People said that Matt didn't say anything. Sure he didn't speak much, but he said plenty.
"Are you suicidal?" Asked Kurt in a tone hovering between softly concerned and completely frazzled.
Eyebrow Twitch
"I'll take that as a maybe. Look, I saw a Tyra Banks show the other day where this sartorial disaster area said her wardrobe made her feel like she wanted to die, and I just wanted to say that I completely understand both her pain and yours. The poor girl looked like ground zero of a knitted sweater bomb. There was even collateral damage; her mother looked like someone had shot her with a makeup gun set on whore."
Widening Eyes
"You just need to know that there are people out there who can help. Just because you look like someone unleashed a weaponized version of plaid on you doesn't mean you deserve to die. Just suffer a little. And being that I've let you walk around all year like that, I think you, and everyone you've encountered, has suffered enough. My place, Saturday morning. Be there. We're going shopping."
Convulsive Swallowing. Shifting Weight.
Just as Kurt was opening his mouth and preparing to launch into another tirade, Mercedes walked past dressed up like a bird of paradise. As it turned out, no color wasn't invited to the party on her booty. A rainbow of colors spiraled down her pants, trying to escape from the neon yellows and greens of her top. Kurt stood staring after Mercedes' retreating figure, jaws slack, eyes glued to what could only be the sign of fashion's apocalypse.
"What… what was she thinking?" Kurt whimpered, his mind, mouth and retina shattered beyond their ability to function.
Throat Clearing
"Something like taste the rainbow? Maybe she's being sponsored. You know like a walking billboard."
Kurt's Prada heels screeched as he spun to look at Matt. His jaw unhinged as he tried to form the word 'billboard', instead managing to look like a gasping fish flung onto the dry land of Lima fashion.
Matt smiled fondly at Kurt as he walked away into the throng of the sartorially challenged.
Standing stock still as Matt passed, Kurt suddenly realized, "Hey you talked! Since when can you talk?"
Rueful Head Shake
Now Kurt was interested, and when piqued he was like a dog with a bone. Matt's plan was working perfectly, now all he had to do was wait. And pay Mercedes.