"Winner takes all. What the hell does that mean anyways?" Hanna vented, angrily eyeing the board game that has quickly become the bane of their combined existence. The feisty blonde had spent the day doing AD's maniacal bidding to gain the second piece of the puzzle. Yet, they were nowhere near figuring out what the game is supposed to reveal. Spencer had called the girls over a few hours ago when the machine started bleeping and blaring, Hanna's name popping up on the screen indicating who AD wants to play with next. They proceeded to bicker amongst each other as to the merits and risks of letting Hanna play before the frustrated blonde ended the debate with an adamant "Fuck this, I'm not scared of this bitch." A mission was displayed on the screen and off the blonde went. Now that Hanna's back, the girls reassembled in Spencer's barn—as confused and frustrated as ever.
"I guess we'll have to keep playing 'till we find out," Aria hesitantly replied.
"Well, don't look at me," Hanna huffed out defiantly, arms crossed and brows arched in resistance, "I just went." Trying her best to diffuse the situation, Emily pulled Hanna into a side hug, a move of comfort that usually calmed her hyperactive friend down. The designer immediately leaned into Emily's hold as another pair of blue eyes quietly studied them from the opposite side of the table.
Since their little confrontation in Alison's living room a few days ago, neither Emily nor Alison had spent time alone together. When they were at school, the brunette occupied herself with coaching and Alison likewise with teaching. Outside of school, their time was spent with the girls trying to keep up with AD.
If Emily was honest, she'd admit that she was intentionally giving the blonde some space. It had been awhile since Emily was witness to that side of Alison, the side that lashed out to everyone and anyone who came too close. She thought that their kiss was the start of the blonde letting her in again. But she was wrong. Throughout these past few days, she could practically see Alison's walls building up again. Brick by brick, the blonde was closing herself off in her impenetrable fortress. The only time she saw it crack was when she told Alison to not kiss her again. Emily didn't stay behind to witness the aftermath of those words but she caught a brief flash of pain in the former Queen Bee's eyes before she turned and walked out the door.
In a way, she threw down the gauntlet. Emily herself had come a long ways since her days in high school. She wasn't the pushover anymore. Not the sweet Emily who'll let herself be used for comfort only to be discarded when she was done. She knows in her heart Alison isn't the person to use her anymore either. She felt the sincerity in that tender kiss, believed the promise when the blonde whispered it inches from her lips. That being said, they aren't kids anymore. Emily wasn't willing to repeat the cycle of having genuine moments with her first love only to have it be swept under the rug and never mentioned again. She knew she threw the blonde off guard by mentioning their kiss, threw her in a loop even more so when she set that boundary with the blonde. But she hoped Alison realized that "not until you know" is the farthest thing from a final nail in the coffin there is. It's an open door—if the blonde finds the courage to step through it.
"Fortunately, I think AD's done playing with us for the day," Spencer spoke up. "I'll call you guys if anything else happens with this thing."
The girls gathered their stuff and prepared to head out. Hanna and Aria gave Spencer a hug before quickly rushing out the door. Being tormented by a mysterious psychopath wasn't going to deter these two from planning the most romantic wedding in Rosewood history. Emily, ever the caretaker, asked Spencer if she needed anything else before heading out. The brainiac quipped that she needed to restock her collection of wines. Apparently, the last few days with dealing with her mommy issues resulted in the brunette going through the red liquid faster than an athlete goes through sports drinks.
Alison, on the other hand, lingered just outside Spencer's door. After saying her own goodbye, the blonde wanted nothing more than to head straight home, throw on some sweats, and sulk in silence. But something kept her planted. Emily's words from a few days prior kept ringing in her ears. The day of their confrontation, she had welcomed back the old Alison DiLaurentis to keep her feelings at bay. However, the second the brunette's back was turned, she felt her whole resolve crumbling. It was terribly exhausting to keep up the ice queen facade—especially when she knew Emily saw right through it. So why do it at all? Why deny herself the presence of the one person she trusts more than life itself? Why isolate herself when all she wanted to do was stay safely encased in the arms of her—? Her what exactly? That's the question that has been slowly driving Alison insane for the past 48 hours. Who is Emily Fields to Alison DiLaurentis?
To say she was taken by surprise at the brunette's boldness would be an understatement. She hadn't expected Emily to bring up their kiss so quickly. She knew she owed the girl an explanation. But how can she answer when she hadn't even processed it herself? Though to be fair, she had been actively avoiding that part of the last week. With the pregnancy bombshell, Spencer being shot, and AD's newest form of amusement, the blonde had reasoned with herself that her little moment with Emily could be pushed to the back burner for the time being. But Emily's ultimatum had jolted her awake. Despite everything going on, her unresolved feelings for her "favorite" had to be a priority too. So there she stood, shifting back and forth on her feet, waiting for Emily to finish her conversation with Spencer.
Saying her goodnight and exiting the barn, Emily's eyes quickly zeroed in on the blonde leaning against the side of the wall. "Ali, what are you still doing out here?" Her brows furrowing in concern. "It's chilly. You're gonna catch a cold." Emily gently admonished, immediately shrugging out of her Sharks hoodie to drape over the blonde's shoulders.
Alison smiled in gratitude before meeting the brunette's eyes with a sheepish look. Her heart warmed at Emily's gesture and it gave her the courage to follow through with her course of action.
"Em, can we talk?" The blonde's request held a note of hesitance, the slight fear that Emily might not want to deal with the two of them after the day they've all had.
But her eyes held the conversation her voice was clearly incapable of conveying. They were silently pleading with brunette and Emily registered that rare display of vulnerability. With a nod and a reassuring smile, Emily whispered out a "Sure" before the two silently made their way across the fence to the DiLaurentis house.
Once inside, the blonde headed straight for the couch and situated herself on one end while Emily made herself comfortable on the other. The two stared at each other for a few seconds, neither knowing exactly how to start. But Emily held her ground and waited for Alison to speak.
"Do you want something to drink?" Alison mentally slapped herself for blurting out something so pathetically generic.
Hyping herself to have a conversation with Emily and actually doing it are two very different beasts, the blonde realized. And now that the brunette is sat across from her, Alison could feel her planned speech flying right out of the window.
"I'm good, thanks." The corners of Emily's mouth quirked up a fraction at the blonde's obvious nerves. It's not every day that the former Queen Bee of Rosewood was at a loss for words and she had to admit that seeing Alison react this way to her was pretty damn adorable.
Taking a deep breath, Alison began, "I owe you an explanation for that other day…at the teacher's lounge."
Emily's eyes widened in slight surprise. She hadn't expected the blonde to address the Paige fiasco so soon but as she's learning, Alison will never stop throwing a fast one at her. She peered into the blonde's eyes, silently encouraging her to go on.
"I could blame it all on the crazy pregnancy hormones. But I won't. Because that wasn't the reason I went off on her." Alison avoided Emily's eyes as she nervously toyed with her fingers. "It's no secret that she and I have some bad blood. With the baby and AD, I just felt like everything's stacked up against me. Seeing her at school again pushed it over the top. And I took my frustrations out on her." The blonde finally looked up at Emily, unsure of what she'd find written across the brunette's face.
Emily sighed and scooted closer to Alison.
"What is it about Paige?" Emily gently inquired, knowing full well she was treading on dangerous grounds for the blonde.
"It brought up old feelings, I guess. In a way, you were right. I was looking for a familiar face to punch. And…I was a little afraid of Paige but not in the way you'd think. I mean, I can take her," Alison gently chuckled at her attempted joke before turning serious once again. "I'm afraid of what she means to you. Of what it means now that she's back. I meant what I said, Em. You two have real history together and she's not my biggest fan. I just-"
"You thought me being close to Paige would mean me pulling away from you?" Emily softly interrupted.
Alison immediately looked away, her eyes closed and her lips pursed together in frustration. She was mad at herself for being so weak but more so scared at how Emily would react to her non-spoken admission.
"Ali…" Emily breathed, her hand reaching out to tuck a stray hair behind the blonde's ear. The tender gesture did the trick as Alison re-opened her eyes to look at the brunette. She didn't see anger, annoyance, or reproach in those familiar brown orbs. All she saw was understanding.
"If thinking you were dead didn't stop me from caring about you, no person will be able to do that," Emily promised. Her eyes searched the blonde's, imploring Alison to believe her. "And I don't blame you for having a bad day or days for that matter. I just don't want you picking fights with someone who has no intention of fighting with you."
Alison scoffed and her brows quirked up in challenge.
"Ok ok," Emily relented, throwing her hands up in mock surrender. "Paige isn't exactly pro-you but that's all the more reason to stay away. Plus," Emily's voice turned soft again, "all that added tension can't be good for the baby. And trust me, with everything else in the mix, Paige is unnecessary stress."
Alison felt a smile forming on her face at the brunette's assuring words. It's clear that Emily truly had her best interest at heart and wasn't stepping in just to protect her ex. The blonde agreed to take it down a couple notches and Emily beamed in satisfaction.
"So…is that all you wanted to talk about?" the brunette gently pressed, her arm coming to rest on the back of the couch.
"No, there's something else." Alison shifted her position closer to Emily so she's fully facing the girl. Gathering her thoughts, she hoped to God she wasn't going to ruin this part of the night's conversation.
"You asked me why I kissed you that night." Emily's back straightened at the mention of the kiss. All of her senses were honed in on the next words spilling out of the blonde's mouth.
"I told you I didn't know. And I don't." Now it was the brunette's turn to look away, disappointed yet again at the blonde's lack of answers. Alison moved her hand to cover the brunette's, beseeching her to keep listening as she continued, "But that's because I've never allowed myself to really think about it. But I'm not gonna do that anymore.You deserve to know and owe it to myself to find out."
Slowly, Emily feels Alison's thumb gently glide back and forth across her hand. It was Alison's way of apologizing, a regretful acknowledgement that she didn't give Emily the answers she wanted to hear, but also an assurance that she would get them eventually. The brunette lifted her own thumb to brush against the blonde's in response, an understood acceptance of that promise. For a few seconds, the silence in the room was taken up by the conversations their fingers were drawing on the other's skin.
Calm. Grounded. Safe. Alison thought. This was what Emily Field's proximity did to her.
"I'm sorry for pushing you away again," the blonde spoke after a few minutes. "My whole life I've always had to rely on myself. At the end of the day, everything's on me. I was scared to let you in because if I did and you left…" Alison gently shrugged, her voice trailing off.
"I told you I'm here for you and I meant it. Whatever you need. I'll stand behind you, infront of you, beside you—just let me be here for you." Emily flipped her palm up towards Alison's and intertwined their fingers. The brunette looked straight into the blonde's eyes making sure without fail that she understands these next words. "You are not a burden. I know you think your life's an absolute mess. But letting someone help you doesn't mean you're dragging them down with you. It's not selfish to ask for a little rescue."
Alison teared up, touched that the brunette knew exactly which insecurities plagued her. Had Emily always been this good at reading her? She knew Emily saw through her facade but she certainly didn't think the brunette would perceive so much.
"But this isn't your problem," Alison tried again, grasping at straws even if the last remnants of her resolve were slipping away. "I messed up and got knocked up by a psycho. Not you. You have your whole life ahead of you, Em. How is it not selfish of me if I practically make you my pregnancy 911?"
Emily chuckled at the made up moniker. "I'm here because I want to be here. No one's forcing me to do anything. So you can put aside your guilt complex because I'm ready to deal with your undoubtedly catastrophic mood swings."
"Hey!" Alison feigned offense at the joke as she playfully jabbed Emily's side. The brunette let out a wide grin, her eyes twinkling with lighthearted mischief as she tried to halt the assault Alison's fingers were carrying out on her sides. Emily squirmed on the couch before grabbing both of the blonde's hands in one of hers and carrying out a counterattack of her own. Two can play at that game. Alison's laugher rang out as the blonde attempted to wiggle her way out of their impromptu tickle war. It feels good, the two thought, to share a laugh with each other. It had been too long since they've had a moment to just be—no AD, no drama, no tension. Just Emily and Alison.
"C'mere," Emily finally said, pulling Alison to her in a bear hug. The two were still breathing heavily from their little game. The blonde face immediately settled into the nook of Emily's neck as the brunette's arms wrapped around Alison's waist.
The brunette took the opportunity to breathe the blonde in. The last time they were wrapped up in each other's embrace was on that very couch, black and white movie playing in the background, hearts thundering in their chest for a reason not entirely unlike the present. For Alison, that moment was the first time in days she'd felt like things would be okay. And she knew it wasn't a coincidence that the feeling reemerged when she was in Emily's arms.
"Be patient with me," the blonde whispered against Emily's neck. "I mean it when I said I'm gonna figure us out. Just don't give up on me yet." Alison's voice slightly cracked, betraying the gravity of her emotions.
"Never," Emily promised as she pulled Alison tighter against her.
She knew she had gotten through to Alison and she was beyond proud of her first love for stepping up to the plate. It would take some time to figure the two of them out. After all, they have years of history to hash out. But for the first time, there was light at the end of the tunnel and maybe the woman in her arms would be waiting at the end of it.
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So there it is! That's chapter one down. I really hope you guys weren't too disappointed that I didn't put them together right away. I feel like Emily's confrontation would definitely force Alison to start processing things but she's been suppressing her feelings for Emily for awhile so it would take a good minute before she's ready to admit it. But I think this is a good set up for them. They're on good terms with each other and that's gonna go a long ways in helping both of them figure out their feelings. Next chapter's Hannily and Spalison scenes will be a huge factor in getting these stubborn two come to terms with how they feel. In the meantime, let me know what you guys think about chapter 1!