Nick Jonas stood by the door, shivering with anticipation. He had been cordially invited to the Disney Channel Meets Hollywood Interpersonal Relations Funbanger. It was to be his first time in "da club," as it was called, and he was nervous. After all, he was only 15. He was so jealous of his older brothers. They had experience, but not he. He had all of three chest hairs. How could he be manly without chest hair?
He was finally let inside just before 11 pm. Damn, he thought, I'm up HELLA late. The melodious sound up Usher's voice drifted through the massive subwoofers that were curiously affixed to the walls.
"You see, you searching for somebody that'll take you out and do you right…"
Oh God, was he ever. He heard his brothers with their girlfriends, during those late nights on the tour bus. They were getting it on with real girls, and he…all he had was a lousy picture of Pamela Anderson in a Playboy he stole from Kevin's collection. He could grope his stuffed animals all night long, but they never managed to feel like Pam's boobs. Not that he knew what they felt like…or anyone's boobs, for that matter. He felt like such a child.
He snapped out of his flashback and walked nervously around the club. In the corner, dancing on a lighted box, he spotted Rihanna.
"Bum bum bee-dum bum bum bee-dum dum!" she shouted, flinging herself into a mosh pit of wild, raving fans. Strobe lights flashed from the ceiling; the small orgy seemed to play out in slow motion.
He walked toward the bar. Some adult celebrities were hanging out there. Then it hit him.
Duh, he thought, that's why everyone is having so much fun! They're all completely sloshed, he realized. If he was ever going to grow up- shave his chest like a man, have sex like a man…he would have to drink like a man.
"I'll have a rum and coke, please," he asked waveringly. The bartender passed him the drink promptly. He wondered how he got away with ordering alcohol, since he looked so young. The bartender looked like he had worked one too many hour tonight, or like he really just didn't give a shit to begin with. And Nick was okay with that.
After downing the rum and coke, Nick began to feel a little tipsy. Not to mention incredibly, incredibly horny. He felt like taking chances. He was Nick Jonas. He was a superstar. He was hot shit.
He stood up and began to walk around the bar area, but was quickly halted by an awe-inspiring sight. A woman sat drinking alone at the bar, and she had the finest ass Nick had ever seen, in real life or in the pornos he secretly watched on his Macbook late at night. Damn, he thought, baby got back.