Hey guys, this is a short I decided to do in order to give my writing skills some versatility. Had a lot of fun writing it. I hope you guys like it and it makes a few of you smile.
Rated M for language. A parody-type, humor-ridden story.
Not to be taken seriously. All of this is intended to be funny. If I offend you by misplacing one of your characters, I apologize, but don't take offense. This is something to read for a laugh, really.
Axel, Xigbar, Xaldin, and Demyx sat around a round table, constructed out of metal and glass. The room was sparse, occupied only by the table, chairs, and a single couch sitting nearby. It was one of the room the Organization never used, and had been quickly stolen away by the bored night-owls of the Organization. It was now the unofficial game room.
"Where in the hell is Luxord? You'd think he'd have learned how to dispatch Heartless a lot quicker by this time. I mean, he knows we start at 9 every night, and he's ALWAYS late!" Axel exclaimed in annoyance, propping his head in one hand as he leaned on the table. He glared down at his glass of Sake.
"He's not the only one who can deal cards, you know," Xigbar replied, grinning wickedly. Axel looked up.
"Yea, but you suck at it," Axel retorted quickly. Xigbar's smile disappeared.
"Yea? You're not any better, fire breath," Xigbar snapped, deliberately provoking the raging flame-bringer. In truth he was bored too, and thought pissing Axel off would provide entertainment. Demyx leaned forward, smiling awkwardly.
"Hey, guys, relax. Let's try not to wreck the room before we can even play a round," Demyx said carefully, jerking back when Axel stood. He had a grin on his face.
"I don't want to relax when the old man is trying to pick a fight with me," Axel sneered, bringing a look of outrage out on Xigbar's face.
"Old man?! I'm not even…watch me kick your ass! Then we'll see who the old man is!" Xigbar roared, standing and knocking his chair over. Xaldin, who had remained quiet up to this point, stood as well. Demyx looked at the three, not sure what to say.
"I swear, you two do not have a shutoff switch for annoyance. Sit down!" Xaldin cried, glaring at the two. Before they could respond, Luxord walked in with a huge smile.
"Hey, guys, you miss-WHOA, who started it?" Luxord laughed, more amused than worried. Xaldin continued to look between the two until the pulled their chairs back up and sat down silently. Luxord glanced over at Axel. "If I know you, then you probably called him an old man or something, am I right? Pissed him off?"
"I…er," Axel cut off, realizing what Luxord was pulling on him. He rolled his eyes. "You always assume that I start it."
"Because you usually do," Luxord responded with a loud bout of laughter. Xigbar cast him a sharp glance.
"What took you so long?" Xigbar demanded, cutting off Luxord's laugh. He closed his mouth and frowned as though he had just remembered something.
"Oh yea…so, there's been an order," Luxord began, eyeing them seriously. "Apparently Vexen's got some sort of new experiment he needs one of us to test on with. Xemnas has ordered one of us, meaning the ones in this room, to volunteer. If I remember right, it was something like 'Since you have more than enough energy after work to play your foolish card games, you can assist Vexen'." Luxord's imitation was a poor attempt, and it seemed to amuse him greatly. While he was laughing, Xaldin frowned.
"This is no laughing matter. What kind of experiment does he intend to do?" the wind warrior asked, bringing Luxord out of his hysteria.
"Ngh, oh, sorry, I was just remembering that time Xigbar imitated Xemnas at the wrong moment. Apparently Vexen thinks he's got the shapeshifting serum fixed," Luxord explained, and everyone groaned.
"Dammit, not again. Do we need to remind him about the tail Larxene complained about for a week and a half?" Demyx said uneasily, clasping his hands together as he leaned forward on the table. "He needs to just toss that one and start on something else. So who gets to do it?"
"Since it seems no one is volunteering, how about we decide it with what we planned to do anyway?" Xaldin offered, gesturing at the table. "Whoever loses the card games tonight gets to be the one who helps Vexen. Sound fair enough?" After a few seconds of pondering, Xigbar leaned forward, staring hard at Luxord with his one eye.
"As long as he doesn't deal," Xigbar growled, and Luxord looked surprised.
"But Xigbar, you su-"
"I KNOW!" Xigbar exclaimed, leaning forward and pointing at Luxord. "But I know damn good and well that you can manipulate those cards. If you don't want to lose, you won't. Not very fair, right?" Luxord tried his best to look innocent, but it was hopeless.
"I have to agree with Xigbar," Xaldin concurred, dashing Luxord's hopes of an easy victory. He sighed.
"Alright, fine. Xaldin, you can deal. You're better than Xigbar," Luxord added, glancing over at Xigbar with a smirk. Xigbar responded by taking a swig of Sake.
"Axel, why are you so quiet? I'm starting to get worried," Demyx said suddenly, as Xaldin took Xigbar's offered deck of cards. Axel was grinning devilishly as he leaned forward.
"Tell me about Xigbar's little excursion. I never get to hear about the bastard making mistakes," Axel said pointedly to Luxord. Luxord looked immediately to Xigbar, who gave him a death glare.
"Oh, come now. You really think I would let you take my position as dealer away and not make you pay for it?" Luxord asked in an amazed tone. Demyx leaned forward in interest. Even Xaldin paused.
"Don't you-"
"So Xigbar and I were sent out on recon to some desolate place called Agrabah. You've been there, so you know what I mean. But it was just wind, sand, and a whole lot of nothing. What's worse is the only Heartless that were showing up were hardly worth our while, but were incredibly difficult to kill because the sandstorm was obscuring our vision," Luxord began, ignoring Xigbar. He started to protest, then stopped, knowing he would be outnumbered. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, a displeased look on his face.
"Well, one Heartless managed to trip him, and landed a hit on him that I knew had to hurt. He recovered and killed it, but he was pissed," Luxord said, pausing to laugh. "So he looks at me and says: 'You know? We'd be in and out of here much faster if we had more members in each realm. You know, instead of having them do stupid shit in a lab or wander around Castle Oblivion. But, oh no. That's more important than this! We're collecting hearts, but what the hell is Xemnas doing?!' " Luxord paused, leaning forward with a smile on his face.
"You know how Luxord usually has his hair pulled back all nice and neat? Well his fight had pulled some of it free. He pulled it forward and put it around his face like Xemnas and started imitating him. I knew he was pissed, but it was hilarious. 'Look at me, I'm Superior and I do what the hell I want because I'm NUMBER 1! Even though everyone else is working their asses off, I'm gonna walk around like an idiot trying to find some invisible person in a Castle that can't be navigated through. Just wasting time while everyone else is doing important shit. But I'm just gonna pretend like mine is more important, and let everyone else do the hard work!' Well while he was doing this, I was laughing my ass off. I couldn't help it anymore. Then lo and behold, Xemnas comes through the gate behind Xigbar. He had been doing recon too, and never told either of us. So he comes walking up, and Xigbar is still ranting. I tried to warn him, but when I told him to stop, it only pissed him off more."
" 'What, you're siding with him? You like a leader that doesn't pull his weight? That son of a bitch needs to get some exercise and actually do something for once. I bet if he and I had a fight, I'd kick his silver-haired ass!' Xemnas has been standing behind him the entire time, just blank faced, and there's nothing I can do. Somehow the dumbass finally gets the cue and looks behind him, and I thought he was gonna scream like a little girl. He's got nothing; no defense or anything because Xemnas had heard it all. Instead of saying anything, Xemnas just punches him out."
"Wh-what? Just like that?" Demyx exclaimed, shocked. Xaldin laughed suddenly, and Xigbar glared at him. Luxord nodded, unable to keep a straight face.
"Yea, Xemnas didn't say a word, just reared back and socked Xigbar. He was out cold. Had to carry his heavy ass back to the castle," Luxord said enthusiastically, leaning back and allowing himself a bout of hysteria.
"Freeshooter shot himself in the foot," Axel laughed, gaining an annoyed look from Xigbar. In an attempt to re-direct the conversation, Xigbar straightened and pointed at himself.
"It's how I lost my eye," he said suddenly, and Xaldin looked up from the cards he was about to pass out.
"I thought you said you lost it from-"
"Nope," Xigbar said, leaning back in his chair again. Demyx rolled his eyes.
"It changes every time you tell a story," Demyx mumbled. Xigbar ignored him and glanced over at Luxord.
"You're not so perfect, Luxord," Xigbar growled, and Luxord eyed him calmly. Demyx picked up his Sake.
"Name one thing I've done out of line in your presence," Luxord challenged, glancing over as Demyx took a tentative gulp. Xigbar floundered for a second.
"I'll think of something, you bastard," Xigbar relented, pulling his dealt cards toward him. Luxord reached over and bumped the bottom of Demyx's cup, causing a wave of Sake to pour out onto his face.
"Ack! Luxord, what the he-"
"Don't act like such a virgin! You never drink enough. No wonder you're such a lightweight," Luxord proclaimed while Demyx wiped off his face. Axel chuckled.
"Who the hell isn't a virgin?" Axel said suddenly, and Xigbar perked up immediately.
"I'm sure the hell not," he exclaimed, a grin on his face. Luxord and Xaldin both glanced over.
"Who with? The only female member is Larxene," Xaldin said with a unwilling expression on his face. Xigbar rolled his one eye.
"There are people in other worlds. You guys don't get out much, do you?" he barked, shaking his head. "To think I'd even sit on the same couch as misses lightning tongue?"
"That's more of Marluxia's territory anyway, right?" Demyx added, placing his Sake a safe distance away from Luxord.
"Something like that. Those two are always sitting on the couches, whispering to each other, and glaring at anyone who gets too close. Whatever they've got going on, it's creepy as hell," Axel pointed out, shivering. He looked down at his hand and glared, giving away the contents.
"I think it's a cover up," Xaldin said suddenly, and everyone focused on him.
"What do you mean?" Luxord asked, losing interest in the card game. Xaldin did not.
"We going to play this or not?" Xaldin asked sharply, and the rest of the players moved to quickly accommodate. As Axel guessed, he lost the round to Xigbar, and the cards were being reshuffled when the winner leaned on the table.
"You think Marluxia's a little too fruity for Larxene?" Xigbar asked bluntly, and to their surprise, Xaldin smiled. He looked at Demyx suddenly, who seemed to have paled.
The other players looked over suddenly in confusion.
"What? What the hell's going on?" Axel exclaimed, not wanting to make any assumptions. Xaldin paused, though he had been the one to initiate the round of cards, they sat unheeded in his hand.
"You guys remember a month ago when Marluxia and Larxene played with us? Everyone got wasted that night," Xaldin began, looking around the table slowly. "Luxord and Xigbar passed out in here, Axel and Larxene were able to make it to their bedrooms, but Demyx was worse for wear. Maluxia offered to help, and he half-dragged you out of the room. I saw him help you into your room before I went into my own and fell asleep."
Demyx was fidgeting nervously, and Axel watched him closely. Xigbar was grinning already.
"Since I handle my liquor better than any of you girls, in the morning, I woke first and came out. I happened to come out of my room at the same time Marluxia left Demyx's room…in just his boxers," Xaldin said with a raised eyebrow. Luxord looked astonished.
"Shit!" he exclaimed, laughing a second later.
"Now, I don't know what really happened, but I can tell you this. That motherfucker didn't look like he had a hangover. He probably didn't get as drunk as any of us that night, and I don't think anyone noticed, because he was acting. He was carrying his clothes over one arm and had this freaky smile on his face. He put a finger to his lips, then walked his ass to his room and disappeared."
"That must be why you never get drunk," Luxord realized with a snicker.
"Damn," Xigbar growled, looking over at Demyx with a grin. "You too, huh?"
"N-no, no way," Demyx said defensively, looking perturbed. "I don't remember a thing from that night, honestly. I passed out as soon as he got me into my room."
"Coincidence?!" Axel cut in, laughing hysterically. Demyx glared at him.
"Seriously. There's no way anything happened. He doesn't even like me," Demyx protested, drowned out by the group's unhindered amusement. Luxord calmed down and grabbed Demyx's shoulder.
"I'm sure nothing happened, man. Just be careful. Just don't…turn your back around him," Luxord said, barely keeping a straight face. Demyx shrugged his hand off.
"Shut up," he growled weakly, left to ponder the dark lapse in memory of the night they were speaking of.
"Yea, guys, leave him alone. Demyx might get a stick up his ass if we keep on," Xigbar cut in, busting out in laughter. Demyx rolled his eyes and placed his forehead in his hand.
Xaldin dealt another hand as the jokes finally faded, and Luxord won this time around. Another 6 rounds went quickly by, and Axel and Demyx had yet to win any.
"Damn," Axel growled, knowing it would be his luck to be the one to lose.
"That mouth of yours doesn't have an off switch does it?" Xigbar asked, picking up his cards as the third round was dealt. Axel looked up.
"I'd ask you the same, scar face," Axel retorted, grinning. Xigbar narrowed his eye.
"You wanna go?" Xigbar offered, grasping his cards tight. Demyx shook his head.
""You two pick fights better than you actually fight them," Demyx grumbled, looking at his hand. Xaldin nodded, focusing on his cards. Xigbar smirked.
"Yea, he has all the words, but when it comes fighting time, he trips over himself. Remember the time Saix pissed him off, so he punched him in the face? Directly after that, Saix decided to kick his ass, so he opened a portal and ran, but Saix followed…right into a world with full moonlight?"
"I do remember that," Luxord said suddenly, chuckling to himself. "Don't remember seeing you at the card game that night, though." Axel remembered too, and flinched automatically.
"Or the time he and Lexaeus went out on a recon mission together, and Lexaeus accidentally hit him with one of his attacks? Axel forgot the enemy and tried to burn Lexaeus to a crisp?" Xaldin added, not looking up from his cards.
"Don't remember seeing you that night either," Luxord laughed, tossing his cards down. "I've got nothing. I do remember when Axel-"
"Play the damned card game," Axel hissed, knowing there were countless incidents that could span this night and many more if they tried to tell them all. He had a hot temper, and had never learned to reign it in at the right times.
"Hey, I remember now," Demyx said suddenly, narrowing his eyes at Xaldin. "I've got something on you too."
Everyone turned to look at him in interest, but Xaldin only shot him a warning glare, to which Demyx coolly dismissed.
"One time, Xaldin and I were sent to get Vexen for a mission, but he was locked up in his lab. We called for him, but he never answered, so Xaldin broke in," Demyx began, grinning. "There's that rule that we're not supposed to enter without Vexen's permission, right? Well Xaldin was tired of waiting, and he charged in before I could stop him. There's evidently a good reason for the warning."
"I never knew Xaldin had dancing skills until then. Vexen had set up a trap system in the hallway leading to his lab, and Xaldin triggered it. Icicles started springing out everywhere, and Xaldin was dodging them like a pro. Well, all except for one," Demyx paused dramatically, a dark smile on his face. "In truth, Zexion knows about the incident too, but he doesn't like to talk about it. I don't think he wanted to chat about his experience healing Xaldin's ass."
The laughter was unstoppable. Demyx only made it worse when he twisted his lip in thought and looked over at Xaldin.
"Which cheek was it again?" Demyx asked innocently, laughing a second later.
When they had calmed down a bit, Xaldin had a dark look on his face.
"Story time is over," he growled, laying down a winning hand. Demyx smirked and spread his cards across the table, beating Xaldin's hand.
"Well damn," Xigbar exclaimed, tossing his cards on the table along with Luxord and Axel. After a long moment, Xaldin glanced around.
"Speaking of Vexen," Xaldin began, glaring at Demyx, who looked a little unsure now.
"Tag, you're it," Xigbar said, gesturing to the red head. "Looks like you pulled the short straw."
Axel realized what he was saying and cursed. The last thing he wanted to do was let Vexen inject him with something he knew wasn't going to work correctly. With a sigh, he stood and shrugged, accepting defeat.
"Enjoy the rest of your little chatter fest, ladies," Axel said, regretting having to leave. Everyone knew his shortcomings, but he enjoyed hearing about others' far too much. Xigbar leaned back in his chair with a satisfied look on his face.
"And you enjoy your date with Vexen," Xigbar retorted pleasantly. Axel grinned evilly.
"If I grow a horn, I'm gonna shove it up your ass," Axel warned, waving his hand and igniting Xigbar's Sake. Instead of being concerned with his burning Sake, he glanced around the table seriously.
"Xaldin, Demyx? You wanna take this one for me?" he asked, breaking down in laughter.
Axel rolled his eyes and made his way to Vexen's lab, leaving the amused group behind. As he walked down the calm hallways, ideas came to him. He chuckled at the thoughts and tucked them away for a later time. He was determined to be the winner at the next card game, and he had some new ideas for the loser.
Until next time.
*As a side note, I have several more ideas, so if you like this one enough, I'll possibly make a sequel. Hehe. As you were…*