One night over Christmas, we wound up watching a documentary on turkey's. And….well…it inspired some silly-ness in me J

Rest assured, no characters were harmed, or ego's deflated , in the makings of this fic!

Plum...Turkeyed?

It was kind of sad, I thought, that my Saturday Nights were relegated to this ... Joe was working undercover, and I couldn't spend the evening near Ranger without risking full combustion. So, instead, I was sitting here at my parents. I was supposed to have a night out with Mary Lou, but mom phoned and asked if I could babysit Grandma while her and my father went out to the Knights of Columbus. I wasn't sure why Grandma needed a babysitter, but mom seemed to be worried about some funeral in Newark that she wanted to go to.

"Well listen to that." Grandma said. "Turkey's have a mating dance!"

Turkeys have a lot of things, apparently. Otherwise it was questionable how they could manage to make an entire hour documentary about them. Mary Lou and I looked at each other,and rolled our eyes.

"I wonder if we'll get to see it." Grandma continued.

"I wonder whose idea it was to let her have the remote?" Mary Lou whispered to me, under her breath.

"Hey, she had it when I got here. And I didn't want to wrestle it away from her - I might hurt her. Kind of looks bad, going to jail for hurting your grandma over a television remote." I replied. "Besides..it could be worse..." We could be watching the real sex channel.

"Sometimes there's good stuff on Animal Planet, on saturday nights." Grandma informed us, and went back to watching the turkeys. I couldn't believe that the birds were keeping her attention as well as they were - really it was kind of boring. And they seemed to be running out of things to say. WE just kept watching this male turkey strut and preen, trying to attract the attention of all of the local females, and failing every time.

"I wonder what they eat." Mary Lou mused as the male turkey fanned his - rather beautiful, I had to admit - feathers once again, while the announcer yattered on about how hard the turkey's winter had been. I choked back a laugh - their dietary needs was probably the only thing the announcer couldn't be bothered to tell us.

"OOOOH!" Grandma leaned forward. "He's gonna get lucky this time!"

Sure enough, a female turkey walked over and accepted his interest. They circled around each other for a minute, before she laid down. Submissive? Who wanted to be submissive? The male turkey danced around her a few more times, and then walked all over her back for a few minutes.

"Not so sure that someone walking all over me would get me turned on." Mary Lou wrinkled her nose.

"Yeah. Me either." Pinning me to a wall in the alley and kissing me, yes. Walking on my back and torquing my spine? Not so much.

And then, in time with the announcer's speech, the male turkey dropped, thrust twice, his tail feathers twitched, and he hopped off, strutting and preening and searching for the next female.

"Wow." Mary Lou said, her voice sounding just a little bit stunned. "That was fast."

"Took more time than Morelli." I shrugged, sliding down, trying to slouch. At least Morelli didn't wander off looking for the next turkey to walk on...I hoped.

"What? Joe doesn't...Really?" Mary Lou's spun to face me, wide-eyed.

"0.0002 seconds." I slouched further into the couch.

Grandma turned to face us. "Officer Hottie is a fuck-and-fly?" She asked.

Fuck-and-strut was more like it, but I didn't feel the need to remind Grandma that turkeys don't fly.

Everyone fell silent for a minute, and I really hoped that that was the end of the conversation. God wasn't with me, though.

"Well, what about the bounty hunter with the amazing package?" Grandma demanded.

I was all set to just ignore the question when Mary Lou chimed in. "Yeah, what about Ranger?"

I couldn't help the smile, or the sigh. "He's every hen's dream..."

"In 0.0002 seconds?" Mary Lou's eyebrow raised.

Well, it wouldn't take him much longer than that to get me naked... if I let him... but the rest... I sighed again, remembering our one, magical night. "At least 0.0002 weeks..."