manhattan, New York City: A very blustery first day of spring, 1965
"Damn!" Napoleon Solo complained as the wind tugged at his overcoat. "First day of spring; it's supposed to start getting warmer, not colder! So much for the groundhog!"
Illya chuckled aloud. "Not that rodent prognostication again! The weather is what it is due to meteorological events, not the prediction of some animal dragged out of his burrow in the dead of winter."
The pair scurried down the short stairs to Del Floria's tailor shop and rushed inside. The heat of the steam press was most welcome. Once inside the steel corridors, Napoleon continued the conversation on their way to the commissary.
"By the way, I meant to tell you: that story you told me about THRUSH stealing Punxsutawney Phil was a sham. I looked it up; there was no such mission. I even called the Pittsburg office."
Kuryakin's ash blond eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really?"
"Why are you surprised? Didn't you think I'd check?"
"Frankly, I didn't think you'd go so far as to call Pittsburg with such an outlandish request," Illya replied with a slight smile as he piled two doughnuts, a bagel and a banana on his plate.
"From now on I'm going to take your stories with a grain of salt, you conniving Cossack." He looked up at the short-order cook. "Good morning, Harry. How about a couple of eggs, scrambled with some toast and a side of ham. Thanks."
Illya poured coffee into a mug before following his partner to a table. "Call me what you will, but the story is true."
Napoleon stopped walking. "C'mon, I checked it out quite thoroughly."
"Okay, the truth is that that it wasn't THRUSH who took the animal but the pledge class of a particularly notorious fraternity from the Indiana University of Pennsylvania, Punxsutawney campus. And UNCLE had nothing to do with the rescue of poor Phil. The local police were able to handle the 'affair' quite adequately." Illya grinned.
"Do you really expect me to believe that story?"
Kuryakin shrugged. "I have no reason to disbelieve the agent who told me. He was, after all, a member of that pledge class."
"Why would someone admit to doing something so insanely stupid?"
"Which part, pledging a fraternity or stealing a groundhog? Napoleon, I've known you long enough to believe that you would take pledging a fraternity very seriously. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have been at all surprised to hear you were the one who stole the groundhog."
"Why would you ever think I'd do something like that?"
"Again, which do you mean, pledging a fraternity or stealing a groundhog?"
Solo went to the counter to retrieve his breakfast order. "How did we get onto this subject, anyway?" he said as he slipped into his chair opposite the Russian.
"I believe you mentioned groundhogs first in conjunction with the unspring-like weather."
"And I regret it deeply, believe me."
"So which fraternity did you pledge in college, Napoleon?"
"What's the sudden interest in my college days, Illya? Are you up to something that I'm going to get really pissed about later?"
"You're terribly suspicious of my motives all of a sudden. I simply asked a question. It's not an interrogation."
"It was a long time ago."
"I don't understand your reluctance."
"Okay, you tell me about your college days first. What juvenile misadventures did you get into your freshman year? Did the Soviet Union even have anything like fraternities?"
"Absolutely; it was called 'the military'. I was already in the Navy when I attended University. And juvenile misadventures were not permitted. But there was plenty of hazing."
"Sounds like a blast. Okay, I was in a fraternity. Tau Kappa Epsilon, TKE. My grandfathers wouldn't have settled for anything less. How did we get on this subject again?"
"Well, I must say I'm somewhat impressed, Napoleon. Tau Kappa Epsilon is very prestigious. Naturally, you were president at some point."
"Naturally," Napoleon replied absently. "I still want to know your interest in this bizarre subject."
Illya took a bite of his bagel. "Actually, I have little interest in the subject. I was simply making conversation."
Napoleon sat back. "I make an off-handed remark about the weather and suddenly we're talking about which fraternity I was in when I went to college."
Kuryakin smiled. "Imagine what would have ended up talking about if the first day of spring had been warm."
Author's comment: It's important to note that on this date in 1965, the temperature in New York City ranged from 25oF to a balmy 31oF with winds of 10-13 mph resulting in a wind chill of 20oF. Napoleon had a good reason to complain, though he wished he hadn't.
Statistics courtesy of Weather Underground, .com