Author's note: I do not own anything that is recognizable. I have used the lyrics to the song Father Of Mine by Everclear for this fanfic however I have changed some of the words to fit the story. The tone of the song is intended to be a softer version of the original. I wrote this story back when I was in high school, so my grammar before was not exactly the best. Now that I am in college I feel like my writing has improved enough to give this story another shot and give it an update. Please let me know what you guys think of this rewrite and as per usual flamers will be used to roast my marshmallows :-).S
When Clark first awoke thoughts of visiting the cave where non-existent in his mind. To be perfectly honest, he has been purposely avoiding the cave for months now since the incident at the labs. Ever since he had laid eyes on that thing ...his emotions have been in turmoil. He felt so violated when his own eyes stared back at him that his fight or flight response kicked in and he chose something Superman rarely ever does, and that was to take flight. Nightmares have plagued him since that first meeting and the fact that for once he awoke without thoughts of the cave and what resided there was a blessing in his book. Unfortunately for him, that relief was short lived. Once he had finished getting dressed for the day he received a rather bland call from Batman requesting him to meet him at the cave to discuss issues regarding the league's youngest members.
He physically had to hold back a sigh of irritation as his plans for the day where dismissed. Reluctantly he made his way out the door and towards the cave in a speed that resembled the opposite of a speeding bullet.
His flight is slow, but at least he could enjoy what a beautiful day it was from above. The sun was out, and the warm wind rustled his hair and was very inviting. It had been raining throughout the week, but at the moment the clouds from above allowed the suns warm rays to shine on the ground below.
As he neared his destination, he was met with an unexpected sight that made him promptly stop mid-flight. His unfortunate "replica" was outside cleaning his unusual bike Sphere. He felt his body tense, and his lips press into a frown. It was unnerving to see his own raven hair from above, and he shuddered. He did not want to compare himself to that science experiment, but he could not resist every time he saw it. The unruly dark hair looked long and unkempt, but he knew an inch or two shorter, and that signature split curl would be shown. He usually couldn't stand to study this younger version of himself, but he had not been spotted thus far, so he continued to watch the young teen. The more he looked a couple differences began to stand out to him that most people might have not noticed. The boy's skin was a shade or two paler than his own. Perhaps due to being in the pod at cadmus. On the back of his neck, there was an almost unnoticeable freckle so small, only Superman could have noticed. The differences although small gave him a slightly less tense feeling. He wasn't an exact replica. The teen turned somewhat and the brief flash of his eyes where a final proof in his observation of their differences. While Supermans eyes of which the most transparent and brightest blue skies the boy below had eyes as deep and stormy blue as the roughest waves of the ocean.
After a time the teen began heading back inside the cave. Clark had a moment of curiosity. What was this not so exact weaponized version of himself doing still at the cave on a weekday? He could not bring himself to ask him, so he decided to comm Batman. For strictly professional safety reasons he told himself.
"Batman do you have any Idea why that thing is leaving the cave? Isn't it a school day today?"
An aggravated sounding huff came over the speaker before receiving a growling, and blunt reply. "Careful Clark you might actually start sounding like you care about the boy."
"Bruce I don't have time for sarcasm just tell me what that thing is up to. We are all aware you keep tabs on everything." He huffed not feeling in the mood for bruces witty remarks. Soon enough his comm came alive again with the rough voice.
"If you must know Black Canary has found an interesting way to help Superboy to control his explosive emotions."
"And that is?" He impatiently asked not wanting to waste any more time on the comm with Bruce than necessary.
"It has come to her attention that the boy enjoys writing, and since multiple members of the group have heard him humming, they decided to set up a music room for him. If this hobby of his is relaxing for him, both Black Conary and the team agree that he should spend at least a day out of the week to unwind. The kid adores music and is unresponsive to common therapy."
"Why did no one inform me of this?"Clark replied more confused than curious.
"Given your previous lack of interest in the boy what did you expect." Came the sharp reply.
"I thought that a team needs to be able to communicate with each other?"He replied with a huff.
"You haven't been exactly open to that lately have you?"The gruff voice replied unfazed.
"..."
"That's what I thought. Why not see for yourself what you have not been informed of. There is a two-way window on the side of the music room. Conary thought it best to keep tabs on him in there in case he gets too...emotional."
"I thought we had a meeting or is this the reason you called me here so early today.?" He questioned the man even though he was now sure this was a setup.
"I rescheduled. Perhaps you will find something more interesting to do with your morning" Came the short reply before the line went dead.
Several seconds passed as he contemplated leaving to go back home, but the words Bruce spoke kept playing in his head. Did he really want to know what the teen was up to or did he really not care? He found himself conflicted, and the feeling of dread began to weigh him down as he finally made up his mind to follow the teen inside the cave. Once inside it did not take long for him to find the relatively new room that was appropriately labeled the music room. Off to the side, there was another door that leads to the back of the room that had the two-way mirror bruce mentioned and what looked like unplugged recording equipment and a single chair.
What am I doing here? He thought to himself as he slowly lowered himself into the chair. He had to take a steadying breath to ease the nervous feeling in his chest before looking at the teen through the sheer mirror in front of him. The boy was in a chair like his own facing him, but his gaze was directed to a handful of what looked like scribbled notes. His white teeth biting his lower lip and his dark brows furrowed in concentration. After a few moments he placed his papers on a desk next to him, and he looked up.
Clark flinched at the intensity in the stormy blue eyes and had to remind himself that although they were only feet apart that the other was not yet able to see through objects or walls.
Soon enough small yet strong hands reached out for the lone microphone in the room, and he tested it before stating what sounded like an entry to a diary.
Superboy:" Entry date 1-21-12 ."
The youth's voice was strained and shook as if holding back a soft sob.
"I suppose this entry can be dedicated to what Robin calls my unwilling DNA donor...I know he means well, but the title fits" Superboy let out a shaky laugh then sighed.
Clark frowned at the term used and was unsure if he should be offended or anxious about the other writing about him.
He could hear the teen's heart pounding loudly, and he could almost feel his own start to speed up. Did he even want to listen to what the other had to say about him?
Soft music began to play, and before he could stand the voice, he wanted to ignore for so long practically rooted him to the spot.
" Father of mine
Tell me where you have been?
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared
Stunned was not something he often felt, but hearing the other reference to him as his father was something he never expected.
"Father of mine
I wish you'd Take me away,
back to a day Yeah, where I am your golden boy
Back before you went away."
He never thought of Superboy as his "golden boy," and that fact seems to not be missed by the teen just feet away from him because the words were sung bitterly and full of pain. The stormy blue eyes were shut, and his shoulders shook as he sang, but through the singing, his voice was smooth and steady.
"I don't remember blue skies or walking the block
I'd love it if you held me high.
I'd love to hear you talk.
Where You would take me to a movie
You would take me to the beach.
You would take me to a place inside.
That's so hard to reach
He could feel a knot forming in his throat and couldn't understand why the other wanted this from him so badly. He felt sick and his chest tight. This emotion welling up inside him was suffocating, and...it felt like guilt.
"Oh!
Father of mine
Tell me where did you go?
Yeah, you had the world inside your hand.
But you did not seem to know.
Father of mine
Tell me what do you see?
When you look back at your wasted life
And you don't see me."
Superboy's eyes snapped open, and Clark's breath hitched in his throat. He didn't have to look closely to be able to see the tears in the dark, sad eyes of the teen. The guilt felt all-consuming and unbearable. Has he really been so crule? He didn't have to think long. He knew he mistreated the other since the moment he layed eyes on him. He had chosen to distance himself and succumb to anger at what Cadmus did with his blood. That anger and disdain he used to avoid and shove onto his younger counterpart. He had never once considered Superboys emotions. He had not allowed himself to acknowledge that Superboy had feelings until now.
" I was only a few months old Doin' all that I could
It wasn't easy for me to be a scared young boy.
In a cold-hearted world
You would never send me a birthday card.
With a five dollar bill
I never understood you then.
And I guess I never will"
The tears he saw in the others eyes looked on the verge of spilling until they finally did and ran down from his long black lashes. Clark couldn't take it, and he felt his own eyes burn
"(Then he walked away)
Daddy give me a name My daddy left me all alone (Then he walked away)
Daddy give me a name (But he walked away)
My daddy give me a name
Oh yeah
Yeah Daddy give me a name Daddy give me a place (But he walked away)
Daddy Give me a home (But you walked away)
My daddy left me to raise my self on my own
Yeah Yeah Oh yeah
Daddy left me to learn my strength on my own"
He could feel something break deep inside at the other words and the term used for him. He really has been blind all this time.
"Father of mine
Tell me where you have been?
Yeah, I just closed my eyes
And the world disappeared.
Father of mine
Tell me how do you sleep?
With the child you abandoned
A heart you don't want to beat.
I will never be safe.
I will never be sane.
I will always be weird inside.
I will always be lame.
I will always be broken
I don't even deserve to even be second best
I would have given up seeing the moon to see your happy Face."
Clark closed his eyes and hung his head. His shaking hands covering his face. He couldn't look at Superboy anymore. The shame he felt for breaking this young boy so severely was too overwhelming.
"Now When I'm a grown man.
With a child of my own
And I swear, I'll never let her know.
All the pain I have known.
(Then he flew away)
Daddy give me a name (But he flew away)
My daddy Left me alone (Then he flew away)
My daddy Didn't look back (Then he flew away)
My daddy Why don't you love me.
(Then he flew away)
Yeah (Then he flew away)
Yeah (Then he flew away)
Oh yeah
Some Father of mine."
He couldn't contain himself any longer, and he felt warm tears escape his eyes that were covered by his shaking hands. He couldn't move for several long minutes. Even when Superboy left the room, he was still in his chair. Regret seeping from every pore of his being. He wanted to fix what he has broken, but he honestly did not know if he could. He has been a coward to have avoided Superboy for so long. He finally stood and wiped his burning eyes. Despite the sorrow in the blue orbs, they held a new determination. He may never be able to fix what he has done, but he was going to try.
(This is intended to be a one-shot, but who knows maybe one more update is somewhere down the line.)
Review Please~M