Title: Caillou's Typical Day
Author: Miss Misa
Pairing: Caillou and his friends with themselves.
Summary: Caillou, the bald and whiney four-year old boy's typical day. NO FLAMES.
Warnings: Really random, disturbing, and gross! Includes Crazy!Caillou, Gay!Leo, and Lesbian!Clementine. Lots of really foul language, mentions of sexual content, Caillou being disrespectful to people, character death, character bashing, making fun of emos, nudity, lots of violence, and just pure insanity. Do not read if you are easily offended!
A/N: Do NOT read ahead if you are easily offended, disturbed, or cannot take jokes very well. This is meant to make fun of Caillou and isn't supposed to really be well written or a beautiful masterpiece.
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"Caillou! Wake up!" Caillou's mom cried, shaking him. Caillou didn't budge. He snored loudly and flipped over.
"Caillou!" Caillou's mom repeated. "CAILLOU WAKE UP YOU LITTLE SHIT!"
"Fine! I'm up!" Caillou snapped. He waited for his mom to exit the room, and he stripped naked.
"My body is sexy," said the bald four-year-old boy. He danced a little and then put his clothes on. He quickly ran downstairs and sat down at a table in the kitchen to have breakfast.
"It's milk and pancakes, sweetie," said Caillou's mom.
"This milk looks like cum," Caillou commented.
"Oh, Caillou. Your manners are just lovely! The lady who'll be with you some day is going to be so lucky!"
Caillou picked at his pancakes with his plastic fork then snapped it in half. "I know, bitch. You always tell me that. Shut the fuck up!" And with that, Caillou got a gun out of his pocket that he stole from his slutty playschool teacher Miss Martin and shot his mother in the head. She let out a scream and fell to the kitchen floor with a thud. Caillou's emo and gay dad stepped into the room, butt naked. He noticed his wife who had a gigantic bloody hole in her head and laughed.
"Thanks, Caillou! I never liked that mother fucker anyways," he said. He took a sip from his coffee and showed off his hairy legs to Caillou. Caillou screamed in disgust and ran away from his house. He ran into Leo's house with Gilbert following him close by. He busted in without even knocking and walked into Clementine and Leo watching porn and masturbating. They were so involved in what they were doing that they didn't even notice him walking in on them. Both of them were groaning and Caillou got so horny by watching them that he too stripped naked and started fapping along with them.
"AHHH! I came!" Leo screamed.
"Me too!" said Clementine in delight.
"You two are so sexy when you do that!" Caillou said. Both of his stupid friends didn't even notice that he hadn't been there when they started and smiled.
"That wasn't really sexy. It could have been better. I'm a lesbian," explained Clementine.
"Yeah, I'm gay," agreed Leo. His friends who didn't appreciate masturbating with him angered Caillou, and like the faggot he was, he got a knife and stabbed both of them to death. He put his ugly, dirty clothes back on and ran to his playschool. At the playschool, Miss Martin was reading a book to the class. Caillou put a gas mask on and poison gassed everyone in the room. They all puked their guts out and dropped dead. Caillou laughed evilly and ran to the playground. His naked, hairy dad was sitting on one of the rooms reading a porn magazine. He noticed Caillou coming towards him and hollered, "Caillou, were my legs so sexy that they somehow scared you?"
Caillou growled and skipped over to his annoying father. "No, faggot! You're ugly as shit! I fucking hate you! Go die! I hate emo fags!" he shouted, and with that, he strangled his man hoe of a father to death with the ropes of the swing and lit him on fire. Caillou smirked with his ugly, crooked lips that were for some reason always on the left side of his face. He got out a bottle of beer from his pocket and drank some. Then Gilbert appeared out of no where and meowed.
"What's that, Gilbert? You're a faggot? Dumbass, I already knew that!" slurred Caillou. Then he spun around and started muttering to himself. "Where am I…?" he asked to no one in particular. Then Gilbert slowly walked up to Caillou, his tail swaying dramatically with his slow steps. He brought his paw up to Caillou's crotch, and in one swift moment, tore the part covering his dick. Unfortunately, Caillou's penis came off with it.
"AHHHHHH!" screamed Caillou in agony. "YOU CUT MY FUCKING PENIS AND BALLS OF YOU ANNOYING LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT GOOD FOR NOTHING CAT! NOOO!" He started running in circles, bawling his eyes out. Gilbert smirked and walked off. All of a sudden, Caillou's baby sister Rosie grew wings and flew to the playground of the playschool. She giggled at Caillou, who was still on the floor sobbing and covering his crotch-area.
"Caillou no penis!" she laughed, pointing at him.
"Now I can't masturbate anymore!" Caillou whined, tears still spilling out of his small beady eyes.
"What that red stuff on you hands?" she asked.
Caillou saw the blood covering his hands and parts of his arms and legs and let out a earsplitting scream. In fact, he even made himself go deaf. "Oh my fucking God! What the hell is happening to me!?" he cried.
Then Jason and Jeffery miraculously came out of the playschool building alive because they had been in the bathroom fucking each other before.
"You guys are still alive?" Caillou asked.
"Uh, yeah! Eberywone in deh room wash sleepin'," explained Jeffery in his babyish accent. Of course, Caillou was deaf and too stupid to realize it so he started cussing them out because he thought that they were playing a joke. Eventually, he gave up and just farted in their faces, killing them instantly. He walked to the top of a building and started being emo like his dead father.
"I hate my life!" he said, and with a final sob, he jumped to his fait below. Unfortunately for Caillou, he didn't die immediately because the building wasn't tall enough and just got his head injured. He eventually bled to death because no one gave a fuck about him but the process was slow, agonizing, and torturous.
THE END
P.S. He went straight to hell and got raped by Satan.