My take on what happens when Andy comes back from project Dakota 10 months later, she is finally willing to let sam back in but he has moved on. (I am a huge Mcswarek fan and I know this would probably never actually happen cause we all know that Sam would wait for Andy and not move on but I wanted to give something different a shot). I found this incredibly hard to write convincingly so please let me know what you think. This one is for all those mcswarek hatters out there though I know that is probably a very small minority.
Enjoy :)
It took 10 months of her being someone else to realize what she wanted. 10 months of long days pretending to be married to a drug smuggler to figure out what she needed. 10 months of being Melanie Jones, a kick ass woman not to be messed with to figure out that what she needed was him.
"Are you ready?" Asked Nick. She had grown easy to read when she was around him, a kind of transparency that had gotten them out of many sticky situations. They had grown close to each other over the last 10 months but both were apprehensive about returning to their old lives. The same lives they had walked out on just 10 months ago. It had only seemed like yesterday to him that they were laughing and drinking coffee in parade but he knew that when they returned things would be different. Life wouldn't have stopped just because they left. The world kept turning and he was finally ready to face that fact. He just wasn't entirely sure if she was.
"Yeah, I think I am" How ironic she thought. Those were the exact same words she had said to Nick when they were driving away to their new lives less than a year ago. Back then she thought she had meant it but just weeks after beginning the op she realized this was not the case. She was still in love with him and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't suppress those feelings. She had tried, believe me she had tried but it just wasn't possible. He owned a piece of her heart and she was never going to be able to get that back again.
"So are you going to patch things up with Sam or...?"
"Um, yeah. I'm ready to give him another chance."
"And what if he has moved on?" Shit. That thought hadn't crossed her mind. Here she was, McNally the over thinker but she had forgotten to think about that very important detail. What if he had moved on? And where would that leave her? She pushed these thoughts to the back of her mind and tried to concentrate on other things. Like seeing Traci again and Leo. She had felt really guilty walking out on them, especially after Jerry's death but she would understand, she always did. And what about her dad? Would he still be drinking? Ha, that was a question she already knew the answer to.
"Andy?"
"Yeah?"
"I said what if he has moved on. What will you do then?"
"I guess I will just have to cross that bridge when I get to it"
Walking through the doors of 15 division bought back all the memories ten long months of being someone else had erased. Looking around she saw all the familiar faces she had missed. All but one.
Traci practically ran up to her and threw her arms around her, almost knocking her over.
"oh my god Andy, you're back!"
"ha yeah I am"
"Don't you ever do that to me again, I missed you so much" she was still holding on fiercely
"I know and I'm so sorry Trac, I just had to do it, I needed a change"
"I know, I know, I'm just really glad you're back"
"So am I"
"So can we meet for lunch? I want to know everything about the case"
"Can we make it dinner? There's someone I need to see and talk to first"
"Um Sure that's fine, wait are you talking about Swarek?"
"Andy that really isn't a good idea" But Andy was already walking away, searching out the man she loved but no longer loved her.
She found him in the men's locker room. Taking a deep breath she pushed open the door. There he was, his back facing her but he was still the same Sam she had left 10 months ago. The same Sam that had said he would fight for her, that he wouldn't give up until she said yes. She hoped that he had meant what he said. She was finally willing to give them another go and she didn't know what she would do if he said no.
He didn't need to turn around to know it was her. Even after 10 months she still had that effect on him. A million thoughts raced through his mind as he breathed in the scent of her, something else that hadn't left his mind in the 10 months they were apart. Turning to face her, he basked in her beauty. She hadn't changed one bit. Sure she was a little thinner and there were dark circles under her eyes, both results he knew about all too well with undercover ops, never enough food or sleep, but she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes upon.
She was also still the same person that walked away without so much as a goodbye, mere moments after declaring his love for her. He wanted, had wanted, to fight for her. He was willing to give up everything to be with her. He had laid everything out there in the open, his heart on the line and she had once again broken it, without a thought of what it would do to him. 10 months of over analyzing everything had made him come to the conclusion that sure, he knew why she did what she did but that doesn't mean he understands it.
The 10 months apart had done nothing to dim the love he felt for her and yet here she was, standing in front of him, and he wasn't willing to let her back in. The 10 months had allowed him to put up his iron strong walls that only she had managed to break through, except this time they were twice as high.
"You're back?" was all he could manage to say
"Yeah I am. Sam I missed you so much and I want to give us another..." he cut her off mid sentence, not ready to hear her excuses.
"It's too late" He let the words hang in the air like fog on a cold winters night. "Wasn't that what you said to me when I told you I loved you? When I laid my heart on the line for you and you walked away without looking back"
"I know Sam but..." He wouldn't let her finish this time either. He needed to say these things, to get them off his chest.
"No buts McNally. You left without so much as a goodbye, after I was willing to give us another chance. You broke my heart without thinking what it would do to me. What? Did you think you could leave for 10 months to further you career and come back and expect to find me still waiting around for you?"
"No Sam. Remember you left too, for that thing with Brennan, without so much as a thought about me either"
"You have no right to say that!" He was practically yelling now but he didn't care. "We weren't even together! You never told me you didn't want me to leave. I'm not a friggen mind reader McNally! That job offer first came up while you were still with Callahan so you have no right to say that. You picked him over me and for what? A guy who puts a ring on your finger and then cheats on you with his ex"
Now she was pissed off. "Well if you weren't so stubborn and actually told me how you felt I wouldn't have picked him over you. Your inability to say what you want is what got us here and..."
"No. What got us here was your inability to give a fuck about anyone but yourself. I told you how I felt! I told you that I loved you for godsake and you just walked away!
"Sam..."
"No McNally, it's too late!"
Those words hurt more than she thought they would. What hurt more though was watching the silhouette of the man that would once upon a time have done anything for her. As a single tear trickled down her cheek she thought where is that man now?
Thanks so much for reading and please review. I'm not sure if this is a one-shot or potentially more so let me know if you would like to see it made into a multi-chapter fic.
Thanks :)