Cold as ice
And more bitter than a December
Winter night
That's how I treated you
And I know that I
I sometimes tend to lose my temper
And I cross the line
Yeah that's the truth
Magnus plays with my hair while we lay on the couch watching T.V. I hear him sigh behind me, "You're doing it again."
"And what exactly am I doing?"
"You're comparing me to Alec." I say bitterly, standing up to move away from him.
"I was not."
"Now you're lying to me."
"I do not lie to the ones I love." He stands up.
"I can tell when you're lying. You were comparing me to that Shadowhunter and you still are." I see the anger and pain in his eyes, he hates when I say 'that Shadowhunter', it hurts him to think I don't care. I stalk off to my room and lock the door before he can say anything.
I know it gets hard sometimes
But I could never
Leave your side
No matter what I say
Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
But I really need you near me to
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
It's passed midnight, but I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about them, my Alec, my Alexandria. She only said those things to make a point, I know, but it still hurts.
I thought she would have come back out by now, but I think she fell asleep, she needs it though, she's been hunting a lot lately.
"NOOOO!" I hear her screaming, I jump up, run to her room- breaking the door down- she's lying in bed, thrashing terribly. I rush to her side, gently shaking her shoulders, "Wake up, love. Wake up."
Suddenly she sits up shivering in fear, "Magnus?"
"I'm right here, darling." I pull her to me, hugging her tightly, "I'm right here."
All along
I tried to pretend it didn't matter
If I was alone
But deep down I know
If you were gone
For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn
Cause I'm lost without you
I know it gets hard sometimes
But I could never
Leave your side
No matter what I say
Here, wrapped in his arms, I feel so safe. He always says I don't need him that I'm strong, but I'm not. I always act strong, brave, confident even, but if it weren't for him, I'd have died a long time ago, "Magnus?"
"Yes, darling?" he looks down at me, those beautiful eyes.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. I was angry, and stupid. I'm so sorry." I bury my face in his shirt as tears fall from my eyes.
"It's alright, love, it's alright."
I get kind of dark
Let it go too far
I can be obnoxious at times
But try and see my heart
Cause I need you now
So don't let me down
You're the only thing in this world
I would die without
I woke up in his bed, I hate it when that happens. I mean, I love him to pieces, but it always makes me think that I don't remember everything that happened the night before, and I know I'm not ready for 'that', not for a long time, and he knows that, but the thinking part always gets me.
So here I am- making sure I can't think- at Pandemonium, in a jet black corset top, black armbands lacing my arms like latters, a black mini skirt with blood red sparkles, and thigh high platform boots, my hair blood red tipped with white. I'm dancing with a mundane girl in a pink tube top, black jeans, and green converse. Magnus would kill me if he saw this, but I can't think so I don't care.
The mundane pulls me into a corner and whispers, "What to get out of here?" I smile and nod, still not thinking.
She grabs my hand and pulls me out the back door, in the ally I catch a glimpse of someone hiding, Max. I smile at him and run off with my new friend.
I wake up an hour later in a strange place. I've never been here before, what's going on? I turn to look around and I see the mundane lying beside me, I feel my eyes go wide as I remember. I quietly get up and leave, thank God I'm still clothed.
I head home, knowing Magnus is going to be worried.
I unlock the door and walk in expecting Magnus to yell at me, but nothing happens. He's sitting on the couch reading, "Hey, I'm home."
"Hello."
"That's it? Is there something wrong?"
"I don't know is there?" Magnus turn around to look at me, I freeze. He knows.
"Magnus I can explain." I say feeling breathless.
"Really, well please, explain away."
"I didn't mean for anything to happen, I was just…"
"Just what?"
"Trying not to think." He raises an eyebrow, "When I woke up, I was in your bed. I freaked out like I always do and I couldn't stop think about what could have happened, so I went to Pandemonium."
"I can see that. And the girl?"
"I had a few drinks and before I knew it I was at her place."
"And?" He thinks I'm holding something back.
"We kissed, nothing more."
Magnus walks around the couch to stand before me, he puts his hands on my arms, looking into my eyes he asks, "She didn't hurt you?"
The way he's looking at me I know he's asking in more than one way, he wants to know if she hurt me physically or mentally, the answer is the same for both, "No."
"Good, I don't have to kill her." Magnus lets go of me and goes back to his book.
"I know you're still mad, so before we start a fight, I'm sorry, and I love you." I head to my room to change.
Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
But I really need you near me to
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
I stay in my room all day, giving Magnus time to think, to be a guy he usually take a while to think things through to a rational point. At midnight I come out to find him still up, watching reruns. I go to the kitchen, being as quiet as possible, to find a drink.
"You changed." I turn around to see him leaning against the counter.
"What do you mean?"
"Your clothes, you changed them." He's looking at the floor.
"I know you hate it when I ware club clothes." He simply nods, "What's wrong?" I ask nervously.
"I love you so much, but we keep hurting each other. I don't understand it."
"Magnus, no one is perfect, especially us."
"Nothing is going right." I close the fridge before walking to him.
"Do you love me?" He snaps his head up.
"Of course I do."
"Then it'll work out." I put my arms around his waist, "I love you, and you love me. We don't have to be perfect-like I said, no one is-, everything my not be going right right now, but they will, you'll see." I feel his arms wrap around me as he kisses my hair.
"What would I do without you?"
"Be very bored?" I look up at him.
"Very funny."
I smile at him, before giving him a kiss, "I love you."
He smiles back as we go to lie on the couch, where we fall asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.