Pairing: Rory/Jess (Literati)
Disclaimer: It's not mine. I'm simply borrowing.
A/N: Just like the title says, five times Rory visits Jess after the events from 6x18. And the one time he goes back to the good old Stars Hollow. Enjoy!
(lit)
We shall not cease from exploration
and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time.
(lit)
I
The first time she knocks on his door it's late March, and everything is starting to bloom, the city waking up from the long winter sleep, all big eyes and delicate hands, long fingers buried into the soft material of the scarf, unable to stay still.
It takes a few knocks for him to finally look up from his book and sit up, suppressing a wince as his beck make him aware of the awkward position he was in for the last couple of hours (stairs were not made for long reading and the wooden fence was certainly not a good armchair). Rubbing his neck he looks around Truncheon. The place is empty even if it's barely seven pm. Usually at this hour it's crowded with college kids that have adopted it as a new favorite hangout place but the new school year has started so now it was full only on weekends.
All that is reason enough for him to think the knocking is just a mistake and he almost lets it go in favor of getting back into the world of Hemingway but something about that quick, precise knocking and the dark silhouette he can make out through the glass opening by the door make him pause. It couldn't be…
Seven o'clock on a school night and she's knocking on his door. Has she quit school again? The question poses itself, burying the worm of doubt deep in his mind. He tries to chase it away - it doesn't really matter, he's already said all he had to say to her, what she made of it is her choice. Still he puts down his book and leaps for the door.
She's wearing some warm boots and a skirt, matched with a gray jacket, her hair falling freely in messy waves of brown and burgundy, making the blue of her eyes stand out even more against it and the warm background of the sun setting and the green and yellow of the trees. She looks good, not like before when he found her at her grandma's mansion (big fake smile covering up everything that's gone wrong) or maybe he just has an overactive imagination. Either way she doesn't look like someone who quit school or isn't talking to her mother.
Once the concern fades away the hurt and resentment return.
He's torn between wanting to slam the door in her face or pull her close and kiss her - with them there's never middle ground. Yet Jess does neither. Just opens the door fully and steps aside for her to come in.
It would be unfair to blame her because he has feelings for her. Had. Past tense.
After initial awkwardness fades, she tells him how great things are now with school and Lorelai and he breathes a sigh of relief as they sip coffee and catch up on just about everything. He tells her about Truncheon. It's not that often that he reads something good but when it happens he doesn't mind firing up that old tin can that he calls his car and taking off at two in the morning to go and talk to the author. True story.
She says she believes him, it sounds just like him, pulling a stunt like that, but she still laughs, that loud, belly laugh and he can't help but smile too. It feels good to talk to her again.
He doesn't ask her why she came here. She'll tell him if she wants to.
Two hours later they've moved on to wine (some cheap bottle he digs up from the bottom of the fridge) and Rory confesses she's had a fight with her roommate and just went for a drive to clear her head, ending up here. She tells him how she misses her own bed and her mom so much (they rarely get to see each other because of all the obligations she has being in her final year and Lorelai with work), and she admits it feels nice to see a familiar face. He thinks so too.
They fall asleep there, Rory on the couch and Jess on the floor, back leaning against the side where her feet are.
In the morning she thanks him for everything with a serious face and warm eyes. That's what friends are for, he says and they shake hands to make it official. It's then that he realizes this is actually the first time he's touched her since that disastrous mistake he's made at this exact place all those months ago and he thinks it's not as hard as he imagined it would be.
And that's how it starts.
II
Once Rory graduates from Yale she finds a job at the papers in Hartford, writing a column, reviewing new books from less known authors (she even calls Jess sometimes to ask for his opinion and he lets her plagiarize him frequently, free of charge) which is a dream job if not for one thing. She is lonely there. It is a big company and she works in one of those cubicles that make her feel claustrophobic and left out.
That's how she meets Emma, her new neighbor (sort of) that workes in the cubicle next to hers. She is shorter than Rory with red hair and a personality that doesn't quite fit into a two by two box. She's always drawing something on their lunch breaks or at work when they aren't busy and Rory thinks she should definitely pursue a career in art instead of being stuck here.
So when Emma finishes her first graphic novel (that looks absolutely amazing, which isn't much of a surprise to anyone) Rory is the first to know and see the whole thing completed. The problem is, no one wants to publish it since she is new to the scene and a complete unknown. Which is how the two of them end up in Philadelphia, visiting Jess.
Because a week after Emma showed her the novel Rory gos this genius idea to ask him for help, if nothing else, he could put a few copies of the novel in the window or something. Jess gladly accepted, saying he'll talk to a few publishers he knows, show them her work and see if they can do something about it.
When they arrive he catches them up with what he managed to do so far, talks about it with such passion and expertise that leaves Rory a little surprised and a lot proud. His work is going well, she can tell and when he offers Emma to publish the book himself, as part of Truncheon books, in case everything else fails, she is assured she made a right choice.
Emma is practically glowing and she and Jess talk about it all over coffee (it's obvious he knows something about it, and they even go over some of their personal favorites Cowboy Bebop, Ghost in the shell and so on, she blanks out after a while), Jess not hiding his admiration for the work she has done (or the artist) as Rory just sips her coffee suddenly uncomfortable with the situation for some strange reason.
Jess gives Emma the new book he's been working on to read and maybe sketch some illustration for the cover if she gets some ideas or inspiration and Rory can't help but wonder why didn't he give her the book to read over? She's been hearing about it for months now and she was sure he'd ask for her opinion first once it was finished.
He always did before.
III
She's breathless by the time she reaches the familiar door and so she stops against her own desire, taking a moment to actually breathe because her lungs feel like they're on fire and she doesn't think fainting would do anyone any good right now.
Once she's settled down she moves her hand to knock just as the doors open and she misses Mike's face by an inch.
"Aw, I'm sorry about that," she apologizes.
"It's all right, don't worry about it," he says good-naturedly, pulling on the other sleeve of his jacket and managing to somehow squeeze his way out without pulling her aside "He's inside, upstairs, acting like a complete baby as it's to be expected."
Rory smiles despite being worried like crazy over a pretty common matter. She hopes Mike can't see it. "Of course," she says calmly, clutching the box in her hands a little too tightly.
"I have to go now, but if you need anything don't be afraid to call," he says and she nods. He's called her a few hours ago to ask if she can come since he has to go home due to of some sort of a family emergency and Jess is alone here.
"Okay."
"And Rory-" he says and she turns "Thanks for coming on such short notice."
"That's what friends are for."
He looks at her in a sort of funny way, smiles and says "Right," and leaves it at that, walks away. She's sure there was more but he obviously didn't find it important enough to bother her with it now.
So she lets it slide and walks inside, into the warmth, inhales the familiar scent of books and stale coffee before going upstairs.
Rory finds him in his room, in bed, covered up with two blankets, coughing and looking absolutely miserable. It's strange, to see him like that. In all the years she's known him she's seen all the different versions of Jess, good and bad, but she's never seen him so…weak and human. She laughs at that, it sounds completely ridiculous, but to her Jess never looked like a guy who got sick, or got flu a day before his birthday. But as it turns out, he's not much different than everyone else after all.
She takes a step, smiles and says with a crooked smile "Luke sent you a care package."
He looks at her with a comical expression and says "You're enjoying this far too much, aren't you?"
"I would never-" he looks at her incredulously and she relents "Okay, maybe a little. So let's see what we have here," she says, going through the box "Chicken soup, crackers, juice-"
"Okay, I'm gonna go warm up that soup, maybe get you another blanket and you'll see- you'll feel better in no time."
(lit)
Two hours later, the soup is eaten and Rory's managed to talk him into taking another Ibuprofen before covering him up with what looked like a small mountain of blankets. The fever has lowered a bit and he's almost asleep, not much for conversation so she wonders around his room in search for something to entertain herself with.
The room is small and it reads like a story almost. There are shelves and shelves of books, lined up all the way from one side of the wall to the other by the door and she can see him lying in bed or sitting at that half broken windowsill on a lazy afternoon reading – she's sure he's red most of the books here. There are CD's messily stacked on the floor by the table and on it by the laptop. She smiles at the thought of him writing furiously, a Clash song screaming in his ears.
The carpet is covered with papers, lists of authors, books, potential clients – work related no doubt, a stack of bills and a pencil with a chewed off cap beside it. It comes harder to her, imagining this side of him, the one that works nine to five (or longer) and worries, helping to keep this place open and successful. But inevitably, it makes her appreciate it all the more, how far he's come, how he's fit his old world (books and music and writing) with the new one so seamlessly.
Finally she settles for one of the books from the top row and sits on the sofa by the window, with a lazy yawn, glancing at the bed every so often.
Around two in the morning the fever rears its ugly head again, and he becomes restless, unable to sleep but too tired to stay awake and she comes this close to actually picking up the phone and asking Luke for help. In the end she gets a wet cloth from the bathroom, puts it on his forehead as he remarks how he feels stupid with flowery patterns on his head but shuts up five seconds later as the cold soothes his feverish skin and she takes that as a good sign. She pulls out a DVD from the pile on the floor and puts it in the player and climbs on the bed with him to watch the movie.
He looks at her through half open lids as she sits, checking if the cloth is still cold before turning her attention to the screen, and says quietly "Thank you."
"Anytime," she says and hopes he knows she means it.
Half an hour later he's asleep and she follows him shortly after, warmth and his even, soft breathing making her eyes feel heavy as the credits roll on the small TV screen in the dark.
When she wakes up, feeling warm and safe, she lets out a lazy, satisfied sigh before realizing her left hand is placed on his chest, her cheek safely pressed against his shoulder. Her first instinct is to move away, embarrassed by the possibility of him finding her in this position but then she sees he's still tightly asleep and closes her eyes, breathing in, moves up a little closer.
It couldn't hurt to stay like that for five more minutes.
In the morning she goes and buys a cupcake at the local bakery and puts a candle she found in one of the kitchen drawers on it, lights it up and tells him to make a wish.
He stares at her in surprise, one eyebrow raised at the sight and then does as she said - no point in arguing with a Gilmore.
She eats the cupcake in the end, as he sips on his tea, still not in the mood for food, and watches her sitting there with frosting on her nose, knowing that even when time passes by he'll remember her like this, with half eaten cupcake in hand, blue eyes sparkling in the morning sunlight and think of this as his favorite birthday.
Rory wonders briefly if there is someone he would rather celebrate this with, like his friends or a girlfriend that will probably get him a real cake that cost more than dollar fifty but dismisses the though choosing to enjoy the early morning bliss instead of worrying about the future.
IV
She gets the invitation in the mail, for an engagement party in Philly, at Truncheon books. There's a short, tiny second before she reads the name on the card where she feels like she can't breathe (it can't be, please not now, not already, not him), but she tucks it away, never to recall again, and thinks what she'll get Mike and Emma for their engagement.
With a brand new toaster in hand, a bottle of champagne and a smile so wide her cheeks are hurting she knocks on the door of Truncheon for the fourth time.
He opens the door and rolls his eyes at the sight but smiles anyway, an almost shy smile.
"Congratulations!" she says, raising the bottle up.
"On what?" he says, playing dumb.
"On your diploma, silly. I bought champagne, not the cheap one from the bottom racks but the really good stuff to celebrate. Except that I actually bought it for Emma and Mike."
Emma chooses that particular moment to walk up to them and pull Rory into a crushing hug. "Rory, I'm so glad you came."
Jess walks away letting the girls catch up.
(lit)
She finds him sitting on the stairs, hands on his knees when the things have quieted down a little and decides to join him there. "I didn't get the chance to congratulate you properly on getting your GED."
"Yeah well, it's no Pulitzer," he shrugs it off. "I only did it so the guys can't use it as a punch line anymore. Plus it looks really good on the wall."
She laughs "Yes that will certainly impress all those big shot publishing people."
"I have to think about the store now too, not just myself. Somebody has to feed those high school dropouts I call friends," he jokes.
"Spoken like a true businessman," she says mockingly.
He laughs, looks at her under those dark eyebrows and she smiles, biting her lip.
"I still can't believe those two crazy kids hooked up."
"Me neither," she agrees, eyes locked with his.
(lit)
Later Mike calls for a toast as Jess and Rory stand on the side, by their table and gives this little speech, thanking everyone for coming and then adds at the end a special thank you to Rory and Jess, making all the heads turn in their direction. Rory blushes a little, and Jess raises his glass, putting a hand around her shoulders as she leans into him without thinking.
"You two are to blame, we couldn't have done it without you," Mike says with a smile, earning a laugh from the crowd "But seriously guys, thank you for introducing me to the most beautiful, crazy woman on the planet that drives me nuts half the time but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way."
There is a lot of sighing and aweing from the crowd at that and he and Jess exchange a few good-natured insults and Rory smiles, looks at Emma, who is positively beaming as the music turns up again and she and Mike start dancing on the small podium in the middle of the room.
She feels very girly and delicate in her red dress so maybe that's the reason she turns to Jess and pulls him for a dance.
He frowns at her, complains about dancing not being his thing all the way to the dance floor but she challenges him by pointing at Mike and Emma. If Mike can do it so can he.
So he shuts up and puts his hands around her waist and she rests her head against his shoulder. There's a rhythm to their movement that makes everything else still, and she can hear his heart beat fast in his chest, under her trembling fingers.
She thinks hers isn't far off.
V
Last time she comes to Philadelphia it's because she misses him.
They talk on the phone all the time now, so often in fact that even Lorelai has started rolling her eyes every time she hears who she's talking too or sees a Philadelphia area code number show on her cell phone. But it's not enough.
Luke never says anything, just smiles knowingly but even he comments that she's spending far too much time in Philly once she announces she's going there again.
When she arrives, she finds a truck in front of the Truncheon and runs inside trying to deny what she already knows to be true.
The boxes in the room only confirm her doubts and when he comes down the stairs, in jeans and a jacket she gives him the look of betrayal. She knows she has no right but it still hurts all the same.
She feels her heart sink when he steps in front of her looking guilty.
"I'm moving to Chicago for a while, we're opening a new store there," Jess says and she resist the urge to put her hands on her ears, childishly refusing to hear him out. But she can't, she's an adult now and this is what adults do, stand and listen and pretend they don't care.
"I wanted to tell you but it felt wrong to do it over the phone."
"So you chose not to tell me at all," she says in a quiet voice, looking up at him with moist eyes.
"I was planning to come to Star Hollow for the weekend and talk to you then, in person," he says and she feels a little guilty for accusing him.
Rory wants to hate him, she really does but it's kind of hard, especially when he says something like that and she knows she has no right to be upset about this, not as much as she is at least. She has a feeling that isn't the reason for her behavior, that there's something else there but she's too afraid to admit it to herself, let alone say it out loud, so she nods and says okay and asks if he needs help with the boxes instead.
They spend the afternoon packing his belongings and joking and talking about everything, from his too extensive collection of books to his poor choice of clothing, carefully avoiding the one thing they want to say.
It hangs there, between them, heavy like clouds on a rainy night.
When the night falls they stand on the concrete steps, and she thinks it probably hurt him this much that night she walked away all those months ago. If she'd known then, she would have never left.
Her eyes tear up a little and he pulls her close, holding on tight like he'll never let go. But he always does and like always, she's not prepared.
"This isn't forever, you know," he whispers into her hair, inhaling her perfume - lavender and fresh coffee (they had one with the rest of the guys in the kitchen on a moving break one last time all of them gathered together). Every time he orders one in Chicago he'll think of her, he knows and thinks he'll switch to iced tea or one of those soda drinks she always hated just because he can and she won't be there to tell him how it's bad for his health or something.
I know, she wants to say but bites down on her tongue to stop the words from slipping out, afraid the tears will follow soon after.
"I'm coming back in six months, if everything goes well there," Jess says, as an assurance to both of them. Rory just nods at him, wanting to believe and when he kisses her cheek it feels like a promise.
He isn't gone yet but she feels like she misses him already.
VI
She's watching Jerry McGuire at home and suddenly bursts into tears at that scene where Dorothy is moving away with her son in that stupid old truck. Lorelai would probably mock her for it but she's too busy making tea in the kitchen for her unusually moody daughter that is worrying her more and more lately, acting like she's just gotten through a really bad break up she won't tell her about.
There's a knock on the door and Lorelai goes to open it because Rory's too busy being overly emotional about a nineties movie and too lazy to leave the comforting warmth of her soft blanket.
Rory hears voices and then literary jumps off the couch when she recognizes it.
She's in the process of fixing her hair when Lorelai walks in the room followed by Jess and they're actually talking and laughing. Rory can hardly believe her eyes. As if Jess being actually here is not shocking enough.
He's wearing a simple red shirt and dark blue jeans combined with his favorite converse. He looks good, not just because of the clothes or the hair but something inside that has changed over the years, turning that boy she once knew into a man that not only knows how to express himself but also looks comfortable in his own skin. It compliments him better than any shirt could and it's noticeable. Even Lorelai is looking at her as if she's thinking 'how could you miss out on that?'
"Jess, hey."
"Hey."
"Rory you didn't tell me Jess was coming to town," Lorelai says, oblivious to the tension in the room.
"Yeah, it's sort of news to me too," she says and then looks at Jess "Weren't you supposed to stay there for another two weeks?"
"I was, but Jake came earlier to Chicago to take over and put me out of my misery so I sat on a plane and came here directly," he explains shortly.
Lorelai looks almost as impressed as Rory is.
"Mom, didn't you have that thing with Luke?"
"What thing?" Lorelai asks in confusion.
"You know that thing-"
"Oh yes, the thing," she says, nodding at Rory knowingly "I'm just gonna go and do that and maybe see you guys later."
"Yes you do that," Rory says not really paying her any attention.
When the doors close and they're left alone there's no hugging or crying or any of those things she imagined she'd do when she saw him again.
She makes coffee and he finds a movie and they sit on the couch talking. He tells her about Chicago, the long afternoons spent in Lincoln Park reading and nights at small jazz club close to his apartment and she tells him about everything but the nights spent at home watching old romantic comedies (she's pretty sure she rented out the entire row more or less by now) and noticing the emptiness of her apartment more than usual.
They talk until nightfall and then he interrupts her in the middle of a story about Kirk's latest adventure that involved Taylor and the police, saying he has to go because he promised Mike he'd be back to Truncheon tonight to help him out tomorrow, you know how it gets busy on Mondays.
Jess stands up and is practically walking backwards as she's holding on to his jacket sleeve unknowingly and she stops him when he's almost at the door.
"You could stay at least for dinner," Rory says, unsure where exactly is she going with this.
"I would but I don't want to go back that late. And I'm scared of getting food poisoning."
She slaps him on the shoulder "Luke will cook. He strictly forbade me and mom to even approach the kitchen unless there's some emergency involved."
"Maybe next weekend we'll figure something out."
"You should come. I always go to Philly but you never come here."
"I do, it's just that I stay at Luke's or with Liz," he admits and then says "I never thought you'd want me to stop by."
She looks at him for a long, long time and says, feeling brave "Of course I do."
"Come here," he says, pulling her by the hand, looking her straight in the eyes and she knows she's in trouble, her heart racing as he pulls her close. But she kind of doesn't mind.
Rory can't see his face because hers is buried between his neck and collarbone but she thinks he's smiling by the way his mouth move against her hair and she wants to see that so bad that she looks up, forgetting how close they actually are. His smile only grows wider when he looks into her eyes and she grins, just now remembering his eyes aren't actually just brown, there are bits of golden in there too.
But you can't see it easily from afar.
"Next week then," she says, liking the idea of it. They never used to make plans and she loves that they do now, even if it's just a friendly dinner.
He is silent, looking at her eyes like he's trying to remember what he wanted to say but then she's gone and changed it all so now he has to come up with something else.
"You know, I couldn't stay there a day longer," he confesses, suddenly serious, lips pressed into a thin line.
She kisses him then, his back colliding with the door as she moves closer, her lips pressing against his because he says the last thing she ever expected him to say, because he didn't even make some inappropriate comment about her embarrassing pile of postcards from Chicago in a wooden box on the table in the living room that she knows he saw and because she's tired of waiting anymore.
He kisses her back like he wanted to do this for so long he's almost afraid he'll ruin it or break her but she assures him he won't by biting down on his lower lip to let him know she's a big girl now, she doesn't break so easily.
The way he looks at her than is priceless, eyes wide and mouth shaped like an O but when he pulls her close again he kisses her for real, like he lived without air for years, in a mute world and she was the oxygen he craved for so long, making the sounds come to life again creating a rush in his ears and heart. She tastes like coffee and chocolate and a promise fulfilled and he shows her there are still things to learn as he pulls her in but she's here now. They both are and there's plenty of time to learn, to forget, to forgive. When they finally separate sometime later to catch a breath she kisses the corner of his mouth and lets him go.
She closes the door and leans back, closing her eyes, back pressed against the wood when she hears her phone beep from the living room.
She runs to pick it up and reads a massage that arrived.
'I'll call you tonight.' it says and she smiles.
'I'll be waiting.' she texts back and falls into the soft comfort of her couch cushions. This time, she knows it won't be in vain.
Later in the afternoon when Lorelai returns home to find her daughter sitting on the couch, she sees the smile on Rory's face and that's all the confirmation she needs.
(lit)
Three months later she moves to Philadelphia after getting a job at Philadelphia Daily News, a day after his birthday.
It's a beautiful summer day, sky's a mixture of yellow and pink and they're standing in front of a Truncheon when she asks him, thinking back of his last birthday, "What did you wish for that morning?"
"Nothing," he says and she frowns, not sure she understood him well.
"What do you mean?"
"I already had everything I wanted," he says easily.
"What is that?"
"You there with me."
She understood that all too well. It was exactly what she wished for on her eighteenth birthday. Though years later, her wish finally did come true.
(The end)