Disclaimer: Too crazy to own it, too lazy to try. So don't sue!
A/N: I know, I know, we've all re-written this scene. Oh well, what's one more? This fic is meant to pose a very simple question: what would love be like without sex? This is really only rated "M" for nudity, there is no actual "orgasmic" ending. So if you came here for smut, you're going to be disappointed. If you came here to read a different kind of love scene, well we'll see how I did.
FYI: This is a tiny bit alternate universe, though only because of how I'm choosing to portray the asari, since the codex specifically states the asari are sexually female. In this, they are truly genderless, though they look feminine. I'm just basically stepping up the alien aspect, trying to make the asari seem more alien and less human/anthropomorphized. I've also never written a first person narrative in present tense, so we'll see how this goes. I really don't like present tense, but I wanted to make the scene as in the moment as possible. And it's in Liara's perspective. So basically every writing challenge I could possibly think up for myself, I threw in this fic. What are your thoughts on this fic?
Will You Still Love Me, Commander Shepard?
"Will you join with me, Shepard? Let our bodies and minds unite?"
Here it is. The point of no return. I am terrified she will reject me; it has taken all my mettle to come here, and if she turns me away now I fear my heart will not be able to take it. Humans put so much emphasis and importance in sex, and we asari don't have "sex" as humans do. I did my research. Human physiology is . . . intimidating. I simply cannot grasp the mechanics of it. I of course understand how sexual reproduction works, but it's all so . . . physical. There is so much violence, friction, sometimes pain, and very little dignity in the act. Or perhaps the resources Mr. Moreau recommended were not the best quality or representation of "normal" sex. Regardless, we asari mate in a very different way than humans. There is no need for anything to take place in the physical realm. The Meld is graceful, fluid, and beautiful, not rough, violent, and animalistic.
But Goddess, I am falling in love with her. I want so much to unite our minds, to feel her consciousness bleed into mine, to feel the strength of her heartbeat, to see the world through her sharp green eyes, to experience what my fingertips feel like entangling in her hair.
"I thought you'd never ask," she replies.
Her tone is what I have come to learn as "playful," and her lips curve in a small smile. Human intonations. Difficult for me to discern at first. Sometimes I still do not understand the "joking" intonation, but Shepard's playful tone I have come to know well. She only uses that specific intonation around me. She is quite serious around the rest of her crew. Her playful tone bodes well. It means she is relaxed and open to the idea uniting with me. Perhaps I'll start this the human way. Kissing is something so common among my species it's barely considered intimate, but humans seem to put more emphasis in it. Pulling her to me, I fuse our lips and weave my fingers in her red hair.
I immediately forget about the kiss as I bask in the strange and comfortable texture of her slightly messy hair. That and her strong arms are suddenly enclosed around me, pulling our bodies together tightly. An aggressive act. A human act. I realize all too quickly that it is too much; almost frightening. Then again, I have unintentionally set a human tone by opening this with such a forward kiss . . .
"Shepard," I gasp against her firm pink lips, unable to stop a tremble from rippling through my body.
The human freezes. Our lips part and bright green eyes peer into mine. I see concern written there. A facial expression common to both our species, thank the Goddess.
"Shepard," I say again, drawing strength from the sound of her name, "humans and asari . . . we are very different. Have you . . .?"
"I know," she says, her voice firm and reassuring. "I've never been with an asari, but I did a bit of research when you told me you had feelings for me."
"Do our differences . . . concern you?" I feel heat burn my face and curse myself for it. I shouldn't feel embarrassed. Perhaps if I were with another asari I wouldn't be, but humans are so very different. The sheer harshness of their mating habits terrifies me. What if that's what Shepard expects from me? I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it. I was so sure I wanted her when I came in here, but I realize now that I came here with the expectation of Melding with her the asari way, not mating the human way. A selfish expectation on my part, now that I think about it. I feel myself flush an even deeper shade of purple.
"Hey," Shepard says, her voice impossibly soft. It's such a stark contrast from the woman I know on the battlefield; it's hard to believe they're the same person. "It's okay, Liara. I think the Meld sounds incredible. I'd be lying if I said I've never fantasized about it."
My eyes widen in shock. I would have expected her fantasies to be more human-focused. I find it remarkably endearing that she's put so much thought into it.
"One thing, though," Shepard continues. "Do asari Meld fully clothed? We humans prefer skin to skin contact. Can we maybe meet halfway?"
I bite my lower lip to only partially contain an excited smile. At least this we shared in common. The Meld is easier to maintain against bare skin, and as I am new to the mating Meld, being without garments is actually preferred. I answer her with a much less intense kiss and begin tugging at her jumpsuit. I feel her smile into the kiss. Another facial expression we share in common. The smile. Turians don't have it; their mandibles flair when they're amused. Nor do krogan. Salarians to a certain extent. But humans? Their smiles are my favorite part about them. Especially hers.
Her lips travel to my neck as my uniform falls to the floor, gently this time, lacking the frightening urgency of before. Her hands travel up the bare expanse of my back, encouraging our bodies closer with a soft tug of her arms. I step into the embrace, enjoying the simple intimacy of her lips still running along my neck and shoulders. Soon her pants are falling to the floor and she is stepping out of her boots. She seems reluctant to break physical contact and I am grateful for her desire to be close to me.
When we stand naked, she pulls back slightly to gaze into my eyes, searching for reluctance or hesitation perhaps.
"Can I touch you?" she asks softly.
My left brow marking twitches in surprise. "Anywhere you like."
Her hands explore my body without any particular destination in mind. They never linger in one place; it's as if she wants to feel every centimeter of my skin. The speed of her breath increases slightly when she reaches between my legs to caress my inner thigh. I am confused by this, but I don't let it reflect on my face. She is deriving obvious pleasure from this, and I don't want to discourage her. Her hand moves further upward until it settles to cup my opening. Though it looks similar to human females, our opening is strictly for the purpose of birth, but this action wasn't fully unexpected. It is an intimate place for her, and part of me derives a strange psychological pleasure knowing she is enjoying touching me there.
Most intimacy asari share is in various levels of the Meld, but there is one place on the body we consider sacred, and to touch someone there without permission is considered a terrible offense. I only hope she won't think me too forward, but I find myself desiring to kiss her there. I lower to my knees and settle my lips on her stomach. I feel my face heat up again. This area of the human female/asari body is from where all life stems, grows, begins. And I have just assumed I have the right to touch her here.
"Hey," she says, her voice still gentle, "what is it?"
I allow her to pull me to my feet and when she looks at me I feel as though I may start to cry. The last stomach I touched was my mother's more than fifty years ago.
"I-is it okay that I touched you there?" I stammer.
A twinkle of amusement lights up her wonderful green eyes. "Of course. Is that . . . is that an intimate place for asari?"
I nod, looking down when a surge of shyness takes hold of my chest. When I look back into her eyes, my timidity melts away, replaced by an overpowering desire to be inside her mind. I'm not sure if it's because I am so very inexperienced, or if I'm simply excited, for when I close my eyes for a moment, blackness consumes them as I reopen them.
"Shepard . . ." I breathe, praying my plea will not go unnoticed.
With a beautifully soft smile, Shepard moves to the bed, settling on her back and she beckons me to her. I return her smile and crawl up the bed on all fours, hovering over her as my desire to dive into her mind increases tenfold.
"Please, Shepard," I whisper, my whole body trembling in desire and anticipation. I can see blue biotics dancing from my skin, betraying my desire to her.
She nods and pulls me into a kiss. Unable to contain myself any longer, my mind surges forward, seeking out the light of her mind I have touched only three times before. Oh that mind. Those three mind Melds are the reason I've fallen so madly in love with her. In my youth I mentally touched many of my mother's community, but none were as bright, fierce, or beautiful as the mind of Commander Shepard. I want her to devour every crevice of my consciousness, strip me mentally bare until every last centimeter of me belongs to her.
As our naked bodies settle together, so too do our thoughts, and I am immediately swept away in the maelstrom that is Commander Shepard's mind.
Everything is tastes, textures, a sea of thoughts, emotions, and turmoil. I feel so much concern for her team, for the mission, for . . . me. I press deeper into her mind, finding that wonderful place where all nerve endings converge. I am immediately consumed with the pulse of her incredible, powerful heartbeat. It surrounds both of us, overwhelming all thought. Oh Goddess, that heart! Every beat is a beautiful battle anthem in my head, ever marching forward, pushing on, an unbeatable, unstoppable force.
She is overwhelmed by my excitement to feel her heartbeat. It feels like my own. I am now apart of the very heartbeat of Commander Shepard. After gasping for a few moments to adjust to the depth of the Meld, I feel a smile curve her lips. She rolls me beneath her and presses herself down on me, relaxing all her weight on me so I am completely encompassed in her. The world around us fades into nothingness as the physical realm ceases to exist and all that is left is me and my commander. Everything is color, scent, sensation, all swirling together to create pure ecstasy.
Our heartbeats begin to pulse as one, creating a duet of lifeblood music. It is the most incredible music I've ever known; we are sharing one heartbeat, one Life Source, one whole.
'Liara . . .'
Her thoughts sound different than her voice. It echoes around my head; it's still her voice, but there is so much more of her. Her mind is so powerful, so beautiful.
'Deeper . . . please . . . take me deeper, Liara.'
Her desire is so strong I'm momentarily confused, wondering if it's my own desire I'm feeling. 'Yes . . .'
I probe forward, testing her willingness to have me in such personal, intimate parts of her mind. I meet some resistance, but I also feel her battling away her own resistance. Goddess, she wants this. I can feel how much she wants me in every part of her mind, how much she wants . . . me.
I feel her surrender and am momentarily stunned by the concerto of her mind and body. I am pulled into her and cease to be Liara T'Soni. I am Commander Shepard. I feel myself beneath her, I feel her breath, I feel blood running through her veins, I feel her love . . .
This is Eternity. For a blissful, brief eternity, I come to an end as I become Commander Shepard. I am Shepard. I love Liara T'Soni. Goddess she's so beautiful. She has such a sweet innocence, curiosity, tenderness, honesty . . . Goddess she's so beautiful! Liara T'Soni . . . everything you are, who you are to me, all of you . . . you are beauty.
This is what it is to love yourself. This is what it is to be loved. This is what it is to love another. We are an infinite reflection of love. She sees all my insecurities, I see them all, and suddenly they no longer matter. Even my flaws we find beautiful. The darkest recesses of our minds are brought into the light and soothed, caressed until we no longer see them as ugly, but as a beautiful contrast.
Beauty. This is beauty. This is what it means to be loved. Me, Commander Shepard and Liara T'Soni.
Pleasure. Heat. Ecstasy. Eternity. We share one nervous-system, we share the swirling biotics around us, making us writhe as our nerve endings are activated, burning, ever burning in blissful heat. She is ecstasy, we are Eternity. This is what it is to love us, Commander Shepard. This is what it is to love you, to love me. Together we are whole. Together we are perfection.
When we begin to drift apart, both of us feel a terrible loss. I want it to last forever. I am beginning to more fully understand why asari have a reputation for promiscuity. They desire the Meld. I am no exception. Though we have seen it through to fruition (aside from mapping her DNA), I am left with a clawing desire to be one with her again.
"By the Goddess!" I exclaim before I can stop myself. "That was incredible, Shepard . . ." I unintentionally say her name more like a purr and she rewards me with a lovely smile.
"You were incredible," she replies, and I see and hear a longing there. A longing that reflects my own. She runs her fingertips over my lips and I shiver in delight.
"Five minutes ETA to the Mu Relay," we hear Joker's voice over the comm and both of us jump.
"I had better go, you would not want to keep Joker waiting."
"Liara," she says, stopping me as I attempt to climb off the bed. I look into her eyes and see emotion so profound I am moved to tears. "I don't know what's going to happen on Ilos . . . and I want to say this because I want you to hear the words. I love you, Liara."
"Shepard . . ." I breathe her name, compelled to kiss her again. "I love you, too."