Donna sat there, her mind in utter turmoil because of one little thing, one little phone call. Today was that day. It had to happened, they both knew it. Nothing could be fix what just happened. There was nothing Harvey could do, nothing he could buy, no one he could consult. His father had passed away and nothing could bring him back. That was it, plain and simple. He was alone now. The one person who had always been there for him was now the one person who he would spend the rest of his life missing.
The one thing that kept Harvey halfway sane was gone. His father was gone.
Donna got up and forced her limbs to move. She walked into Harvey's office and came right over to him. He was totally lost, off in his own world, misery etched into his handsome features. She touched his arm, gently tugging on his shirt. "Hey," she said, pulling him into the here and now. "I called Ray, you're going home. Come on." He just looked up at her. She could see behind his mask, she could see everything. He tried to be brave, tried to look like he wasn't falling apart. "He's really gone," he said and his voice cracked. She sat on the edge of his desk near him. "Harvey, come on. I'm getting you home. It's no good to be here, there's no work to do right now, anyway."
She pulled him up from his chair and helped him into his coat. She cupped his cheeks, forced him to look down at her. "I'm not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. Don't push me away." They stood there like that for a moment, each holding their breath because of how close they were. They prayed no one was walking by and saw them. Donna was the first to pull away and when she did, she grabbed his phone and closed his laptop. She tugged him with her and he followed, not an ounce of fight left in him.
He didn't cry, not in the elevator, no, not in the car, not even the moment he passed the threshold into his own home. He kept it all inside, just waiting for the moment she was going to leave.
His back slumped against the door as he stepped inside, closing it behind him. His eyes followed her as she walked into his living room, just like was an everyday thing, like she owned the place. She tugged off her black peat-coat and scarf, tossing them onto his chair. He smiled slightly, something in his chest tightening to know she was comfortable in his home. For all intents and purposes, it was her second house. So many nights had been spent with them staying up and watching movies, eating pizza, listening to his old records, or just working on cases that needed to be finished for the next day and submitted.
He tossed his keys onto his counter and began to tug off his coat. His eyes filled with tears again as he was reminded of why he was home in the first place. Donna noticed, unfortunately, and she came over to him and helped him out of his jacket and his suit coat. He just watched her as she gave a good tug to his tie and it loosened. Something about the way she did it, made his heart melt. There was a certain tenderness in her touch, one that he'd only had the luxury of coming across a few times. When her eyes met his, he swallowed hard.
Together, they went into his living room. The silence that fell was unsettling and he hated it, not that there was anything he could do about it. He fell into his couch, his arm rising to lie on the back of the cushion. She took it as an invitation and she came to sit next to him, hesitance in her steps but it didn't stop her.
Harvey laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. They burned and he really didn't want Donna to see him cry. She sat back on the couch with him, snuggling up to his side and wrapping an arm around him. He felt her shoulders move a little and he knew she was crying. Truth be told, Gordon have loved her like she was his own daughter. He had always been trying to get the two hitched but one way or another, Donna managed to say no to every date Harvey had asked her on. She gave him kudos for trying, though. It was really no secret that he liked her. She had never talked about it much but she would have done anything for his father, if only he'd aked. She had always referred to him as 'Pop,' so when she told Harvey that something had happened, that it was his 'dad,' he knew right off the bat it couldn't have been good.
She laid her head on his shoulder, right in the nook between his neck and collarbone. She had always been convinced that spot was meant for her, because she fit perfectly right there. It brought a little smile to her lips, even if it only lasted a few seconds.
They laid there like that for what felt like hours, both falling asleep at one point.
Finally, he had to pull away. His bad shoulder was cramping and he needed to move it. She watched him as he winced, his eyebrows drawing together. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and looking over at him. "You okay?" she asked, watching him as he struggled to rub his shoulder. He nodded a 'yes,' and moved to get up. She nudged him and chuckled. "You know you're an idiot, right?" Her voice, teasing, made him stay put and look down at her, eyebrows raised in question. She pulled him closer and her hands began to work the tightened muscle on his shoulder. He just gave her a grateful look, smiling gently.
He could feel his poor muscles loosen and he let out a little sigh, trying to clear his mind. "Thanks," he told her, his voice raspy and deeper than usual.
She gave his arm a little squeeze and she pulled away, looking over at his wall clock. It was barely seven o'clock but the sun was going down. He just watched her and for the first time, he was really seeing her. There had always been an attraction between them but he never felt the air sizzle, felt his breath catch, or his heart skip a beat. She was beautiful. Her hair was a little messy from sleeping on his shoulder and yet, her eyes still had that glint. Despite everything that had happened today, she was still keeping it together. That light in her eyes was the thing that kept him going.
Out of the two, she was always the one who had been better at keeping themself together. When Harvey took a good hit, it knocked the wind from him and he went face first into the ground. Her, on the other hand, she was always able to keep her shoulders squared and take the hit, not letting it get her down. She was just amazing like that…
She looked up at him, finding his eyes on her and a little smile tugging at his lips. "What?" she asked with humor in her voice. She raised her eyebrows at him, awaiting an answer. She never got one though, because he took the chance of a lifetime, gathering her into his arms witha certain kind of ease. He pressed his lips to hers, gently at first. His heart almost stopped beating when she began to kiss him back. Her hand touched his cheek, not cupping it, just touching it.
He began to wonder why they hadn't done this years ago, and something hit him then, a realization. Again, he felt like the proverbial rug was pulled out from beneath his shoes. He was in love with her. All those years he had thought nothing of the way she made his heart race, the way she felt his breath come fast. He had turned down many women over the years, many marriage proposals and offers for dates. Sure, the guys called him crazy. It was all for a reason. He had fallen for her and he didn't even know it. He had never allowed any relationships to go too far, always gave reasons why things wouldn't work out. He couldn't bear the thought of any of those women not being Donna Paulsen.
He was pulled from his thoughts as she pulled away from the kiss, letting his face go.
"Don't do this," she told him. Her hand touched his chest gently, pushing him back an inch or two. Even she could feel the sparks, it was so hard not to notice. He took a little step backwards. "Why? I can see you want it, Donna." She hated, hated that he could read her like a book. She took a little breath, tried to clear her mind. When she looked back up at him, his expression made her resolve melt completely. "Because we can't go back, not if this happens. Harvey, you know it wouldn't work between us."
He let her waist go and she immediately missed his hands on her, not that she would ever admit it. A pained expression passed over her features and she looked away from him. "What if I don't want to look or go back?" His question caught her attention, causing her to look up at him, confusion in her eyes. "What do you mean?" she asked, her heart racing a mile a minute. He looked to the floor, weighing his options on this one. "I just mean, maybe I want things to change." What she didn't know was he had been trying to say those words ever since they had become friends. He had been in tripping over his own feet for her since college... "You're not thinking straight, you'll regret saying that in the morning. Trust me, you will." She moved to get up, hurt etched into her features. Where she thought he wasn't thinking clearly because of loss, he was actually thinking more clearly than he ever had. The loss of his father made him realize something. If you love someone, let them know. Who knows what the future has in store?
He took her hand and pull her back down onto the couch. "Donna, listen," he told her. His voice was so heavy with emotion that she couldn't help but stare at him with a little surprise. She just sat there as he ran a hand through his hair, musing it even more. He loosened his tie and swallowed. "I lov-" She put her finger over his lips, cutting the word off before he could finish what he had to tell her. "Stop right there, buddy," she began and sighed. "Don't say things you don't mean." It's a shame she couldn't meet his eyes, because if she had, she would have seen the hurt, she would have seen that he'd never meant anything more. She let out a little sigh. "I can't do this, I can't stay. You don't know how I feel about you… And if I tell you, it won't make things better. You're my best friend, Harvey. Let's not ruin what we have, because damn, it's a good thing. I'm going to leave," he finished and stood up. "Goodbye, Harv. Get some sleep. I'm sorry."
All he could do was watch her pull on her peat-coat and grab her scarf. She draped it over her neck as she made for the door. "Donna," he called but she was already closing his door. He covered his face with his hands, wondering how all that had even happened. "She'll never trust me, again. If she only knew how wrong she was…"
Donna closed his apartment door, her back falling against the wood of it the moment it closed. "Shit," she said, her hand reaching up to touch her lips. She could still taste him on her and smell his cologne on her shirt from when she'd slept on him. She closed her eyes for a moment, tears threatening to spill from them. How could he play with her emotions like that? Did he have any idea how much she actually loved him?
She could hear him turn his record player on and she suddenly wondered how long she'd been standing there. It crackled a little and Otis Redding began to float over in her direction. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. He only listens to Otis when something truly, truly bothers him or when he's heartbroken. She nipped her thoughts in the bud, passing that off as the simple fact that he just lost the only man he'd ever really considered family. "Don't be silly, Donna," she told herself. "He does not love you. Walk away, just walk away."
After a long moment, she fixed her scarf and began to move, walking away from his apartment as fast as she could.