Disclaimer: I own nothing and for the first time I am so very glad for that. The gorgeous song "Why Don't You Love Me" is by the amazing Amanda Marshall!
Author's Note: Well, here it is. Probably my last piece of Jolie fanfiction since the Hack has so ruined the characters I once loved that I can't stand to even see them in passing. (Hello, the writing of Natalie has her getting on my nerves more than Evangeline ever has. Now that is bad.)
As soon as I heard this song I knew that I had to write this—I needed a bit of closure and the song is so exquisitely perfect for the job that it was a no-brainer. Amanda Marshall is awesome and I highly recommend her CD Tuesday's Child which I bought Saturday.
Dedication: I'm not sure anyone really wants this dedicated to them but first up is the amazing Jenevieve for being the one to introduce me to Amanda Marshall in the first place! snuggles Thank you for that and for so much more sweetie!
Secondly I have to thank both Kim and Robin—I had conversations with both of them via text messaging from the time I got this idea to the finish of the story and they were both amazing as they helped me and kept me going. Thank you guys, you're awesome!
A/N2: Also, Kim told me that the love-making scene I mention in this was actually really good but well had to change that for the purpose of the story. (And I didn't see it anyway so I still see John as an ass but Nattie ended up being the Nattie I love and miss dearly). Please forgive me!
Title: Why Don't You Love Me
Why am I lonely
You're sitting right here
Why am I talking
It's like I'm talking to the air
What am I looking for that just isn't there
Why am I angry
How'd it get so bad
And why am I missing what we never really had
Room number six at the Angel Square hotel echoed with laughter and whispered words that had given Natalie hope through the worst of her and John's relationship… She just wished that the laughter and words were more than echoes of the past.
Sitting alone on the couch Natalie looked around the small room and realized that at some point since John's return it had stopped feeling like home. That small fact terrified her as she realized the implication it held—she no longer felt like she was at home wherever John was.
And she had to admit that their troubles went even deeper than that. She couldn't remember the last time that they'd had a conversation that lasted over five minutes and even when they had made love for the first time since his return it had been missing something. The only time they were ever really passionate anymore was when they fought—which recently had become a daily event.
With a sigh Natalie tossed the pillow she had been hugging aside and stood up. Somewhere deep inside of her she knew that if she and John continued on this road both of them would end up getting hurt badly—worse than they would if she did something to stop it now.
It was with that thought that she slowly walked into the bedroom and pulled her suitcases from the closet, fighting back tears of resignation.
Why don't you love me the way I love you
Why don't you feel things as deep as I do
We've got a fundamental difference in matters of emotion
But I need to feel you need me like a river needs an ocean
Baby why don't you love me
Who am I kidding
It wasn't meant to be
But you wanted a believer and I needed to believe
For every wall you built around you
I learned a brand new way to climb
And if I could've been your angel
I would've found a way to fly
As Natalie packed she couldn't stop the stream of memories that flooded her mind and she found herself re-living each and every one of them, the good and the bad.
She remembered everything, even how much she had hated him after Cristian's supposed death, but mostly she remembered how hard she had fought for him after everything. Caitlin had made him put up so many walls that every time she managed to get past one he would erect two more to take its place.
But somehow she had finally managed to break them all down after three and a half long years and seemingly impossible obstacles and he had told her that he loved her. And then, after she finally had the words she had waited so long for their relationship had disintegrated in front of her very eyes. The irony was hardly lost on her.
Why don't you love me the way I love you
Why don't you feel things as deep as I do
We've got a fundamental difference in matters of emotion
But I need to feel you need me like a river needs an ocean
Baby why don't you love me
Natalie sighed as she slid her last shirt into the suitcase and closed it, carrying it to join its twin by the front door. She froze when she heard the key turn in the lock and she was unable to move as the door swung open.
John stared at Natalie and then at the suitcases at his feet without comprehension for a long moment before she began to speak.
I don't understand you
What's it take to make you cry
And if leaving you don't break you
Then baby what's it matter why
"I'm leaving," Natalie said softly, a statement that she knew was unnecessary given her suitcases beside the door but one that she felt she had to make nonetheless.
"I've tried to stay here with you John—God have I tried." Her voice held just the slightest tremor, her eyes glinting with tears barely held back. "But I can't live in this limbo anymore and I can't continue to let it run my life. It's changed me. I don't even recognize myself anymore and God knows I can't stand the person I've become."
John felt Natalie's eyes scrutinizing him as he absorbed what was happening and he knew what she was looking for—she wanted a reason to stay, she wanted him to break down and beg her not to leave. God, if only she understood that he couldn't…
Slowly Natalie's last bit of hope slipped away as she watched John take in her words and still he just stood there, his face unreadable and his eyes cold as ice. The truth hit her like a lightning bolt in that moment—as much as she loved him John McBain never could and never would give her all that she needed.
A single tear slowly ran down her cheek as she fully accepted the implications of what was happening and she finally took the first step towards letting John go.
"Good-bye," she whispered, searching his eyes not for a reason to stay this time but to make sure that he knew that this was different than the other countless times they'd said good-bye to each other. She needed him to know that this time it was the real thing.
What she saw in his eyes must have been enough because without another word she knelt to pick up her two suitcases and was on her way.
Why don't you love me the way I love you
Why don't you feel things as deep as I do
We've got a fundamental difference in matters of emotion
But I need to feel you need me like a river needs an ocean
Baby why don't you love me
Room number six at the Angel Square hotel echoed with laughter and whispered declarations of love that night as John McBain sat on the couch in the very spot Natalie had occupied just that afternoon. With all his heart he wished that the laughter and whispered affections were more than just echoes…
FIN