Karkat picked up the last cardboard box from the back of his old beat-up Buick. Today he started life on his own. Okay, so technically that started four years ago when he started college and insisted on living on campus. But now he had a degree; albeit a Bachelor's in English, but a degree nonetheless. And he could get a job and join the adult world and do adult things, like living in his first apartment complex.

The building was in pretty good condition. No graffiti and in a respectable part of town. It wasn't too far away from his job at a local coffee shop so he could walk and not have to spend a lot on gas. He had checked out his apartment and everything seemed in okay working condition. The sink made a noise that resembled that of a dying orca when he turned on the faucet, but hey, no home was perfect.

He walked into the building and settled the box down with a huff as he readied himself to ascend the steps. A downside to the complex was that there were five stories and it had no elevator. Karkat's apartment was on the fifth floor.

"Hey," Karkat turned around. There stood a blond man, about a head taller than him, wearing a pair of shades that rested on the bridge of his nose, "You look like you need some help."

Karkat was a bit thrown off, "Actually, yeah, I could use some help."

The guy smirked, "Well, I hear there's a decent moving company just down the street."

What a prick, "On second thought I'm going to just haul this shit up five floors and you can go fuck yourself with your own ego if you're done stroking it to the idea of how you just burned the new guy. Later asshole!"

Karkat picked up the box and tried to hurriedly abscond up the stairs. What a douche! In his fury he lost his footing and tripped. He started to fall backwards. Fuck! An arm went around his shoulders and a hand found his hip, steadying him as his box of belongings flew to the ground.

Karkat stared up at the prick, "Falling for me already?"

Karkat pushed the man's face away and turned away to hide his blush, "FUCK OFF!" Jesus! When had he gotten so close! He scrambled down the steps and started picking up his things.

The guy actually came back down to help him, "So, what's your name?"

"…Karkat Vantas."

"Oh my god. What the fresh fuck is this?"

He was holding up one of Karkat's novels.

He was holding up one of Karkat's romance novels.

"Give me that!" Karkat dove for the book but the man childishly held it out of reach.

"Are you really into this shit? Where's the appeal? Are there some X-rated scenes in here? Is that it?"

"You're an ass! I read it for character development! The characters are really interesting!"

"'Alexandra was a normal girl… until she met Robbie. Now all she can think about is how his smile makes her see stars and how his…' Wow. This isn't just your average run of the mill romance novel. This is a grade-A piece of smut," He peered down at Karkat after reading the summary on the back cover, "How can you be into this garbage?"

Karkat swiped the book from him. His face was burning from anger or embarrassment or maybe both, "What right do you have to judge me? How can you honestly be getting on my case when you're wearing those dorky sunglasses at this time of day? The sun is setting, Pilot Douche-Dick. You are relieved of duty and so are your stupid aviators."

"Oh. No. You did not just sass my shades. These babies are so fly, they're like American Airlines."

"I. What?"

"Bro, you wanna talk in slams? Dish it to me in some sick jams. Cause burns and stingin metaphors are what I'm hankerin for. If you can't supply than this verbal confrontation's win is mine."

"No. NO. Goodbye," Karkat picked up the box and tried to ascend the steps yet again.

The man followed, "But, bro, rhymes have the gumption to satisfy my consumption of all the sick fires I want to endure. Can't you see the allure?"

"Fuck you! I'm not your "bro"! Stop rapping! Why are you following me?!"

Karkat stopped in front of his door and the man walked passed him and leaned against the door juxtapose to his, crossing his arms in a "cool kid" pose, "Because we're neighbors. I'm Dave. Dave Strider."

Karkat tried to control his breathing as he dropped his box by the door. He was panting pretty hard, "Are… you… kidding me?!"

"Nah. This is your reality. Congrats. All your secret prayers have been answered. You get to live next to the one and only Dave Strider."

Karkat went inside his apartment and slammed the door so fast, he actually feared for a minute that he might have broken the sound barrier.

What. The. HELL.