Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Asphyxiation
Posted January Fourth, 2008
Kaworu lounged against the hard concrete wall of his apartment building, sipping a styrofoam cup of too-bitter tea quietly. Shinji hadn't come out yet. Because the other boy had been staying with him for so long, he had finally decided that they'd need to go to the grocery store together and that the EVA pilot would have to help carry the items home in return for staying another night. It was really more for himself than anything - it was depressing, staying in that place for days on end - and while he liked having Shinji around, it wasn't as if he didn't want to see him get better. Maybe going outside for a little bit would cheer him up, but he doubted that a bit of sidewalk and dead grass would actually take his mind off his current situation.
He frowned - to make things worse, the temperature of his drink was now lukewarm - and noticed that his temporary roommate was standing awkwardly a few paces away from him. He was staring at the ground, looking slightly apathetic, and Kaworu tried not to sigh too audibly.
"I'm glad you decided to come."
He heard a mumbled reply, and didn't have to decipher the words to know what had been said. I don't want to go back. He placed a hand on the other boy's shoulder and stared into his eyes, trying to see if there had been any change from the past few days. Had he finally started showing some more emotion? Ikari looked sick, too sick, but not in a physical way. Tired, maybe.
You can't stay here forever. He wanted to voice these words so badly, took a breath and almost started to speak, but bit his lip and turned towards the street instead. It could wait, at least for a little while. But he didn't have all the time in the world, not by far, and every second that ticked by was like the first of nails slowly being driven into his coffin. Shinji's face was contorted in something like anger, something like sadness and regret and fear and fury. Kaworu was too close.
The pale boy moved again - swiftly and with their skin tantalizingly centimeters away - and kissed him on the lips. He didn't want to have to deal with the pilot hyperventilating again, once was enough, and a warm mouth was certainly much more convenient than a paper bag. And he'd be lying if he said he saw no profit in it, either. He steered his friend back against the wall, the one that he had been leaning against mere moments before, and paused for air. Was he feeling better now? Was everything under control?
Another mess of jumbled words that only he knew the true meaning of. I hate you. Fingers slid uneasily up his neck, alarmingly close to crushing him, and he tried to kiss again. His tactic wasn't working, and, oh god, hecouldnotbreathe as Shinji's hands constricted.
I hate you.
He was fumbling, reaching, pulling on the other's shirt and hair and anything in order for him to let go.This panicked feeling was worse than anything, and this might have been what the brunet had felt like after seeing Asuka lay in that coma as if she were sleeping, simply sleeping, but unable to wake up even with a magical touch. Just a little, that was all he needed, because he was gasping only there was nothing to draw in - draw in - and he kept his eyes open so that if he died, this boy's face would be the last thing he saw.
Was he fading? He breathed in one more time, and the hands must have relaxed somewhat because he could get a little but not all and it wasn't so bad anymore, because he was feeling dizzy and light and a little wonderful all at once, and the lack of oxygen wasn't an issue anymore, because this felt almost good. Almost. He would have laughed, and he tried to smile, and everything was turning blissfully whiteorwasitblack and he was blinking but it didn't make any difference as to what he saw.
It was as if his own personal Heaven were moving in for him, blocking out everything with slowly growing clouds that he couldn't shake no matter how he moved. He realized at one point that he couldn't see Ikari anymore. But he could still feel those hands - shaking now, perhaps, because his whole body felt light and he couldn't quite tell and even the voices were different - and when he was finally allowed to drop to the cold ground beneath them, he was still smiling in-between his labored gasps.
He had spilt tea on his pants.
The world was still white. Black. Grey. It didn't matter, it was only the fact that Shinji was gone from his sight.
He felt weak, oh-so-weak, but everything was getting better.
"I love you."
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Written for a kink meme. Original prompt was:
Kaworu/Shinji, breath play