Mello/Mihael Keehl Unit: User Guide and Manual
Congratulations, you have purchased your very own Mello/Mihael Keehl unit! To ensure that you are not killed, maimed, or injured by your Mello unit, we here at Unit Co. have provided you with this manual.
General Information
Name: Mihael Keehl, but will respond to Mello, Mihael, Keehl-kun, Blondie, and Chocolate Whore, though he will respond negativelythe last two.
Age: Born December 13, 1989, but is manufactured to look 16. Note: Like all Units manufactured at Unit Co., your Mello unit is of legal age, despite how he is manufactured to look.
Place of Manufacture: Unit Co., Tokyo Division
Height: 5' 6''
Weight: 114 lbs
Length: As sweet as dark chocolate. …Oh yeah.
Your Unit Comes with the Following:
-One (1) necklace with a cross charm
-Fifty (50) chocolate bars (dark)
-Fifty (50) chocolate bars (milk)
-Fifty (50) chocolate bars (white)
-One (1) handgun
- One (1) photograph, showing Mello, Matt, and Near sitting in front of Wammy's Orphanage.
Removal of Your Mello Unit from Packaging
Because of their temperamental and altogether grouchy nature, Mello units can be very hostile if they are activated improperly. To avoid being shot, strangled, or being killed by chocolate (if you think that you can't be killed by chocolate, then you are free to discover what Mello can do with a chocolate bar!), we advise that you use these methods:
Take out a chocolate bar of your own (the flavor and brand doesn't matter) and set it out in front of the crate. Mello will break open the crate and eat the chocolate bar. At that time, you can reprogram him.
Yell one of these two phrases: "Free chocolate!" or "L chose his successor!"
If you choose the first phrase, Mello will destroy the box and demand that you give him chocolate. Give him whatever chocolate you have, and while he eats you can reprogram him. Note: Unit Co. is not responsible for any injury or property damaged caused by Mello if you do not have chocolate for him to consume. If you choose the second phrase, Mello will leap out of the box and demand that you tell him who L picked. If you have an L unit, tell Mello where he is. While Mello searches for him, you can reprogram him.
If you have a Near/Nate River or Matt/Mail Jeevas unit, you can tell them to open the lid of the crate and wake Mello up. Mello will respond grouchily, but he won't destroy your house or kill you.
Note: Only try this method if you are incredibly fast, or if you are immune to flying wood/bullets. Slowly and carefully open the lid of the box, and softly call Mello's name until he wakes up. When you see his eyes open, duck out of his sight until he is fully awake. If you aren't fast enough and he sees that you woke him up, he will shoot you.
Reprogramming
Upon the activation of your Mello unit, he will have the following modes:
Grumpy (default)
Brooding
Happy
Murderous Rage
Horny
Chocolate Frenzy (locked)
Mello arrives in Grumpy mode as a default. In this mode, he'll be moody and likely complain about whatever is happening. He'll hate being woken up before he's ready, but isn't much of a threat; all he'll really do is complain and snap at people, especially any Near unit.
Brooding is a mode that really goes hand in hand with Grumpy. In this mode, he'll constantly be off to sulk about something or another. Usually, this mode is activated when an L Lawliet unit is seen talking to a Near/Nate River unit. In this mode, he will walk off to a corner and refuse to talk to anybody, and if he is alone, he will let a few tears roll down his face. The best way for Mello to be taken out of this unit is for a Matt/Mail Jeevas unit to talk to him.
Happy mode is unlocked when Mello is given chocolate. In this mode,Mello will be more cheerful than usual, and will be closer towards whoever gave him the chocolate. A unique thing about this mode is that it can affect other modes. The most common example of this is Mello in Brooding mode after Happy mode has been activated. If Happy mode is activated before Brooding, then in Brooding mode he will only be seen around whoever put him in Happy mode, and will sleep in your bed if he is lonely.
Murderous Rage is activated during the following scenarios:
- You tell Mello that you're out of chocolate.
- You tell Mello that Near caught Kira before he did.
- Mello discovers that someone has taken his chocolate.
In this mode, he will shoot at anyone that comes near him, and will definitely kill anyone who comes close to his chocolate supply OR his hair. The only way to get him out of this mode is to bring in a Matt/Mail Jeevas unit or L Lawliet unit to calm him down. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CALM HIM DOWN YOURSELF. (Note: Unit Co. is not responsible for any injuries or deaths caused by an enraged Mello unit.)
Horny is unlocked by either a Matt unit, or a Near unit. However, it doesn't just activate at the sight of these two units. The best way to unlock this mode is to put your Near or Matt unit in a provocative outfit (our research shows that swimsuits and tight clothes usually do the trick). In this mode, Mello will be extremely interested in getting alone with a Near or Matt unit. We suggest installing cameras in Mello's room if you are intent on activating this mode, as the results are often very…productive.
Chocolate Frenzy is Mello's only locked mode. This mode is activated if Mello has eaten five times his weight limit in chocolate. At this time, he will reach his sugar limit, and suffer from the following symptoms:
Giggling fits
Excessive running
Jerky and twitching movements
Swaying hips in a WAAAAY too erotic way
Random bouts of dancing
And pillow forts EVERYWHERE!
He also tends to tear up furniture if he feels like it, and will make shooting targets out of your priceless vases. The only successful way of getting Mello out of this mode is to either wait it out (though his sugar rushes take at least six to eight hours to wind down) or to have a Watari unit assist you in drugging/restraining/knocking out with a lamp. Another unit used to get Mello out of this mode is Matt, who can whack Mello over the head with his trusty PSP. (Note: Unit Co. is not responsible for any concussions or whine-fests/butthurt that your Mello unit may experience after being struck on the head by a Matt unit's PSP.)
Relationships With Other Unit
Matt/Mail Jeevas: These units are close friends, but it's up to you to decide just how 'close' they are. Because they are very used to being around each other often, it's absurdly easy to get these two into a relationship. Matt units are also very good to have in addition to a Mello unit, as Matt units can get your Mello unit out of most negative moods and modes.
Near/Nate River: These two units are rivals, but aren't rivals in the same sense as Light and L units. No, Near and Mello units have childhood rivalry, which many fangirls believe to be practically drenched in sexual tension. Odds are in your favor that if you leave a Near unit with a Mello unit alone for a long while, they can easily give in to their tension and begin a romantic or mainly sexual relationship, depending on what you want them to be. NOTE: Both Near and Matt units will not be capable of any 'rough' capabilities, such as torture. The most severe relationship they can handle without breaking or shutting down is bondage, so it's your choice.
L Lawliet: Mello looks up to L very much, and will pine for his attention, though not in a romantic way. If you have an L unit in addition to your Mello unit, chances are that Mello will try to help L out in any way that he can. Our research shows that many fangirls find this aspect more cute than creepy, so you can do with them as you will. NOTE: As stated in the L Lawliet: User Guide and Manual, L will NOT be able to be in a romantic relationship with ANY young units, including Mello, Matt, and Near. 'Cause pedophilia is a legal no-no, dear customers.
Light Yagami: As one of the Wammy children, Mello wishes to see Light punished as Kira. However, he really only wants to have Light convicted if it sticks in Near's craw. As such, he really doesn't care that much about Light unless he's working to convict Light before Near does.
Cleaning
Your Mello unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, and will object to anyone but Matt bathing with him (by the way, they act so cute together in the tub according to our research!). Mello also tends to eat chocolate in the shower, so be sure to clean out your tub from multiple candy wrappers every time he bathes.
Feeding
Mello units really don't eat anything else but chocolate, so you don't need to worry about feeding him anything else. Please note that Mello runs out of chocolate rather quickly, so you may want to shop in bulk.
Rest
Mello loves sleeping in, and many of his users like taking pictures of him while he sleeps. However, he is very temperamental when woken before he's ready, and unless he is woken up by a Matt unit, he will end up in Grumpy mode almost immediately.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: My Mello unit is out of chocolate, and I can't get to the store. He's tearing up my house!
A: Unfortunately, Mello can get very upset without chocolate, and will destroy property and attack anyone at a whim. We suggest that you immediately call the nearest candy store or Hershey factory, and have a nearby Mail Jeevas/Matt or Watari unit calm him down. Note: Unit Co. is not responsible for any injury caused or property damaged by a chocolate deprived Mello unit.
Q: My Mello unit ran away with my Matt unit, and they haven't been back for three days! What do I do?!
A: Oh my… It appears that your Mello and Matt units have decided to run away from your home and try to kidnap Kira on their own. This is merely their way of instinctually mimicking the original Matt and Mello running away from Wammy's to catch Kira on their own after L's (A/N: SPOILER!) death. After a few days, or until they catch a nearby Light Yagami unit, they will return home.
Troubleshooting
Problem: Your Mello unit is now….bald. Yeah, you have NO idea how that happened.
Solution: Most likely, your Matt unit is in Prankster mode and has chosen Mello as his victim. Calm your Mello unit down and take him to a nearby wig store to select some replacement hair for poor Mello.
Problem: Mello is constantly trying to pine for your attention, and is pushing away any Wammy's unit that comes near you.
Solution: You have most likely activated Mello's Happy mode, and he has now entered Moody mode. This is a behavior glitch that we here at Unit Co. have not been able to fix yet. For the time being, take a bar of chocolate and distract the now moody Mello by dangling it in the air. While the glitching unit is transfixed by the wrapper, you can have a conversation with the unit that wishes for your attention.
Conclusion
With enough patience, kindness, and plenty of chocolate, you and your Mello unit will make a great pair. Thank you for purchasing from Unit Co. for all of your unit needs!