The House of Oropher's TRAUMATIC, ANGSTFILLED PAST

by your.daily.dose.of.fanfic

Are you planning on writing angsty Fanfiction about a certain clan of blonds but don't know how to start torturing them? Well, never fear! This magnificent volume will tell you everything you would possibly want to know about the most tormented, abused and tortured family in the history of Fanfiction.

1. Chapter 1

A/N:

Something one of my readers said a million billion years ago gave me the idea to do a parody on this so, here it is. I'm also writing this as a little present to my readers and reviewers for giving me over 100 reviews on my other parody. HUZZAH!

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THE DEFINITIVE ACCOUNT OF THE HOUSE OF OROPHER'S TRAUMATIC, ANGST-FILLED PAST(!)

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Ah, everyone's favourite dysfunctional family! Either you love them, or you love to hate them. For some reason, the sadistic authors of Fanfiction seem to take pleasure in throwing every single tragic event they can think of at them, and see just how long a story, where there is literally nothing but gratuitous torture, can be dragged on for. Nearly every single FanFiction written about this family plays out like a melodramatic telenovela minus the español. You have a cast of dynamic and somewhat-schizophrenic characters, all of whom have personalities that change from "average suburban dad" to "Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte" to "child-abusing-tyrant-Nazi-Hitler-Nazi" in a span of literally five seconds.

But what made them like that? Fanfiction authors agree that this may have had something to do with the family's TRAUMATIC, ANGST-FILLED PAST (the one that may or may not exist). Many people have attempted to write accounts of the family's TRAUMATIC, ANGST-FILLED PAST but due to their half-assed attempts at research, innocent readers are unable tell the difference between the real, historical truth, and what is fake and gay. Never fear, for I and a team of myself have done extensive, full-assed research into the family's eventful and TRAUMATIC, ANGST-FILLED PAST. Everything described here is guaranteed to be 100% fact (*with a 100% margin of error) so you will get full value for your money compared to what you would normally get from the other knockoff brands available on the shelf.

So, sit down and prepare yourself for a tale filled with Action! Comedy! Drama! Intrigue! Lies! Murder! Romance! Family! Trauma! and Angst! about clearly the most dysfunctional family in Middle Earth, the House of Oropher.

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A note from the publisher:
If you, for some reason, have any complaints about your purchase and would like a refund, kindly head over to our customer service department located in the fires of Mount Doom. A firing squad will be with you shortly.