Disclaimer: The characters and Star Trek world all belong to Paramount. I am just posting a story that should have been...

-Thanks to CatC - my friend and editor... Without her and her cattleprod, I wouldn't be writing!

The Captain's Secret

Captain Kathryn Janeway was still in a good mood after having been on the holodeck. She had been under stress lately, and even the Doctor had noticed.

"You should find a good holoprogram to relax you, Captain. You need to take care of yourself. The crew can get along without you for a few hours." The Doctor had told her earlier that evening. He looked concerned about her, "I can order you to take some time off, but I don't want to have to do that, Captain. If you don't take some time off soon, I will have to resort to that. The crew doesn't need a captain that is too stressed out to do her job properly."

"Yes, Doctor." She replied. Upon thinking of all of the programs she enjoyed, Kathryn immediately knew which one was most relaxing. She used to frequent the holodeck, choosing familiar surroundings that had always relaxed her, but had not found time recently to visit her favorite program.

She went back to her room, knowing she could sleep well tonight. When she arrived home, she took a shower, dressed in her nightgown, and fell asleep. She slept deeper, that night, than she had in weeks and her dreams were wonderful.

The next morning, Kathryn dressed for her shift on the bridge, putting on her familiar uniform. She made sure that her it looked presentable - no wrinkles and her pips lined up straight. She wanted to make sure that no one could fault her appearance this morning. Maybe they hadn't noticed that she had been under stress. Her first stop of the morning was her ready room. The captain traditionally had her coffee in the morning while reading the reports of the night shift.

When she had completely reviewed all the reports and the other officers had taken their places on the bridge, Captain Janeway exited her ready room. She walked with an air of authority taking her place in the Command Chair.

Commander Chakotay, with his brown eyes and dark complexion, looked over at the ready room door when he heard it open. He was surprised that the Captain looked so refreshed today. Her red hair was lustrous again, and her eyes were bright, not tormented. Last night, he had given her an ultimatum - she was to see the doctor, or he would call up the EMH program himself. Chakotay had been worried about his friend, who had obviously had something on her mind.

The ship was in another void - a dark area of space where no stars' light penetrated. They would be in the void for two months this time, and he was worried about her. The last time Voyager went through null space, she had shut herself up in her quarters and wallowed in regret at stranding the ship in the delta quadrant. They were thrown 70,000 light years away from home. They had been able to travel 40,000 light years in 7 years with a lot of luck and alien help and technology. He was glad to see that she was not giving in to those feelings this time.

She sat in the chair next to her first officer, who was also her best friend. She turned and looked over at him, smiling, waiting for his report with unspoken words.

Her look was returned with a dimpled smile. He reported, "We're still on course for home, there doesn't seem to be anything to explore today." But thought, 'And there won't be anything to explore for the next 2 months...' but decided not to state the obvious. He was concerned for his commanding officer, but was reassured that she had taken steps to take care of herself the previous night.

After their shift, Commander Chakotay followed the Captain back to her ready room. He often did this to discuss the day's events. They discussed personnel issues, disciplinary measures, and crew manifests. As he watched her walk, he even noticed that she had a jaunt back in her step. 'She's back!' he thought, and smiled to himself.

When the captain had seated herself behind her desk, she turned to see her first officer settling himself in the chair opposite her. She smiled at him, and her eyes had a twinkle in them that he had not seen in years. She picked up a few PADDs, ready to start their personnel discussion. They were both concerned that all of the crew was having problems about adjusting to the void.

He wasn't quite sure what the change in her meant, but decided it was a good thing. "Hello Kathryn. I see that you took my advice and did something for yourself last night. I am glad to see you were sensible." He said through a chuckle.

"Ah, I figured that you would notice." She laughed, "I can't hide anything from you anymore." She smiled warmly at him as she studied his face, lingering on the tribal tattoo over his left eye.

Ever since they had been stranded together a few years ago, they had an unspoken bond. The crew had been granted shore leave on an unpopulated planet that looked surprisingly like Earth. The green hills and fresh breeze were relaxing to all of the crew and had invigorated them. Unfortunately, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had been bitten by an indigenous bug, which had forced them to stay on the planet. This bug bite had given them a virus that had made it impossible to leave the planet. When they had been beamed off the planet, they had experienced immediate life threatening medical reactions and had to be emergency transported back to the surface. Until the virus could be cured, the two officers had to stay on the planet, quarantined. The Doctor had worked hard for several weeks, trying to find a cure for the virus, but was unsuccessful. In the end, Captain Janeway ordered the crew to resume their voyage back home. Lt. Tuvok had taken command, and all had said teary good byes over the comm system.

The crew had transported the supplies they would need to the planet. They had housing, a communications system, food, clothing and many other staples. During the time that Kathryn and Chakotay had spent on the planet, they had formed a very close relationship. They had even fallen in love, and had accepted that they were going to spend the rest of their lives on "New Earth", as they had decided to call their planet. It took Kathryn much longer to accept their confinement than Chakotay, but she had eventually given in. He had made their quarantine homier by making furniture, additions to the housing, and even carved her a bathtub, since she yearned for a bath.

It took the crew several months to find a cure, but Voyager had eventually come back for them. At this time, Janeway and Chakotay had decided that it would be best to try to put the relationship they had formed behind them, and remain friends when they returned to the ship. It had hurt both of them, but Starfleet Captains were not allowed to have relationships, and the Commander had realized that. He did try to talk her out of that decision before they left their home of several months, but she stood firm in her judgment. They made sure their friendship was not affected, though, and they still continued to have dinners together.

Chakotay just smiled at her, and his eyes twinkled. "Yes, we once knew each other very well." He stared at her for a moment, taking in every nuance of her face. "You look great. What did you do last night that relaxed you so well?"

She shrugged, laughed a little and said, "I just visited the holodeck. I chose one of my favorite retreats, and did a little reading. I just couldn't relax in my quarters. It reminded me that there was too much work to do." And she laughed. "I almost fell asleep in the holodeck!" she confided. She reached back to massage her neck muscles, which had been tight recently.

He laughed. "I'm glad that you were able to relax, Kathryn. You really needed it. " He stood up from his chair, walked around behind her. He rested his hands on her shoulders then began to massage her neck. He teased, "I see that it didn't relax you totally though. I've told you before, if you need a massage, just call me."

Kathryn, at first, reveled in his touch. She loved the feel and the warmth of his hands on her skin. She knew that Chakotay had been teasing her, but also knew that his words had a lot of truth in them. He had not wanted to break off their relationship when they returned from New Earth. She had been the one to decide that it would be best, as an example to the crew. He took the change in relationship status harder than she had - or at least that is what she had let show. In truth, she wanted it to continue as much as he had, but refused to let it show. She would have loved to call him for a massage, but her pride wouldn't let her do it.

"I'm fine now, thank you Commander" she stated.

He got the hint. When she called him Commander, she was distancing herself again, which usually meant she was trying to keep herself under control. He had chosen not to push her, for her own sake. He removed his hands from her neck, and went back to sit in his chair.

They spoke of issues regarding personnel for a while, deciding that they should give more recreation time for the crew. Everyone was feeling the stress of the null space. They made the decision to keep the Sandrine's program running 24 hours a day on Holodeck 1, so the crew could have a place to relax at any time. They were sure the crew needed as much recreation time as they did.

After an hour or so of talking business, she stifled a yawn. Wanting to change the subject, she said, "So what are you making for dinner this evening?" Giving him a knowing smile, she added, "You know if I cook, we'll go hungry."

He laughed. "Yes, Kathryn, I know that well." He noted her quick change of subject and smiled. "I hadn't thought of it yet. What would you like?" He asked.

"Surprise me!" she answered. "I'll meet you in my quarters at 1800 hours then?" She turned to look at her checklist again, to make sure they covered all of the topics they had intended to discuss for the day.

"I'll be there, you can be sure of that." He answered quickly. He wouldn't miss a chance to spend an evening with her. "I'll see you later." Chakotay realized that their meeting was over, and decided to leave. He hoped she would follow his lead and leave the ready room, and her work behind her. "Are you coming? You need to get away from your work."

She smiled, got up from her desk and answered, "Yes sir. I'm on my way. I think I'll read for a while. Reading always recuperates me."

Since Kathryn had a few hours before Chakotay showed up for dinner, she decided to go back to her program. Because her trip to the holodeck the previous night had helped her feel so much better, she decided that she would visit it more often. She now had extra time, since everyone was on light duty. Chakotay had insisted that she be on light duty as well, and had recruited the Doctor to agree with him.

She walked to holodeck 2 and gave the computer an order. "Computer, start Janeway program 'Eden'." When the door whooshed open, she walked on to the familiar planet. New Earth greeted her. She was in the place she had spent months of time, alone with her best friend, and her love. She never thought that she could have loved another after Mark, but after hearing that he had thought her dead and had married another, she despaired her decision to end her relationship. Kathryn, the woman not the Captain, had visited the program Fair Haven several times, and had fallen for Michael, the pub owner. She had even changed his parameters to make him more attractive to her.

The walk to 'breakfast rock' was invigorating. Breakfast rock was a large flat rock near a pond, it is where she had always chosen to read when on New Earth. She could lie down with the sun over her head, and the sound of the water always relaxed her. A few hours later, her comm badge beeped. It was her alarm that it was 17:30 hours, and it was time to go back to her quarters to get ready for dinner.

When Kathryn had gotten back to her room, she had taken a shower and changed her clothes. She had chosen one of her favorite dresses to wear to dinner that night, the blue dress that had been her special dress on New Earth. Since she had spent time on New Earth lately, she was subconsciously dressing the same way. Her red hair had been pulled back with a barrette, and she walked barefoot. While waiting for her dinner guest, she reclined on her couch and read a book.

The door chimed, she called out "Enter".

Commander Chakotay walked in the room, carrying a casserole, and looked for her. When he saw her laying on the couch, in that dress, he gulped. 'Why does she have to tease me like that.' he thought. 'She knows very well what that dress reminds me of!'' After putting the casserole on the table, he walked over to the couch and put his hand on her shoulder. "Dinner is served," he said, motioning to the table.

She followed him to the table, unaware of how her appearance had affected the Commander. "It smells wonderful!" she said. "I love when you cook."

He just shook his head, laughing. "You just love being cooked for!" he added. When they had finished dinner, and the dishes had been recycled, he decided to test his luck. "You look beautiful this evening, Kathryn. Did you wear that dress for me?" he asked hopefully.

Kathryn looked down and realized what she was wearing. "No, I didn't realize what I was wearing until just now. I'm sorry. I just picked out the most comfortable outfit in my closet." She found herself examining the dress, and realized what she had done. She hadn't wanted to wear this in front of him, but it just seemed natural.

"It's alright, Kathryn. I've missed seeing you like this. This is the way I always think of you." He added, softly.

Embarrassed, she stood up from the table. "Goodnight Commander" she said, playing with her dress like a little girl. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Disappointed, Chakotay said goodnight and went to his room. He spent the evening thinking about her, not able to take his mind off of her if he tried. He tossed and turned in his bunk all night.

After Chakotay had left her quarters, she ran straight to the holodeck, barefoot, and turned her program back on. "Computer, add character to the program..." When she had finished specifying the character, and made sure the parameters met her approval, she set her program in motion.

"Hello Kathryn." he said, "I've been waiting for you, love of my life." He took her hand, pulled her towards him and wrapped her in his arms. She melted into his embrace, realizing how much she had missed his touch. Kathryn spent the evening with Chakotay on New Earth, in his arms.

*Please review. There is more to come.