I have been very confused lately. There is someone that I know who always makes me feel very odd whenever I am around him. Whenever we are near each other I feel my body become very hot and I get this very odd fluttery feeling in my chest. My head begins to feel light and my breath becomes very fast. Whenever I see his face I feel very odd, I believe that this feeling is called being "happy". Even after he is gone, the feeling remains.

The strangest thing is that the "happy" feeling is familiar. It reminds me of the way I used to feel a long time ago. It reminds me of a warm sunny day, a large field of sunflowers. It is such a nice memory, so soft and warm. I have never told anyone about that memory, but this person always reminds me of it.

Oh…I should probably introduce myself shouldn't I? My name is Ivan Braginski, though I am more commonly referred to as Mother Russia or just Russia for short. The one who always gives me those odd feelings is Wang Yao, though you may know him as China. I don't know why he gives me these feelings, I'm very confused. I have decided to go to Toris and tell him about this, he will know what is wrong with me hopefully.

As I put on my gloves to leave I look out the window. The yard in front of my house is covered in new fallen snow. Suddenly I stop, I rush to the door and fasten all the locks and drop all three of the iron bolts across it. Just in time too, as a 110 pound Natalia slams into the door full force. I pull the curtain shut quickly before she sees me.

'Damn it,' I think, 'I have to go out the back door quickly before she breaks the door down.

I quickly grab my iron pipe and slip silently out the back door. I run until I reach my car. I started it and drive away as fast as I can. I look in the rearview mirror ad don't see her following me.

I slow the car and try to think of where I can go. Natalia would surely go to Toris's house to look for me first. I pull out my phone and dial his number. He picks up on the third ring.

"Hello," he says in his cheerful voice.

"Hello Toris. I need you to do me a favor," I say.

"Oh! Mr. Russia! Um…w-w-what do y-you n-need?" he says his voice shaking as it always does when I talk to him.

"Natalia is after me. I need you to keep her occupied for me for a couple of hours ok? And how many times have I told you just call me Ivan, no more of this Mr. Russia stuff."

"Natalia! B-but!"

"Think of it as a date with her ok?"

"Oh…ok I guess I can do that," he says calming down a bit.

"Thank you very much Toris. I am very grateful for this and will have to repay you somehow later," I say. I hang up and begin trying to think of a place where I can go and hide until Natalia calms down.

"Arthur would try to serve me his scones and everyone knows that Arthur's scones are deadly no matter who you are. Francis would merely try to grope me, and I hate Alfred," I say quietly to myself as I think.

"Hmm I wonder if I could go to Yao's house," I say then I think 'No! I feel so flustered and odd whenever I'm around him, but then again, where else do I have to go.'

I alter my course and turn onto a small back road. I can't use the main road between Yao's house and mine. If anyone saw me driving to Yao's house and Natalia got wind of it she would attack him without hesitation.

As I drive down the quiet road, calming down and organizing my thoughts. These feelings I get around Yao, what could they mean? I feel happy around him. I'm happy often, but this kind of happy is very different from the way I normally feel happy. It's so strange, but then it's not an unpleasant feeling. In fact I quite enjoy it. I love the feeling that seeing him smile gives me.

Suddenly I freeze, love…is that what this feeling is? It can't be, love doesn't feel like this, does it? Whenever Natalia says she loves me it makes me fear for my life and my vital regions. This feeling I have for Yao can't be love. Maybe I should ask someone about what love really is. But who can I call who knows about love and I can trust to not tell anyone about this? Francis is always talking about love, but I don't think I can trust him not to tell anyone. I know! I'll call Elizavetta, she has been in love before and I believe that she can be trusted to not tell anyone.

I pull my car over to the edge of the road and pull out my cell phone again. I think for a moment trying to remember her number. I dial it in and wait for her to pick up. I only have to wait for two rings before she picks up.

"Hello," I hear a voice say, though it doesn't belong to Elizavetta.

"Hello. Is this Elizavetta's number?" I ask wondering if I dialed the wrong number.

"Yeah she's out in the garden, do you want me to go get her? Who should I tell her is calling?" The voice says and I recognize the voices as belonging to Gilbert.

"It's Ivan, Please tell her that it is very important."

"Oh! Ivan! I didn't recognize you voice. I'll go get her right now," he says and then there's a short silence.

"Hello?" a different voice says, this one ids definitely Elizavetta's.

"Elizavetta I need to speak to you about something really important," I say, "can you make Gilbert leave or something? I'd rather he not hear what I want to speak to you about."

"If you want, ok," she says and I hear quiet talking for a bit.

"He went back inside the house. What is it that you wanted to talk to me about Ivan?"

"Elizavetta what does it feel like to be in love with someone?"

"WHAT!" She cries and I hear a crash.

"Elizavetta! Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry you shocked me- No I'm ok Gilbert I just dropped a flower pot, I'm not hurt- sorry Ivan. Gilbert heard the pot break. Anyway why do you want to know what love feels like?" she says sounding a little concerned.

"Well the only kind of love I've ever experienced is that love that Natalia shows me and that makes me fear for my vital region. I was wondering if that is the only kind of love that there is in the world?" There is silence for a bit before she speaks.

"Well…um…There are lots of different kinds of love in the world. The love that Natalia feels, well it's a bit of an extreme love. But there's the love you would feel for a friend, the love you would feel for your family, and the love you would feel for your lover who more often than not is your partner, spouse or significant other."

"What exactly does the love for a lover feel like?" I ask very curious about this.

"Well…Um…," Elizavetta stutters.

"Well tell me what it would feel like when you were married to Rodrick and you would be in the same room together?"

"Well back when I still loved Rodrick I'd feel very happy and my chest would feel very fluttery. I'd get warn and I'd feel very light-headed sometimes." AS she describes it to me I begin to feel more and more shocked. It's the same way I always feel around Yao, Does this mean that these feelings I have for Yao are feeling of Love?

"Ivan? Ivan? Are you still there?" Elizavetta's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, I'm fine Elizavetta can I trust you to never tell a soul as long as you live?" I ask her. I need to be sure that I can trust her before I tell her.

"Of course Ivan, I would never tell a soul if someone entrusted me with a secret. Is everything ok?" she says sounding worried.

"Elizavetta…"

"Yes?"

"I think I'm in love with Yao."

"…" There is silence for a long time.

"Elizavetta?"

"Yes, sorry. Ivan, are you serious? Like you just want him to become one with you right?" Elizavetta says, her voice starting to sound shaky.

"No the way you felt with Rodrick that you were just describing to me, that's exactly how I feel whenever I'm around Yao," I tell her just as shaken as she is if not more.

"Ivan that's wonderful! You should tell him!" she says sounding happy.

"But how and I supposed to tell Yao how I feel? I'm much too afraid. Also if Natalia ever found out that I love Yao and not her she'd kill him without a moment's thought. She'd only see him as an obstacle," I say beginning to get very flustered.

"IVAN!"

"Yes," I say my voice sounding meek.

"Calm down and take deep breaths ok," Elizavetta tells me.

"Okay," I reply slowing down my breath.

"Listen, I'll take care of Natalia ok? You just tell Yao how you feel ok? If you really love him as much as you say you do then Yao should know. If you don't act quickly then you'll miss your chance," she tells me.

"But what am I supposed to say to him?"

"The truth, it's that simple. Just tell him what's in your heart and how you feel."

"Okay, but Natalia," I say again remembering my psychotic sister.

"Like I said already, I'll take care of her. Toris likes her right?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"Then I'll see if I can't convince her to like him instead and don't worry, I sweat on my honor as a nation, I will not tell a soul about your secret," Elizavetta says assuring me of her secrecy.

"Thank you so much Elizavetta. I owe you big time for this."

"It's no trouble at all. It's my pleasure to help in any way that I can. Now where is Natalia now?"

"She's either still trying to get into my house or she's at Toris's house. I asked him to see if he could keep her occupied. Oh and if you need to you may tell Toris about my secret," I tell her.

"Are you sure that you're ok with him knowing of it Ivan," she asks me.

"Yes, Toris can be trusted," I say. "Thank you so much Elizavetta."

"Again it's no problem," she says. "I'm going over to Toris's house no to find Natalia. You go to Yao's house and tell him how you feel."

"Okay," I say and hang up. I take a deep breath and begin to drive again. As I drive I try to plan out what I'm going to say to Yao.

Before I realize it the trees lining the road change to bamboo stalks and I see Yao's house in the distance. I pull my car into the small area he keeps open for when other countries visit. I park my car and am about to get out. I reach for my iron pipe when I stop.

'Should I bring my pipe? I ever feel like myself unless I have t with me. On the other hand, seeing that I have it may frighten Yao,' I think to myself; debating whether or not I should bring it with me or not.

I decide in the end to bring it with me but to ask Yao if there is someplace I can put it as a sign of trust.

I walk up to the door and knock. I wait patiently, a thousand thoughts running through my head as I rush to decide what I'm going to say to Yao. The sound of the doorknob turning brings me out of my thoughts.

As Yao opens the door, all thoughts of what is was going to say evanesce from my mind as soon as I see his wonderful face.

"What do you want aru," he says sounding slightly annoyed. He has a slight pout on his face which is adorable. HE's in a loose fitting kimono and is rubbing sleep from his eyes; his hair messed up as if he just woke up.

"U…hello Yao," I say.

"Oh! Ivan! I'm terribly sorry. I didn't recognize you at first. Why are you here aru," he says, startled as he realizes that it's me.

"Natalia is hunting me down," I tell him and a look of pure fear overtakes his face. "Don't worry Toris and Elizavetta are keeping her busy at Toris's house, and if she does come here I'll leave so that she won't bother you. I just need a place to stay for a bit. Is it ok if I stay here?"

"Um…sure if you really want to aru," he says as he eyes my iron pipe nervously.

"Oh! Do you have some place that I may out this during my time here?"

"What! You would trust me to put your pipe somewhere where you won't see it aru," he says shocked.

"Of course I trust you Yao."

"Um ok aru," he says taking my pipe and leading me to his living room. He goes down another hallway to put my pipe away somewhere.

I look around the room. I've only been in it 2 times before now. Once when I first meet him, and a second time when Alfred asked me to give Yao a ride to an Allies meeting.

It is a simple room, tatami mats cover the floor and there is a low couch which sits before a low table. On the table are a few books, a remote for the small television that sits in the corner, and a pad of paper with notes on it. On the walls of the room are paintings on scrolls. On eon wall is a sliding door.

I open it and find a lovely garden of stones, water, and sand. I sit on the porch area that runs along the side of the house on my knees the way I see Yao do often. It's a very calm place, though it's somewhat strange. Gardens like this one and rooms like the one I just came from are Japanese in origin if I'm correct. It's odd that Yao would have them.

As I sit I begin to grow calmer and I think again of how I'm going to tell Yao I love him. I'm so nervous, it's an unpleasant feeling that I don't like.

"Ivan? Where did you go aru," I hear Yao saying, His voice so wonderful on my ears.

"I'm out here. I look out and saw your garden. It's very nice. It's very peaceful here," I call to him.

"Oh here you are. Thank you, Kiku did it for me as a gift after my house burned down due to Arthur using my kitchen to make scones. He designed the whole house, which is why it's Japanese in style instead of Chinese," he says sitting on his knees nest to me about three feet away. I feel my heart beating fast in my chest.

'I should tell him now. Who knows when I'll get another chance to be alone with him like this,' I think to myself. I take a deep breath and begin to speak.

"Um…Yao…I have something I want to tell you. It's not about business or anything and it's not something that I can easily say. This is very personal," I say.

"Ok well what is it," he asks and I notice that he is shaking slightly.

"Yao are you ok?" I ask concerned.

"Oh! I'm fine, just a bit cold."

"Here," I say and I remove me large coat and drape it over his thin shoulders. It's a thick coat of wool and is very warm. I wear it to stay warm during the cold Russian winters. Yao shudders slightly at my touch. Seeing it saddens me because I know he is afraid of me. I don't like that I scare him, I love him dearly and knowing I scare him cuts me deeply.

I look at him, tracing his face with my eyes. His smooth cheeks, small nose, almond shaped eyes, his soft lips; every bit of him is so perfect. I want to give myself to him.

"Ivan I'm fine. You shouldn't take your coat off. You'll be cold now and I don't want that," Yao says trying to give my coat back to me.

"I won't be cold. All I need is you to be happy and I'll be as warm as a summer's day," I say, surprising myself with how easily the words are coming.

"Ivan what is going on? What do you mean all you need is for me to be happy? You're not making any sense at all aru," he says getting more and more flustered.

I watch him, the more flustered he becomes, the more adorable he seems. Suddenly I notice something over his shoulder that catches me off guard. There, at the end of the porch in Yao's garden, is a patch of sunflowers.

"Yao...why do you have sunflowers in your garden?"

"Wha-," he freezes, staring at my looking at me in horror as if some big secret of his had been discovered.

"Yao, do you hate me?" I ask facing forward, staring out at the garden. I'm afraid that if I look at him I won't be able to hold myself back.

"Ivan...I don't hate you. How can you think I hate you aru?"

"Because I know that you fear me and I know that you hate being around me and...And I don't want that! I don't want you to fear me Yao," I say my voice growing quiet as I say the last sentence.

"I don't hate you Ivan. It's true that you are scare at times, but I don't mind it too much. I know that you aren't a cruel-hearted person...or at least I would like to hope so aru," Yao says and even without looking at him I can tell that he is watching me. I can feel his eyes upon me.

"You really don't hate me? But everyone hates me...no one has ever been able to love me. I'm big scary Ivan who scares everybody and who nobody wants to be around."

"That's not true! I don't hate you Ivan! Even when you're scary I don't mind it too much because I know that you're really a nice person. I don't want you to think that everyone hates you because I don't hate you. Please look at me Iva. I want to see your face aru," Yao cries out cutting me off. His words shock me. I thought Yao hated me like everyone else.

"Please why won't you look at me Ivan aru?" Yao says his voice sounding hurt. I feel his thin hands grasp my arm. I'm even more shocked by his touch then his words. He's actually touching me willingly. No one has even done that before besides my sisters and its rare even for them.

I turn my head and look at Yao shocked. He's staring up at me with his large brown eye looking up into my violet ones.

"Yao," I say quietly, I reach my hand out and place it on Yao's cheek and I feel him stiffen up at my touch. I take me hand away quickly, not wanting him to be scared.

"Yao, I want you to know something very Important. I've felt this way for so long but I haven't told you because I myself didn't know what to think of these feelings. It's not until recently that I realized what they mean."

"What is tit Ivan? Please tell me what it is that is weighting down so heavily upon your heart aru," he says.

I turn to Yao and touch his cheek softly staring deep into his eyes as I cradle his face in my palm very gently.

"Yao, I love you. I've loved you for so long. I know that there's a very large chance that you will be disgusted by this and push me away and never wish to speak to me again, but I want you to know how I feel."

I stay still waiting for Yao's reaction. We sit still for what seems like ages. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest louder and louder until I'm sure that Yao can hear it too, He just stares at me looking shocked. A thousand thoughts run through my head. He says not a single word I worry that I should not have said it. I begin to think that I should leave. I turn and begin to get up.

"I'm sorry. I should not have said such things. I'll leave now," I say but as I start to stand I feel a small hand grab the back of my shirt.

"Ivan, don't go aru," he says keeping a tight grip on my shirt back.

I don't move. I stay still, kneeling on one knee, my back to Yao. Neither of us makes a sound foe quite a while. The only sounds around us are those of the birds chirping overhead and the water in the garden splashing softly.

"Yao...," I say softly, breaking the silence at last as I sit back down, my back still facing his. I hear Yao's kimono rustle as he moves. I feel him wrap his thin arms around me and lay his head on me back. I stay perfectly still, afraid that if I move, he'll disappear.

"Ivan I don't want you to leave, not after you've finally said the words that I've been longing to hear you say for such a long time. For so many centuries I've wanted you to say those words. I've been so patiently waiting for you. Now that you've finally said them, I'm so very happy. I love you too Ivan, with all of my heart. I've loved you for so long and I never want to be without you again aru."

He grips me tightly. I turn around so that he is hugging my chest and he sits in my lap and hold him closely to my chest. I pick up my coat that had fallen off of Yao's shoulders and drape it around his thin frame and wrap him up in my arms.

"Yao I love you and I promise I will protect you and I won't ever let you go," I say quietly stroking Yao's raven black hair.

"O Ivan I've loved you for so long aru. I'm so happy right now. Whenever you were near me before, I would be so happy, but when you were away from me I felt so lonely and cold. That's why I planted the sunflowers. They remind me of you and they make me feel like you're with me just like I dreamed that you would be," Yao says snuggling close into my chest.

"I'm so happy that you feel this way. I was worried that you would be afraid of me if I confessed and run away from me," I tell him hugging him tightly.

"I do fear though," Yao says sitting up to look into my eyes which are now full of sadness," I do not fear you Ivan. I fear that this is all merely a dream and that I will wake you and you will disappear," he presses hard into me again gripping me tightly as if terrified that I might vanish at any moment.

I hold Yao tighter to me and say," this is not a dream Yao. I promise you, this is real, I'm here and I love you with all of my heart," as I whisper the words into his ear he grips my shirt tighter.

"Prove it Ivan. Prove to me that this is all real and that you won't vanish," he says softly.

I pull him away from me and look at his eyes and in surprise find them full of tears. It breaks my heart to see him crying. I want to protect Yao and never let anyone make him cry.

"Yao," I whisper softly surprising even myself with how soft my voice is. I stroke Yao's cheek softly with my fingertips. I lean in very slowly not wanting to spook him. As I bring me face closer to Yao's my heart begins to race again. I stop about three inches from Yao's face. I can feel that warmth of Yao's breath on my face and my violet eyes are staring deep into his brown ones.

I whisper, "Yao here is your proof. I will never leave you. I will stay by your side and I will never let anyone hurt you as long as I am alive."

I then lean closer and press our lips together and kiss him softly. We stay like that for long time. After what feels like a lifetime, our lips separate and we sit together leaning our foreheads against one another's.

Yao looks up at me and smiles. That is the smile that brings more warmth and love into my heart then I can even recall feeling before. He wraps his arms around my neck and kisses me again. This time his kiss is more passionate and I put my hands on his waist and pull him as close to me as possible. We press together kissing fiercely.

I know that if we are to keep going that I will no longer be able to control myself and won't be able to stop, even if Yao asks me to. My longing for Yao will soon overtake me. My hands run over Yao's back pressing him into me. My hands travel further down his back and I realize what I'm doing. As soon as I do, I stop and pull Yao away from me, holding him at arms-length. I look down ashamed at myself for what I was about to do to Yao. Yao watches me, we're both panting slightly. My face burns with shame. I don't want to scare him away. I feel a hand on my cheek. I look at Yao tears pricking my eyes. "Ivan what's wrong aru?" Yao asks, "Is everything ok? Why did you stop?"

"I stopped because of what I was about to do. I'm ashamed of myself Yao. I can't control myself around you. I'm scared of what I may do to you if we continue. I'm afraid that I'll lose control of myself and won't be able to stop. I would ever be able to forgive myself if I ever hurt you," I say as my eyes fill with tears and which roll down my cheeks and fall into my lap.

I feel Yao's thin hand on my cheek. I lift my face to look at him and when Yao sees my tears he gasps softly in shock.

"Ivan, please don't ry. I want to be with you. I love you Ivan, I want to be yours and yours alone," he says kissing me I pull him away I don't want him to be hurt by my hands.

"Please Ivan I want this as much as you do. Just let it happen."

I look at Yao and see that his eyes are full of unconditional love and trust. I sigh and give in knowing that I won't be able to resist him.

"As you wish but promise me that if I hurt you in any way at all that you will do whatever it takes to bring me to my senses. Kick Me., bite me, hit me, whatever it takes. Do whatever you have to. Don't worry about hurting me, I won't be hurt ok? Do you understand?" I say looking deep into his eyes.

"I understand," Yao says and begins to kiss me again.

I bring Yao close to me once more and he kisses me with love and passion. I feel my body getting excited as I run my hands along his back. His hands fumble to take my shirt off. I remove if tor him and pull at the strip of cloth holding his kimono closed. It loosens and I slide it off of Yao's shoulders. I run my hands over his shoulders, feeling how smooth his skin is.

I feel myself beginning to lose control. My lust for this small man before with the most beautiful face in the word begins to take control. I run my hands on Yao's chest as Yao lets out a soft moan. I say a silent prayer in my mind that I won't hurt him. Then my mind goes blank.

When you love someone dearly,

Hold them close and don't let anyone steal them away from you,

But don't hold them too tightly lest they begin to yearn for their freedom.