Title: After All
Summary: There is only future for him and only one person to spend that future with. Mac's exit strategy has only one destination. SMACKED One-Shot. Based on eppy 7.22 'Exit Strategy'
Disclaimer: If you don't know by now you need to read my other stories! :D
A/N: Well I never watched, wouldn't give them my rate for even a minute (got this idea from the preview) a friend told me (a few tidbits) but that I didn't miss much but since they ended the season without even mentioning our beloved Stella's name (grrrr), I am gonna try to do some justice to finish off this crap season. Hope you all like it and yeah – it will be the last of it's kind ;)
'I have alluded death on many occasions…but this was different; this time I was staring death in the face. Each time it was over I kept saying to myself 'it's over? How much longer can I keep doing this. Maybe I've done my part.'
He didn't have to think too hard to know which moment in his life as of late was the one that brought him to this very spot; standing in the middle of the street; having closed one final unsolved case and feeling empty and really alone for the first time in years.
'This time was different.'
Mac stands fixed in place as the busy city of New York continues to buzz around him. However, the city buzz was different to him now; it lacked her. In that moment on the roof when he was staring down the barrel of the gun, his life flashed before his eyes; at least the past few years and it was – empty. Empty and alone; especially in the past year. All his memories, thoughts, feelings – they lacked her.
If he had died on that roof, to what end would it have been? Just another cop caught without his gun shot in the line of duty? A faceless victim to be mourned by a few but then forgotten by the many only a few days later? Closing the case brought some sort of inner satisfaction, but he really had no one to celebrate its significance with. She wasn't there. No other member of his team would have been able to feel the same satisfaction as him; no one else would have been able to tell him 'good job' and have him know that there was a bit more to those words than some mere friendly façade.
He takes a step away from the familiar building but then stops and turns around; where was he going? Home alone – again? Another night with a flat beer, cold dinner and a restless sleep? That was his routine for the past year and it was hell.
He had called her after every major event, every case, every moment he could – but in reality those times were few and far between. He had told himself that she had moved on, her life was different now and didn't include him. A lot of it was his fault as he had chosen to only call her on certain occasions and not them all.
Mac takes another step and then stops and turns around, freezing in time. What was he going back to? An empty office? A team going their ways to happy lives outside of work? What did he have? A single leather couch and a growing case load? It was empty; his life was empty.
It…lacked…her.
"Stella," Mac's lips whisper, his eyes closing briefly. His mind tries to justify many reasons inside as to why an up and move was a bad idea, but his heart wins out, yelling at him that the next time he would die alone just as he had dreaded since he left the marines.
His fists curl tightly in his jacket pockets, inadvertently pulling them closer to his weary frame and his lungs take in a deep breath and then slowly let it back out. For a few brief moments, his mind flashes a different type of highlight reel before his eyes – one with her in it. In that instant his body starts to ease from its mounting tension and his heart rate starts to settle.
Go to her, his mind urges.
Mac looks at his watch and then shakes his head before he finally removes himself from his spot in the sidewalk and slowly starts to get lost in the sea of people all heading in the same direction. But he was just the same as them; mindless drones going about their business but never stopping to contemplate the fact that they might not have anyone to mean anything other than a name on a credit card statement or insurance papers.
What about the team?
The team would always be there and always be his family; Stella had proved that. She had left; a big part was due to his own short sightedness in not confessing to her that he didn't want her to go. However, he let her go and that was one regret he didn't want to live the rest of his life with – it was time to make amends. During the past year, Stella had visited a few times, proving to him that the team was still her family as they always would be and that no matter how many miles were between them, as soon as they were together – if even for a moment, it was like none of that mattered and they were family once again, sharing stories, trading laughs and building love.
That would be the same with him; no mattered if he left tonight, he wouldn't be as forgotten as he had told himself he would be. They would remember him; they would be happy for him – it's what they all wanted for him since Stella came into his life and their lab. It was her.
"Alright," Mac gives himself a small nod as he heads for his apartment; opting to walk a few more blocks, enjoying the consequences the fresh air was bestowing upon him. He would go to her tonight; he would go and tell her that he was done – his life was now with her and he would never leave her side ever again.
Mac reaches home, once again looking at the clock and stops. It was late; later for her when he arrived. Would she be upset? Did he even have the right after all this time to just come into her life and expect her to still be there for him? He knew she wasn't seeing anyone, the same as him; both of them fated by destiny and unable to stray for the course that they were now about to embark on. At least that is what he is hoping for as he hurries to get changed.
He changes into a pair of jeans and a sweater, packing only a small overnight bag and the heading for the airport; calling Jo and leaving her a message along the way that he would be taking a few days off.
'Say hi to Stella for me.' Was all that Jo told him before he hung up.
"Domestic," Mac tells the cab driver as they near the airport departures exit. Mac takes his small bag and heads for the desk, VISA in hand and heart racing as his mind tries to picture Stella's reaction. She'll be happy, his heart tries to assure him as he pays for his ticket, utters a small thank you and then heads for his departure gate.
As he settles into his chair to wait, his mind starts to picture his team; Danny's promotion to Sargent, Sheldon and his new love interest, Adam and his goofy lab antics, Don leading the charge for a high profile takedown and Sid…well, being just Sid. His lips curl into a small smile as he slowly stands up and heads for the gate. The team would always be there; he would always be their leader; always Lucy's godfather; always the one that brought them altogether in the first place. But she was a part of him; the best part; and the part that was currently missing.
"Enjoy your stay in New Orleans," the flight attendant tells Mac as he enters the body of the plane.
"I intend to," Mac answers absently as he heads for his aisle seat, slumps down after stowing his bag and feeling his heart starting to race once again in nervous anticipation. He longs to hold her, kiss her, tell her that he loves her and assure her that he wants her and his life would be complete. Again – was that selfish?
"Yes…yes it is," Mac huffs as he looks out the window into the black of night as it passes, his heart racing as fast as the jet engine carrying him toward the woman he loves more than anything.
"Stella…" her name slips from his lips and his heart settles once again. He keeps telling himself that all he needs to do is look into those loving emerald orbs and he'll have found his way home; the place he belongs, at her side – always. It would be a new start for them both, but he was ready. It was finally time.
The plane finally touches down and as Mac slowly climbs into the back of the cab, giving the driver Stella's address, his heart starts to pick up the pace once again! He closes his eyes, trying to go over the words he'll offer when she first opens the door; always trying to anticipate her reaction before she even makes it.
The cab slowly comes to a stop; Mac pays the fare and then gets out, taking a deep breath but standing before her modest brownstone style condo for a few more seconds. His ears pick up the sounds of the city around him; new sounds; new adventures waiting to be discovered; new horizons waiting to be explored.
The time is now, his brain urges, prompting Mac to finally remove himself from his spot and head toward her front door, softly knocking and then holding his breath as he watches the upstairs light come on and then one more; she was close.
'Well here we are again…'
"Mac?" Stella asks as she pulls the door open and stares into the handsome face before her. She locks eyes with the tired sapphire pools before her and feels her lips automatically curl upward. "Is that really you?"
"It is Stella. Are you um...alone?"
"Waiting for you," she answers warmly.
'I guess it must fate…'
She drops her gaze from his face and looks at the small overnight bag held in his clenched fist and knows that him being here was different; he was here to stay. She instantly feels a small lump of emotion starting to form and quickly bats her eyes to keep fresh but happy tears at bay.
"I've um…I've missed you," Mac offers in a soft whisper, his warm breath making cool trails in the clear night air. "Stella I've missed you...so much," his voice cracks with emotion.
'We've tried it on our own...'
"I've missed you to…god I've missed you," she lightly laments as his bag drops and she nearly falls into his inviting embrace. His arms wrap around her and hold her tightly against him; his eyes closing and his heart finally realizing one important truth – he was home.
"Please don't be mad Stella...that I'm here."
'But deep inside we've known…'
"Mac…" Stella starts in a soft whisper, her lips brushing his ear and her warm breath forcing his spine to tingle from top to bottom. "Here...but for how long?"
"I'm here to stay Stella. For good," he slightly pulls back and confesses in truth.
"Are you sure?"
"I am."
'We'd be back to set things straight.'
"Do you know how long I've waited to hear you say that?" She asks with a soft sob; her throat quickly swallowing back uncertain emotion. But as she continues to hold his gaze with hers; she sees the truth seeping out from behind his tattled shield – he was home; he was here to stay.
"I'm sorry I took so long. I know it's late and I know it's selfish of me but…"
She hears the torment in his words and watches his eyes start to rim with salty water; the brave façade rapidly leaving the fragile human male before her.
"I don't want to leave - ever."
Without another word, her hand grasps his, adding instantly warmth and stilling his shivers as she slowly leads him inside, locking the door behind them.
"Mac…"
'I still remember when…your kiss was so brand new…'
Without a word on his part, he drops his bag and gently cups her face with both his hands, his lips crushing hers in heated passion, his body draining of fluid emotion the longer they are locked in a their romantic embrace.
"I missed you," he whispers once more; wanting to reaffirm part of his reason for just showing up in the middle of the night.
'Every memory repeats…'
His mind suddenly flashes that highlight reel once again; this time populated with images of her; their first case, their first date, their first kiss; their first mistake. Mac slowly pulls back, his fingers softly brushing away a tear that had escaped the corner of her eye, whisking it away so it wasn't able to mar the rest of her perfect skin.
"Was it unfair of me to come here...right now?"
"Depends on your motive Mac, your real motive."
"I tried to stay away…but I couldn't. Not any more."
'Every step I take retreats…'
"Why is that Mac?" She asks, looking at him square on; both her mind and heart begging for the truth; the truth she's wait practically her whole adult life to hear.
"I love you Stella. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"What?"
'Every journey always leads me back to you.'
"It's the truth. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow...I had to tell you tonight. I know the timing..." he starts only to have her press a finger to his lips.
"You are here now."
"Here to stay. I promise."
"You don't mean that," she tries to insist, her mind begging so desperately of her heart to keep her smile at bay for a few moments longer in case his words were spoken in haste or were merely said to flatter her hopeful heart.
"I do mean it. I know it seems…well…"
"Something happened right?"
'After all the starts and stops…'
"Another near death experience?"
"You know me so well it seems," Mac sighs as he rubs his face with his hands and looks at her with a small frown. "Yes another one. One that changed me - forever."
'We keep coming back to these two hearts…'
"What happened?"
"I saw my life…and it empty and I um…I was alone."
"You'll never really be alone Mac you know that."
'Two angels who've been rescued from the fall…'
"I…I am alone Stella, without you to come home to each night; without you to see each morning and without having you at my side. I am alone."
"Not just another visit?"
"Not just a visit. I'm here to stay. The best part of my life is here. Here is where I want to be."
'After all that we've been through…'
"We aren't kids any more Mac, you have carved out a real life for yourself there in..."
"An empty life. As it has been empty for the past year. I didn't expect you to wait..."
"I love you Mac. I have been waiting. I'm glad you're here now."
"I love you Stella. I'm saying it because I'm finally not afraid to say it anymore. I don't want to be alone; I don't want to live another moment without you with me all the time."
'It all comes down to me and you…'
"You really do mean that don't you?" She dares to ask, her eyes searching his but coming away with the same answer; he was in love; he was finally offering her the one romantic sentiment that she had wanted to offer to him on so many occasions over the past few years.
"Yes."
It was such a simple word; but the tone that it was offered to her in was heartfelt and genuine. He hadn't dated becuase she knew his heart belonged to her and hers to his; he was here now, taking a chance that she would be accepting; would want him as much as he wanted her. Yes. For her it was the only answer as well.
'I guess it's meant to be…'
This time its Stella's turn to lean in and wrap her arms around his neck, her mouth pressing against his as heat sears through them a second time. "I love you too," she whispers in truth, her eyes watering further with each word that escapes; a small whimper silenced by another passionate kiss. The truth had finally come out. She was his; just as much as he was hers.
'Forever you and me…after all.'
"So what now?" She asks point blank, her mind still skeptical that he'll be gone the next day; rushing back into the heat of the moment and not giving a damn about the one person that needs him at her side to fully exist.
"Now we start a new chapter in life."
'When love is truly right…'
"Where Mac?"
"Here."
"Y-you'd…do that? Just up and leave everything for me?"
'This time it's truly right…'
"For us," Mac warmly corrects, his face softening into a tender smile. "I belong here Stella, with you. I don't really care the physical location; as long as you are with me."
"For us?" She arches her brows in wonder. "You are leaving a lot behind you know?"
'It lives from year to year…'
"Am I?" Mac's turn to counter with an arched brow stare. "Wasn't it you who told me that the best thing about memories is that you can pack them up and take them with you wherever you go and they'll never take up more space than you want them to. I don't take up much space," he concludes on a lighter note.
Her eyes crinkle as her lips curl upward. He was here to stay.
'It changes as it grows…'
"This past year without you has been hell Stella, pure and utter mental hell."
"Mac…" she starts in a sad tone, noticing his face tense and instantly picking up torment in his tone. "Please…"
"No I have to say this. I let you go; by my doing I let you leave when it was the last thing I had wanted. I was cowardly then and yes it might seem selfish for me to be here and offer this to you now…but it's the truth. I'm done hiding in dark alleys by myself; I'm done going home to an empty apartment with only whispered memories to keep me company. I'm done trying to tell myself that I don't need anyone when the person I want the most isn't with me. I'm done being away from you."
'Oh and on the way it goes…'
"When I looked down the barrel of that gun Stella, I saw my life end; but I was alone. The one thing I always feared was about to come true by my own doing. In that moment I knew…"
"What did you know?"
"That if I were to survive, I wouldn't waste a moment. I'd come here and say that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't want to be alone anymore Stella; I want to be with you. I love you."
'But it never disappears.'
By the time Mac was finished his heartfelt confession, soft tears were freely flowing down her flushed face; her heart was racing so fast she wasn't sure why she was standing and her core was a raging inferno.
"That's some exit strategy Mac."
"The truth always is."
'After all the starts and stops…we keep coming back to these two hearts…'
"I want to be here Stella, with you; forever."
"Are you sure?"
"I know you might think that tomorrow I'll be back on a plane, but I promise I won't."
'Two angels who've been rescued from the fall…'
"Not even to get your things?"
"I'm here to start fresh. I've brought the most important things with me," he replies in a warm tone, his face finally softening once again.
"Its almost too good to be true Mac," Stella utters with a small sniffle. "Say it again."
'After all that we've been through…'
"I love you Stella Bonasera," he happily repeats with a growing smile. "I'll say it as many times as you need to hear it to know that I am telling the truth. I love you."
She leans in closer and takes his face in her grasp once more, this time their kiss deepening as the seconds drew out and not wanting to pull away from him. His arms close around her waist and while their lips finally do part briefly, their bodies remain tightly locked in a lovers embrace.
'It all comes down to me and you…'
"I don't want to be alone anymore."
"You'll never be alone again - neither of us will."
'I guess it's meant to be…'
She feels his frame at first tense in her grasp and then start to relax the longer the heat they were generating together was forcing him to know that the chance he had just taken; probably the biggest in his life; was rewarded the way he wanted.
He had left behind his comfort zone and routine; he had sought her out in the middle of the night when it was rather inconvenient for both of them; his love for her and their future assuring him that he was doing the right thing and this was the door that had been waiting to be opened.
Tomorrow wouldn't matter as it was already written for them; he would spend a few days with her; he would give notice and the team would celebrate, not his leaving, but a new union finally being formed; he would move in with her; marry her and grow old with her as he had promised the moment he pledged his love to her. But all that would have to wait.
'Forever you and me…'
The only thing that mattered was right now, the two of them coming to a new understanding under the protective umbrella of love.
"I love you Stella."
"I love you too Mac," she echoes as their lips lock once more and the world around them fades into black; he was home. They were together.
'After all.'
THE END!
A/N: Well that's it folks – last one! Hope you liked this 'one shot' and please review before you go and stay tuned for more updates. I know it was kinda sappy but hey if Mac is going to retire and leave, we all know where he's going right? Thanks SMACKIES and have a great weekend!