Once upon a magical time there was a magical place where elves and other things that don't exist hung out together all day. They rode unicorns and made cookies that had secret rat poison in them which they fed to the humans under the cover of commercials showing them in trees and wearing little red hats. I can't actually spell the name of the company, but who really cares anyway?
So as I was saying the elves did stuff with other creatures and yadda yadda yadda. They had no idea that there was an evil thing watching them from up in the hills, plotting to destroy them and use them in cookies which, ironically, is what they did when they were alive.
The elves were all happy riding on unicorns, making cookies and poisoning random humans but still something seemed missing from their jolly lives. What could it be?
Well you see there were no girl elves left, an accident caused all of them to die off in horrible horrible ways that may or may not have to do with AIDS.
Continuing on. On day one of the elves was making his poisoned cookies when he looked out the window and say a human near their tree. Well that was fine, he needed to feed someone the cookies.
"Hello there!" He called out the window to the human. "Would you like some cookies?"
The human, who was a girl, gave him an 'are you kidding look?'. The elf smiled at her and the human laughed.
"Don't try to pull that on me, I know all about your elf cookies!" The elf growled, it came out like the noise of a wild animal.
"These cookies are safe; I'm not like the other elves!" He tried to trick her.
The human was smart and recognized his trick. She smiled at him. "Alright, eat one."
The elf glared at her, forgetting that the cookies were poisoned. "Don't mind if I do." He took one bit of the cookie and almost instantly started retching up the cookie, his small body heaving from the effort. He grabbed his head for a moment before falling over, already dead. You see, the elves are affected faster by rat poisoning because they're so small and such.
The human laughed and then moved away from the tree. She had plans of her own to stop the elves from killing another person. She'd be back later, but until then she'd leave the elves to find the dead one and to make more cookies.
Stacy, the clever human, went back to her house to think of a plan. The elf she had killed had been rather dull and she expected the rest to be smarter which meant not all of them would fall for the same trick and with one false move that one elf that had seen her trick and lived would go and tell all the others about the girl.
She sighed; she had no idea on what she could do to bring down such a large army of elves all by herself.
It took her about an hour to decide that there was no way she could win this war with no plan but also decided that maybe if she could find some other 'dumb' elves that she could kill a few more. At least maybe that would buy her some time to come up with some plan.