Disclaimer: I don't own desperate housewives, or any of the characters.
Summ: I know this is sort of stupid, but I was bored and I just think Gabby and Lynette should have sex...
Gabrielle just got back from her morning run, and decided it was time to make herself a smoothie. Going to her refrigerator she pulled out strawberries, bananas, peaches, and plums and began putting them into the blinder. She was just about to push the start button when there was a knock at her door. Perhaps if someone had told Gabby right then what that smoothie would consist of eventually, she wouldn't have gone to the door, but staying ignorant to the future concoction she went.
Lynette Scavo was waiting there, smiling and holding a bag of something in her hand. Gabby waved and opened the door.
"Hey Lynette, come in I was just making a smoothie you want one?" Gabby asked holding open the door for her friend to enter.
"Oh, yeah sure, I brought some Arabian coffee blend, but a smoothie sounds better anyway." Lynette said entering, she held up the brown paper bag she was carrying to indicate the coffee. Gabby smiled,
"Arabian coffee? That seems more like a Bree thing." Gabby smirked taking the brown bag and looking inside, she noticed that Lynette flinched when she mentioned Bree. Deciding to ignore it the two headed to the kitchen.
"Actually, booze sounds more like a Bree thing than coffee; unfortunately." Gabby froze on the spot, turning to look at Lynette. She looked extremely bitter, and possibly a little deranged. Gabby realized that Lynette had not told her why she had come over in the first place.
"Lynette, is something wrong?"
"Let's just say, that I don't think Bree and I are friends anymore." Lynette said smiling oddly. Gabby's eyebrows contracted, she noticed that Lynette's hair was badly groomed, and her make-up was probably yesterday's make-up. She was surprised she hadn't noticed at first, but then, she thought guiltily, Lynette often sported this look.
"You had a fight?" Gabby asked, but for some reason she knew that was not it.
"Not exactly, we had something else." Lynette was looking anywhere but Gabby, her face contorted in a thousand different emotions, she looked like she was about to have a break-down. Gabby looked around frantically for some place to seat Lynette so that she wouldn't collapse on her 9,000 dollar rug, which she was standing on.
"Uh, Sweetie, why don't you go sit at the kitchen table and I'll make you some of this coffee."
"Ok." Came Lynette's weak response, and she trudged behind Gabby to the kitchen. Gabby was so distracted that she didn't even notice when she dumped the coffee beans into the blinder and pushed start. Then in hit her.
"Oh crap!" She yelled turning it off, she looked around at Lynette now seated at the table behind her, she appeared not to notice. Deciding tea would be better under the circumstances Gabby began fixing some, and while she waited for the kettle to boil she sat down in front of Lynette and took her hands in hers.
"What do you mean, sweetie, you had something else?" Gabby asked trying to sound consoling, she hoped this didn't have anything to do alcohol; she knew that Lynette and Bree had got into it before over Bree's drinking problem. But considering Lynette's quip when she first came in, Gabby had a feeling it was over that.
"We- Oh Gabby what are you going to think of me after you hear this?" Lynette said more to herself than Gabby. Her face was screwed up, and she was snuffling and wiping her nose on her sleeve. Gabby pulled her hands away, smiling politely.
"Do you need a Kleenex?"
"Yeah that would be great."
"Ok, hold on. I want to hear this; I won't think any differently of you." Gabby said kindly, and she went to the bathroom to get a Kleenex for Lynette. When she returned she found Lynette sitting two mugs on the table filled with a thick syrupy liquid. Gabby's eyes flew to the mixer which was empty, and then to the tea kettle which had been moved too.
"Don't drink that!" Gabby yelled. Lynette gave her a groggy confused look.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because- it's a coffee smoothie."
"Correction, it's an Irish tea coffee smoothie." Lynette said with a sloppy, slightly crazy grin. Then to Gabby's horror Lynette took a long draught of it.
"Mmmm, just what I needed." Gabby sat down grimacing.
"Why did you mix all of that?"
"Because its what I need and deserve, every thing I do from now on will be for punishment not pleasure…that's why I'm here, so you can hate me and think I'm disgusting. I have to cut myself off from all my friends because…because I don't deserve friends." At this point Lynette collapsed into sobs, her blonde head disappearing in her arms. Gabby was stunned by this, but patted her awkwardly on the head non-the-less.
"Lynette nothing you can say could make me hate you, or think any less of you, you know that. Hell your twice the woman I am, three times even." Lynette suddenly sat up so fast that she knocked her cup over and the syrupy grey/brown liquid flooded Gabby's expensive table.
"I cheated on my husband! I- I- I told him that if he ever did that, I would leave him, and I did it! I…" But here Lynette looked off out the window, off towards the direction of her house.
"Well…so did I…I cheated on my husband too…with a teenager, for goodness sakes Lynette, if Carlos could forgive me there's no way Tom won't forgive you." Gabby said desperately, eyeing the syrupy mess, but deciding it would be poor tact to try and clean it up while Lynette was just opening up.
"With Bree!"
"What?"
"I had sex last night with Bree." Lynette said, and her voice sounded hollow and tortured.
"Oh, well…"
"And she was drunk…"
"Well…"
"She didn't remember this morning she just woke up and saw me and she realized…."
"Wow well…"
"And Orson walked in on us…"
"Ohh…"
"And she told me to get out." Gabby was frozen in place stiff as a board, the mess on the table forgotten. This was by far the strangest and most unexpected thing she had imagined and only one question remained in her head.
"Were you drunk?"
"Sort of." Lynette said hoarsely, and then with as much composure as she could manage she stood up, swaying a little.
"Thank you for the coffee Gabby, but I have to go now, I have to tell Susan before I go home to my husband."
"Lynette-" Gabby said standing too.
"But I also want to say goodbye, because I'll probably be moving."
"Lynette for God's sake get a grip, so you slept with Bree! Big deal, I slept with a model once, I don't blame you women are hot. But, you have to pull yourself together, knowing Bree and Orson they probably won't even tell Tom so you can quit all of this blubbering, and go upstairs and take a shower. You can even use my make up when you get out. God knows you need it." Lynette hesitated a moment, but then her shoulders slumped a little, and she turned, resigned towards the stairs. But just then Gabby thought of something.
"Even with alcohol, how did you guys, I mean what did you say?" Gabby couldn't resist, it just seemed too bizarre that Bree Hodge, and Lynette Scavo would have sex. It was like imagining Mrs. Brady getting into the sack with Leave it to Beavers mother. Lynette froze.
"She just kissed me, I don't remember what we were talking about, I think it was something to do with college."
"And you kissed her back?" Gabby asked, she couldn't resist smiling, it was too funny.
"Obviously."
"Well, sorry, one more question and I'll leave you alone, was it any good?" Lynette spun around anger replacing her burdened features.
"What?" She snapped, "What do you mean 'was it any good', what kind of question is that Gabby?"
"What? Just answer the question," Gabby was full grinning now, she couldn't help it. "Think of it as your punishment to tell me." Gabby said emphasizing punishment.
"IT was Bree! We were drunk!"
"So? It was still sex, and what I know about sex is, that it's either good or bad, so which was it?" Lynette's mouth was hanging open, and she looked more shocked at Gabby than Gabby was sure she had looked at Lynette when she heard she had slept with their best friend.
"I am not going to answer that Gabby!"
"Well then I'm not going to help you."
"Help me?"
"Yes I was going to help you fix this little situation that you've landed yourself in, but I can see that you perfectly content to drown in self pity so I'll leave you too it." Gabby went to take her friends arm and made as if to walk her out.
"Wait, your not going to help me, because I won't tell you how the affair I had with Bree Hodge was last night!" Lynette's voice was filled with conviction, "Gabby that is the most ridiculous thing, and the most low down thing.."
"Oh so now were pointing fingers! I'm sorry Lynette but I can see you don't trust me enough to share and if you don't trust me then there is no was I can help you." Lynette jerked her arm away from her friend, looking at her like she saw her for the first time.
"And telling you that will prove to you that I trust you!" Gabby beamed, clasping her hands together in front of her.
"Consider it a tiny irrelevant tidbit."
"Yes, it was mind blowing, exhilarating, alright!" Lynette yelled exasperated. Gabby stared at her, an idea suddenly forming in her mind.
"Now that wasn't so hard was it? Anyway, that's perfect because it gives me a plan.
"Glad to hear it." Lynette's voice dripped in sarcasm.
"Good, because the only logical way out is for us to have an affair."
"What!"
"Yes, you see if it had been bad sex I couldn't have helped you, but since it was good…it'll be easy." And to Lynette's utter amazement gabby started unbuttoning her blouse.
"Gabby! NO way! Do you not understand how devastated I am, how humiliated, how wrong, for God's sake stop unbuttoning your blouse!"
"No, now get on that table." Gabby demanded, pointing back to the kitchen table.
"Gabrielle Solice there is no-"
"Do it Scavo! If you want your marriage and your friendship saved you will get on that table in two seconds!" Gabrielle was stripping off her pants now, but Lynette did nothing more than edge slightly away from her. Then Gabby picked up the phone on the kitchen counter and frantically dialed while pulling off her high heal shoes.
"Bree, hey, listen I need your help with a certain sticky mess in my kitchen, pronto!" And she clicked the off button. Lynette stared at her, not believing what was happening. Gabby was suddenly standing before her in expensive lingerie with a blazing look on her face. But all she could do was hold up her hands in protest when Gabby had lept upon her, knocking her into the kitchen table, and sliding over the irish coffee tea smoothie. Lynette resisted at first, but fighting Gabrielle was like fighting a mountain lion who had tackled its prey. Her long nails dug into her holding her down, and her teeth bit her drawing blood whenever she closed her mouth. Soon Lynette was in her underwear as well, and she couldn't believe that she was in the same predicament for the second time in less than 24 hours, with a different friend. However, it was easier to give into Gabrielle and forget about everything, than resist her, much easier in fact. Until all Lynette knew that she experiencing the best sensations she had ever experienced. When suddenly, the door opened, and Bree's voice rang out through the house.
"Gabby?" She called from the entry way, clearly confused at not having her polite knock answered, and finding the door unlocked. Was there a knock? Lynette's foggy head asked, and then realizing what was happening, and that Bree was about to walk in and find them having sex on the kitchen table Lynette pushed herself up hard against Gabby's razor sharp grip. But it was too late.
Bree Van De Camp Hodge stood at her full height before them in the kitchen, her red manicured eyebrows high into her hairline. Gabby looked around to, with what she hoped was a guilty expression on her face.
"Oh," Bree said, her face immediately changing to a polite smile, "I am sorry, I just remembered that I have a merange pie in the oven." It was obvious Bree was under stressed, because every good house wife knows that you don't put a merange pie in the oven, for any reason. Bree turned to leave. Gabby instantly reacted, jumping up as if burned and pulling her shirt up to cover herself she yelled.
"Please, Bree, you won't say a word about this will you?"
"I wouldn't dream of it." Came Bree's frosty reply and she left. Gabby turned and beamed at Lynette.
"See my plan worked; now she knows you won't say anything because she could say something about you."
"That- is the- stupidest plan- ever." Lynette said in between breaths, but then with a wry smile, she grabbed Gabby and pulled her back down on top of her…into the concoction now mingled with an extra bodily liquid.