Bittersweet Backstabber
After three years of marriage I still don't believe he loves me. The butterflies came back and the geese left three times already and I don't see, don't understand, don't know that he loves me like I love him. Love is a backstabbing fucker, you know? You feel the happiness when that person is around and your heart feels like it's ready to burst. But as he's pounding into you, grunting and not looking into your eyes but above your head at something else, seeing someone else, your heart does burst, but for a completely different reason.
And when his release comes and he moans out her name, the name that even he used to abhor and bitch about, your heart stops bursting and just falls to pieces only picked up and put together again when he looks down at you and says, "You're a good shag, Astoria. I might just keep you." And when he says that, as he does almost every night, you don't know if he's joking or being serious and if he's joking if you should laugh or just stay quiet. And if he's being serious, if you should take it as a compliment or an insult. Or if you should just be safe and ignore it all together, because that seems to be working so far. At least he hasn't left your bed yet to jump into hers - if she'll allow it - , though you doubt it will be much longer before he does.
And every night, after he's gone to sleep I lie there wondering if he will ever look at me and see someone he loves or if he'll turn to me in the morning and actually say the words. Maybe one day he'll see her in me and start to realize how much he has hurt me and begin to really love me. I wonder if life is really worth it.
But I know as long as he holds me like he loves me and he asks every day if I know if we've made a baby between ourselves yet and he kisses me – however unfeeling it is- after work, that I could never leave Draco's and my life together. Love isn't just a backstabbing fucker, it's a bittersweet bitch too, you know?
This is officially the first story I've actually finished. Yay. I just want all of you to know, I'm not a Hermione/Draco fan but it seemed like an interesting twist. I actually wasn't writing this intentionally for Astoria and Draco, it just kinda came out that way. What else? Sorry about the language. I tried to not use too much off it but it seemed like the story needed it to finish off Astoria's helpless love and bitter tone. And the other woman doesn't have to be Hermione, it could be any girl that Draco used to hate. As I babble on I want to say that Hermione and Ron were meant to be together and Ginny and Harry were meant to be together. And I guess Draco and Astoria were meant to be together. I didn't like the way J.K. portrayed it and that is why I wanted a little spin on the relationships there. Thanks much, all.
K.D.C aka Isabel