Hey there, we are Raz and Dazzle and this is our first fic (at least that we've published). And now that we've said hi there and hello, on with the show...er, story. Cheers!
My name is Craig Tucker and this is not a diary. Now that that's over with, I guess you're wondering what a guy like me is doing writing down useless shit in a notebook like this. Normally I would just flip off the guy who asked and continue whatever I'm doing, as I've just done to Clyde because he keeps trying to read over my shoulder.
Whatever.
I started writing when I was in third grade and I've been keeping journals ever since. It's become a habit really. Of course, everything is sort of habitual for me. If it's not, then that's way too much excitement for one day. That's really the reason why I'm so pissed about going on this retarded vacation.
Oh, forgot to tell you. I picked up this notebook at the dollar store the other day because I felt that going on a shitty vacation meant an awful lot of useless information to cram in here while I'm away from civilization and all of my asshole friends. I'm guessing I'm going to be spending a whole lot of time on my own attempting to stay away from my parents and the most annoying little girl in the world. Ruby is not adorable, Clyde, she is Satan. Her pigtails even look like devil horns. Not kidding.
On my previous topic, I seriously don't see the fun in leaving home for 15 days in order to go traversing the globe on some big ship. Tweek might be rubbing off on me, but I swear that it's going to sink. I'm just that fucking lucky.
Maybe watching Titanic last night was a bad idea, but it was a requirement.
Now before you go calling me a fag for watching Titanic, you should know that I really don't like guys. I just don't like girls either. I figured this out last year during an irritating episode involving an empty soda bottle and everybody's favorite game. There was quite a bit more involved, but I really don't want to get even more pissed off than I already am. Fuck this pencil for breaking all the goddamn time. I'm getting a pen.
You may be asking why watching Titanic was required. Clyde got dumped yesterday, and it's become a tradition that whenever Clyde loses a girlfriend, he comes sniffling to me and I buy him ice cream and let him cry into my shoulder and maybe blow his nose on my shirt if it's really bad. Then we watch Titanic while I clean my snotted-up shirt (which is disgusting). We always fall asleep on the couch and I always wake up early the next morning and push him off of me because he always starts cuddling with me while we sleep. Then I kick him until he wakes up and he tells me that I'm a jerk and that he wants tacos dammit and I tell him that all we have are Eggos, and he immediately bolts upright and says that he loves Eggos and races into the kitchen with the biggest grin on his face and whatsername is completely forgotten.
As I told you before, I am a creature of habit.
Yeah, he really is that much of a pussy when it comes to relationships, thus leading to Tweek thinking that he and I are together. If I ever start dating Clyde, I will know that I have hit rock bottom. Not eve
HEY! This is Clyde, Craig's bestest friend =D Just wanted to say that he's really a big huggable teddy bear inside...deep inside...and he's seriously ocd. Like, seriously. And hey! I'm an awesome boyfriend! Anyway, I hope Craig doesn't damage your virgin pages with too many scary words.
You are a Bob the Builder notebook, and I don't think you want to be near his bad languagie-ness. Anyway, Tweek wants to say hi, too!
Er...hi? I don't think Clyde realizes that you're a...a notebook. Sorry if I've, um, offended you? This is way too much pressure! How will I deal with Clyde while Craig is gone!
I wish Clyde would stop stealing my stuff. And it's not my fault that the only notebooks they had at the dollar store were Bob the Builder...and Barbie. At least the stupid construction worker is better than some plasticized slut. I'm really going to have to do something nice for Tweek when I get back.
So, I should probably be packing for the trip, but I am really not looking forward to this. Apparently it's supposed to be a family reunion or some shit, but I'm not buying it. I only have one uncle, my dad's brother, and one cousin, his daughter Rebecca. She's a year older than me, an inch shorter than me, and five times louder than me. I call her Red because Rebecca takes too long to say and gives the impression that I actually care enough to say her full name. Lucky me, I'm sharing a room with her and Satan on the cruise ship. I'd say fuck my life, but it's already been screwed senseless.
Life, stop being such a whore.