Toy Story ala Duckburg

By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.

Title needs work.

Looks like US # 400 won't have Launchpad in it. Which means I won't buy it.

And US # 401 not only won't have Launchpad in it, but UT will be in it. Don't expect ME to buy it. (Or anybody else, either.)

Don't care about Carl Barks or any other artist, writer or behide the scenes person despite my occasionally making polite noises pretending to care after they die. Only care when they refuse to allow their creations to be distorted, like Bob Clampett did with "Beanie and Cecil".

PLEASE give "Ducktales" it's own comic book, OK?

Then you can push Carl Barks, UT or anything else in US all you like. And anybody who likes that can buy it. (Don't bet the Money Bin on that.)

.

Sometime last week, Launchpad was flying his plane over Duckburg when he saw Big Time exiting a toy store owned by Mr. McDuck. Big Time was carrying a large, heavy bag, the store's alarm was going full blast and the manager was yelling:

"Stop that man! He just robbed the toy store!"

"Hmm. Big Time robbing Mr. McD's toy store? Yeah, that makes sense. It makes lots of money this time of year." Launchpad muttered to himself.

So Launchpad swooped down in his plane, and grabbed the bag away from Big Time. But the bag was filled not with money but...

"Toys? Hey, Big Time! Why are you stealing TOYS for?" Launchpad asked.

"None of ya business, and give that back, ya crook! I stole it first, fair and square!" Big Time replied.

And Big Time jumped and tried to grab the bag of toys right back. In doing so, Big Time dropped a second bag he had stuffed up his shirt for safekeeping. Big Time, seeing this, TRIED to grab the second bag. But Launchpad swiped it first. THIS bag was filled with money and credit card receipts.

Then, the cops showed up. They saw Launchpad in his plane with a bag full of toys and a bag full of money and somehow jumped to erroneous conclusions as to whom the bad guy was. They started shooting at LAUNCHPAD. (Oops!)

"Hey! I'm the hero!" screamed Launchpad. "Wait, I keep forgetting. Nobody seems to remember that."

"Stop shooting! You're shooting at the WRONG man! He didn't steal that stuff from my store! He stole it from the crook who stole it from my store!' Store Manager mis-explained.

"What?" the cops asked.

But at least the cops stopped shooting.

"He didn't rob my store! Big Time did! He stole that stuff away from Big Time!" the manager tried again.

"Big Time? Did he escape from jail again?" cop asked.

Launchpad landed his plane and came out and handed the manager the two bags.

"My name is Launchpad McQuack. I saw Big Time robbing Mr. McD's store. I wanted to protect my bread and butter...er... my boss's property..." Launchpad began.

" I got your stuff back for you. One bag's full of money and credit card receipts, that I get. But the second bag is full of TOYS. I don't understand why Big Time would want to steal toys for. Where IS Big Time?" Launchpad asked.

Needless to say, Big Time had disappeared in the confusion. Without his loot.

Soon thereafter, Launchpad heard on the news that Big Time had robbed a warehouse full of toys and this time had gotten away with them.

Mr. McDuck was very upset about this.

"But you don't own that warehouse or the toys...why do you care?" Launchpad asked.

"The toys in that warehouse were defective toys, waiting to be destroyed! They were painted with lead paint or made with cadmium which is even more poisonous than lead! And you know how kids put everything in their mouths!" Mr. McDuck began.

" If Big Time sells those toys to people who don't realize how dangerous they are...there could be a lot of sick or dead kids!" Mr. McDuck fumed.

"I arranged to have the media give warning about these stolen toys...but there are always people who either don't hear such warnings or don't believe them! Conspiracy nuts who think it's a trick!" Mr. McDuck muttered.

"Sharan says the trouble with most conspiracy theories is they require WAY too much cooperation between too many people in too many different companies." Launchpad said. "Wish I could think of a way to help."

Later, Launchpad was in his office (1))when the phone rang.

"This here's Big Time. You there, McQuack?" Big Time asked.

"I'm here. What's going on here, Big Time? Why did you steal toys for? Especially dangerously defective toys?" Launchpad replied.

"Never you mind. You got the reputation as an Honest Fool. Tell me, these toys are really dangerous? Is that on the level?" Big Time asked.

"I'm Honest, at least. And yes, the toys are poisonous. Painted with lead paint or made with poisonous cadmium. DON'T SELL THEM, PLEASE! You could kill a lot of innocent kids." Launchpad answered.

"Dang. Not only do I got to "obtain" some more toys, I gotta get rid of these ones! I'll get Bomber to drop them off at the warehouse I swiped them from. Nobody's there and that way they can be properly destroyed. Even I don't want to poison kids. Bye!" Big Time said.

And he hung up.

Launchpad tried to contact the cops about what Big Time told him, thinking maybe they could capture Big Time and/or Bomber at the warehouse.

Only Launchpad was put on hold and given the phone runaround (switched from talking to one person to talking to another) until Bomber's plane had ALREADY dropped the toys in the warehouse's parking lot and flown off.

Fortunately, it was an employees only fenced off parking lot, which means the toys sat harmlessly until workers could gather them for disposal.

It wasn't long until Big Time was at it again. Bomber flew Big Time in Bomber's plane over a truck full of toys.

The plane lowered sky hooks, caught the truck like a fish and "reeled" it up into the air and flew it away. This particular truck was headed towards one of Mr. McDuck's toy store and Launchpad, in a copter, was keeping an eye on it.

"I'm NOT going to try to stop Big Time. I'm FOLLOWING him. I want to know WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" Launchpad told me.

"Fine, dearest. It is weird that Big Time would try so hard to steal TOYS ." I eased my Launchpad.

So we followed the Beagles' plane at a safe distance, where they couldn't see us.

The plane headed out to the country side to a ramshackle old house. Beagles galore came running out of it. Adult Beagles and Beagle Brats.

"Ho, ho ho! Santa Big Time brings toys to his kid relatives, just like he promised!" shouted Big Time (who was wearing a Santa outfit).

Just then, the cops showed up. Hauling a truck into the air and flying it from a plane tends to attract attention. And makes it easy for people to follow you.

The cops surrounded Big Time, Bomber, the other adult Beagles and the Beagle Brats. Who started crying when they realize they wouldn't be getting a Christmas present after all.

"Why didn't you TELL me you wanted the toys to give to KIDS?" Launchpad asked Big Time.

"What good would it have done?" Big Time asked blankly.

"You forgetting who my boss is?" Launchpad replied.

And he got on his cell phone and spoke to Mr. McDuck. And explained the whole situation to Mr. McD.

"The Beagles stole my toys to give to KIDS? Even if they are Beagle Brats?" Mr. McDuck asked.

"That's right, Mr. McD. Can you help?" Launchpad asked.

Well, the adult Beagles were arrested. The Beagle Brats ended up in foster homes. But they were given toys.

"Mr. McD is always looking for kids to test new toys his toy company is trying out who WON"T sue him if the kid gets a paper cut from playing with the toy." Launchpad explained.

"Thanks, McQuack. For a good guy, ya ain't all bad." Big Time said as the cops hauled him off to jail.

THE END.

(1) That's the little wooden house next to ours where he used to live