He's the One . . . A Christmas Story
Author: rose_malmaison
Rating: pg-13 or M
Warnings: M/M, slash, language
Spoilers: Tag to False Witness, 8x10
Genre: Pre-slash, angst, romance, Christmas
Pairing: DiNozzo/Gibbs
Word count: 10,000+ in 5 chapters
Disclaimer: Mine, all mine - not really.
For: Tibbs Yuletide 2012 at LiveJournal
Advent day: Day 22
Betas: Kerensa and Combatcrazy - thanks!
Summary: Gibbs has been working with Tony for ten years, and he has finally come to the conclusion that it's time he tells him the truth.
He's the One . . . A Christmas Story
Cause you're the one that makes me feel like I'm
The one that makes you feel like you're
The one that makes me feel like I'm
The one
Lyrics by Tim McGraw
1 - Losing It
Tony has left the building and another Tony has taken his place.
McGee was mumbling about pod people and making movie references about aliens and body snatchers, but Tony never turned a hair.
It was only after Tony changed so drastically that Gibbs realized how very much he missed the other Tony, the one with the stupid jokes and irreverent humor that grated on him during an investigation, the man who looked like a kid when someone hurt his feelings but was quick to cover it up, the Tony who needled his co-workers and enjoyed their quick comebacks. But it was the Tony who occasionally smiled brightly and seemed to be truly happy – he was the man who Gibbs couldn't help but love.
That Tony was strangely absent and Gibbs was deeply concerned. He asked Ducky if it was a sign of burnout or if there might be something else going on. Ducky's response, or the gist of it, was that Tony was apparently struggling with some inner demons, and that if he hadn't worked through it by the time they returned to work in the new year, he would talk to him. Gibbs only hoped that wouldn't be too late.
McGee and Ziva had been shooting worried looks Tony's way for several days now and even Gibbs was concerned enough to stop Tony to ask if he was all right – twice in one day. The answer wasn't the usual 'fine' though. It was 'never better.' Not a big difference, but it was another indicator that something wasn't quite right. Tony had always been good at subterfuge wrapped in fabrication, covered in misrepresentation, yet he was unable to hide the fact that something vital was missing from his personality.
Tony's teammates accused him of being up to something, all because Tony had been working hard rather than tossing off jokes and playing around. Not that being a jokester meant that Tony didn't get the job done, because he did, and he did it very well indeed.
McGee was twisted himself in knots trying to break through to Serious Tony, which would have been funny if it wasn't so disturbing. Gibbs barked at McGee to lay off and whacked him on the back of his head. He should be happy that Tony was coming in early and doing a month's worth of paperwork that his teammates had been avoiding, and Gibbs said so, making sure that Tony heard him.
***–***
Gibbs felt undercurrents of something very wrong when they were in interrogation. They tag-teamed the suspect, Smitty Brown, pushing and probing until he admitted he used a wasp injection knife to kill a man. Self-defense, he said. Tony was relentless, his anger raw, too close to a breaking point for Gibbs' liking. Tony might be suppressing his lighter side, but other emotions were being forced to the surface. It was one thing to be serious and another to be angry, and the interrogation room was no place for any volatile emotions. They got through the interview without any harm being done, but afterwards Gibbs stopped Tony in the hallway.
"Hey, what's going on?" Gibbs demanded. He kept his voice low even though they were alone in the corridor.
Tony stood at attention, as if he was being grilled by a sergeant at the military academy. "Sir?"
Gibbs didn't correct Tony's use of 'sir.' "You got a problem keeping a lid on things in there, DiNozzo?"
"No, just doing my job, Boss." Tony said defensively, "That man just admitted to murdering someone by blasting his organs apart with a wasp knife. You wanted me to go easy on him?"
"No. I want to make sure that everything you're holding back isn't gonna explode, Tony."
Tony blinked at Gibbs' use of his first name. "I can hold in my emotions, Gibbs. Don't worry."
"That's exactly what I'm worrying about, DiNozzo. You've been…preoccupied lately. Something troubling you?"
Tony seemed puzzled. "No. Nothing's troubling me. Is something going on I should know about?"
This wasn't going anywhere and Gibbs was feeling his frustration mounting. "You just don't seem yourself and I'm asking…as a friend…if, uh, you want to talk about it…or something." That wasn't the smoothest of invitations, but at least he got the point across because Tony's expression softened a little.
"I guess it's the time of year," Tony said with a small shrug. "I'm not exactly feeling the joy, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Gibbs replied. The holidays were his least favorite time of year. Memories and sentiment made a man wish for impossible things but the past was what it was – the past, and there was no going back. He leaned in close to Tony and said, "If you need help getting through this, you come to me, understand?"
Tony nodded and that was the end of the conversation. They went back to work but Gibbs kept a close eye on his senior agent, waiting for the inevitable break.
***–***
Gibbs walked briskly down the staircase after dealing with Leon Vance, and settled at his desk. "All right everyone, let's wrap this up. We're off rotation until the new year," he announced.
"We won't get called in on Christmas Day again?" asked McGee, not quite believing the good news.
"Nope," Gibbs confirmed. "It is now official." His people deserved the days off, and he'd made sure that he had Vance's solemn oath that this year, for a change, they wouldn't be pinch-hitting for another team.
Across the office, the elevator dinged. Gibbs turned his head and watched a security officer escort Petty Officer Jerry Neisler, whom they'd been protecting during the investigation, into the elevator. Once the elevator doors closed, Gibbs let out a sigh of relief. Good, he was finally gone, out of the building and out of their lives. Neisler was a perceptive, yet melancholy individual, and he'd made everyone in the agency, including Gibbs, feel distinctly uncomfortable.
He turned back to his agents, who had taken heart as soon as they had been informed they were going to have the next ten days off. Both Ziva and McGee were smiling as they worked on finishing their case reports. Tony nodded in appreciation and his shoulders appeared to relax a little. This would be the first time in years that they'd been given both Christmas and New Year's weekends off, and they were sure to make the most of it.
Gibbs was proud of his people. Even though they had been working non-stop for weeks, every one of his agents had called upon their hidden reserves in order to successfully bring this latest investigation to a close. Best of all, nobody got hurt – which meant far more to Gibbs than any traditional holiday gift.
After a long string of back-to-back cases and extended work hours, the stress had been getting to everybody. Gibbs had caught McGee staring blankly at his computer screen on more than one occasion. Ziva had dark circles under her eyes and her remarks to her teammates had an inordinate amount of bite to them. Tony didn't even bother fighting back half the time, and Gibbs swore he hadn't heard a single movie reference from him in the past three days. Even Ducky seemed less than cheery. Gibbs needed a break, too, and he missed his alone time with his boat.
His agents had been talking all week about tentative plans for the holidays, how they would like to go home to their families or visit friends. In Ziva's case, her wish was to go skiing with her federal agent friend from Florida. Now they could confirm their holiday plans.
Ziva picked a stray piece of confetti from her long hair, and disdainfully tossed it away. She looked pointedly at Tony and asked, "And what are your plans over the holidays, Tony?"
Tony glanced up at her briefly before going back to his typing. "New York City," he said matter-of-factly. "My father and I are going to catch a Knick's game at the Garden, and on Sunday we have tickets for the premiere of 'The Illusionist' at Radio City Music Hall. Lots of quality father-son time."
McGee looked puzzled. "Isn't that the movie with Edward Norton? It came out a couple of years ago, so why would there be a premiere?"
"Wrong, McMovie, this is the French film, 'L'illusionniste', written by Jacques Tati, but even better than the movie–"
McGee pointed at Tony and grinned. "I knew it! I knew the real Tony was lurking in there somewhere, under Serious Tony!"
If anything, Tony became more straight-faced as he continued, "Even better than the movie are the Rockettes and their lovely long legs. It takes me back to when I was fifteen and I lost my–"
Gibbs could see where this reminiscence was going. He interrupted, without looking up, "DiNozzo! You're gonna lose a lot more if you don't get your report on my desk in five minutes."
"Coming right up, Boss," Tony said, professional once again. He pressed the print button on his keyboard and rose to stand in front of the printer as if he'd never brought up the movie or the Rockettes.
Gibbs watched Tony from over the top of his reading glasses for a moment and then went back to working his way through the pile of papers on his desk. Tony's comment about going to Radio City Music Hall was the first time he'd talked about anything personal in a week and it seemed forced.
Ziva asked McGee in a loud whisper that everyone could hear, "What did he lose?"
McGee glanced at Gibbs and wisely decided not to explain to her what was going on. He shook his head in warning and Ziva frowned but went back to work.
Tony smoothly slid the pages out of the printer tray as soon as they were ejected, stapled them with his Mighty Mouse stapler, and placed his finished report in front of Gibbs. "I put a digital copy in the shared folder. Here, let me handle those requisitions for you, Boss," said Tony, whisking the pile of papers out of Gibbs' hands.
Tony was all neatness and efficiency – even more so than usual – and Gibbs wondered, for the umpteenth time, what had brought on this exemplary behavior. Not that he wasn't glad that Tony offered to deal with the requisitions. Tony had been filling out the most tedious forms for years now, but this behavior wasn't normal. Gibbs asked in a low voice, "You okay, DiNozzo?"
Tony didn't even blink. "Never been better, Boss," he said, and then, almost as an afterthought, he smiled.
Gibbs was far from convinced, but whatever Tony's problem was, he seemed to be in good health. In fact, he hadn't looked this good for some time. Dressed in a designer suit, with a hundred-dollar haircut, and wearing what Gibbs was sure was very expensive cologne, Tony looked a lot more like a wealthy executive than an overworked federal agent.
He knew Tony better than anyone, and it didn't take a lot of insight to see that underneath that handsome, well-groomed exterior, something was not right. Gibbs wondered what could he could do to break down the high wall that Tony had built around himself ever since Tony's father visited last month. The past couple of weeks, in particular, it had become obvious that something was out of kilter with his senior field agent. Even so, Gibbs could hardly take him to task for doing a good job. "Go down and get Ducky's report. And don't take all night," he ordered, more gruffly than was necessary.
With a small, polite smile still on his face, Tony turned on his heel and did as he was told.
Gibbs' eyes followed Tony as he walked out of the bullpen and towards the elevator. He didn't know what Tony was working so hard to hide, but he'd figure it out eventually. He'd heard about Brenda Bittner, Tony's one-night stand of a year ago, and how she had wrapped her car around a tree and then checked herself into a mental health facility. Ziva and Abby had been in the stairwell, sharing their concern for Tony. Abby had wondered why he felt responsible for the woman, whom he barely knew and hadn't seen in a year. Ziva had surmised that Tony had been upset because he had missed any warning signs of her instability.
It wasn't until later that Gibbs had realized that Brenda Bittner's near-fatal accident had occurred on the anniversary of the death of Tony's mother. Tony never talked to his colleagues and friends about his mother's death, and Gibbs was pretty sure that he was the only one who knew that Tony's mother had died in a car crash. She had driven into a tree near their Long Island estate almost thirty years ago. Maybe Tony had never dealt with her death. He'd only been a kid at the time, and his father had never been supportive of his son. Being sent off to boarding school soon after his mother's death must have made Tony feel abandoned and alone. Just thinking about Senior, and his treatment of his only son, made Gibbs clench his fists and wish for the opportunity to punch the guy's face in.
It was apparent from the police reports, which Gibbs had taken the time to seek out years ago, that the police hadn't been sure if Mrs. DiNozzo's death had been an accident or perhaps suicide, though there was no evidence that she had taken her own life. In any case, her death had been a turning point for both DiNozzo Sr. and his young son, and Gibbs knew, all too well, how grief could follow you for many years.
Gibbs wondered if Tony's father had said something to his son when he'd visited that had been the reason that Tony had sobered up. In light of Tony's reaction to the Bittner woman's troubles, he could be making a connection with her accident and that of his mother. Gibbs was no psychologist but he knew Tony was not in a good place right now.
Earlier he had overheard Tony telling Abby that he was going ice-skating at Rockefeller Center, just like when he was a kid. He said that his mom always took him into FAO Schwartz to see Santa on their annual Christmas trip.
Although Tony has provided lots of details, there was something about his tone that clued Gibbs in that his plans were bogus. He couldn't see Tony going to New York with his father, taking in the same sights he'd enjoyed with his mother thirty years earlier. When Tony boasted that he would be staying at Trump Tower with his father, Gibbs couldn't help but wonder who was going to foot the bill this time.
***–***end chapter 1